Is he singling me out, or am I being unreasonable?

[coralsmith]

I'm not a massive fan of my manager at work. Not only did he get a promotion based on nepotism, but he's disorganised, disruptive and frankly, has little to zero leadership skills.

 

However in the past I have found its best to try and avoid him, and have always been civil and courteous to him. I think he suspects that myself and some of my other colleagues, dislike him as a manager. I have never spoken about my dislike for him to my colleagues.

 

However recently I have been getting the impression he has taken a disliking to me.

 

For example, I recently offered advice to a colleague on a subject I was very familiar/experienced with. The impression I got was that my manager felt the need to assert his authority - he told my colleague to try a different method, which resulted in wasting time before using my original suggestion in the end.

 

Most recently, he has taken me to one side for my "lateness".

 

Now, we have seasonal work, which means at certain periods we are busier than others. The head of the company won't agree to flexible working hours. This means myself and my other colleagues often feel compelled to work unpaid overtime. Currently, I have been working 15-30 minutes later, every day.

 

I have noticed a colleague of mine has been coming in 1 or 2 minutes late every day. Given the stress we are under, this doesn't bother me in the slightest.

 

Now, in my morning routine, I often stop for coffee. I have enough time to do this, with a minute or 2 to spare when i'm at my desk. One day, I end up behind a woman who orders 5 coffees.

 

This results in me being 5 minutes late.

 

My manager calls me aside that same day and tells me i've been late more than once this week. Now, I haven't kept track of when I arrive, but I am 99% this isn't true. I tell him I didn't think I had, but he insists.

 

He tells me in future I need to call and give prior warning if I'm going to be late, and that it looks bad when everyone else is sitting at their desk.

 

Incredulous that he has called me up on this, I'm speechless.

 

The encounter has rattled my cage for the following reasons;

 

1. He hasn't called out my colleague for being late.

2. It was five minutes! My workplace does not have a clock in system, but if it did, I do not think it would show I had been late on more than one occasion, as my manager has claimed.

3. I have been working unpaid overtime. Given the circumstances of our current workload, would it not be better practice to waive a 5 minute lateness, considering it has been more than made up during the rest of the week?

 

Anyone who is a managerial position - how would you have handled the situation of my 5 minute lateness? Should the overtime be taken into consideration?

 

How do I handle further situations like this?

 

I am worried it will be taken as a black mark against me if he insist I incur latenesses. As the company have no official way of clocking me in, it is essentially my word against his.

 

Any advice will be appreciated!

[Diezel]

#1: It doesn't matter if he doesn't tell anyone else that they are late, you need to be aware of you and you alone.

 

#2: Stop arriving "on time". I make sure I am at work no later than 5 minutes before my start time to avoid instances like "5 coffee" girl. You are late regardless.

 

#3: Overtime doesn't make up for being late. If you are working unpaid overtime, you are only doing YOURSELF a terrible disservice. Staying an extra 15 minutes off the clock doesn't make up for being 5 minutes late. If you are going to have a schedule, stick to it. As a manager, I also hate it when my employee stays longer than they should, because they shouldn't need to.

 

#4: Stop giving your boss reasons to reprimand you for ANYTHING. If you know they are going to monitor your lateness, why are you giving this person ANY leeway on it?

 

#5: LISTEN to what he is saying. It doesn't matter if he is right or wrong. If he wants you to call and let them know you are going to be late, DO THAT. Better yet, NEVER be late.

 

Sometimes we focus so much on certain aspects that we forget that these situations CAN be avoided.

 

I'd much rather have my employee show up earlier than me and I recognize that. I don't always recognize when he/she is staying past 5. And if it is unpaid, I'm thinking they are punching out at 5 and it's all done with.

 

Instead of resisting what he is saying, why don't you try giving him nothing to say at all?

[coralsmith]

#1: It doesn't matter if he doesn't tell anyone else that they are late, you need to be aware of you and you alone.

