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How do you deal with liars?


Business and Professional Relationships Networking and maintaining a positive environment in the work place is important! Surviving the 9-to-5 within.

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Old 30th March 2014, 12:14 PM   #1
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How do you deal with liars?

There is a woman who announced to me in our first meeting: "In a year I'm going to have your job." Shocked she'd be so bold. I talked to our boss who helped bring her in and he said, "It will be an interesting year!". He set us up for competition. He had hired her years ago, I was someone he inherited.

However, what I didn't expect is that her campaign to win my job would be a campaign of lies to smear me. She'd set up meetings I couldn't attend, wouldn't change the meeting time and then my absence would cause a problem -- and say I was being uncooperative by not showing up for meetings. She said I wouldn't share my budget to help her out (luckily I had emails that proved I had asked her if she wanted help, she never responded). She shut me out of meetings and complained to my manager I didn't know what was going on. You get the picture. It took a long time for me to understand what she was doing.

She was booted out of the group, by the time the year rolled around I had a new manager, so she definitely didn't get my job. Our internal customers preferred working with me.

The problem is her stories about me have stuck with people who haven't had to work with me and the prejudice causes problems. Years later, she's back in the group because of a re-organization, her whole team was moved in. She clearly is going to do the same thing.

Anyone else had to deal with someone like this? Any advice?
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Old 30th March 2014, 12:36 PM   #2
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She's toxic and you can bet on it that it will happen again. Noo doubt. There are ways to protect yourself against her manipulations.
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Old 30th March 2014, 12:37 PM   #3
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You document everything & show management the proof that she's lying.

Example: when she schedules a meeting, you send a e-mail asking her to change it. If you can't be there, you reach out for the other attendees before and tell them your ideas / input in writing so you have proof of ownership
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Old 30th March 2014, 1:03 PM   #4
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You know how she operates and your "gut" will tell you when she is up to her old tricks. Listen to it and document EVERYTHING. Get her past behavior on record and the minute you feel something is off confront it head on and set a boundary immediately. Unfortunately you can never allow yourself to get too comfortable around a person like this. They are always on the offensive and pitting people against one another as they sit back looking like an innocent victim. The people that get sucked into her manipulations end up losing. Don't be one of them. If someone you work with starts to be negative and oppositional that is sign she is manipulating them and is up to no good.

An alternative option is to get the h*ll out of that department and away from her! Then she becomes their problem not your's. Ugh. Feel for you. Toxic people do themselves in eventually though.
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Old 30th March 2014, 8:14 PM   #5
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Thanks Donn & Chelsea. Good advice, I'm already planning to talk about our history to my yet newest manager, he can get it verified from the second manager.

And get the heck out. It kind of feels time, the org is having a lot of problems. When I saw her show up again I thought "OK, stick a fork in it this dept. is done."
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Old 6th April 2014, 2:33 AM   #6
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I've had to deal with toxic and manipulative people like this in the workplace. There is a whiny hag of a woman in my department who went out of her way to try and sabotage me, complain about my work, talk to others about me behind my back, try to start problems between myself and others with lies about things I'd said... It riled me up initially, but I soon came to realize that she was just incredibly jealous. I am new, I run circles around her, I'm favoured by management for being a hard worker, and I get along with everyone really well.

My best defense was to just keep doing what I was doing- eventually her lies and drama caught up with her, and I really didn't have to do anything for that to happen because she revealed her own nature. She used to attempt to take credit for my work, but it didn't take long for that to get recognized either.

These days people barely speak to her, she burned her own bridges without me having to do or say much. People like this create their own problems- always to their own detriment.

I would suggest cc-ing your correspondence and documenting all events and exchanges with her if you think she's being shady with you. Otherwise, she will dig her own grave as people like this always do.
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Old 6th April 2014, 6:16 AM   #7
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You give them some rope and wait...for them to hang themselves
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Old 6th April 2014, 7:16 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VeronicaRoss View Post
Anyone else had to deal with someone like this? Any advice?
Yes, quite a few. They're energy sappers. Either they expect other people to believe their lies or they are out to wrong foot you and get you on the defensive. Trying to tackle it or to stop them doing it is really a waste of your energy. It'll take you away from the more important stuff you need to deal with.

I'd say that the only way really is to keep your dealings with her as brief and civil as possible and ignore the lies unless/until she ups the ante to the point where the lies are outrageous enough to get her into serious **** and aren't something any responsible employer could overlook. Then it's time to given her your attention and stick the knife in.
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Old 6th April 2014, 7:49 AM   #9
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If it doesn't impact me, I don't deal with them at all.

If it does, I immediately confront them calmly and rationally, and advise them in no uncertain terms that I do not appreciate their behaviour, and will not tolerate it.

^ Applicable to liars in general.

In your situation, I'd suggest the following:

The second she steps out of line, I'd speak to her directly if you think you can do so professionally. Do not gossip about her, or drag any of your colleagues into it at all. Then, document everything. Take care in your own work - do everything as perfectly as possible. Then, file a formal complaint against her for harassment, and advise management that it is taking a toll on you mentally, and that you do not feel that it is healthy for you to continue working with her.
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Old 6th April 2014, 11:34 AM   #10
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I've found that documenting all transactions on the business front and then backing it up for review should the time warrant, only adds fuel to the flames. My boss's made it clear when I came to them with proof postive, that somehow I was then the culprit, why else would I save such details only to toss it in their faces. It was the crazyest encounter and I learned. Some employees are immuned to ever being held accountable. Ive since carried the motto, The less given, the less likelihood that it can be tossed around and used as ammo.
Less is more when proceeding in the business environment, the co worker STILL is glorified so that tells me, the business motto is Money first , civility last. Just like the Flu, I stay away from this co workers ill ways....
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Old 8th April 2014, 12:56 AM   #11
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Send her a request to share her outlook calendar with you. CC your bosses so it kind of forces her to accept the request. At least you will be able to see when and where her meetings are scheduled. Not sure how to stop the bad mouthing. Think that may be one of the world's many unsolved mysteries!
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Old 8th April 2014, 1:16 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by Pastypop View Post
Send her a request to share her outlook calendar with you. CC your bosses so it kind of forces her to accept the request. At least you will be able to see when and where her meetings are scheduled. Not sure how to stop the bad mouthing. Think that may be one of the world's many unsolved mysteries!
Awesome idea!
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