Jump to content

Co-worker touching his private parts... a lot!


Recommended Posts

PinkInTheLimo

I am surprised that I have not hit him yet. And yelled that he is a peasant and should go back to the retarded east european country he comes from. It's totally disgusting!

 

I have been working for 26 years and I have never come across this kind of problem. I have worked with a lot of guys and I was never confronted with inappropriate behaviour. But now I am confronted with a co-worker who has this habit of touching his private parts in front of me. As a matter of fact, also when he is sitting in a meeting most of the time his legs are really spread out wide and his hand is always on his crotch, AND sometimes his fingers are fiddling (and since the hand is fiddling on the crotch, well, it's his private parts he is fiddling).

I don't have the feeling he is doing this on purpose as he does not do anything else which is appropriate. It's probably just a bad habit and one which makes me terribly uncomfortable.

 

I have been to Human Resources and they told me to tell him but I'd rather die than to talk to him about this. I am not his wife nor his mother so it's not my task to educate him. That behaviour should have been eliminated by the time he was 6 or 7 and it's not my fault that he was brought up like a peasant.

I also don't want this to become some kind of little dirty secret between him and me, something I have mentioned to him but no one else. In my eyes this is a serious offense in the workplace and it does not matter if it is not done intentionally.

There is no way I can avoid this guy in my current job and service because he is my coach since I am new in the job. So on the one hand I need him to explain things to me but on the other hand whenever he is explaining something to me, I have to endure him sitting next to me with his hand on his crotch!

 

I also don't like the guy because he is arrogant; he thinks he is very competent but his English is bad, he sends emails which are full of mistakes yet he corrects my English (English is not my mother tongue so I am not perfect at it but way better than him).

 

On top of this, the guy really has a very strong unpleasant body odour but apparently thinks he smells like roses because he is not using any perfume. I don't have the impression he does not shower every day, it's just that he does not use anything to mask his unbearable musk.

 

He is also the kind of guy who will make some stupid joke about sex - Huh-huh-huh and wears shirts he cannot keep in his pants because of his too fat belly.

Oh and we once had to prepare a drink and he was opening some bags with crisps and crackers in them, and then put them on plate and then licked his lingers. *shiver* So for the whole drink I was very careful not to eat anything that he had brought with him. Crisps touched by fingers he had licked on and which had also been touching the private parts. YUK!!! YUK!!! YUK!!!

 

We had a meeting with our group the other day for 1,5 hour and I was observing all the other guys and apparently they are capable of keeping their hands on the table for all that but Mr Gross needed of course to constantly keep his private parts in check.

 

This guy really deserves the price for the most disgusting guy I have ever met!

 

I will go once again to HR and tell them that they have to give me another job because this guy really makes me physically ill! And so far I have been very professional but I am afraid that one day I will throw my paper hole punch to him.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Can you secretly videotape him on your phone when he does that & show that to HR with a demand that they make him stop? Get other co-workers to complain too.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I am sure he suffers from some sort of skin disease as you mention unpleasant body odor so seems quiet possible he has skin infection mostly start itchy in the parts mostly sweating like arm pits bikini lines. But I don't understand why your HR does not take it seriously as he is your mentor. That is sort of harassment too indirectly. But what you say is well known by me too. But our HR took very seriously and put the person on suspend. He is your mentor but no English who hired him might completely....... just imagine :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
PinkInTheLimo
Can you secretly videotape him on your phone when he does that & show that to HR with a demand that they make him stop? Get other co-workers to complain too.

 

I have indeed already thought about taping him because it's my word against his if I say something to Human Resources.

Until now I have not spoken to any direct co-workers because I don't want to give the impression that I am building up a case against him. I just wish he would not have behaved like that.

 

You know what is also the problem. Once you notice this, you can't help but checking all the time if he is doing it again...

 

This is so bad that I have considered taking sick leave. I feel extremely uncomfortable around him. Not only because of his behaviour but because I am afraid that one day I am going to lose it, and then I'll be the bad guy.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I have indeed already thought about taping him because it's my word against his if I say something to Human Resources.

Until now I have not spoken to any direct co-workers because I don't want to give the impression that I am building up a case against him. I just wish he would not have behaved like that.

 

You know what is also the problem. Once you notice this, you can't help but checking all the time if he is doing it again...

 

This is so bad that I have considered taking sick leave. I feel extremely uncomfortable around him. Not only because of his behaviour but because I am afraid that one day I am going to lose it, and then I'll be the bad guy.

 

Check your handbook first on any policies on taking video, pictures, etc. You may end up violating a policy so check first!

 

Absolutely go to HR reiterating the issues above. With everything you have stated there is little reason you have to talk to him before they will. Are there any other witnesses to his behavior. Tell HR their names so they will talk to him. But his behavior is absolutely inappropriate and they need to address this. I would go up the chain of command if you keep getting brushed off. Have you talked to your manager about your concerns? I would bring him/her in the loop if you haven't already.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
PinkInTheLimo
Check your handbook first on any policies on taking video, pictures, etc. You may end up violating a policy so check first!