 

#2: Stop arriving "on time". I make sure I am at work no later than 5 minutes before my start time to avoid instances like "5 coffee" girl. You are late regardless.

 

#3: Overtime doesn't make up for being late. If you are working unpaid overtime, you are only doing YOURSELF a terrible disservice. Staying an extra 15 minutes off the clock doesn't make up for being 5 minutes late. If you are going to have a schedule, stick to it. As a manager, I also hate it when my employee stays longer than they should, because they shouldn't need to.

 

#4: Stop giving your boss reasons to reprimand you for ANYTHING. If you know they are going to monitor your lateness, why are you giving this person ANY leeway on it?

 

#5: LISTEN to what he is saying. It doesn't matter if he is right or wrong. If he wants you to call and let them know you are going to be late, DO THAT. Better yet, NEVER be late.

 

Sometimes we focus so much on certain aspects that we forget that these situations CAN be avoided.

 

I'd much rather have my employee show up earlier than me and I recognize that. I don't always recognize when he/she is staying past 5. And if it is unpaid, I'm thinking they are punching out at 5 and it's all done with.

 

Instead of resisting what he is saying, why don't you try giving him nothing to say at all?

 

This is the first time I have been late - so I didn't realise he was monitoring it.

 

Because I never have given him anything to say at all, It feels like he has jumped on the first opportunity he has gotten.

 

As far as clocking off at five - I work with vulnerable members of society and so it is not very easy for myself and colleagues to just leave work unfinished, if it is going to have a direct effect on a vulnerable client. We have raised this with management. This manager in particular has also insisted on members of my team staying behind, unpaid.

 

I understand where you are coming from in your points, but I disagree with being aware of "me and me alone". I work in a team and teamwork is such a huge focus of most workplaces! Why shouldn't I be annoyed if I am called out for an offence, when another employee is not? surely it is correct to either call us both out, or leave it for both of us?

[Diezel]

That's his call to make on who he reprimands or doesn't.

 

If your co-worker was being late and reprimanded and you were being late and not, would you step up to your boss and say, "I need to be reprimanded too, I was late today."?

[coralsmith]

That's his call to make on who he reprimands or doesn't.

 

If your co-worker was being late and reprimanded and you were being late and not, would you step up to your boss and say, "I need to be reprimanded too, I was late today."?

 

It is, but you have to admit it's poor practice and a possible signifier of preferential treatment? Or, as I suspect, a signifier that he is taking his possible dislike of me, and using his position as manager to punish me professionally.

 

No I wouldn't - it's not my job to make sure he's doing his job correctly. Plus to do so would be to undermine my manager in front of colleagues, which would be unprofessional. But I would still be of the same opinion as I am now - that he is not behaving correctly.

 

Please don't misinterpret what I'm saying - it doesn't matter to me that my colleague has not been reprimanded, as I mentioned, he is under a lot of stress (as we all are) and it hasn't caused any problems at all.

 

But he has been consistently late on numerous occasions, I have been late once.

 

Would you not question the motives of a manager who treated employees differently?

 

Why was my 5 minute lateness so much more worthy of attention, than several latenesses from my colleague?

 

My theory is that personal opinions/feelings are coming into play, which is unprofessional and indicative of a bigger issue.

[veggirl]

Yes it does sound like you are being singled out, and if there is nepotism as in his boss is a friend/relative of his, you should be worried he will say things about you and use that to get whatever outcome he wants (who knows what that is). I would be sure to arrive at least 5 mins early from now on and I would leave when the day is over, wtf is this unpaid OT stuff??? If you're not salary, you need to be getting paid. tbh I probably would have mentioned the unpaid OT when he brought up the tardiness, "I'm so sorry, I didn't realize it was such a big deal considering I stay late almost every night"

 

eta: I see you can't just leave if work isn't finished. In that case I would say "I stayed 20 min late tonight, I'll be in at 9:20 tomorrow" I mean seriously working for free after hours? Hell no.

