I find it hard to get on with people at work

[thecrucible]

To give a bit of background, I'm a young university graduate and this is my first real job. I'm with this museum run completely by volunteers and am employed to help initiate new volunteers and recruit more. Sometimes I also help with promotional events and giving visitor tours etc. I must stress that I do not see myself as any better than anyone else there even though the vast majority of them do not have a degree (some of them seem not to like me for this reason).

 

 

Basically I feel a bit unappreciated (maybe I just expect too much). It's really hard for me to get feedback from people to do my job right - basically they ask me to get volunteers for particular projects but sometimes I bring in new people and they tell them to do something else because they don't want new people on that project. I find this is a bit annoying that they want me to get new volunteers but don't seem enthusiastic when I bring them in. It means I have to undo stuff I've done.

 

 

Then I have people asking me what I am doing and I have to keep telling them my job title. One of them told me that people wonder what my job is what I am doing and I told him that I keep telling everyone but they don't seem to realise. So I made a complaint about this and I said I would happy to give a report on my activities on the next member's meeting. They agreed to this, I prepared something to read and all seemed fine. I wanted to give a report so I could hear feedback on what I've been working on (as I said previously, it's really hard for me to organise certain things because they don't care enough to give me feedback).

 

 

Now when it came to the meeting, I started to speak when I finally got their attention but was rudely cut off. Although it had been arranged for me to present a report, I was not put on the agenda. The chair just ended the meeting in the middle of my talking. I was so annoyed that I stormed out and slammed the door. I'm still annoyed to be honest. I was at work yesterday and they were telling me I should have spoke earlier in the meeting and been more assertive etc. but no apology was offered. I also think it works both ways and that they should have given me a chance to speak.

 

 

I was at work today but wasn't trying as hard and was moody about how they were treating me. I'm angry and I want to sort it out but at the same time, I need a good reference and my contract ends in the spring. What do I do?

[preraph]

I'm not trying to be snide but this is work, not school. In school these days, you often get a lot of feedback and praise. In some ways, doing that does not prepare you for the job world. Now, there are places who might operate more in that manner, but there's no way to know before you get there. In a work environment where so many are volunteers or sponsors or what-have-you, it's a bit disjointed because everyone isn't as motivated, too. I noticed a very weird culture when I volunteered at the zoo. There were the grunts like me, doing everyday work, then there were the socialites who gave a lot of money to the zoo and did whatever they wanted and didn't acknowledge the grunts or anyone else, pretty much!

 

As a general rule, don't be put off by not getting feedback, under the assumption that "no news is good news." But if you need certain information to do your job, do speak up about that to the right person. You can't get in a huff at work and expect to be there long, though, so you need to control your temper. Each person there is looking out for themselves, just as you are. When possible, simply take charge and do what you think needs to be done that is within your job description. Good luck.

[newmoon]

i would fire you. read through your post again. you sound arrogant and entitled. as it's your first job you should be learning, acquiring experience and not assuming you know what to do or how to do it. what you should do is what they ask and not much else because, as you said, you'll be under-appreciated anyway and come to work moody. slamming the door, being moody at work, etc. sounds like a bit of a brat and not someone you want on your team. i'm sure people around you have taken note of your behavior already and perhaps that is why they didn't care what you had to say.

[thecrucible]

As a general rule, don't be put off by not getting feedback, under the assumption that "no news is good news." But if you need certain information to do your job, do speak up about that to the right person. You can't get in a huff at work and expect to be there long, though, so you need to control your temper. Each person there is looking out for themselves, just as you are. When possible, simply take charge and do what you think needs to be done that is within your job description. Good luck.

 

I'm trying to - just don't feel like people always respond when I ask. Maybe I just need to follow up more and keep asking but I just get really disappointed because I automatically assume I don't get listened to (but I think it's more my insecurities than anything else). I know people have a lot on their plate though. I'm trying to figure out what to do. And I just wanted to say something at that meeting because I wanted to address people's concerns and prove I was doing useful work. I just wanted to show them what I was doing because I did listen to what they were saying.

[thecrucible]

i would fire you. read through your post again. you sound arrogant and entitled. as it's your first job you should be learning, acquiring experience and not assuming you know what to do or how to do it. what you should do is what they ask and not much else because, as you said, you'll be under-appreciated anyway and come to work moody. slamming the door, being moody at work, etc. sounds like a bit of a brat and not someone you want on your team. i'm sure people around you have taken note of your behavior already and perhaps that is why they didn't care what you had to say.

