Animal Rescuer Abusive or Ignorant? .

[Shindig]

I've been volunteering with a 15 year old 502©3 rescue in my area - we'll just say it's a parrot rescue "BIRD, inc.". There has been one other parrot rescue "Pretty Parrots", whose director I am personally friendly with but that is somewhat unscrupulous in their practices so the relationship between the two rescues are somewhat strained. A few months ago, a foster parent from Pretty Parrots decided to start her own rescue. I think, "Great! Another venue for volunteer work."

 

I get in touch to find a companion for our elderly parrot and lo and behold a suitable match is available. I make acquaintances with "Patti" of "Patti's Rescue" but get an off vibe about her despite her being friendly and bubbly. I get the impression that she is really unfamiliar with bird care even though she comes off as a bit of a know-it-all and make some friendly suggestions to improve her animals' health (mostly with regard to housing, having perches that are the right size so that the birds don't pinch their toes or develop other foot problems like sores or premature arthritis, for example.) She says she'll get right on it, anything for the animals. We part ways and life goes on.

 

I keep in touch with Mary of Pretty Parrots because we adopted a bird from them and as soon as I mention we've interacted with Patti, she calls to spew a fountain of warnings. Mary hasn't been 100% honest with me in the past, but I like to stay on good terms (it's about the animals, after all). She also called to warn me when I started working with my current rescue, but her reason was much less substantial that BIRD inc's director is jealous of her rescue's success. She tells me Patti has an honesty problem and has stolen money when collecting adoption fees. I take what she says with a grain of salt, but keep it in mind.

 

In the mean time, Patti calls my cell with an emergency. Based on her description, the bird in question hasn't been eating and is likely experiencing shutdown of his digestive tract. I start to talk her through standard protocol and recommend some reading materials. She seems calm but says she's panicked so I recommend she take a breather, read the care sheet (written by my shelter director, an expert in the field with an advanced degree) and set up an appointment with a 24 hour specialist. The bird makes it to the vet, receives what sounds to me like appropriate treatment and now just needs to rest until things get back to normal. She's impatient and can't keep her hands off the bird. He's still not pooping. I tell her, sometimes it can take a while for things to get back to normal, let him rest. be patient. She starts to try and 'express' the bird's bowels (this is something you do to an animals' bladder, but intestines are delicate, as indicated by the care sheet and shouldn't be done). I literally tell her to stop f&$king with him, several times, but he goes into shock and dies, probably from a ruptured intestine. I chalk it up to inexperience and impatience that he wasn't pooping and she got fixated on the symptom.

 

Next time I see her setup, the housing changes I recommended haven't been made. I ask since she indicated she planned to do it and she says she hadn't gotten to it (meanwhile she tells my other half that she'd tried it but that the changes interfered with cleaning). I'm starting to get the feeling that her sense of compassion is a little under-developed and fear that she's more interested in the positive reinforcement she gets for rescuing even if she doesn't do that great a job.

 

Next time she messages via text, she's picked up a pair of animals based on appaling conditions pictured on Craigslist. The two have been abused and are in rough condition. They (in my opinion) are clearly emotionally attached to one another. She takes them for veterinary treatment and one has to have a severe abscess debrided and both need some treatments for parasites and injections for malnutrition. She calls me the next day. She reports that neither animal is eating and sends a video of herself violently jiggling the sicker of the two animals' gut, asking me if the noise his organs are making is normal. I tell her to stop f$%king with him and let him rest with his mate. It turns out she's separated them by sending the female to a foster home and when I ask her she says they're worried they'll mate. No wonder they're not eating, they're mourning. I insist that she reunite them. She hems and haws and says she'll do it after work. I tell her that waiting puts their lives in danger and that's the last I hear for a while.

 

Meanwhile I mention this (most of it) to our shelter director "Amanda" (whom I consider to be a good friend) who is meeting with Patti later in the day. Patti wants to represent my rescue. I'm already a little worried based on what I've chalked up to inexperience. I also know that Patti has been dishonest with me about reading the materials I've given her to try and get her up to speed on basics that she should know for rescuing animals, ranging from legal status and rights of animals to their emotional care. I'm a little frustrated at having been asked to help and so consistently pooh-poohed.

 

Amanda has a heart to heart with Patti and the birds are subsequently renuited and she's told Amanda that she separated the birds because pairs of animals are harder to adopt out and that she's separated other animals that were emotionally attached to one another. I mean to meet with Amanda and talk about whether or not Patti would be a good fit for our rescue, but come down with the flu and am out of commission for the next three weeks. I tell Patti that I'm disappointed and hurt that she hasn't done any of the recommended reading even though she'd assured me she had. I ask that if she keeps me up late asking me for advice on emergencies to at least consider what I'm offering toward her education and add that I don't mind if she doesn't have time or patience for reading, but just to tell me so instead of telling me what she thinks I want to hear [that she's done her homework]. She insists she never indicated she'd read it and then blames me for the death of the bird I'd first consulted on with her. I want to chalk it up to defensive behavior and wait for another day when we can have a more civilized discussion, but I still have a weird feeling about Patti and her ability to feel compassion and empathize with her animals.