Edited October 5, 2014 by veggirl

[Yasuandio]

When you cock your gun, and take a shot, you at most, will hit one bird. Now, with a machine gun, you might take dow dozend of birds, some dead, some wounded. You will have to kill the wounded one by one to put them out of their misery, right. But that is not "real hunting," is it? End of story. Yas

[coralsmith]

Yes it does sound like you are being singled out, and if there is nepotism as in his boss is a friend/relative of his, you should be worried he will say things about you and use that to get whatever outcome he wants (who knows what that is). I would be sure to arrive at least 5 mins early from now on and I would leave when the day is over, wtf is this unpaid OT stuff??? If you're not salary, you need to be getting paid. tbh I probably would have mentioned the unpaid OT when he brought up the tardiness, "I'm so sorry, I didn't realize it was such a big deal considering I stay late almost every night"

 

eta: I see you can't just leave if work isn't finished. In that case I would say "I stayed 20 min late tonight, I'll be in at 9:20 tomorrow" I mean seriously working for free after hours? Hell no.

 

Due to the nature of the working - helping vulnerable people - I don't actually mind working unpaid overtime.

 

If it were corporate I would maybe feel differently.

 

I didn't feel any bitterness about it, until I got called up over 5 minutes on a single occassion

[pink_sugar]

There's someone in HR at my work who gives off a very pretentious air. Sometimes it feels like she likes telling me what to do, but I'm probably over thinking it, because she seems to act like this with everyone. Otherwise, she is fine. I just usually nod and smile and try to be polite. Unless you work in a very small office, there are always some sort of office politics taking place.

[Diezel]

It is, but you have to admit it's poor practice and a possible signifier of preferential treatment? Or, as I suspect, a signifier that he is taking his possible dislike of me, and using his position as manager to punish me professionally.

 

No I wouldn't - it's not my job to make sure he's doing his job correctly. Plus to do so would be to undermine my manager in front of colleagues, which would be unprofessional. But I would still be of the same opinion as I am now - that he is not behaving correctly.

 

Please don't misinterpret what I'm saying - it doesn't matter to me that my colleague has not been reprimanded, as I mentioned, he is under a lot of stress (as we all are) and it hasn't caused any problems at all.

 

But he has been consistently late on numerous occasions, I have been late once.

 

Would you not question the motives of a manager who treated employees differently?

 

Why was my 5 minute lateness so much more worthy of attention, than several latenesses from my colleague?

 

My theory is that personal opinions/feelings are coming into play, which is unprofessional and indicative of a bigger issue.

 

 

 

Okay, don't get me wrong, I COMPLETELY understand where you are coming from.

 

But you also have to understand, you can't control that situation. You can't control your co-worker being late. You can't control being singled out.

 

All you can control are your own actions and by spending time worrying about all of these things in this thread, you are ceasing to worry about the most aspect out of all of this: YOU.

 

Now, be honest... if he is singling out... what CAN you do about it? Go ahead, give me honest options.

[coralsmith]

Okay, don't get me wrong, I COMPLETELY understand where you are coming from.

 

But you also have to understand, you can't control that situation. You can't control your co-worker being late. You can't control being singled out.

 

All you can control are your own actions and by spending time worrying about all of these things in this thread, you are ceasing to worry about the most aspect out of all of this: YOU.

 

Now, be honest... if he is singling out... what CAN you do about it? Go ahead, give me honest options.

 

Well, this is kinda why I've posted this thread. To ask for advice on what I can do.

 

Yes, I can arrive a bit earlier, as you state. But that is treating a symptom, not the cause.

 

I am hardworking and dedicated. I am respectful towards him, even though I do not respect him. My work has saved his face from higher management, but he never gave me feedback. I have met all my deadlines and received praise from stakeholders - I would bet my years salary this will not be mentioned in any managerial reviews.

 

So I can come in half an hour early every morning, he will look out for something else to catch me up on, since the above mentioned factors do not seem to be considered.

