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Keeping abreast of a coworker


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Old 18th April 2014, 1:37 PM   #1
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Keeping abreast of a coworker

I'm a single male with a coworker who has an ample bosom. On almost a daily basis whenever we look at the same screen or piece of paper she presses her boob(s) against me.

The part that gets me, is she leaves them there during the entire interaction.
I can understand an accidental graze but then most people adjust their stance and separate.

Lately it's progressed to where she presses a little more firmly into me, holds her body against me. Never any hands.

She otherwise doesn't seem flirty. I've never seen her wear any cleavage revealing clothes, short skirts etc. She doesn't seem to flirt with other men.

I flirt more with her, tell her she looks nice. Compliment her hair, perfume etc. sometimes I pat her upper arm or hand. Once though, after a trying project I began to give her a shoulder massage and she immediately told me to stop!

She is married (unhappily it seems?) and we have become close friends at work. I'm very attracted to her but don't want an affair, although I think we may have already strayed into an emotional one?(I may write another post with more details of that. Trying to focus on body contact in general here.)

I don't pull away because it seems like that would call attention to it, and...frankly, I like it! I'm not in a relationship right now and the warmth of her body and the smell of her hair intoxicates me.

I question if there is meaning in it? My guess is she isn't aware of my infatuation and thinks of me as a buddy, or "just one of the girls".

Do they make bras so thick you can't feel anything?
Is this some sort of passive-aggressive flirting?

Thanks for reading.
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Old 18th April 2014, 7:29 PM   #2
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Are you sure you aren't imagining her pressing up against you? Maybe you are leaning more into her? Sounds like you are very attracted to her.

Just because a married person is kind, friendly, smiles with a coworker of the opposite sex doesn't mean she is unhappily married.

The fact that you went so far as to put hands on her and massage her gives her an easy complaint of inappropriate workplace behavior. Tread very cautiously.

I don't understand how she is pressing her chest up against you and staying that way...I'm not able to visualize what you are saying. I can't imagine a woman behaving that way at work...maybe an accidental brush but I don't understand her standing there and leaning her boobs into you?
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Old 18th April 2014, 9:26 PM   #3
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Even if I am leaning into her, wouldn't you think she would step away?

I don't know if you noticed where I said we have become close friends at work?
I assume that she is unhappy because she tells me long grueling stories about how unhappy she is at home, how much she wants to leave her husband, how poorly he treats her, how she has already packed all of her belongings in boxes to move, and on and on.

Yes, my entire workplace is rife with inappropriate behavior. Amazing really in this PC era.

I'll try to explain the physical layout better:
There are computer terminals that are at standing height. She has quite a bit of trouble with the programs we use. She calls me over to help her. (I've worked there much longer than she has) I stand at her computer a little to the side so we can both view the screen. Instead of keeping a personal space cushion, she stands so close that without either of us leaning, her breast is contacting my arm and or back and instead of stepping back when it touches, she stays right there. The same thing occurs when we are both looking at a piece of paper, like a shipping receipt or work bulletin.
As of late she seems to have taken to standing even closer, sort of pressing against me, I feel like I'm dancing with her.

Vision trouble? Perhaps, but she does wear contacts already.
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Old 19th April 2014, 1:39 AM   #4
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Doesn't really matter, she's married. You honestly going to risk your job with a married female?
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Old 19th April 2014, 8:53 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by contact1 View Post
Doesn't really matter, she's married. You honestly going to risk your job with a married female?
No, I clearly stated in my post that I don't want an affair with this woman. Despite whatever attraction I have for her emotionally and physically.
I seem to not be getting across, the point of my post is why does she act like this, the physical proximity( Perhaps I should have posted on some sort of psychology forum instead? /-: ).
What I should or shouldn't do in response to it isn't my focus.
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Old 19th April 2014, 8:22 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by TalesoftheWireMonkey View Post
No, I clearly stated in my post that I don't want an affair with this woman. Despite whatever attraction I have for her emotionally and physically.
I seem to not be getting across, the point of my post is why does she act like this, the physical proximity( Perhaps I should have posted on some sort of psychology forum instead? /-: ).
What I should or shouldn't do in response to it isn't my focus.
If you don't want to have an affair with her, you shouldn't care about the reasons.

The fact that you're obsessing over the why's is evidence that you do want to have an affair.
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Old 20th April 2014, 12:35 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by Dark Holy View Post
If you don't want to have an affair with her, you shouldn't care about the reasons.

