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Hey guys. I need some advice.

 

I feel so discouraged since this job ended. I put in my all but it didn't go as well as I had hoped. I was working as a casting assistant during fashion week. It's an exhausting, high pressure job. You work 12 hour days for two weeks straight with no days off. You have to think on your feet and deal with high maintenance personalities. I discovered that I was out of my depth. Much of the work I was doing was entirely new to me and I think they expected me to have more experience. Of course nobody had the time to train me or explain protocol so it was rough going. I made it through and got the job done -- all of the shows went smoothy and we found good people -- but I could tell that I appeared incompetent to them along the way.

 

As a casting assistant part of my job is corresponding with dozens of modeling agents, negotiating rates, checking which models are available for jobs, creating schedules, and hounding agents if models are late for castings. Email makes it easy for me to keep track of conversations, and I write everything down when I speak to an agent over the phone. But those backups aren't enough because people expect immediate answers.

 

Imagine it's three in the afternoon and I've had sixty conversations with twenty different agents that day. My boss interrupts me and asks, "What did Jason say?" I'm panicking inside as I try to process this question. it takes me a couple of seconds to remember that "Jason" works for "Gorgeous Model Management" because I'm new to this job and learned all of these agents' names three days ago. Then I have to remember which conversation with him she's referring to and what he said. Most people would be able to fire back a response but I'm losing seconds so I have to either consult my email, take a pause to find the answer in my brain, or ask "about what?" (terrible). Of course I'm able to produce a response but that moment of hesitation makes me seem incompetent. My boss gives me an irritated look. This happens all the time.

 

I've found that I'm good at getting things done if I'm working on my own but to a hovering boss I look like a hot mess. This is a profession full of fast-talkers and by comparison I seem like a space-shot.

 

The same thing happens to me in social situations. Here's an example of something embarrassing that occurred on the job. I was eating lunch with my boss and her clients and one of her clients mentioned that her husband had traveled to Iceland. I misheard what she said and thought she had traveled to Iceland. I asked her if she had done any biking while she was there. As the words were coming out of my mouth I realized my mistake and turned bright red. I was mortified. You can imagine why socializing is a nightmare for me, especially when I'm already very anxious because of the pressure of my job. I can socialize fine at a job when I comfortable with the work and I've known the person for awhile.

 

I do understand social cues and I'm good at reading people and interpreting expressions, but I'm bad at processing non-emotional information. If somebody is complaining about their new job or girlfriend, I'm tuned in and responsive, but once they start telling a story about an adventure they had on their way to the airport I cannot follow. Add anxiety to the mix.

 

The last few nights I've spent hours on the internet trying to figure out what is wrong with me. I researched a bunch of different disorders and disabilities but for most don't fit enough criteria. Then I read about ADHD and felt like I was reading about myself. Poor attention. Forgetfulness. Impatience. Social difficulties. I know it runs in my family and I've always thought I might have it but never took it that seriously.

 

So it's a double whammy between my organizational and social difficulties. I do have some strengths in my favor -- I'm a very hard worker, I always follow through and get the job done, I'm amazing at recognizing and remembering faces and names, and I have a good eye for talent (and have been complimented many times on all of the above by people in the industry) -- but those are sort of minor skills in casting, to my surprise. In fact I'm starting to think that pretty much across the board creativity, taste and even quality of work don't matter much when it comes to these business-y creative jobs like casting/producing/advertising. There are plenty of people in casting, for example, without an eye for talent who thrive.

 

What matters more are thinking on your feet, organization and talking the talk. These jobs move so fast that nobody has time to reflect on the final product because they're already on to the next gig. All people care about is how things appear to be going during the process. I have my own way of working and it's hard for me to conform to another person's style (trust me I try and try).

 

A few days ago I got an email from the woman I worked for on a commercial casting gig immediately before fashion week. She was the one who recommended me for this fashion job. She told me that 9 out of the 11 people the client ended up casting were people I found (she and her long time assistant found the other two). She said I had done a great job. This is a perfect example of why I'm so much better at working on my own. My interview was the only time she and I ever spoke face to face. I did all of my work from her from home, researching online, making phone calls and scouting people on the street. I'm sure if I had been working with her in person she would have had a different impression.