 

To be perfectly honest, since I first joined, I sensed he had a bit of a chip on his shoulder about his position. I have challenged him about working practices before - respectfully and not aggressively - and I think he has felt undermined by me and feels the need to "put me back in my place"

 

You seem to be taking a very black and white view of the situation - that I should just comply and suck it up, and that I should brush off any injustices because he's my manager and therefore is within his rights to treat me however. This is not correct, moral or a good way for a business to run IMO

 

Say you had an employee who treated a subordinate in the way I described - what would you feel/say/do in that situation?

[Yasuandio]

Hon, you are one of the ducks in the pond. When all the ducks take flight, and you're the one that gets shot, there aint shytt you can do about it, except "suck it up, get there a half hour early, and bring the managrrva treat from Starbucks."

 

Realize, that the bullet could have just as easily hit another co-ducker, and certainly will in the future. Don't get hit again, for goodness sake! It is not smart to leave the safety of the pond to waddle up onto dry land, approach the hunter (that bears the weapon with your livlihood inscribed on the barrel), and "respectfully challenge working conditions." You asking to get fired at - what did you expect?

 

Personally, I sense you sort of have a back talk attitude in yout posts. Now that is just my take. Yas

 

PS This is a new device that is driving mr crazy with mistakes, very sorry about that.

[coralsmith]

Hon, you are one of the ducks in the pond. When all the ducks take flight, and you're the one that gets shot, there aint shytt you can do about it, except "suck it up, get there a half hour early, and bring the managrrva treat from Starbucks."

 

Realize, that the bullet could have just as easily hit another co-ducker, and certainly will in the future. Don't get hit again, for goodness sake! It is not smart to leave the safety of the pond to waddle up onto dry land, approach the hunter (that bears the weapon with your livlihood inscribed on the barrel), and "respectfully challenge working conditions." You asking to get fired at - what did you expect?

 

Personally, I sense you sort of have a back talk attitude in yout posts. Now that is just my take. Yas

 

PS This is a new device that is driving mr crazy with mistakes, very sorry about that.

 

I wouldn't say I have a "talk back" attitude - when I see something I think I could improve/contribute to or have a suggestion, I will voice them.

 

I'm not rude or disrespectful to anyone I work with. If my ideas are shot down, i don't try and foist them on anyone.

 

But no, i'm not the kind of person who can sit and take orders without questioning the reasoning behind them and I will constantly try and improve things.

[Yasuandio]

I wouldn't say I have a "talk back" attitude - when I see something I think I could improve/contribute to or have a suggestion, I will voice them.

 

I'm not rude or disrespectful to anyone I work with. If my ideas are shot down, i don't try and foist them on anyone.

 

But no, i'm not the kind of person who can sit and take orders without questioning the reasoning behind them and I will constantly try and improve things.

 

That's fine. Your Manager has even more rights to that perogative. And the Manager says YOU need to arrive to work on time, because, perhaps, for whatever reason, he believes by voicing that suggestion to YOU, that things at work will improve. Does that sound ok, according to the philosophy you go by? Yas

[Banker Chick]

Now, be honest... if he is singling out... what CAN you do about it? Go ahead, give me honest options.

 

 

I think the situation sucks but I agree with this. What are your options? You can either just try to make sure you don't do anything that he can complain about or you can go to him honestly and ask him if he has an issue with you. At the end of the day, those are your only options. Well, these and also finding another job. This doesn't seem to be one of those situations where there there's much you can do about it, no matter how unfairly you're being treated.

[Phoe]

As much as it sucks, late is late.

 

Much like a previous poster, I arrive 10 minutes early just in case. Every time.

 

Don't give him even the smallest reason to single you out, cause as small as it is, if he has a dislike for you, he will jump on the slightest error.

[Hope Shimmers]

But no, i'm not the kind of person who can sit and take orders without questioning the reasoning behind them and I will constantly try and improve things.

 

Then frankly, you should not take a position where you are working for someone else, because that's what you have to do when working for someone else (take orders without questioning the reasoning behind them).

