My boss doesn't seem to value me...at all

[Zapbasket]

I had an interaction with my boss today that has me unable to sleep. Lately it has been very busy for everyone because we work in the ski industry and we're all busy preparing for the mountains to open, etc. All week, I barely left my desk. My boss asked me today, "So...what exactly have you been doing? I haven't given you anything to do since those operating plans a few weeks ago so I can't imagine what you could be so busy doing."

 

I looked at him dumbfounded and mumbled something about how this week was so busy I can't even remember what all I did, but in truth I was just stunned. It's a known problem with this position that he doesn't give his assistants enough to do; other people notice this and I've tried to address this with my boss, to no avail. So, being the self-driven person I always have been, I got in touch with other departments and offered my best skills to them, and several took me up on it. Generally I am known to be approachable, helpful and am well-liked, and so people always call, email, visit my desk to ask for help. On my own steam I have built relationships with people from all walks of our large company. I cannot understand how my boss can't see how many people come to my desk asking something of me every day.

 

I also have made a point of getting out and learning about other facets of the company, contacting department managers and asking if I can come out with them on the mountain to see their operations. I feel it makes me a better employee; it builds trust and enables me to assist the other departments because I know more about the day-to-day aspects of their jobs. I had arranged to go out with one department that would have me on the mountain into the evening, and I told my boss just so he'd know what I was up to. And he said, "So, why are you doing it? For fun? Am I going to have to pay you for that time?" (I'm hourly but work full time and year round.)

 

That was a few days ago and it bothered me that he actually thought it was just "for fun" and didn't see the value my learning this stuff could have to my position and ultimately to him, and so the next day I said to him, "No, it's not for fun, though I am genuinely interested in learning about this stuff. I feel that the more I can learn about the facets of operating the mountain, the more responsibility I can take in my role, the more trust I build with employees, and ultimately it makes me a better employee generally because this information will help me help the company as I move up in its ranks."

 

To me, it's common sense. I feel like he'd prefer to just have someone with no ambition who is content to sit at the desk and complete the clerical aspects of the job--and in fact, the person who held this position before me left for another part of the company for precisely this reason.

 

After our interaction today, where he asked me why on earth I was so busy, I felt really crestfallen. I feel like he just wants me to be a pretty girl at the desk and it's so frustrating because I am SOOO MUCH MORE EDUCATED than he is, and have SOOO MUCH MORE TALENT AND SKILL than this job utilizes, and in my interactions with him I just feel like trying to communicate anything to him is hopeless because he keeps trying to peg me as something I absolutely am not.

 

What do I do with this situation? Ultimately, of course, I do need to move on; I was overqualified for this position to begin with and he has no seeming interest in supporting me in trying to expand it into something more. Plus, there is no pathway to promotion unless I move to another part of the company but right now there aren't any openings that interest me. So is there any way, any conversation I could have with him that could ameliorate this situation? Or do I just stay silent? Or, do I confide in the people I know in this company truly do value and recognize my abilities and ask their advice?

 

I feel so frustrated, really just...crestfallen.

[Art_Critic]

I would pull him aside and answer his question better, let him know that in order to keep busy with filler work you have been having your services used by other departments, in the end he is your boss and if he feels you aren't doing your job then there is an issue, it might very well be that a few times he needed you you were off doing things for another department or he just needs to feel he is in charge.

 

It sounds like a redefining of your position is in order, these types of things should be easy to iron out, you want to feel appreciated for all your hard work and he wants to feel like your boss.

 

and on a side note, if you start feeling or resenting your boss and thinking your skills are better than his and you can do his job better than him then you might want to move on and find either a new job or get a new position with a new department, those types of things have a way of snowballing and the end result you won't like.

 

To sum it up.. speak with him and let him know what you have been up to and redefine your position so he feels he still has authority over you and possibly look into moving into another department if you feel you don't respect your boss anymore.

[Zapbasket]

Thanks, Art_Critic; what you say makes good sense. One question: can you clarify what you mean by this?

 

if you start feeling or resenting your boss and thinking your skills are better than his and you can do his job better than him then you might want to move on and find either a new job or get a new position with a new department, those types of things have a way of snowballing and the end result you won't like.

 

Outwardly I am very respectful of my boss and I can see how he does a great job in his role. I just think he maybe has an "old school" attitude about women and it blinds him when it comes to how he conceives of my role. People who support me have called him out on it but it seems he really just doesn't get it, or perhaps doesn't care enough. I distinctly get the feeling he doesn't feel my job is important--and yes, that I do resent, because I know I'm worth a lot more than to put up with that.

[OpenBook]

I agree with AC. It sounds like your boss is a little miffed that you haven't been keeping him informed of your activities (other than the trip up the mountain you mentioned). He should be the first person to know, and you should be asking for his OK before you approach other departments for extra work. He probably got asked by the people you approached, if he had sent you, and felt blindsided. That is not a good look for a boss to not know what his employee is up to.