 

Absolutely go to HR reiterating the issues above. With everything you have stated there is little reason you have to talk to him before they will. Are there any other witnesses to his behavior. Tell HR their names so they will talk to him. But his behavior is absolutely inappropriate and they need to address this. I would go up the chain of command if you keep getting brushed off. Have you talked to your manager about your concerns? I would bring him/her in the loop if you haven't already.

 

I am going to insist with HR and they will have to address it. Because if I go on sick leave because of this situation they will have no choice. I am a statutory official with many years of experience in the house and he is hired with a temporary contract.

So if they don't get rid of him, they have at least give me another post.

 

It's come at the point when I can't even stand to be with him in one and the same room, even if there are other people present. I find this guy totally disgusting.

 

This guy once had to give a presentation in a meeting to the outside world and for that occasion he wore a suit and a tie (in our working environment the dress code is in general rather casual although guys higher in the hierarchy will normally wear a suit) so he told me: "Huh-huh for once I will wear a suit because I have to be representative but I come from the think-tank world where everything is a more casual." I was on the verge of saying: "Well I guess that in the think-tank world all guys are constantly scratching their balls, aren't they?"

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
PinkInTheLimo

The thing is that I have tried to ignore it since the 7 months I work on this post and now all of a sudden I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE!

 

I went on holiday for a week last week and the Friday before my holiday he did it once again in my office and I have been irritated the whole week I was on holiday (and I was on a nice seaside stop so not the kind of place you want to be spoiled by thoughts about this idiot).

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'd say you have a secret crush on him. Such an obsession with his primitive manly behaviour and smell, it's out of proportion. Of course it's unprofessional, and potentially unpleasant, but come on, if your holiday is ruined by that, you're not living in the real world.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
PinkInTheLimo
I'd say you have a secret crush on him. Such an obsession with his primitive manly behaviour and smell, it's out of proportion. Of course it's unprofessional, and potentially unpleasant, but come on, if your holiday is ruined by that, you're not living in the real world.

 

You must be kidding... If they would give me 200 million dollar to touch this guy I would refuse to do it. I find him utterly and totally repulsive.

And BTW he is married, although I find it hard to believe that a woman can be attracted to a guy with that smell.

 

My holiday is ruined by it because I am absolutely FURIOUS with this guy for making my work environment so uncomfortable. The last day before my holiday this guy was standing in my office, in front of my desk while I am sitting on my desk and he is adjusting his d!ck!!! In front of me: how more in the face can you do that? If that is not something to feel anger about then what is?

 

And I don't know in what real world you are living but in my world guys are apparently capable of suppressing the urge to touch their genitals among colleagues. We all know it can get itchy over there, but then close the door of your office for a while and do what you have to do or go to the bathroom. To do this when you are sitting next to a colleague or standing in front of her is uncalled for.

Link to post
Share on other sites
GorillaTheater

I'm with you on it being entirely inappropriate that this guy is regularly touching himself in your presence. It probably meets the test for sexual harassment, especially if you've told him to knock it off.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redacted quote and response thereto
Link to post
Share on other sites

oh boy...

 

I'm from Western Europe. I live at the very heart of western civilization. We developed etiquette even before the Americas were discovered.

 

Nevertheless, I used to have a post-doc colleague, brilliant guy, now working for NASA, who basically fits your description. Maybe slightly less groin-oriented, but he could show an appalling lack of class. We loved him nonetheless.

 

Decorum is important, but if you can't separate it from the essential, you have to get out more.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Pink:

 

OK - So if I can read between the lines here on your post

 

Is that you really are in love with him and want to nail him in the closet every second of the day :)

 

kidding pal - -simple solution

 

walk by him one time

and turn your nose up from the smell of his BO

 

then get out a can of old spice spray and give him a shot

as a man we will get the hint

 

we stink and this lady - hates me

 

hopefully the rest will slow down

 

and next time he starts to scratch

 

look at him and ask? if he needs to go to the bathroom and finish it off

 

we ha to be insulted in front of others

 

get rude to the jerk -- hope it helps

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
PinkInTheLimo
Pink:

 

OK - So if I can read between the lines here on your post

 

Is that you really are in love with him and want to nail him in the closet every second of the day :)

 

kidding pal - -simple solution

 

walk by him one time

and turn your nose up from the smell of his BO

 

then get out a can of old spice spray and give him a shot

as a man we will get the hint

 

we stink and this lady - hates me

 

hopefully the rest will slow down

 

and next time he starts to scratch

 

look at him and ask? if he needs to go to the bathroom and finish it off

 

we ha to be insulted in front of others

 

get rude to the jerk -- hope it helps

 

As I said, it is not up to me to educate him. That should have been done a long time ago by his parents. And if they did not do the job, then his wife should deal with this.

I expect people to know that you don't touch your private parts in front of colleagues. If they don't know this, they should not have a professional career.

 

I don't think this is done intentionally, I rather think that this guy lacks selfcontrol and restreint and does not respect the boundaries of other people that way. I find his behaviour very disturbing and I don't want him any longer near me.