 

 

Hey, thanks for the honest advice. To address your comments:

 

 

I am trying to learn. I am doing my best. I really am. I listen to what they tell me to do - sometimes I get it wrong so I listen to what to do next and do it better. They told me they want me to take more initiative but I said that I want to make sure I clear certain things with them because I don't want to just do something they don't want me to do you know because I'm accountable to other people. I get confused sometimes about certain things they want me to do because I don't have a job description. But I think I'll just lay low for a while and do some things.

 

 

I don't think they really noticed me closing the door. It wasn't really a slam and I just left quickly at the end of the meeting so I could escape and not say anything silly. Maybe I did take the wrong approach with that. I wasn't moody all the time today, just at certain points (which I feel bad about). I'm friendly most of the time and when they talked to me again today I just listened to what they said without answering back.

 

 

I sometimes work outside my allotted hours because I want to look keen but recently I've been worried it'll make me look bad. When I was younger I was 'too nice' and just got walked all over and now I have no idea how to assert myself in the right way(not an excuse, just trying to explain why I am like I am). I'm really worried about how I come across all the time and have been really trying to make an effort with people at work by getting to know them, making them coffee, saying thank you (though I could do this more), and in general trying to stay out of stuff that's none of my business, coming in outside of my hours and that sort of thing. I do try.

[newmoon]

maybe make an effort to find a friend there - someone who you know likes you and could help you out more with inside info., tips on what to do, etc. surely one of them must have been in your situation at one point or another and would be willing to offer guidance and advice. if you can earmark someone to approach in your last few months they might really help you out, and also be a good recommendation when you leave. at my first job (it was also a museum) i shadowed my immediate supervisor, peppered her with questions, always asked her if i did something ok, etc. and she eventually started to like me and train me. years later (10 years actually) she has moved up into a very high position and so have i, and i still went back to her for some career advice. your first job is a great time to find that type of mentor relationship

[thecrucible]

maybe make an effort to find a friend there - someone who you know likes you and could help you out more with inside info., tips on what to do, etc. surely one of them must have been in your situation at one point or another and would be willing to offer guidance and advice. if you can earmark someone to approach in your last few months they might really help you out, and also be a good recommendation when you leave. at my first job (it was also a museum) i shadowed my immediate supervisor, peppered her with questions, always asked her if i did something ok, etc. and she eventually started to like me and train me. years later (10 years actually) she has moved up into a very high position and so have i, and i still went back to her for some career advice. your first job is a great time to find that type of mentor relationship

 

 

Thanks. I'll try that. I just ended up crying after that meeting (feel really embarrassed that I couldn't try and hold back my emotions). It just felt like this guy made a dig at me in the meeting (making a joke that I hadn't done a report at all and people laughing - and his assumption was wrong because I actually did write something, I'd just not had an opportunity to read it). It took me a few hours to write and I did let them know in advance that I intended to read something out. I don't know. I'm just being really ridiculous. I'll call them tomorrow or talk to those concerned in person and see if I can clear the air.

 

 

I was just feeling upset before because one of them told me that people thought I didn't do anything and it kind of set me off the wrong way. Before then, I was feeling frustrated about a few things, and I'd made a few awkward mistakes but I was generally getting on okay. I guess I'll just try and communicate better and see how I get on. I think some of the time I try and help and it comes across the wrong way because maybe I try and help with something that is nothing to do with me but I don't actually realise as I don't know what I'm allowed to do and what not - not intentionally trying to undermine or act arrogant though. I really hope I don't come across that way and am disappointed if I do.

[CC12]

I get confused sometimes about certain things they want me to do because I don't have a job description.

 

This stood out. Why don't you have a job description? What was the hiring process like and who hired you? I would go to that person and ask for some clarity on this. Was there someone else who had this position before you? Can you contact them privately and ask them if they have any advice for you?

 

I sometimes work outside my allotted hours because I want to look keen but recently I've been worried it'll make me look bad.

 

I think you should stop doing this, unless there's some unspoken rule that says employees are expected to work more than their allotted hours. If you're not producing something at all times, this probably looks worse than if you just worked your scheduled shifts. You don't want people to think, "She's here all the time, but she doesn't actually get much done."