 

As this person's subordinate, you are in no position to do anything at all except follow the rules. Your opinion of fairness (what coworkers get away with, what your manager gets away with, etc) are just your opinions. If you want to keep your job, then keep those opinions to yourself.

 

The others are right in that you should bend over backwards to give this person NO reason to have a problem with you. As a manager at the VA Medical Center for years, I can tell you that it's very difficult to fire people there, but the one thing that managers working for the government can use to fire someone is if they are late to work. It's objective. Your working overtime has absolutely nothing to do with your being late for work. DON'T be late for work. Ever!

 

It's not that I don't feel for you and understand what you are saying, because I do. But you asked what you can do, and what you can do is exactly nothing. Or rather - what you can do is to either keep your job or lose it. In this economic market I would highly recommend keeping it.

[whichwayisup]

Apologize for being late and let him know it won't happen again but if you are late, you will call. Don't justify it and say well there were others in front of me waiting for coffee because his response could be 'plan ahead and give yourself enough time in case there's a line up.' Bosses like that are on power trips, nothing you can do except do NOT be late again and keep your head down, do your work and only deal with him when you have to. Don't argue or show anger towards him and don't go telling others that he spoke to you about being late. That could get back to him and he'll go after you for something dumb.

 

Also, you don't know for sure if he's spoken to others about being late.

[Diezel]

You seem to be taking a very black and white view of the situation - that I should just comply and suck it up, and that I should brush off any injustices because he's my manager and therefore is within his rights to treat me however. This is not correct, moral or a good way for a business to run IMO

 

Say you had an employee who treated a subordinate in the way I described - what would you feel/say/do in that situation?

 

Actually, it's NOT a black or white view.

Here's the problem, YOU have a black or white view about it and you are failing to see anything else.

 

I never said he was right. And you don't seem to get that. He COULD be singling you out. He COULD be trying to put you in your place. He COULD be not reprimanding anyone else. But you are so focused on what he is doing and what others are doing that you are failing to focus on what YOU should be doing.

 

It's not YOUR business to run but unfortunately as your manager, he has the power to "manage" you as he sees fit. It's the way the world works, unfortunately. It doesn't matter how he got named your boss. It doesn't matter whether he is bad or good as a manager. What matters is how YOU respond and what YOUR choices are.

 

You can either: (A) Quit (B) Give him no reason to call you out

 

Already you are self-defeating. You say that if you arrive early, he will call you out on something else. That's not the attitude to have. And this is how as an employer/manager/boss you find out who is worth what. Maybe your manager doesn't notice how you work, but ONE day, someone else will. And it's up to YOU to determine that. You don't want to be called out for being late again? Show up EARLY. 15 minutes early. Make sure EVERYONE sees you walk in early.

 

Trust me, you are NOT the first person on Earth to be unhappy with their boss. I've seen people who were better qualified than their bosses to do the job, but their attitude was the incorrect one. They spent too much time worried about what Peggy was doing. They spent too much time trying to appear to work harder than to work smarter. They were too busy acting unhappy because of their superiors.

 

I had to learn the hard way to let everything rub off of me. If I got frustrated, I'd take 2 minutes, go to the bathroom and readjust, put my game face on.

 

Here is the problem with your "scenario". You haven't described anything that much different than the average American feels about their boss. You are saying that he hasn't reprimanded your co-worker. You don't know that for certain and are acting on one instance. If you came to me to complain about your boss and all you had was this thread to go on, I'd probably give you a crazy look and say the SAME thing I said right in this thread.

 

Has this manager harassed you even further? How bad has the treatment been? Is this everyday? Does he get personal with you?

 

Also, one last thing, you said this:

 

My theory is that personal opinions/feelings are coming into play, which is unprofessional and indicative of a bigger issue.

 

 

Are you sure this doesn't apply to you as well?

[coralsmith]

Actually, it's NOT a black or white view.

Here's the problem, YOU have a black or white view about it and you are failing to see anything else.

