Odd Coworker

[confusedOne14]

I am happy at my place of employment, I am very friendly, affable, polite and get on with everyone there, except for one Woman that never says hello or good morning or good bye back or hardly ever talks to me.

 

There was a time when she did say Hi and we would have little chats but they all disappeared a while ago and I have no idea why.

 

I can't bring myself to acknowledge her anymore and I just pretty much don't say anything to her, more often than not I get glances from her from across the room and she walks my past my desk everyday with her head up or on her way back just looks at me, the other day in the staff room, I was chatting and laughing with some girls and she walked past and gave me a darting cold look with her lip pursed up, one of the girls said to me "oooohh what have you done lately?" and I just nervously laughed and said "I honestly wish I knew, because I have no idea".

 

Everyday she comes over to and chats with my second boss and laughs up a storm and chats away which is obviously her being friendly to him but why do I see her often look in my direction when she does this?, I just put my headphones on and block her out.

 

Sometimes we have seen each other in the hall and she does say Hi, but it's not an over friendly one and is never in the office.

 

I'm a happily married man and while I do find her attractive, I would never act on it, I mean I feel like I am already cheating on my wife even thinking about this Woman's actions.

 

The reality is that her behavior is starting to affect some of the friendships I have with the other girls at my office and that is what is doing my head in because I value their friendship.

 

I cannot think of what I have done and I don't know whether to talk to her not and ask her, she is in a slightly higher position than me and I personally feel that she should not treat people this way, for the record she hardly acknowledges anyone else in my team but they don't get the weird looks and glances that I get and I know that other coworkers are picking up on the bad vibes between us, I want this to get sorted.

 

Any advice?

[confusedOne14]

Mirror her personality.. ignore her until she regains interest. You're too nervous and not confident to be taken seriously by her. Quit laughing and give her a stern face and don't say Hi until she does.

 

Thanks for the reply Kobe12...nah man I do ignore her, I just don't understand her actions and think she might saying things to other coworkers, when she looks at me, I don't smile at all, I just look her dead in the eyes...how is that being nervous and not confident?

 

I don't put up with her B.S, I just want to know why she acts this way towards me and want a civil work environment with no bad vibes, sure I know everyone can't get along, but out of a office of over 20 and it's just her acting this way, it seems really odd.

Edited May 7, 2014 by confusedOne14

[confusedOne14]

Unfortunately, there are those who don't want a pleasant work environment and get off on misery.. Don't take any guff and don't let it ruin your day. These people will drain you if you look too far into it.

 

If she's super hot she probably thinks you want it. Just be 200% professional because sounds like she is looking to burn someone with a sexual harassment claim.

 

Yeah I guess, to be honest I don't think that is the case, this has been going on for months and if she had a problem she would have made a complaint a long time ago?

 

Thanks again for your reply.

Edited May 7, 2014 by confusedOne14

[confusedOne14]

Here is another example of her odd behaviour, a group of us all went out to dinner a month or so ago and I was walking and chatting with one of my other coworkers (female, who I get on really with) and the other coworker would often cut across and grab her arm as if to take her away from me.

[confusedOne14]

Last thing I want to add, every time we did talk she played with her hair a lot, yes I know it's a cliche but who knows?, the last time we had a laugh together was in Easter when there was an Easter Egg Hunt in our office and she spent over an hour trying to find hers with my clues, we both laughed about that but then she went back to being odd with me, I really need some more advice here, just go to work and keep my head down?, talk to her?, ignore her?.

[Hope Shimmers]

From your posts it is less about her being obsessed with you, than the other way around.

 

You seem to be very attracted to this woman and a big part of you seems to enjoy this attention, rather than what your initial post claimed, that you just wanted it to stop.

 

If you truly want it to stop, then it's easy. Ignore her and do your job. If she persists, then file a sexual harassment suit - but that really does not seem like what you want to do at all. You seem like you are looking for validation that this woman "likes" you.

[confusedOne14]

From your posts it is less about her being obsessed with you, than the other way around.

 

You seem to be very attracted to this woman and a big part of you seems to enjoy this attention, rather than what your initial post claimed, that you just wanted it to stop.

 

If you truly want it to stop, then it's easy. Ignore her and do your job. If she persists, then file a sexual harassment suit - but that really does not seem like what you want to do at all. You seem like you are looking for validation that this woman "likes" you.

 

Haha not quite but thanks for your reply, if I am "obsessed"with anything it's her actions, I don't need any validation of her "liking" me, just why she acts this way towards me, I wrote this post when I was sick and had a day off and was thinking about things.

 

I had a long hard think last night and have chosen to find another job at a different place.

[Tiger Lily]

...if I am "obsessed"with anything it's her actions...

 

IMO, obsessing with someone's actions kinda is obsessing about that person. I agree with HopeShimmers in that you do seem to be putting a lot of your energy into thinking about this woman. Why? Are you not used to someone not liking you? Or, like HS mentioned, do you think that she should have some sort of attraction to you?

 

Personally, the amount of interaction with members of the opposite sex you have at work seems a little much (don't know though, just my impression...I could be wrong!). Do you make it clear that you're married? How do you think the fact that you're married and have a lot of female friends affects your reputation in the workplace? Anyway, there's very limited information, and you really know the situation the best.

 

I had a long hard think last night and have chosen to find another job at a different place.

 

I admit I am shocked though that you're going to leave the job -- that's such a drastic move! This doesn't even seem like a very serious situation...there must be more to the story. But if it's as simple as being uncomfortable about this woman, running away isn't the answer. There's always someone that rubs us the wrong way in the workplace, so your next job could have someone just as unpleasant...or worse!

