Understanding Workplace Dynamics

[Got it]

I am seeing a trend here, and I think this is prevalent in the outside world, that if someone does something that you find annoying, offensive, inappropriate, uncouth, etc. there is a desire to get upset about it but with little drive/desire/responsibility to address it with the person.

 

We are all adults, while there are support departments, government agencies, etc. there to assist correcting wrongs, the first line of defense is standing up for your boundaries and telling the other person to stop. Stand up for yourself and say something. Don't hide behind others to do the hard work that you are afraid to do. Confrontation is hard, I completely understand that, but in most daily work settings, many issues can be resolved between the two parties. There is no need to get emotional, just state your feelings, reaffirm your boundaries, and tell the person that you don't like whatever they are doing to you. If they continue, absolutely take it to others. While it is scary at first, standing up for yourself feels good, feels empowering. Allowing others to do things to you and not standing up for yourself leaves you feeling impotent, powerless, and angry. You don't have to feel like this. Things can be corrected, solutions found, compromises made, to the benefit of all parties. This is a skill that everyone can learn. It just takes practice and repetition. I used to be so afraid to confront conflict and have learned over time that nine times out of ten the fear of what could happen is far scarier than actually addressing the issue. You have the right to stand up for yourself. There is no allowances that those higher than you are allowed to take that cross boundaries and laws. In almost all cases, companies want to correct wrongs and follow laws/policies because that is in their best interest. Keep talking and move up the chain of command.

 

If this is not an area of strength, I highly recommend "Fierce Conversations" by Susan Scott to help with this as well as Stephen Covey's books.

 

"Seek first to understand then be understood".

[bathtub-row]

Good point. The office I'm in is small so when there are personal conflicts, it's a real nightmare. However, I also think there's a time and place for that kind of thing and people can't let every little thing get on their nerves. As a manager, if I even sense that 2 or more people aren't getting along, I talk to them individually and then we all talk together, if that becomes necessary. When I hire people, I take into consideration if they'll be a good fit with my team as a whole. It's an important issue.

 

A couple of yrs ago, someone on my team (no longer there) used to gossip about me to her buddy at the corp office. Someone told me about it and it was so completely offensive that I talked to her about it, with my boss present. People will deny, deny, deny even when you pin them down. but I made my point -- that if she says untrue or derogatory things about me, I'll hear about it and won't stand for it. After that, her friendship with that person at corp faded away, as it needed to.

 

Employers should never try to walk all over or demean employees. That's really an old-fashioned way of managing and handling people. The happier people are, the better. Over the years, I have struggled with that fine line of getting too close to people and keeping a professional distance. It gets tricky sometimes but I feel the most confident about how things are going more than ever. I have a happy group and I feel liked by them. They know I have high expectations of them, but that I also treat them with respect.

[newmoon]

i am a confronter when i have an issue with someone and it makes quite a few enemies. the person might resolve it with you and then go talk behind your back that you came over an approached them on it, etc. and they get people on their side, and it becomes like a 'taking sides' thing. and then others start to avoid you if they know you are willing to confront issues. it's tough. i think it's best to pick your battles; let some stuff go and take control of some things that are really meaningful

[Got it]

Absolutely. It is about knowing what to ignore and what needs to be addressed. And HOW one addresses things is vitally important. It can be done in an aggressive manner or collaborative manner.

 

Learning how to communicate and how to successfully resolve conflict is a major element in the success of a person's upward mobility. Not everyone wants to become part of the C suite but for those that do, mastering this skill is crucial.

[VeronicaRoss]

Really interesting discussion. I've taken a couple of classes on this recently -- how do you bring these things up and resolve them successfully?

 

Or if someone is being the aggressor toward me, how is it they manage to successfully portray themselves as the victim? There are a lot of truly manipulative people out there that will be able to take advantage of any lack of skill or courage I have. I need to refine how I talked with them about difficult topics, and how I confront them.

 

In class when we practiced, every single one of us fell into our unhelpful behaviors, even though we all had read feedback from co-workers that pin-pointed our personal weaknesses. It shows that this takes a lot of real practice and feedback. Because most people won't provide direct feedback, it's having to watch how people respond and adjusting over time.

 

I'm in an environment now that shows all the signs of jr. high. Lies, gossip, lack of confidentiality and a refusal to be honest when I speak with management...so I'm looking for a new job.

 

And I'm learning new skills. I don't want to be part of the problem, and when people handle this kind of thing well their reputation gets a major boost -- that's what I'm looking for.

[leavesonautumn]

I can't recall any job locations that I've worked at that didn't have drama and gossip worse than high school.

 

In my current job, I can hear the service team gossip about everyone, including myself, while I'm across the hall in my office with the door closed. Personally, I don't care that people are talking about me, it's going to happen. My issue is that it brings morale down and you get people involved who don't feel comfortable with gossip. It just hurts the environment and puts unnecessary stress on everyone.

 

It's also awkward to even approach it with people sometimes. What do you even say to them? "Hey, do you have something to say to me?" all you're going to get is "uhh uhh uhhhh no?" Now, I'm not saying we can't have an adult conversation with people but it's tough when they thrive off of drama and conflict. Sometimes, it's better to leave it alone and let them get caught up in it.

 

When I worked at a pet store, I was with the grooming salon so I worked with all of the girls but I also got along really well with the guys of the small pet department. It caused issues with the ladies in the salon because they didn't want me ~talking to boys~. I'm talking about women from the ages of 19 - 50. I felt like I was in grade 4.