 

So what do I do? I feel like I'm running out of options. I'm about ready to give up on casting unless I can find a way of only doing scouting and research (what I'm good at and enjoy). But even if I pursue another line of work I'm going to run into the same difficulties. I don't know if this is a problem I can fix. I think the biggest hurdle for me is the social aspect. People in New York have no patience for shy people. If I were socially accepted, I would feel less anxious and they would probably let some of my weaknesses slide in light of my other abilities.

 

I have a two day a week casting film internship that starts today and lasts three months. I'm going to try it out mostly just to see whether I even want to pursue this anymore. I'm also going to reach out to that woman I worked for before who liked my work in a week or two. But if none of that pans out I think I'm done.

 

Also, I just feel so alone. This city is very alienating. People are superficial and treat others as disposable. I haven't made a single friend or deep connection. But moving back home fills me with dread.

 

What should I do now? :(

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I forgot to mention that they barely thanked me for my work. Yesterday was the last day and after the show was over we left lincoln center in search of cabs. As we parted ways on the street neither of them said goodbye to me, gave me a hug or thanked me. It was so strange that I thought maybe I had the schedule wrong and was working again tomorrow. I looked at my schedule when I got home to confirm that it was the last day. I got a very email that night from the casting director thanking me...but still. You basically live with somebody for two weeks and can't even be bothered to thank them in person and give them a parting hug?

 

Whatever, I'm over it.

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Maybe move to another city, where people are a little more friendly?

 

I'm half considering moving to LA but it's so far from my family.

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I'm half considering moving to LA but it's so far from my family.

 

California was exactly what came to my mind, sounds like you need something more laid back. Plus you have gained experience with casting which may come in handy.

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I had to accept as well at some point that the fact that I'm an introvert made me unsuitable for certain jobs.

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get away from the peeps you meet in your job environment. Big cities have been a turn off for me, as there are too many that smother finding the right person.

 

taking a break to a quieter front, either book store or activities to meet varied personalities.

 

 

I found having a good job, with good pay, more difficult to manage a relationship than just being happy with a not so well paying job. Believe it or not people beneath you in status, can be more rewarding than peeps who are always looking for status.

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I'm half considering moving to LA but it's so far from my family.

 

I think you'd like LA. Totally different vibe there. And better weather too. You'll be much happier there I think.

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I work in the same industry. Tough can be an understatement. Don't expect thanks. Fortunately I served my formative years. You have to keep these types on side. Shyness will not be your friend. A thick skin if you can cultivate it. If you are a good caster then it will not go unnoticed. I've read your other threads and it seems in your professional life you are too concerned what others may or may not be thinking. The F industry is cutthroat and reputation is everything. Try to see that you are good at what you do. You seem to be so take that belief and enforce it at work. GL.

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I forgot to mention that they barely thanked me for my work. Yesterday was the last day and after the show was over we left lincoln center in search of cabs. As we parted ways on the street neither of them said goodbye to me, gave me a hug or thanked me. It was so strange that I thought maybe I had the schedule wrong and was working again tomorrow. I looked at my schedule when I got home to confirm that it was the last day. I got a very email that night from the casting director thanking me...but still. You basically live with somebody for two weeks and can't even be bothered to thank them in person and give them a parting hug?

 

Whatever, I'm over it.

 

Makes me think of this scene from Mad Men:

 

Don: "Its your job! I give you money. You give me ideas."

 

Peggy: "And you never say thank you!"

 

Don: "Thats what the money is for! You're young, you'll get your recognition. And honestly, its absolutely ridiculous to be two years into your career and counting your ideas! Everything to you is an opportunity! And you should be thanking me every morning when you wake up, along with Jesus for giving you another day!"

 

Did you say goodbye to them or thank them for the opportunity?

