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I got put in my place today


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I was joking around with a co-worker today and wagged my pen in his face as I walked to my desk. He got very upset and began yelling at me. At first I thought he was kidding around until I realized that he was not stopping. He said that I am always in his face and won't leave him alone. I asked if he was serious, he yelled "yes, and if this is what it takes to make you stop..." I was very taken aback by his reaction. I didn't even realize I was bothering him. He has never said a word about my behavior being bothersome or making him uncomfortable. We share an office and are friendly with each other, frequently making jokes together and talking about things other than work. He even texts me sometimes outside of work to make jokes.

 

I apologized and said that I didn't realize I was bothering him. I know wagging my pen in his face was going to far and obviously not cool with him now, I definitely won't make that mistake again. After the incident I left the office to go finish up some work and to get away, I was stunned. When I came back he apologized for saying it in mean way and said that we knows we have to share an office. Then he asked if we were cool. I said that we were and apologized again but this time asked him to tell me if something I do bothers him instead of yelling at me. I acted cool but really I just wanted to cry. He asked again if we were cool, I said yes but it was going to take me a minute to get over it.

 

What bothers me is him saying that I am always in his face and won't leave him alone. That isn't true. We have to actively work together daily and share an office so I am with him at least half of everyday, sometimes all day as my job entails. We both initiate conversation, it's not like I'm just a Chatty Cathy, we both talk. I don't think that I am physically in his face or personal space very often but obviously he thinks I am. I feel awkward now and my feelings are hurt.

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Dude sounds like he has anger problems. If he can't control his emotions like a normal adult he doesn't really seem like someone you'd want to associate with.

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UpwardForward

I can understand you were taken back by his reaction and words. Importantly you handled it well and didn't allow him to see the emotions you were feeling.

 

Just remember your job comes first. As you try to pour more of yourself into it, this probably won't seem as important. I think after the weekend, you will be feeling better.

 

People can loose control for different reasons.

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Well, now you know. In the workplace, you just always have to keep in mind that part of everyone's job is to act pleasant with other coworkers. It doesn't mean they really like like you. Wagging a pen in someone's face is very aggressive. Even if you think you know the person won't take it seriously, stop and think what it looks like when seen by another employee in the office who isn't in on the joke and how it must look like you're demeaning him. It's just best not to let it all hang out at work. Better to stay pleasant but professional.

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What bothers me is him saying that I am always in his face and won't leave him alone. That isn't true.

 

I don't think that I am physically in his face or personal space very often but obviously he thinks I am.

 

You think that's not true, but he feels you've invaded his personal space. Sometimes taking a joke too far (like the pen wagging) make people react and he did. Though he apologized for how it came out, I think he was frustrated and took that opportunity to stand up for himself.

 

Let it go. Have a cry about it and put it out of your head.

 

Just be more aware and maybe feel out the mood in the office before joking with him.

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Some people are just too techy! He's one, so just let it be and move on!

 

I'd be polite but nothing more in future - you cant be friendly with someone who's suddenly gonna flip on you for no reason, that's playing with fire and with your job.

 

(You reacted better than I would of though, for the record!! He needs to man up & chill out!)

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The goal is to get along well so that both of you can have a productive, stress-free environment. He probably realized that his handling of the situation ironically took him further from this goal. But at least he told you instead of spreading office gossip to your coworkers. Force two people to "live" in close quarters, conflicts will happen, so just consider it an occupational hazard, and don't dwell.

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The guy reacted angrily and was defensive. Basically, he felt threatened. Whether you intended to make him feel like that or not is beside the point. I wouldn't like someone wagging a pen in my face at close quarters, that would be invasive and insulting. The fact that you dared to do that suggests you don't respect the guy and so it's not surprising he reacted badly. People have personal space and you invaded it. It's pretty much a 'rule' in an office that you don't invade a person's close personal space.

 

I suspect maybe you are an effervescent character, playful and boisterous, with perhaps little understanding of how 'bouncy' you can be. That would be fine for most people most of the time, but getting within a foot of someone is too close. You need to back off a bit from colleagues and give them space. You shouldn't have any problem then.

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I will be more conscientious when interacting with him from now on. He and I work with people who have intellectual disabilities so a good portion of our day is spent dealing with whatever their problems/barriers are for the moment. The job can be demanding and stressful at times. I was in a training for most of the day yesterday while he was alone working in the office. Apparently there where several issues to be handled when I was out, he had to work things alone, which frustrated him. Then I came back in a chipper mood and I suppose those contradictory moods didn't mix. I will stay out of his space from now on and will leave the jokes for after work with friends.

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I don't think you have to stop the joking completely, especially considering the stressful nature of your work, but you just need to take it down a notch or two. Over time you should also be able to read the signs of when your colleague needs more space - and maybe needs to talk out the stress rather than joke it out.

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creighton0123

It sounds like something that just wasn't exclusively about you. Perhaps he had a difficult day or week and simply took it all out on the most convenient person possible: you.

 

It happens. Humans do that sometimes.

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