Superviser with Aspergers

[Eggplant]

I believe my boss has Aspergers. (Of course I cannot know for sure). Most people end up having difficulty working for him. I don't want to be one of them.

 

 

Does anybody here who either has Aspergers or has had professional relationships with somebody with Aspergers have any advice?

[Leigh 87]

Hi there, I have mild Asperger's.

 

It all depends on his level of self awareness. And whether or not he is.. well, aware enough to seek therapy as I have.

 

Personally, I am always aware of when I say or do things that... don't mesh well with others and I tend to not make the same slip ups again. As I age, I make less and less social errors. I had the drive to be normal plus enough awareness of when I said or did things wrong, for me to change.

 

All I can say is.... just act as normal as possible around him, if you do need to come into more regular contact with him.

 

DO NOT take it personally if he offends you.. Unless he outright tells you that you are a .. umm, an ugly dog or something terribly offensive, then chances are, he means well and didn't intend to offend....

 

Don't let his suspected problem excuse awfully offensive behaviour, but be mindful that people like us can say things such as " well I would hate to have kids, what crap life, never travelling, ruining your body, never being able to do anything but look after them, how CRAP" ........ If they say something of roughly the same level of offensiveness, they DO NOT mean it we just aren't always aware of things that may offend...

 

Or once at work when younger, I would tend to be bossy and not realise it. When the woman told me I was like ok, fair enough, sorry I was like that, lets try to work together more effectively.

[dovegirl]

I know a few people with Aspergers.

 

The thing you need to realize is that almost always, when they do something that makes a situation socially awkward, they literally have no idea anything is wrong. So never take anything personally that might offend you coming from someone else. You should also be very black-and-white when talking to them. In other words, don't expect them to infer anything from your tone, to understand sarcasm, jokes, etc. They might not.

 

A lot of people with Aspergers have trouble looking people in the eye, or have personal space issues (i.e., will stand too close when talking to you). Again, if they are making you uncomfortable, just tell them so.

 

Some people with Aspergers will get fixated on certain subjects. I knew a guy who could go on literally for hours about turtles. If you need to cut the conversation short, don't try to give hints like you might with someone else. Literally interrupt and say "Hey, sorry, but I have to go now. Bye!"

Edited May 10, 2014 by dovegirl

[Tayla]

In reading here, the line is to not take their comments personally?

 

Not sure I could exist in that environment , sounds confusing.

 

Is Asperbergers like Turrets where they cannot filter their comments? Or it comes out in burst?

 

Having the conditon doesnt give someone a free pass .

 

Not sure yet if degrading comments can be dismissed so easily.

 

Maybe more imput into what the Boss is doing or not doing in the work environment can add clarity here.?

[Million.to.1]

I worked with a Director (of a film) with Asperbergers. He is amazing and quite famous. Very creative visually almost to the point of obsession. A genius storyteller.

 

But to me, he seemed to lack an ability to put people at ease, or make them feel appreciated. Very logical and driven but lacked a certain social politeness of sorts.. it required effort and thought to "be nice" so if you weren't deemed as important, you weren't worth that effort, it that makes any sense.

 

Anyway, most people found it a challege working with him, but his films were always so amazing, it just kinda seem worth it. He has his faults... but we were all there to focus on his talents.

[Eggplant]

I worked with a Director (of a film) with Asperbergers. He is amazing and quite famous. Very creative visually almost to the point of obsession. A genius storyteller.

 

But to me, he seemed to lack an ability to put people at ease, or make them feel appreciated. Very logical and driven but lacked a certain social politeness of sorts.. it required effort and thought to "be nice" so if you weren't deemed as important, you weren't worth that effort, it that makes any sense.

 

Anyway, most people found it a challege working with him, but his films were always so amazing, it just kinda seem worth it. He has his faults... but we were all there to focus on his talents.

 

 

As far as being at ease, I've established a filter for his hollow expression. It's as though he's blind to nonverbal facial-expression -- I think he doesn't even know it's there. (Maybe... who knows). People have a lot of trouble communicating with him. Like the director in your case, this person is brilliant and so driven.

[spiderowl]

In reading here, the line is to not take their comments personally?

 

Not sure I could exist in that environment , sounds confusing.

 

Is Asperbergers like Turrets where they cannot filter their comments? Or it comes out in burst?

 

Having the conditon doesnt give someone a free pass .

 

Not sure yet if degrading comments can be dismissed so easily.

 

Maybe more imput into what the Boss is doing or not doing in the work environment can add clarity here.?

 

No, not like Tourettes because it's more a question of a lack of empathy and understanding about how others feel, so a comment may be made because it's 'rational' but maybe not polite or sensitive. It's difficult. If you work on the basis that someone with Asperger's is a bit like Spock from Star Trek, that might help. Spock would do the logical thing and not take feelings into account. He needs to be reminded by others that people do value feelings and that in some cases it's really important he take them into consideration.

 

However, you should not put up with abuse. If he does not treat you with respect, point out to him that his actions could seem offensive and, if he doesn't learn from that and you feel his behaviour is unacceptable, go higher.

[Tayla]

Thank you for explaining it in a manner that i could understand. Helped on this topic.

[Eggplant]

No, not like Tourettes because it's more a question of a lack of empathy and understanding about how others feel, so a comment may be made because it's 'rational' but maybe not polite or sensitive. It's difficult. If you work on the basis that someone with Asperger's is a bit like Spock from Star Trek, that might help. Spock would do the logical thing and not take feelings into account. He needs to be reminded by others that people do value feelings and that in some cases it's really important he take them into consideration.

 

However, you should not put up with abuse. If he does not treat you with respect, point out to him that his actions could seem offensive and, if he doesn't learn from that and you feel his behaviour is unacceptable, go higher.

I think it's a only a seeming lack of empathy. If you witness somebody's pained expression, for example, you feel the pain a little too (people vary in sensitivity to other's vibrations). An alternate way to find out somebody is unwell is to read about his/her situation or hear about it remotely. My layman know-nothing prediction is that autism doesn't prevent empathy in the latter case -- that they do care. It's just that in order to be concerned, one has to be made aware of the problem in the first place, and that's where the disconnect is -- they're blind to the signals and vibrations of gestures and expressions, not that they actually don't care about others. People who don't care about others are sociopaths, not Asperger's. Edited June 9, 2014 by Eggplant

[GravityMan]

Whether this guy has asperger's or not, I'm a bit surprised he landed a supervisory position in the first place. Just seems like a poor decision by whoever hired or promoted him to that role. Good people skills, conflict management ability, flexibility and a way to make others feel comfortable are essential things a good boss needs.

[Eggplant]

Whether this guy has asperger's or not, I'm a bit surprised he landed a supervisory position in the first place. Just seems like a poor decision by whoever hired or promoted him to that role. Good people skills, conflict management ability, flexibility and a way to make others feel comfortable are essential things a good boss needs.

He's a genius. Managing people is something he also has to do in addition to what he's really there for, it's not his primary role.