 

It is rough being an introvert, and you are right, certain career paths may not be for you. Have you read the book Quiet? I found it really interesting. Being an introvert is not a bad thing; you just have to find the right niche for your talents.

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Being an introvert can be really tough - but the sad truth is there are very few (if any) careers that don't require some self-promotion, some facility with explaining yourself and your ideas on the fly, some ability to communicate live and on the spot. It's totally my least-favorite part of my job but it's just a thing I'm trying to live with so I can also do the bits I actually enjoy and am good at. In the end, I think you kind of have to power through it. The world is rough on introverts. But that doesn't mean you can't find peace in it.

 

I suspect, TC, that you're being harder on yourself about this than is warranted. As Haydn said, maybe expecting thanks, or even kindness per se, isn't helping you - you end up spiraling when you don't get it, and it really might not mean what you most fear it means. And then it becomes a distraction, and, worse, a discouragement.

 

That doesn't mean you should stick it out in NYC if you're really unhappy there. But I would take a deep breath before you make that decision and try to focus on accomplishments and business rather than appreciation. This is another thing to add to your resume. It looks good that you worked Fashion Week. Thanks aren't really relevant from that point of view. You did a job and it led to another job and hopefully there will be another - some of them expressed appreciation, some didn't. Each one is just a job, not a referendum on your shortcomings.

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Makes me think of this scene from Mad Men:

 

Don: "Its your job! I give you money. You give me ideas."

 

Peggy: "And you never say thank you!"

 

Don: "Thats what the money is for! You're young, you'll get your recognition. And honestly, its absolutely ridiculous to be two years into your career and counting your ideas! Everything to you is an opportunity! And you should be thanking me every morning when you wake up, along with Jesus for giving you another day!"

 

Did you say goodbye to them or thank them for the opportunity?

 

It is rough being an introvert, and you are right, certain career paths may not be for you. Have you read the book Quiet? I found it really interesting. Being an introvert is not a bad thing; you just have to find the right niche for your talents.

 

It all happened so fast that I wasn't sure whether I had made a mistake and was coming in the next day. I did say goodbye to them, though. I think the difference in your example is that Peggy is a permanent employee of Don and will see him the next day. I don't expect to be thanked along the way for my work. I do expect that when a job ends and I may never see a person again, they'll give me a hug or shake my hand or say goodbye. That's pretty much a ritual. It's not like I was deeply offended or hurt, more just puzzled. I sort of took it as confirmation that they hadn't appreciated my work. I guess I'm overthinking it and need to stop caring about formalities.

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Makes me think of this scene from Mad Men:

 

Don: "Its your job! I give you money. You give me ideas."

 

Peggy: "And you never say thank you!"

 

Don: "Thats what the money is for! You're young, you'll get your recognition. And honestly, its absolutely ridiculous to be two years into your career and counting your ideas! Everything to you is an opportunity! And you should be thanking me every morning when you wake up, along with Jesus for giving you another day!"

 

 

I agree with this... But don't forget Peggy was always there to accomadate Don with his sleezy personal life.

 

Do you remember the time married Don got into an auto accident with his married GF and Peggy had to use her Own money to bail him out of jail - Plus taking his GF in for a few days? THEN Peggy Even had to ask Don for the bail money loan back.

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Being an introvert can be really tough - but the sad truth is there are very few (if any) careers that don't require some self-promotion, some facility with explaining yourself and your ideas on the fly, some ability to communicate live and on the spot. It's totally my least-favorite part of my job but it's just a thing I'm trying to live with so I can also do the bits I actually enjoy and am good at. In the end, I think you kind of have to power through it. The world is rough on introverts. But that doesn't mean you can't find peace in it.

 

I'm glad you can relate. I have to find a way of "powering through it" because not being able to do so will block me off from almost any career path.

 

Do you have any tricks that have helped you?

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TC, I would think working 12 hrs a day on a two weeks straight job, wouldn't afford you much time to make new friends. But to just do your job.

 

Consider the job as a stepping stone and experience leading to other projects.