Edited May 9, 2014 by Tiger Lily

[confusedOne14]

Thanks Tiger Lily,

 

This situation has got worse and I'm not sure what to do, I ended getting over this silly crush and just keep on focusing on how important my wife and my job are to me but my coworker runs so hot and cold with me that it drives me crazy (I do my best to not show it at work though) the problem is that I am noticing other coworkers picking up on our weird vibes and it makes me anxious.

 

Last week I got the coldest hard look from her in the morning and she hasn't spoken to me since in fact it feels like she has been making every effort to "get back at me" (she talks to my team and not me, she laughs loudly at lunchtime with Male coworkers) but I don't understand why, last week I had lunch with a good female Friend (another coworker) and I told my wife we were doing this as she wanted to talk to me about future work prospects, I have had lunch and been out with this girl more than a few times and my wife has met her and there is nothing untoward going on at all.

 

My wife knows I have a lot of female Friends and I never have and never will cheat on her, she married me for me

 

I am guessing that the other coworker is maybe jealous and she is going out of her way to "punish" me for it, I could be wrong but if not why is she jealous and how can I just keep things civil between us?

 

I am trying to find other work because this feels like High School and I'm tired if her acting this way towards me and having to think about it so much is draining.

[todreaminblue]

maybe she actually likes you and because of your marital status she comes across as cold and distant because thats the way it has to be.......for her not to develop an attachment.......i dont know if you should talk to her at all.....let it ride ......it could be more uncomfortable than you think it could possibly be.....if people are picking up vibes thats a sign you need to not create new ones........good luck......kiss your wife when you get home focus on your marriage......do not think about her.......and leave work in the office you work at.......i normally would say talk to her ....but you cannot deal with this......if it gets worse approach the chain of command and be honest about it including you ignoring her......and your efforts at handling the situation...........deb

[confusedOne14]

maybe she actually likes you and because of your marital status she comes across as cold and distant because thats the way it has to be.......for her not to develop an attachment.......i dont know if you should talk to her at all.....let it ride ......it could be more uncomfortable than you think it could possibly be.....if people are picking up vibes thats a sign you need to not create new ones........good luck......kiss your wife when you get home focus on your marriage......do not think about her.......and leave work in the office you work at.......i normally would say talk to her ....but you cannot deal with this......if it gets worse approach the chain of command and be honest about it including you ignoring her......and your efforts at handling the situation...........deb

 

Hi Deb,

 

Thanks for your reply, well for the past week or so I have done my best to shake these feelings and be civil and polite to her but I am often baffled at how hot and cold to me she is, I had a Friend ask me what is up you two? something going on there? in the staff room the other day, I just said not that I know of, I'm married and he said that there are some weird vibes between you two.

 

I joined other co-workers for a birthday lunch and all she did was adjust her clothes and hair and look in my direction and watch me while I talked to other girls (I saw her in the corner of my eye), she still walks past my desk every day (in a direction she doesn't need to go in) I hear her laughing at things I say very often and I am tired of the games (I know that she flirts up a storm with another co-worker to get my attention).

 

I think I might just tell her that I have feelings for her but I cannot act on them, would that be wise?, it would certainly clear the air.

Edited June 4, 2014 by confusedOne14

[MikeyBe]

I think I might just tell her that I have feelings for her but I cannot act on them, would that be wise?, it would certainly clear the air.

Good grief guy, you're split hair away from an affair. What in the world would that accomplish?

 

Hope up there was right on the money. You sound obsessed. I can't tell if you're just highly infatuated with this one woman though or there's some kind of bigger problem with your marriage. Either way, you should run. Something as drastic as finding a new job is appropriate here. You don't sound capable of ignoring your attraction towards this woman.

[preraph]

She's cliquish and probably a climber and be glad she's not talking to you. Just be polite when you have business with her but do not try to befriend her. That's all you need to do.

[confusedOne14]

Good grief guy, you're split hair away from an affair. What in the world would that accomplish?

 

Hope up there was right on the money. You sound obsessed. I can't tell if you're just highly infatuated with this one woman though or there's some kind of bigger problem with your marriage. Either way, you should run. Something as drastic as finding a new job is appropriate here. You don't sound capable of ignoring your attraction towards this woman.

 

I really appreciated this comment because it made me think a lot (about the whole situation, my marriage, my workplace etc)

 

I am no longer attracted to this Woman, the feelings and butterflies have dissipated, that rush has gone (like I knew it would) and I am pleased.

 

I was never obsessed or infatuated with her, I just asked questions every now and then about her actions, it's not like I thought about her about 24-7, just on occasion and I thought that was the forum to ask these types of questions without being judged.

 

Anyway, she has been quite cold and distant and shown some anger towards me lately, I have no idea what I have done, but I don't want it to escalate and blow up and I just want to keep things civil in the workplace, it's not fair on the rest of the team.

 

Any advice, talk to her and ask how we can fix the problem?

[Survivor12]

Here's the thing...If you have noticed her looking at you, it is probable that she has noticed you looking at her, too.

 

Rather than putting her on the spot and making things even more awkward, just stop staring at her!

[BreakOnThrough]

Can't control how other people act, but you can control your reaction...

 

It's natural for chemistry to exist between people, but there is NO PLACE at work that this topic should EVER be discussed, mentioned, or acknowledged. The slope is too slippery and the professional ramifications are exponentially negative. Best to repress any feelings, remain professional, put your head down and concentrate on your work. This person is potentially professional poison and you should treat her as such.

 

Good luck,