 

I'm really worried about how I come across all the time and have been really trying to make an effort with people at work by getting to know them, making them coffee, saying thank you (though I could do this more), and in general trying to stay out of stuff that's none of my business, coming in outside of my hours and that sort of thing. I do try.

 

Don't make people their coffee. It doesn't sound as though you were hired to be anyone's assistant, or to be the office gofer. Surely you're not being paid to serve your coworkers. It's nice to be nice, but be mindful that you spend your working hours being productive for your employer, not your coworkers.

 

It's really hard for me to get feedback from people to do my job right - basically they ask me to get volunteers for particular projects but sometimes I bring in new people and they tell them to do something else because they don't want new people on that project. I find this is a bit annoying that they want me to get new volunteers but don't seem enthusiastic when I bring them in. It means I have to undo stuff I've done.

 

Your frustration is understandable, but this seems like something you're just going to have to take on the chin. You got the volunteers they asked for, and it turns out they used those volunteers for something else. Besides creating a bit more work for you, how does that affect you in the long run? Probably not a lot. You still brought those volunteers in, and they're still being used, right?

[thecrucible]

This stood out. Why don't you have a job description? What was the hiring process like and who hired you? I would go to that person and ask for some clarity on this. Was there someone else who had this position before you? Can you contact them privately and ask them if they have any advice for you?

 

 

I don't have it in writing - I only had it orally and I saw a draft version but don't have a copy. I have an idea of some of the stuff that I'm required to do but can't remember everything off the top of my head. I did ask before but I'll try again. Its hard because I thought I had to be in all day on my days of work but then they said I didn't have to be but I didn't know as this had not been made clear.

 

 

No one had the job before me. I was employed via a grant. So it's all completely new to me. To begin with they said I had a job in April but didn't set anything up officially until July but still wanted me to come in for nothing so I was applying to other things in the interim. I was a bit confused to begin then when they set things up in August I got back paid and they went through a job description with me. They said that had been my probation time or something. I do appreciate that they gave me the opportunity but I know I wasn't their first choice.

 

I think you should stop doing this, unless there's some unspoken rule that says employees are expected to work more than their allotted hours. If you're not producing something at all times, this probably looks worse than if you just worked your scheduled shifts. You don't want people to think, "She's here all the time, but she doesn't actually get much done."

 

 

Yeah I know. I don't do this all the time but when I do it's because they ask. I don't want to say no all the time because it doesn't make me look like a team player. They ask me to do other stuff sometimes like coming in to help with kids. I now spend more time working alone in the privacy of home as it means I can concentrate fully on things. A lot of the time I'm either typing something or typing up adverts but when I explain to them that a lot of the time I am sending out emails to potential volunteers, one of them complained that it's not part of my job. I need to show results that can be quantified and that's what I wanted to do at the meeting.

 

Don't make people their coffee. It doesn't sound as though you were hired to be anyone's assistant, or to be the office gofer. Surely you're not being paid to serve your coworkers. It's nice to be nice, but be mindful that you spend your working hours being productive for your employer, not your coworkers.

 

 

Okay I will do. Sometimes again this is because I am asked. And also if I make some for myself, I feel rude if I don't offer. This is what other people do so I don't want to stand out.

 

Your frustration is understandable, but this seems like something you're just going to have to take on the chin. You got the volunteers they asked for, and it turns out they used those volunteers for something else. Besides creating a bit more work for you, how does that affect you in the long run? Probably not a lot. You still brought those volunteers in, and they're still being used, right?

 

haha yeah I suppose. I just don't want to look like I don't know what I'm doing to the outside world. Okay I'll think positive and be more prosaic about it.

[thecrucible]

Hi everyone, today I called my boss to apologise but I'm also going to say it in person when I see him and just take it from there, work harder, change my attitude and see what happens.

 

 

I definitely am overly sensitive - it's just what that guy said before about how people don't think I do anything that set me off a little. But I just want to apologise to everyone and move forward hopefully. Just hope my apology gets accepted and things get better.

 

 

If I come across as arrogant, I'll have to do something about that. But I think it's unintentional. I just get really anxious and worry that I'm not showing enough initiative or putting myself out there enough so maybe I just get it completely the wrong way sometimes.

 

 

I'll get to down to earth with the most important stuff I'm working on.