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Business and Professional Relationships Networking and maintaining a positive environment in the work place is important! Surviving the 9-to-5 within.

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Old 21st April 2014, 12:21 PM   #1
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Post Male Coworker's

So I've been working in a office for 2 years now. I am a pretty average looking girl, I'm a bit tom boyish which seems to attract a lot of the guys here. I've been in a serious relationship for 3 years now and we have lived together for a year and a half of it. About a year ago a 28 year old coworker came along, I'm 21 so I didn't think anything of it. He would invite me for lunch every 3rd day or so and I would reject the invite. I like to spend my time at my desk just relaxing, or hanging with these three guys. Two of them are super respectful and have no interest in me and I have no problem with. The third guy has been in a relationship for 10 years and is now engaged. He his on me constantly. It's annoying to me now and when I first started working here it didn't annoy me. I think because I started working straight from highschool and thought cat calling and sexual remarks were normal and thought I would look stupid to speak up. Partly because the teachers would hear the guys saying stuff like "bend over" or "nice ass" and wouldn't say ANYTHING about it. I would ignore it and keep walking, same with all the other women. So when this co worker would say things about what I'm wearing/ remarks about banging me/ remarks about other women I would ignore it and change the subject, or his buddies would change the subject. So when the new guy started and kept bugging me to hang out and how I was a loner for staying at my desk and how I shouldn't hang out with that one hitting on guy since he's disrespectful and such. And he convinced me he wasn't interested and looking for friends, or that he needed advice with this girl he DID like. He never hit on me, and made me feel like he had zero interest. So I continued to hang out with him on the occassional lunch and break. He would invite me out later with his friends and that I could bring my boyfriend, but I would always say no. A year later a lady in my division came up to me and warned me that this guy was obsessed with me. He would constantly talk about me to her, whether it was about what I was wearing, and how he was going to "steal me from my boyfriend" I got creeped out that he went to such an extent to hide it from me. I told him I was going to focus on work and not hangout with him as much anymore. I guess he took this as rejection and stopped talking to me altogether. Which I was fine with, but It's still very awkward considering he sits so close to me. I switched my hours so I would get the least possible time with him, and we will only acknowledge eachother when it's work related. This makes work for me super awkward, especially since we have to make phone calls and play games together, and I don't want him seeing me. He also plans unit outside of work events that I just feel to awkward to go to since he would be there. That with the other guy hitting on me all the time just has been a lot to deal with and I need some advice on how to cope with it.

Thanks for reading my rant!
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Old 23rd April 2014, 11:59 PM   #2
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If you're uncomfortable with his behavior, it's a good idea to keep interactions with him (and any other flirtatious male co-workers) to a minimum. Stop going out to lunch with him or giving him any attention apart from work related conversations. Also, remarks that he wants to "bang you" and "steal you from your boyfriend" are completely inappropriate. You could report him to HR for that. If he continues to bother you, tell him calmly that you're not interested and that if he doesn't stop with the inappropriate comments, you'll report him to HR.
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Old 6th May 2014, 4:17 PM   #3
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If you read an earlier thread I've started, you'll see that I've went through the same things than you.
An ordinary guy just sat in your workspace and started to make sexual remarks.
At first it doesn't bother you, because you think it's good for morale and the worksplace shouldn't be so 'tight up'.
But on the contrary, he's found a punching ball to put all his stress on, which is you.
In the beginning you'll find the remarks charming, maybe even flattering, but after awhile they grow old and you'll feel drained, emotionally.
It will gnaw at your self esteem and you'll be confused.
And the worst part is, luckily you have your 'neutral and respectful' coworkers, mine just ignited the fire and didn't understand where i was coming from.
Do something now, before it gets out of hand. Speak up.
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