 

And yes, if there's no other jobs or referrals in NY, there's always Calif. That is if you like the field, and think it's for you.

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do you think I've ruined my reputation in the industry between this job and that disastrous internship with the terrible boss, or am I just being paranoid? It's just that everybody knows everybody. I'm worried that the CD I just worked for will talk to the woman who recommended me for this job and liked my work, and then even her impression will be tainted. It's almost like the more jobs I take on, the more damage I do to my reputation.

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Forgot to mention that everyone keeps saying how "nice" I am. I don't know how many times in the last year I've been told I'm one of the "nicest people" somebody has ever met. I guess it's because I'm always friendly, gracious and don't partake in gossip. But if anything, I think being nice is a strike against me and makes me seem like an outsider to others. It's sort of like being a nice guy in the dating world.

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TC, I would think working 12 hrs a day on a two weeks straight job, wouldn't afford you much time to make new friends. But to just do your job.

 

Consider the job as a stepping stone and experience leading to other projects.

 

And yes, if there's no other jobs or referrals in NY, there's always Calif. That is if you like the field, and think it's for you.

 

I *did* get great experience out of it. If I could do the job again with the experience I had now I'm sure I would have done a lot better.

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I *did* get great experience out of it. If I could do the job again with the experience I had now I'm sure I would have done a lot better.

 

You will next time and each time.

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I was thinking of sending flowers to the woman I worked for with a thank you note or maybe just a card and no flowers. Would that be overdoing it?

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I was thinking of sending flowers to the woman I worked for with a thank you note or maybe just a card and no flowers. Would that be overdoing it?

 

T,

 

Stop.

Please don't send anything. Let her thank you note be the last word.

 

Im on a tablet which is making it hard to type.

More later but no, you didnt ruin ypur reputation either.

Yes, youre being paranoid and overly critical.

Have a cocktail.

Ill be back in a few.

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Lol, thanks Cerr. Looking forward to your longer response.

 

T,

 

Stop.

Please don't send anything. Let her thank you note be the last word.

 

Im on a tablet which is making it hard to type.

More later but no, you didnt ruin ypur reputation either.

Yes, youre being paranoid and overly critical.

Have a cocktail.

Ill be back in a few.

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Try not to feel too discouraged. At least you got a thanks. You're lucky if you get a thanks for your services at all from most jobs. I've found that jobs through agencies though are usually the worst as you're just too easy to dispose of. The job situation for me has been so up and down lately...from employers who just don't want to train or decide their needs have changed or etc. I'm an introvert too and I'm terrible at small talk. My vocabulary with people I'm not familiar with usually just ranges from "Oh wow, really? that's terrible? or oh no!" *insert nervous laugh*.

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do you think I've ruined my reputation in the industry between this job and that disastrous internship with the terrible boss, or am I just being paranoid?

 

Yes to paranoid! I mean, sure, people probably do talk; you can't really control that but you can control how much you let that get to you. And there's a very high chance that what they're saying isn't what you fear it is.

 

I wouldn't say I've got it all figured out, as far as "powering through" the awkward and painful bits - I still get quite anxious at times. But for the most part, my strategy has been to "fake it till I make it" - I don't let on to my bosses that I'm anxious, and I consciously try to project calm competence as much as possible. And I try to remind myself that I'm far more worried about what people think of me than anyone else is. :)

 

And if nothing else I try to distract myself from the anxiety spiral temporarily... a cognitive-behavioral therapy trick. When you start to recognize that you're in a thought-emotions-worse thoughts-worse emotions loop, the thing to do is to jolt yourself out of it by doing something completely unrelated (e.g. go to the movies) Those loops are deadly - I can sort of see you entering into one here in this thread. But the truth is they make you your own worst enemy. And that's a good thing in a way - it means it's somewhat under your control. The relief I feel after I've jolted myself out of such a loop is almost palpable - it really goes to show how much one can torture oneself with fears.

 

I'm a fan of CBT - A Guide to Rational Living (by Albert Ellis, the granddaddy of CBT) was a very helpful book for me.

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