 

Subsequently a dozen birds are seized from a hoarder and Amanda asks Patti for her help. Suddenly Patti is advertising on FaceBook for donations directed to her PayPal account, BIRD inc. and a GoFundMe.org account based on the photos of the haggard animals that Amanda is keeping in her house, caring for and covering medical costs. I point out that donations should go to BIRD inc. and not Patti's Parrots since BIRD inc is actually out the money and space. Patti is again dismissive and says it doesn't mater where the money goes. I disagree, saying that it's a little misleading if she's advertising using those animals, the cash should go to those animals. If it's going to cover her day-to-day costs, donors should be made aware.

 

I'm starting to feel setup, having mentioned this apparent donation scheme to Amanda and Amanda already knows and assures me that the money is all going to her rescue, less money to care for 2 animals that Patti has agreed to foster (though maybe not about all three accounts she was funneling money to). I'm a little surprised that Amanda has agreed to release animals to Patti's care and tell her so. I tell her that I'm a little hurt that Patti has worked so hard to earn her favor and ignored even my most basic advice. She assures me that I "just need to get to know Patti in person to 'get' her" and that "Patti is really dedicated to learning". I'm growing increasingly uncomfortable about the whole situation.

 

So I'm trying to think of how to deal with Patti's profound effect on me (I don't want to work as an animal rescuer anymore) when I get an email out of the blue. This next part is subtle, so pardon me if I don't explain it well. Amanda once performed minor surgery on one of our birds when our primary and backup vet were out of town and the nearest vet was 2 hours away and wasn't open until the next weekday. This a huge favor because it can be considered illegal - practice of veterinary medicine without a license even though she's licensed as a technician from her laboratory work. My other half mentioned it in passing to Patti (he's too honest to keep secrets) and I had to remind him later. He apologized to Amanda and we hoped Patti wasn't the type to report it or that she might forget it altogether.

 

Apparently Patti's bird needed stitches yesterday. She asked Amanda (I'm guessing) to stitch Cal. I'm quite sure that if that's what happened, that Amanda mentioned how guilty my hubby and I felt about it because the email is a nasty picture of her bird's wound and a note "Thanks for letting me know how Amanda stitched up Frank. She stitched up Cal last night." I showed it to my other half and he also interpreted it as an attempt to get a rise out of us "because it got a rise out of " my husband. Now I'm worried that her lack of compassion goes deeper, that she enjoyed watching me squirm while she hurt those animals.

 

I'm not sure what to do about Amanda because I suspect her fragile ego is being stroked by someone who is reasonably skilled at telling people what they want to hear. I want to keep working with Amanda, but I don't know how long it will be before Patti's complete lack of compassion becomes apparent or if it ever will as long as she keeps stroking Amanda's ego. I'm worried that being really honest with Amanda about my concerns about Patti will affect her perception of me since the two suddenly seem close. Should I just speak my mind hoping my friend will hear me out or just let Patti run her course?

Edited February 5, 2014 by Shindig

[CC12]

Apparently Patti's bird needed stitches yesterday. She asked Amanda (I'm guessing) to stitch Cal. I'm quite sure that if that's what happened, that Amanda mentioned how guilty my hubby and I felt about it because the email is a nasty picture of her bird's wound and a note "Thanks for letting me know how Amanda stitched up Frank. She stitched up Cal last night." I showed it to my other half and he also interpreted it as an attempt to get a rise out of us "because it got a rise out of " my husband. Now I'm worried that her lack of compassion goes deeper, that she enjoyed watching me squirm while she hurt those animals.

 

I don't get this part. I'm not sure why you're interpreting this as anything other than a sincere thank you, and to let you know that everything's cool as far as your partner spilling the beans?

 

 

I'm worried that being really honest with Amanda about my concerns about Patti will affect her perception of me since the two suddenly seem close. Should I just speak my mind hoping my friend will hear me out or just let Patti run her course?

 

It very well might affect your relationship with Amanda, so tread carefully.

 

You've already told Amanda "most of" what has happened with Patti, and you also expressed concern over the donation thing (which was probably none of your business, if I'm being honest) and Amanda has chosen to work with Patti. You should probably leave that alone unless Amanda specifically asks for your opinion, and if so, just tell her the facts and be done.

 

Is it possible to just quietly sever all personal and professional ties with Patti? I think you have more than enough reason to do so, since she blamed you for the death of one of her birds. I think that kind of accusation is grounds for never speaking to a person ever again.

 

Also, what was that about "violently jiggling" the bird? Is that a legitimate thing people do with birds for some reason, or was it more like straight up animal abuse?

