Darren2013 Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Well it really depends on the extent that you go to ignore a certain coworker. I mean you still have to be professional and civil but you don't have to socialize with them. Besides the whole purpose of going to work is to get a job done and not socialize anyway. Yes part of that will involve some contact with a coworker to get the job done. So obviously I can't ignore a coworker who is asking me questions about work related stuff but I do not owe them friendly conversation about subjects outside of the workplace. I started this thread in response to what someone said to me the other day that I should not ignore my former crush at work as she may file a grievance against me. Well that won't happen because I never have ignored her when it comes to talking about work related matters. When contact is necessary for business then we will talk business. There's no question about it. But beyond that I'm not going to socialize with her. I don't anticipate that she is likely to file a grievance but if she did she would have to document instances where I ignored her in an unprofessional manner. There's a difference between being professional and being friendly. A complaint that I am being "antisocial" is not a valid complaint because HR would tell her that Darren is well within his rights to not interact with her when it doesn't involve work related matters. Which means when I am on my lunch break and in the employee lounge I do not even have to say hi to her. I do not have to speak to her. We are just employees sharing someone ełse's personal space. The only thing I owe my coworkers is communication when it is necessary about work. That's all. They don't owe me anything beyond that. We don't owe each other even his and byes. By the way it is a fairly common thing for some coworkers to suddenly stop speaking to each other when they develop mutual feelings for each other. Some coworkers act on that attraction and live happily ever after. Some coworkers act on the attraction and it turns to a nasty breakup. Other coworkers just stop talking to each other when there's an unspoken connection and they only talk when it is necessary about work. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Sounds fine to me. Especially since you have a strong professional HR. I'm sure many employers would/should appreciate employees who conduct in a business-like manner, rather than using the workplace for mating. And with all the emotions that that entails. Link to post Share on other sites
avintagegirl Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 Well it really depends on the extent that you go to ignore a certain coworker. I mean you still have to be professional and civil but you don't have to socialize with them. I agree Besides the whole purpose of going to work is to get a job done and not socialize anyway. Yes part of that will involve some contact with a coworker to get the job done. So obviously I can't ignore a coworker who is asking me questions about work related stuff but I do not owe them friendly conversation about subjects outside of the workplace. No, you don't OWE them anything per se, but it is nice to be able to be relaxed enough in your environment to exchange pleasantries just so that your coworkers feel comfortable enough with you to want to talk about work related topics. I started this thread in response to what someone said to me the other day that I should not ignore my former crush at work as she may file a grievance against me. Well that won't happen because I never have ignored her when it comes to talking about work related matters. When contact is necessary for business then we will talk business. There's no question about it. But beyond that I'm not going to socialize with her. I don't anticipate that she is likely to file a grievance but if she did she would have to document instances where I ignored her in an unprofessional manner. I see what you mean about socializing, but I feel that there can be middle ground. Not everything has to be black or white. There's a difference between being professional and being friendly. A complaint that I am being "antisocial" is not a valid complaint because HR would tell her that Darren is well within his rights to not interact with her when it doesn't involve work related matters. Which means when I am on my lunch break and in the employee lounge I do not even have to say hi to her. I do not have to speak to her. We are just employees sharing someone ełse's personal space. No, you don't have to speak, but sometimes there is the greater good around you. Why should others have to suffer through a seemingly frosty environment in which she says hello or good morning and you don't feel the need to exchange pleasantries? The only thing I owe my coworkers is communication when it is necessary about work. That's all. They don't owe me anything beyond that. We don't owe each other even his and byes. I don't think most people would want to work in an environment like that. Most people I think try and find a balance. By the way it is a fairly common thing for some coworkers to suddenly stop speaking to each other when they develop mutual feelings for each other. Some coworkers act on that attraction and live happily ever after. Some coworkers act on the attraction and it turns to a nasty breakup. Other coworkers just stop talking to each other when there's an unspoken connection and they only talk when it is necessary about work. Yes some do the latter, I have, but that doesnt mean it has to become such a rigid relationship. A casual hello or goodbye won't change the nature of your professional relationship, but it will lend an air of cordiality and pleasantness to the environment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Darren2013 Posted November 22, 2014 Author Share Posted November 22, 2014 For the record I have not ignored her when she says hi to me. I'm just usually not the one to say it first. If she says it first then I always say hi back. Link to post Share on other sites
avintagegirl Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 For the record I have not ignored her when she says hi to me. I'm just usually not the one to say it first. If she says it first then I always say hi back. Ok, so then if you do that and are generally keeping things professional in terms of on the job matters then I don't see the big deal and why that is ignoring her. Is someone saying you are ignoring her? Is she saying you are ignoring her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Darren2013 Posted November 26, 2014 Author Share Posted November 26, 2014 Ok, so then if you do that and are generally keeping things professional in terms of on the job matters then I don't see the big deal and why that is ignoring her. Is someone saying you are ignoring her? Is she saying you are ignoring her? No but her tone of voice does get snappy at times when I have to talk to her about work. There's been alot of hot and cold. One day she is nice and the next day she sounds cold. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 I think you have just generally confused her by doing loads of favours and then just seemingly stopping. It must be a bit strange to have a friend who blows hot and cold like that as you have with her. If you still converse over work issues then I don't see any reason why she would make a complaint. You're not ignoring her as such. Just keeping things professional. All sounds good to me. Link to post Share on other sites
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