 

I never said he was right. And you don't seem to get that. He COULD be singling you out. He COULD be trying to put you in your place. He COULD be not reprimanding anyone else. But you are so focused on what he is doing and what others are doing that you are failing to focus on what YOU should be doing.

 

It's not YOUR business to run but unfortunately as your manager, he has the power to "manage" you as he sees fit. It's the way the world works, unfortunately. It doesn't matter how he got named your boss. It doesn't matter whether he is bad or good as a manager. What matters is how YOU respond and what YOUR choices are.

 

You can either: (A) Quit (B) Give him no reason to call you out

 

Already you are self-defeating. You say that if you arrive early, he will call you out on something else. That's not the attitude to have. And this is how as an employer/manager/boss you find out who is worth what. Maybe your manager doesn't notice how you work, but ONE day, someone else will. And it's up to YOU to determine that. You don't want to be called out for being late again? Show up EARLY. 15 minutes early. Make sure EVERYONE sees you walk in early.

 

Trust me, you are NOT the first person on Earth to be unhappy with their boss. I've seen people who were better qualified than their bosses to do the job, but their attitude was the incorrect one. They spent too much time worried about what Peggy was doing. They spent too much time trying to appear to work harder than to work smarter. They were too busy acting unhappy because of their superiors.

 

I had to learn the hard way to let everything rub off of me. If I got frustrated, I'd take 2 minutes, go to the bathroom and readjust, put my game face on.

 

Here is the problem with your "scenario". You haven't described anything that much different than the average American feels about their boss. You are saying that he hasn't reprimanded your co-worker. You don't know that for certain and are acting on one instance. If you came to me to complain about your boss and all you had was this thread to go on, I'd probably give you a crazy look and say the SAME thing I said right in this thread.

 

Has this manager harassed you even further? How bad has the treatment been? Is this everyday? Does he get personal with you?

 

Also, one last thing, you said this:

 

My theory is that personal opinions/feelings are coming into play, which is unprofessional and indicative of a bigger issue.

 

 

Are you sure this doesn't apply to you as well?

 

He has singled me out again, and it has gotten to the point other colleagues are noticing.

 

Like you suggested, I have arrived early everyday. I have been leaving at 5pm everyday exactly. As our workload currently stands, we haven't enough time in the day to realistically get everything done. Majority of my co-workers are staying behind. I predict he will begin to ask why I am behind.

 

He singled me out on something I had previously done. I won't go into details, but I had followed the correct procedure, it's the official procedure. He queried what I had done and implied I had been following it incorrectly. He also implied I had been doing it multiple times.

 

Baffled, I asked him if he had further examples of when I had supposedly done something wrong (he hadn't).

 

I then explained I had followed our official procedure by the book; the same that everyone in the office did, how we had all been instructed to.

 

He dropped it after this. So option B). is not applicable. I don't give him a reason to single me out, he is starting to find/create them.

 

He had done this in front of colleagues and I was visibly upset afterwards. Another colleague advised me not to let it bother me.

 

So while I would never quit my job without another one lined up, I have been frantically searching for new jobs.

 

And no, I have never, ever been anything but professional in my treatment towards him. When others have spoken ill of him, I have said nothing and left the room.

 

I can take orders from a manager, I appreciate constructive feedback, but I just can't hack unfair and unethical treatment. Sorry but I don't think anyone should. Maybe i'm being idealistic but if everyone left the jobs they were in, instead of accepting this as "standard" treatment, these managers/businesses would need to readjust their thinking.

[coralsmith]

Then frankly, you should not take a position where you are working for someone else, because that's what you have to do when working for someone else (take orders without questioning the reasoning behind them).

 

As this person's subordinate, you are in no position to do anything at all except follow the rules. Your opinion of fairness (what coworkers get away with, what your manager gets away with, etc) are just your opinions. If you want to keep your job, then keep those opinions to yourself.

 

The others are right in that you should bend over backwards to give this person NO reason to have a problem with you. As a manager at the VA Medical Center for years, I can tell you that it's very difficult to fire people there, but the one thing that managers working for the government can use to fire someone is if they are late to work. It's objective. Your working overtime has absolutely nothing to do with your being late for work. DON'T be late for work. Ever!

