Can't get past second best.

[winterpast]

I have been in search of a job for the past couple of years. This year I have been more active in it than before. I have had a few interviews and seem to always end up as the "second choice".

 

This past week I interviewed with a company that would be a good fit for me. The Regional Manager interviewed me and told me that I was very confident, carried myself well, and would be very successful wherever I go. He told me I was in the top three and would make a decision that day and let us know. Later that day I received a call from him and was told I was now in the top two and that they needed to do a follow-up interview to decide. The lady that would be training us would meet us and decide whose personality she likes best.

 

Today, I go to the interview and see her for about 5-10 minutes. She tells me about the job and asks me if I would be able to come back today if I was picked. I told her I needed to check with my sitter but it shouldn't be a problem.

 

During both interviews, they seemed concerned about me being "in progress" with my degree. I didn't finish my degree because of financial strain and I plan on returning someday. They were concerned that I would finish my degree and then leave the company for a job in that field, which I told them wouldn't happen because if I finish my degree it would be to finish what I started. They liked this answer and seemed to like me.

 

Anyways, I got the call today and was told they went with the other girl because she had "slightly more experience" and I shouldn't give up hope because if she didn't work out then I would be the second choice.

 

Anyways, this is the most recent experience. I'm having a hard time figuring out where I'm going wrong and losing confidence in myself.

 

Any insight is appreciated.

[Krytie TV]

You may find this less than helpful, but there we are. I think as job seekers, we need to get out of the mind set that if we don't get a job is due to some fault within ourselves. You are who you are and employers who want the kind of person you are, will hire you. I understand the agony of being "second". Having been seeking myself for a while, I have gone on several out of town interviews as a "top three" candidate and was never offered a position. It was frustrating at first, but as time goes on, I accept that the best I can do is walk away from an interview feeling great about how well I represented who I really am. I don't know how many times I've told my wife over the last six months that I don't know if I'll be offered a job, but I walked out feeling like I nailed it the way I wanted to. The rest, well, that's up to the employer, not you. I was even told once that the interviewer was very disappointed that I did not get the job (it was, of course, my best interview), but you know... those pesky "internals" that you'll never beat.

 

 

As for the education part and finishing your degree, I would advise not to dumb yourself down to an employer who is scared that you will bail after you complete. First, if you are a strong candidate, they should value you. Second, if they worry that they can't keep educated people, that's a huge red flag and you may dodge a bullet with that type of employer.

 

 

Hope that helps? I get sooooo bothered by some threads where people will try to convince you that you need to rearrange your life and self and need to have perfect answers for every question in order to be worthy of getting a job. That's BS. People who hire you for who you are and what your bring are more likely to be the people you'll want to continue working for.

 

 

 

 

*Anecdote: I was at an out of town interview where I was really impressed by the place and could see myself working there. After completing my presentation I went to meet with the CEO and the COO. I'm pretty laid back by nature, and don't get stressed out in pressure situation. After a couple of minutes, the COO said something like 'I don't know, you seem pretty casual. I wonder if you could handle the pace here.' I looked at her blankly, but in my head I was thinking 'screw you... would you like me to sweat and pull my hair out for you?' I started the long drive home way less impressed with the place than I was before that meeting. If they want someone that freaks out under pressure or hurts themselves to seem worthy, than I'm not your guy.

[winterpast]

I'm with you 100%. I am, who I am. I'm not changing myself. I wasn't trying to dumb myself down, just telling the truth. The only reason I told him that was because he stated that that was the only "negative" thing about me. This position was an assistant job that would eventually take over running the office when this lady retired.

 

Ironically, they chose a 21 year old that was currently in college.

 

 

ETA: My main concern is: I chose to stay home with my son for the last three years. I'm wondering if that is hurting my chances because I seem to get the generic don't-want-to-hurt-your-feelings response and would like real feedback.

Edited July 2, 2014 by winterpast

[Krytie TV]

I have had pretty good luck getting feedback from hiring managers after being denied a position. Have you tried to ask directly for feedback. Most people worth anything will give you useful feedback.

[winterpast]

No, I get told face to face what they are happy with and seem like they are very interested. Then I get blindsided with the rejection.

[spiderowl]

I can sympathise with your frustration at being in this situation. The best fit person for a job is not only the one with the right knowledge and experience but the personality that the interviewers feel most at home with. That's a heck of a lot to get right and no-one can get the latter 'right', it's just luck.

 

There is a deeper issue here. In these times of high unemployment, it's an employer's market. They can pick and choose from people with loads of qualifications and experience. We are taught by government and the press that we need to improve our qualifications, leadership skills, team working skills, interview techniques, etc. etc. ad infinitum, when the plain fact is there are many more people for the few good jobs. If you compare yourself to others or think that you are at fault in some way, you'd go crazy. It's a crazy-making situation; it's not you!

 

Each day in the UK, there are new pressures placed on the unemployed and schools are under more pressure to turn out 'perfect' workers. Parents are being fined for taking their child out of school for a family holiday when they can't afford to do it during official school holidays. The whole situation is becoming increasingly inhumane and geared to producing tons of well-qualified but cheap worker fodder for business. Until we recognise that we are trapped in an inhumane system and choose to value our individuality and significance as a unique human being, we will carry on blaming ourselves for not being the 'perfect robot' this sick society is trying to make us.

Edited July 3, 2014 by spiderowl

[pink_sugar]

I hear you winterpast. Nothing sucks more than bean led on that you are the perfect fit for the job only to be disappointed because they didn't follow through. Unfortunately these days employers just seem.to want young ad experienced.