[Shindig]

It would seem that Patti ran her course. She raised $1020 (according to her GoFundMe page) and didn't give a cent to help any of the 11 animals in question. I have to go help Amanda's husband administer antibiotics to some of the sick birds tonight since she's out of town helping her mum move. I'm sure it'll be a topic of discussion.

 

Violently jiggling an animal that's just had surgery (or any animal whose skeleton is that delicate) is always a no-no as far as I can tell. You risk tearing stitches, causing bruising or internal bleeding and it's generally just not humane. I know if I'd just been cut open and stitched up, I'd probably like to sleep and even gentle hugs would be too close for comfort for a while.

 

Thanks.

[preraph]

It's even possible she's just done this nonprofit so she can skim money. After all, there isn't much of a paper trail necessary when you find an animal on the street or over Craig's list. I'd report her to Animal Control if you really believe she's not fit to help these birds. They will tell her to improve and if she doesn't, remove the animals.

[spiderowl]

I think you should trust your instinct. Your instinct seems to be telling you that Patti has little integrity and doesn't really care if she hurts animals, in fact you seem to feel she is doing things pointedly almost.

 

What she did with the parrot was at best ignorant and stupid and at worst sadistic. I can understand your great concern about her. The fact that someone says they care or goes into a caring industry doesn't mean they do care. People's actions are what counts, not what they say.

 

Sending you an email with a wound in it (did I understand that correctly?) is not nice. OK, there was a wound and your friend stitched it, but what kind of person sends a picture of before? Also, she must be aware that your friend could get into trouble for this, even though your friend has the best of intentions. I wouldn't put it past this woman to keep pointing out what your friend did to scare both of you. She sounds like the kind of person who would use any 'handle' she had over you.

 

In short, I'd distance myself from anyone who appeared to be so ignorant they were harming the animals in their care, and especially from someone who might be doing this deliberately. Regarding your friend, you could suggest (nicely) that she look at 'Patti's' behaviour and what she actually does, not what she says she is doing.

 

I think you are spot on with your instincts here. Maybe your friend is a bit gullible. The other woman sounds like a socipath. If they are crossed, they are usually pretty good at using manipulation and blackmail to get their way. Document everything and, if possible, get evidence (photographs, film, documents, witnesses). Sorry to sound dramatic but I feel you are dealing with a very manipulative person.

[BlametheIrish]

I think you are spot on with your instincts here. Maybe your friend is a bit gullible. The other woman sounds like a socipath. If they are crossed, they are usually pretty good at using manipulation and blackmail to get their way. Document everything and, if possible, get evidence (photographs, film, documents, witnesses). Sorry to sound dramatic but I feel you are dealing with a very manipulative person.

 

I agree with this. Someone who has a real compassion for animals and aby sense to.at all would never act like this. To say I think this woman is an awful excuse for a himan being would be a vast understatement. I've worked with rescues since my late teens and the only people who treated animals like Patti we're the ones getting their pets taken away from them.

[Shindig]

We finally had a sit down and it seems we're on the same page. I expressed my concerns that Patti would hurt animals, partly because they're not people to her (or at least not sensitive, intelligent, autonomous creatures) and partly because getting her needs met is more important than anyone else's well being. Amanda agreed with my suspicion of NPD in Patti based on what we've both seen (really, textbook symptoms - compulsive, manic, lack of empathy, craving positive reinforcement and attention, arrogance and insecurity, taking credit for others' work, inability to cope with criticism, etc.). It took some pressure, but some of the money made it's way to Amanda's rescue - $890, enough that we agreed it wasn't worth squabbling over and further entangling ourselves with her.

 

Meanwhile Patti and her spouse have been trying to drag me into flame wars on FaceBook groups pertaining to rescue when I've made posts soliciting donations to cover the remaining expenses. They also threatened me in private messages (yes, I reported them to FB and am considering involving the police if they keep it up). I haven't spent enough time with Patti's other half to have an opinion, but I know that NPD can attract a borderline spouse and I wouldn't be shocked. The two of them really can't control themselves in terms of what they say even when moderators tell them to stop.

 

I'm being polite and backing away slowly. Thanks, people!

[Shindig]

I ended up having to block Patti and her spouse after they started asking admins for various rescue pages that I contribute to on FB to remove me from those groups. None of them has so far, and I'm hoping that this puts an end to it.

[CC12]

I ended up having to block Patti and her spouse after they started asking admins for various rescue pages that I contribute to on FB to remove me from those groups. None of them has so far, and I'm hoping that this puts an end to it.

 

Thanks for updating. Has anything else happened since then?

[Shindig]

They're been getting their digs in via complete strangers in these rescue groups. People I've never spoken to are criticizing my suggestions (even when I agree with them...) to bird parents looking for help with animals that aren't feeling well or are having behavioral problems. Some of them are people I have a great deal of admiration for but have only viewed from afar. It's a little frustrating being misrepresented and never having gotten a chance to defend myself. Whatever Patti is saying about me behind my back, it's probably nothing I'd like to hear to my face.