 

The advancement of your career isn't a priority for your boss, and I'm not sure why you think it should be. Your boss cares about fulfilling the job position that he hired you for. And that's what he should care about - that's his job. I would be making darn sure all tasks of that position are well taken care of before you even think about doing anything else... including whatever expectations he has of you being at your desk.

 

Rule #1 in building a successful career: Always always always make your boss look good!! (even if you can't stand him/her)

[Zapbasket]

He should be the first person to know, and you should be asking for his OK before you approach other departments for extra work.

 

We had numerous conversations about this over the summer. He admitted he does not have enough for me to do, and encouraged me to reach out to other departments. I always prioritize the work I have for him over work for anyone else, and all the other department managers know this is how it is.

 

The advancement of your career isn't a priority for your boss, and I'm not sure why you think it should be. Your boss cares about fulfilling the job position that he hired you for. And that's what he should care about - that's his job. I would be making darn sure all tasks of that position are well taken care of before you even think about doing anything else... including whatever expectations he has of you being at your desk.

 

The tasks I'm "hired" to do take me all of two hours in the morning. I could spend the rest of the day on Facebook if I wanted to, and in fact, that's what previous people in this role have done.

 

Nowhere did I say that I think advancing me should be my boss's priority. But providing your employees with NO pathway to advancement is pretty much a guarantee you ultimately will lose them, unless you hire people with no ambition who are content to stay in the same menial role year after year. So I think it'd be in a boss's best interest to support employees in expanding their roles, if for no other reason than his not having to look for a new assistant every year. This has been what has happened; he complained about it; and other managers said to him, well, you either need to hire an older, retired woman who just wants to be involved with the company and doesn't care about advancement, or you need to provide some venue for growth for the person in this role. He has not taken that advice.

 

Rule #1 in building a successful career: Always always always make your boss look good!! (even if you can't stand him/her)

 

I make him look MORE THAN GOOD. I am very, very well-liked in this company, across departments and from the top down. This post was not about me not doing my job, and doing it well. It's about dealing with a boss who, well, lacks vision and appreciation for the talent he has at his disposal. Surely it's not my "job" to squelch my ambition and needs in order to validate how he has chosen to handle things. I have a lot of people in my corner in this.

[avintagegirl]

I feel you could be telling my story this week! I am kind of where you are in terms of my boss undervaluing me as well too. In fact, I found out from someone, who has no reason to lie, that my boss was talking about me in the staff room and saying some pretty nasty things. This was after the last six months of her erratic schedule due to illness and drama that left my co-worker and I to essentially run a department. He and I have really been handling all of the day to day of the show and she just comes in to have meetings, check email and facebook, talk and gossip with other employees and do a little work - in that order.

 

Just this week we had a situation come up that has affected a number of institutions like ours and I let her know that I wanted to monitor this situation in my own way and that should we be asked for some statistics, I would be prepared. She was on board which was good and then I told her I just wanted to let her know and that way when she talks with the other committee members or what is essentially her colleagues she can let them know what we are doing to monitor the situation. Typing it out it looks condescending (or maybe I am being too sensitive?) but in my tone I just meant it in a helpful way - that if asked she can talk about what proactive steps we are taking. She proceeds to get pissy and say well that I can let them know and post on listservs etc.

 

Crestfallen was just the way I felt. Here I was trying to be proactive and she is coming back and being nasty.To be honest it is taking some time to bounce back from the nasty way she responded. First I was angry because to be frank she should have been the one suggesting I do this rather than me coming up with the idea and then going to her. Then I was sad because I felt belittled when all I was trying to do was be proactive and keep her in the loop. Some might say I should have asked permission, versus telling her, but the relaxed way she runs the department doesn't lend to that. Here is no initiative and nothing gets done.

 

Here is the thing though - the coworker who told me my boss was being nasty- she said "I cant believe she talked that way about you, you work so hard, you practically run that department and you should have her job". Now, as flattering as that was to hear - really it should go to my co-worker as he is a budget/policy minded fellow. I'm really just a worker bee. Then it hit me. Dang. This woman who I've never talked to about the goings on of my department sees what is happening. She sees how she talks and doesn't have her stuff together - just the way people see it about your boss. Also - the way this woman sees me is how your coworkers are seeing you. You work hard, you make connections, and you show interest.

 

As far as advice goes, I would share your plans,keep him in the loop. Your boss has been this way for years and he is not likely to change now, but at least he won't be caught off guard. Here is what I would do:

 

• Keep track of your daily activities - don't be caught off guard again.
  
• Keep an outline of your goals for this position - it will show growth for your next job. Share a copy with your boss.
  
• Keep talking to people and making those connections- they are paying attention to your hard work!!! (I think this is so awesome you took this initiative)
  
• Keep your tongue on hold at your workplace about your boss - if you talk about him now, others may wonder if you will talk about them later.
  