 

It's not that I don't feel for you and understand what you are saying, because I do. But you asked what you can do, and what you can do is exactly nothing. Or rather - what you can do is to either keep your job or lose it. In this economic market I would highly recommend keeping it.

 

I know plenty of people who work under other people, but where their feedback and opinions are valued. What's the point in hiring people if you don't want them to become involved in their work, offer suggestions in an area they were familiar with? If you are a manager and you want someone to take orders without questioning, you'd be better hiring a robot.

 

I should also point out that if you were treating your subordinates as such - that their opinions didn't matter, all that matter was that they obeyed without question - you're not going to have a fully productive or very motivated workplace, in my experience.

 

I'm not questioning that I shouldn't have been late - i'm questioning his reaction and if it was proportionate. I haven't been late before. Plus the fact that other people have been late would suggest he doesn't care about lateness per se, he was only concerned when it was me, seemingly.

 

I was late, which was bad. But it wasn't because I was lazy or because I didn't care. It was a stroke of bad luck on my part, which I won't repeat.

 

But yeah, no point moaning about it further. Since the only suggestions seem to be to try my best not to incur his wrath (pointless, it's been incurred somehow already), i'll be hunting for an employer who values their employees and who can offer a mutually respectful relationship.

[Banker Chick]

I feel for you in this situation. Since you mentioned that he got the job as a product of nepotism, I imagine there wouldn't be much point in complaining to anyone above him or to an HR department Like I said, you might try to broach the subject and see if by chance there was something that colored his opinion of you that might be worked out but again, I just don't see that being a viable option given everything you've said about him.

 

 

I've never been a fan of the "just shut up and do your job and don't complain because he's the boss" because I think everyone deserves a certain level of professionalism and courtesy in the workplace. However, I also know this doesn't always happen and then you're faced with sucking it up or leaving.

 

 

Sucks, I know. Until you find something else, I'd keep a document of everything that's happening. You never know when it might come in handy.

[bathtub-row]

As a manager, I'll just say that one of my biggest pet peeves is people coming in late. My favorite excuse is that they live far away and get in traffic. I understand that that happens every now and then but when it happens 3 times a week, then it's time to change things. The fact is, they signed on for the job with full knowledge of how far away they live from the office, so it's no real surprise. What surprises me is that they feel this is a legitimate reason for being late. Same as your coffee scenario. It's not your boss's problem that you got stuck in line at the coffee shop. You should allow at least 30 minutes leeway for that kind of thing, and when you see that you're stuck in line and running out of time, exit the coffee shop.

 

However, having said all that, if it is to be kept in perspective and you really were late only once, and it's not a normal thing, I personally would not have made an issue out of it. For some reason, your boss seems to think that you have been late more often and the fact that you haven't been aware of whether you have or haven't been late is indicative of your lack of concern about the whole thing.

 

These are my thoughts on your situation. First of all, you could be right that your boss is singling you out. If, in fact, he is doing that, then as wrong as that is, he probably feels compelled to do it. One of the biggest mistakes people make with their bosses is to make them feel that you're not on their side and that you're not supportive of them. Whether your boss is there on his own merit or not, whether he's really a good manager or not doesn't change the fact that he's still your boss. If your boss feels that you're there to make him look good, things will go far better for you. It sounds like he's threatened by you and this is never a good relationship to have with your boss. I would recommend finding ways to circumvent this attitude he has. For example, if he likes stepping in and changing something you suggested, in the future, why not go to him and ask him what he thinks of the idea? Sometimes when dealing with difficult people, you need to get more creative.

