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Why do I feel this way?


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Old 16th April 2014, 5:36 PM   #1
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Why do I feel this way?

Hello all,

I am not sure if I am in love or not with my doctoral supervisor. He is older (late 30s early 40s), is married and has kids. He is easy on the eye,and many of his female students find him good-looking (me included!)
I can never be myself when I am around him I do not feel comfortable. I become so nervous and lack in confidence. I act like I am stupid and don't express myself really well when we meet to discuss my research.
I also get really upset if he does not reply to my emails quickly; if he tells me he has to re-schedule a meeting because he has something to do with wife/kids...
I don't know if I am in love. I love seeing him, yet I hate him for not caring at all about me! (I hate the way he puts an abrupt end to our meetings and does not wait till I am done; but has to end it because he has to go!)

I want his time and attention; but he always denies them to me. I feel so unimportant in his life.

Is it love/or am I just in awe at this guy?
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Old 16th April 2014, 9:19 PM   #2
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It's probably some sort of transference / awe / daddy issue / authority figure . . . .but I doubt it's love.


You aren't going to get his time an attention. You are his job. He already has a wife & doesn't want to lose his job to fool around with you. Sorry to be so blunt.


If you really can't think straight around him, get a new advisor. You have spent a tremendous amount of time & $$$ working toward your PhD to waste it on a schoolgirl crush.
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Old 16th April 2014, 10:10 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
It's probably some sort of transference / awe / daddy issue / authority figure . . . .but I doubt it's love.


You aren't going to get his time an attention. You are his job. He already has a wife & doesn't want to lose his job to fool around with you. Sorry to be so blunt.


If you really can't think straight around him, get a new advisor. You have spent a tremendous amount of time & $$$ working toward your PhD to waste it on a schoolgirl crush.
You are right. Nothing will happen. I'm just so jealous of his wife: he is very sweet, courteous, attentionate, does not like conflict, very tactful, and gives me a lot of autonomy. He is everything I want in a man, and never got from my father! He also loves his kids. It is painful.
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Old 17th April 2014, 7:44 AM   #4
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I'm sorry it's painful.

Try to turn it around to recognize that there are good men out there & you do know what you want so armed with that plan you will have the chance to go get it.

I've had more than one "inappropriate" crush / fantasy in my life. As long as it stays in the realm of theoretical, no harm no foul.

Good luck with your studies.
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Old 18th April 2014, 7:33 PM   #5
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I urge you to find another supervisor. I don't think you love him but it sounds like your behavior is bordering on obsessive or creepy.

He is more than likely accustomed to his younger female students developing crushes on him, but don't think he is going to dump his family for you. He may be polite, but if you are showing him any signs of creepiness, he may report it to his supervisor so that the supervisor can be on notice in case your actions escalate.

Is there any counselor at school you can talk to?
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