The fact that you're obsessing over the why's is evidence that you do want to have an affair.
I've admitted I'm attracted to her but I don't want the complications. Ive had a workplace affair before and know how ugly they can be.
I honestly thought it was an intellectually intriguing bit of behavior to ask about. Plus I thought if enough people identified it as flirtation I may need to address it and ask her to stop.
Instead people seem to want to ignore her behavior and accuse me of a hidden agenda?
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Old 20th April 2014, 4:33 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by TalesoftheWireMonkey View Post
I've admitted I'm attracted to her but I don't want the complications. Ive had a workplace affair before and know how ugly they can be.
I honestly thought it was an intellectually intriguing bit of behavior to ask about. Plus I thought if enough people identified it as flirtation I may need to address it and ask her to stop.
Instead people seem to want to ignore her behavior and accuse me of a hidden agenda?
I don't think people want you to ignore her behavior, I think it's just unclear whether this is a problem for you or not. It almost doesn't matter why she's doing this. If it makes you uncomfortable, it needs to stop. If you enjoy it, then let her keep putting her boobs on you.

Am I oversimplifying it?
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Old 20th April 2014, 9:37 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by CC12 View Post
I don't think people want you to ignore her behavior, I think it's just unclear whether this is a problem for you or not. It almost doesn't matter why she's doing this. If it makes you uncomfortable, it needs to stop. If you enjoy it, then let her keep putting her boobs on you.

Am I oversimplifying it?
You aren't oversimplifying, but I don't understand why everyone says the "why"doesn't matter?

The why, the why, the WHY seems to me to be the crux of the matter.
If the why is she is flirting then I need to address it with her because it could lead to a problem. If the why is it's some sort of unconscious thing she does. I think I should not bring it up and just put up with it.
If the why is she really doesn't even feel it then that seems a little technically fascinating, can that even happen?

In retrospect I think I should have posted something simpler and generic like:

Do any of you women ever stand so close to a man your breasts touch them and if so do you leave them their, or does any extended physical contact usually mean something?

In fact, can I do that in another section? I didn't want to double post.
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Old 20th April 2014, 10:10 AM   #10
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My guess is that she's unaware that her boobs are touching you. Some people are just unaware of one's personal space. And given that she's already is comfortable with you then her boundaries are even more blurred.
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Old 20th April 2014, 10:37 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by Tressugar View Post
My guess is that she's unaware that her boobs are touching you. Some people are just unaware of one's personal space. And given that she's already is comfortable with you then her boundaries are even more blurred.
Thank you so much. This is the kind of discussion I was expecting.

the craziest thing, one time she was training a new worker who she complained about crowding into her personal space and how much she couldn't stand that?!? :/ ...and yes, her boob was pressing against me as she told me this. :O

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Old 20th April 2014, 10:58 AM   #12
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Why don't you just step away from her? That will let her know you feel uncomfortable without having to have an uncomfortable conversation.
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Old 20th April 2014, 11:32 AM   #13
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This actually happened to me too. The girl who did this to me has small boobs so she has to lean to hit me with them. But yea, I have concluded it's a flirty gesture. And yes they are doing it intentionally. The purpose is to plant a seed of seduction in your mind. And it works. It makes me think about it like how you are doing right now and when it happens several times, it starts to turn you on. Eventually, we get sucker in and become attracted to them. It is a very effective technique.
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Old 20th April 2014, 12:59 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by KaliLove View Post
Why don't you just step away from her? That will let her know you feel uncomfortable without having to have an uncomfortable conversation.
And, I'm trying to work up to that. I think posting it here and seeing it in print is part of my process to get over it. As I said and is discussed below it's very pleasurable both physically and psychologically. It's ego-stroking to be chosen the object of her attentions if she's doing it on purpose.
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Old 20th April 2014, 1:09 PM   #15
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This actually happened to me too. The girl who did this to me has small boobs so she has to lean to hit me with them. But yea, I have concluded it's a flirty gesture. And yes they are doing it intentionally. The purpose is to plant a seed of seduction in your mind. And it works. It makes me think about it like how you are doing right now and when it happens several times, it starts to turn you on. Eventually, we get sucker in and become attracted to them. It is a very effective technique.
Right, it's bloody brilliant as a sexual predatory technique. By warning me off when I took the more aggressive move of massaging her shoulders she can always deny culpability. If it came to a point of actually going to HR she could say I was always pressing into her. In the meantime she gets the satisfaction of knowing she can still arouse a single man but doesn't have to lose any respect or control.
So did you end up with girl or was she also off limits?
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