 

You can judge him all day long. Believe me, people love to judge me and love to think they can do a much better job than me. Not saying this is necessarily true of you, but the people who criticize me couldn't handle my job for half a day. They couldn't deal with the boss, the executives or the clients. Not to mention that they're challenged in so many other ways that I can say with certainty that they have no clue. In your case, do your best to make him see that you're in his corner. You have no idea how far this will go to create peace. Also, I personally wouldn't work overtime without pay unless I were exempt (as in my case), but if you agree to doing that and your boss doesn't see any need to extend special circumstances for you working overtime without pay, then just understand that you have agreed to that arrangement. I'm not sure how that's legal but that's another discussion, I suppose. Unless your boss specifically says that you can fudge your time here or there because of the hours you work, then you can't.

 

Regardless of how your boss got into the position he's in, I can almost promise you that he has more problems with it than you realize. Managers are under a lot of stress and they catch a LOT of crap when things go sideways. Nepotism or not, I'm thinking someone is pressuring him from somewhere and he's feeling it. Things aren't always as they appear. Just something to keep in mind.

[bathtub-row]

He has singled me out again, and it has gotten to the point other colleagues are noticing.

 

Like you suggested, I have arrived early everyday. I have been leaving at 5pm everyday exactly. As our workload currently stands, we haven't enough time in the day to realistically get everything done. Majority of my co-workers are staying behind. I predict he will begin to ask why I am behind.

 

He singled me out on something I had previously done. I won't go into details, but I had followed the correct procedure, it's the official procedure. He queried what I had done and implied I had been following it incorrectly. He also implied I had been doing it multiple times.

 

Baffled, I asked him if he had further examples of when I had supposedly done something wrong (he hadn't).

 

I then explained I had followed our official procedure by the book; the same that everyone in the office did, how we had all been instructed to.

 

He dropped it after this. So option B). is not applicable. I don't give him a reason to single me out, he is starting to find/create them.

 

He had done this in front of colleagues and I was visibly upset afterwards. Another colleague advised me not to let it bother me.

 

So while I would never quit my job without another one lined up, I have been frantically searching for new jobs.

 

And no, I have never, ever been anything but professional in my treatment towards him. When others have spoken ill of him, I have said nothing and left the room.

 

I can take orders from a manager, I appreciate constructive feedback, but I just can't hack unfair and unethical treatment. Sorry but I don't think anyone should. Maybe i'm being idealistic but if everyone left the jobs they were in, instead of accepting this as "standard" treatment, these managers/businesses would need to readjust their thinking.

 

If this is the case, then you should probably start documenting things. It might be a good idea to try to have a discussion with him about this; saying that you're concerned that he's not happy with your work and you'd like to know why. Document that conversation. If he continues, you may need to take the matter to HR. If it's a family-owned business where that kind of thing would be difficult, perhaps you can go to his boss, or someone else in the family and explain the situation.

[bathtub-row]

I know plenty of people who work under other people, but where their feedback and opinions are valued. What's the point in hiring people if you don't want them to become involved in their work, offer suggestions in an area they were familiar with? If you are a manager and you want someone to take orders without questioning, you'd be better hiring a robot.

 

I should also point out that if you were treating your subordinates as such - that their opinions didn't matter, all that matter was that they obeyed without question - you're not going to have a fully productive or very motivated workplace, in my experience.

 

I'm not questioning that I shouldn't have been late - i'm questioning his reaction and if it was proportionate. I haven't been late before. Plus the fact that other people have been late would suggest he doesn't care about lateness per se, he was only concerned when it was me, seemingly.

 

I was late, which was bad. But it wasn't because I was lazy or because I didn't care. It was a stroke of bad luck on my part, which I won't repeat.

 

But yeah, no point moaning about it further. Since the only suggestions seem to be to try my best not to incur his wrath (pointless, it's been incurred somehow already), i'll be hunting for an employer who values their employees and who can offer a mutually respectful relationship.

 

I totally agree with this. Even though the manager has the final say, listening to people on your team is key to being a good manager. Leading as a dictator never works. However, a manager also has to be authoritative and has to have the respect of their team. It is sometimes a fine line to walk but it never means shutting people down to the point where they feel their opinions or expertise aren't valued.