 

There is no way that I think that putting up with this is part of my job.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Smilecharmer

Your use of the words "retarded" and "peasant" is more offensive to me than some guy who touches his privates in an offhand manner, not to mention your pointing out where he is originally from. You sound like a snob who likes this guy and he isn't interested.

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites

You went to Human Resources and they told you to talk to him?

 

Sorry, something about that in your post isn't ringing true.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
PinkInTheLimo
Your use of the words "retarded" and "peasant" is more offensive to me than some guy who touches his privates in an offhand manner, not to mention your pointing out where he is originally from. You sound like a snob who likes this guy and he isn't interested.

 

A guy who touches his privates in public is a peasant, that's pretty clear to me.

 

And no I don't like this guy at all, are you kidding me? I like some sophistication in a guy and this one is the total opposite of sophisticated.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
PinkInTheLimo

Some reactions here who actually seem to condone this behaviour and say that this is kind of normal, are exactly the reason why I am very reluctant to talk about this to co-workers. One would think there is no way that this could be turned against me but apparently it is possible.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Smilecharmer

I don't condone his behavior but using words like "retarded" and less so " peasant" is also inappropriate in the 21st century. When you spoke to him about grabbing his junk and not using deodorant, what did he say?

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
PinkInTheLimo
I don't condone his behavior but using words like "retarded" and less so " peasant" is also inappropriate in the 21st century. When you spoke to him about grabbing his junk and not using deodorant, what did he say?

 

Using words like "retarded" and "peasant" are appropriate as long as there are still people around who behave in a retarded way and/or as a peasant. I am not the one grabbing her private parts around colleagues!

 

I did not speak to him about his behaviours because 1) as I said, I don't have to educate him, he has to be educated before entering the workplace to start with and 2) I don't want to run the risk that he gets a kick out of me having to mention this to him.

 

I am uncomfortable enough as it is without having to have this kind of conversation with him.

 

I also cannot talk about it to co-workers as I risk that this will be given another meaning (just like there are people here who suggest that I fancy this guy whereas nothing could be further from the truth).

 

This will go to HR and I hope they give him hell.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
PinkInTheLimo
There you have it...overt prejudice, so this guy never had a chance and you are probably honing in on his every move. Wow, prejudice against an entire section of the world is unbelievable in this day and age.

 

Well, entire sections of the world are behaving in appalling ways so unfortunately we have to call a spade a spade.

 

I did not think that anno 2014 it was possible that people would prevent the international community to access the site of a plane crash, let alone put landmines on it, yet it is possible. So don't expect me to be overly positive about eastern Europe.

 

This said, my colleague is the one displaying unappropriate behaviour, it is not as if I expected him to do this just because of the part of the world he comes from.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Smilecharmer

I find this thread to be ironic, OP. You are consistently aware that his behavior is inappropriate but think calling people names and being prejudice is perfectly acceptable. It isn't. It is unacceptable and entirely inappropriate in a way that bad manners and poor hygiene doesn't even come close.

  • Like 8
Link to post
Share on other sites

I've had to adjust myself down there as a woman. ..for various female reasons....though I try and do it when no one is around or looking. :laugh::laugh: I doubt he is trying to be sexually suggestive to you. Guys adjust themselves all the time, though his lack of discretion is the problem. I would tell HR that it's making you uncomfortable.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I am not going to elaborate on this because I don't want to give away too much information but no, I don't like eastern europeans...

The feeling is mutual. Hope you won't ask me for advice when you lose your job. Again.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
LuckyLady13

Pink, why are you so angry with this guy? Do you know what the first thing I noticed was about you? Your racism! I was so shocked by it that if you ask me (and apparently other people too), that's worse than some guy scratching his crotch at work and being rude and weird.

 

You said in your original post you've been working 26 years but I was thinking while reading that "where? In a cave all alone?"

 

I don't know why you've got it in for this guy and I'm not one to jump on a bandwagon but I started to think maybe...the people who said you have a crush on this guy might be right. Either that or you have an unhealthy obsession with him for some reason and need to start looking inward instead of at him and figure out why you're so emotional over a man like this.

 

I'm an American, born and raised and also a business owner. American men can be crude and we let a lot slide here. Because it just isn't a big deal! There are more important things to get worked up about! If it was brought to my attention that a man was doing the things you say this guy is doing, I'd pull him aside and give him once chance to knock it off so you stop going into a tizzy but do you know what I would do if I found out one of my employees was spouting off racist remarks the way you have? Out the door! I have a zero tolerance policy for racism.

But there's something else. If a woman was scratching her breasts or crotch in front of the guys, do you think the guys are going to run to me all worked up mad and saying they want to be transferred over it? American men are not going to get all bent out of shape over something like that and if anything, have a good laugh at her which would be embarrassing for her but I'd bet she'd stop and start looking for another job. The situation would resolve itself.

 

I'm not only finding your reaction to this guy completely overblown and not just racist but sexist.

 

There are a lot more problems going on with you than this guy you're worked up over.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...