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spousal input on doing business with an EX


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Old 7th April 2014, 1:32 PM   #1
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spousal input on doing business with an EX

Don't reject the idea on principle.

We broke up almost 20 years ago. He couldn't handle the fact that I can do the same job he can. He wanted a more "traditional" wife who didn't compete with him & as far as I know he got it.

We didn't really keep in touch but we'd bump into each other at industry functions every few years.

The other day he made me a business proposition. I'd do some work for him. The work would be transmitted to me. I'd do it independently & send it back. He & his partner would pay me. There would be very little interaction, maybe a phone call or e-mail.

I talked to my husband & he's OK with the arrangement. The money is really good. I am an independent contractor like this for several other companies.

If the guy wasn't my EX I wouldn't have even mentioned it to my husband. But I didn't want him to think I was sneaking around. I certainly don't want the EX back but I will take his money.

In the ordinary course, if this was purely professional or even just somebody I knew from grad school, I wouldn't so much as wonder whether he mentioned this arrangement to his wife. But just like I told my husband, I think he should tell his wife so it's all above board but there's no good way to bring it up. In a straight professional context it would be inappropriate to even ask. I mean how stupid would that be -- Does your wife know you hired a woman? Puh-lease.

I doubt his wife knows anything about his work life, nor should she.

Am I over thinking this? Before LS it never would have crossed my mind but so many people think the worst. I actually don't want his wife to get upset even though that shouldn't be my concern.
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Old 7th April 2014, 2:31 PM   #2
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It's been 20 years.. I know he's your ex, but he's also a stranger

I light of that.. Personally? If I wanted the job I would take it. His spouse and his personal life is his concern. You were upfront with your own husband. In this situation that's your only responsibility. You're a professional woman with sound business judgement , what does your instinct tell you?
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Old 7th April 2014, 2:35 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CaliGypsy View Post
It's been 20 years.. I know he's your ex, but he's also a stranger

I light of that.. Personally? If I wanted the job I would take it. His spouse and his personal life is his concern. You were upfront with your own husband. In this situation that's your only responsibility. You're a professional woman with sound business judgement , what does your instinct tell you?
My instinct & my business sense tell me it's fine. I got all weird-ed out when & I started thinking about his wife & what if anything she knows.

But like you said, his marriage isn't my problem.
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Old 8th April 2014, 2:59 AM   #4
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I agree with everything CaliGypsy wrote. I think you should accept the job and not worry about his personal life.

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In a straight professional context it would be inappropriate to even ask.
I think you should be considering this a straight professional context, so it would absolutely be inappropriate to even ask. But I can kind of understand you having some anxiety about possibly being a secret he keeps from his wife, or potential drama if he hides it from her and she finds out and freaks out like a crazy person, so if you feel too uncomfortable with the arrangement, don't take the job. I think this would be overly cautious of you, but I couldn't fault you for it.
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