 

Frankly it sounds like you are doing an awesome job. Hang in there. It will pay off.

[Zapbasket]

Thanks, Avintagegirl--that's great advice. I'd thought about starting to track my activities so that I could show my boss a full sheet of what I'm up to. He seems to have no idea how many liaisons it often takes to get something done, such as setting up comp tickets in the system, which can take an hour or more given the many exceptions we grant guests, etc.

 

Our situations are exactly why ultimately I really want out of the corporate world, period. I'm a leader, and highly creative, and I belong doing my own thing. I'm also a great team player; I have excellent people skills. But I frankly can't stand people who are threatened by ambition, originality, and self-motivation. If you look around, it's NEVER the people in the middle-management of a company who have the talent. The real talent goes out and makes its own thing, or ends up running a company. I know I have that kind of talent and drive, and I am really tired of capitulating to people who lack the vision and talent to see my vision and talent. I feel it is time I take a stand for myself in my whole life, and this situation with my job just highlights that need.

 

As for your situation, it sounds like on some level your boss is aware that you are ultimately more capable than her, otherwise, why say nasty things about you? And that's exactly what I am asking myself: do I want to continue on this path of bowing and scraping to people who lack real vision, or do I want to honor myself by exercising and building upon the leadership skills I so patently possess? We feel "crestfallen" because it makes no sense that hard work and self-motivation should make the people we work for uncomfortable. But their discomfort is just a sign of their own small-mindedness...and our cue to get out of that situation. Until then, I suppose we just have to appear to be playing by the rules!

[avintagegirl]

Thanks, Avintagegirl--that's great advice. I'd thought about starting to track my activities so that I could show my boss a full sheet of what I'm up to. He seems to have no idea how many liaisons it often takes to get something done, such as setting up comp tickets in the system, which can take an hour or more given the many exceptions we grant guests, etc.

 

I feel this statement often where I work. I have many tasks and often have to stay late to get everything done because "stuff takes time". I will say this one benefit of keeping track of this is when it comes time for evaluations you dont have to remember when you did what. Its also helpful for when you have to write up a job history for future employers - which btw, if you've not created one, I highly recommend it!

 

Our situations are exactly why ultimately I really want out of the corporate world, period. I'm a leader, and highly creative, and I belong doing my own thing. I'm also a great team player; I have excellent people skills. But I frankly can't stand people who are threatened by ambition, originality, and self-motivation. If you look around, it's NEVER the people in the middle-management of a company who have the talent. The real talent goes out and makes its own thing, or ends up running a company. I know I have that kind of talent and drive, and I am really tired of capitulating to people who lack the vision and talent to see my vision and talent. I feel it is time I take a stand for myself in my whole life, and this situation with my job just highlights that need.

 

I really understand this POV, sadly though, we do have to spend some time in middle management to get to the top. I find though as hard as it is, at least times like this we can use to create the connections that will propel us forward. Talent and drive will get us far, but sometimes the harder thing - at least for me - is patience and permission. It's infuriating, especially when you have had the run of things and then are forced to go back to the person who was gone, coming back in an ineffective way, but still wanting control and authority. Its these times when I really feel that being that "team player" is most difficult - but I guess its an important part of learning the balance and patience with different types of people which is important no matter your field.

 

As for your situation, it sounds like on some level your boss is aware that you are ultimately more capable than her, otherwise, why say nasty things about you? And that's exactly what I am asking myself: do I want to continue on this path of bowing and scraping to people who lack real vision, or do I want to honor myself by exercising and building upon the leadership skills I so patently possess? We feel "crestfallen" because it makes no sense that hard work and self-motivation should make the people we work for uncomfortable. But their discomfort is just a sign of their own small-mindedness...and our cue to get out of that situation. Until then, I suppose we just have to appear to be playing by the rules!

 

I think there is some of that and jealousy as I have been with our institution less than 2 years and Ive gone to 1 major national and 1 major regional conference and a handful of smaller more local conferences. The thing is - she has had the same opportunities and has done nothing. I have to remember her inertia and age are not my issues. I can only try and respect her and her position, no matter how I might feel on the inside.

 

I have my goals set in what I want to do and so I know at some point I will be moving on, that honestly helps. Seeing my accomplishments and knowing it will get me somewhere helps. You know, I just had a thought. I wonder if you have a sit down with your boss, let him know what you've been doing I wonder if maybe he wouldn't be on board. Maybe you could condense your plan into bite size goals and give him the top three and the top three things you need to to do get there. You know it will entail more, but if you break it down into threes, and give him regular updates of where you are and show him how you are steadily crossing off the list he might be more receptive to new ideas and you really expanding the position? I find this has a few advantages - you expand your position, and he has input and can feel like he has control and has had to put little time or effort into doing so.

 

You mentioned how he is really good at what he does, how so? What techniques has he used? How can what he does help you expand this position without threatening his?

 

Best,

 

AVG