Staying out of drama at work

[Real36]

I'm having trouble keeping my mouth shut!! I've never been much into gossip but lately it seems like there is so much drama going around in my office that I can't seem to keep myself away from it. I think I got sucked in last year when I became a topic of conversation due to an office romance and now I can't get out. Anyone have any pointers on how to bite my tongue and behave like a professional?

[TaraMaiden]

I am a veritable chatterbox, and love constant companionship - so I actually set myself a challenge once and did a sponsored silence for charity. Between the hours of 09.00 and 18.00, I never said a word, for 2 whole weeks.

 

It was perhaps the most liberating, exhilarating, eye-opening thing I have ever done.

 

I advised everyone I would be doing it, set a definite date, chose an appropriate charity (I chose the Royal National Institute for the Deaf (RNID) and set a friend of mine the task of holding the money....

 

(I am losing my hearing gradually, and at one time, due to a viral infection, lost it completely, for about 3 weeks.... so I have major empathy with those who suffer to any degree, with the affliction of deafness, and all the complications such an affliction, brings....)

 

It's amazing the crap you hear when you cannot reply back, and for all the right reasons....

When the time came,. I carried a card around with me, advising people "I am currently doing a sponsored silence for the RNID, and can't speak with you. Please don't make me!"

The majority of people were utterly brilliant....

 

But you'll get people trying to make you speak (idiots... a withering look says more than a 1000 words!) and people assuming that, as you cannot 'speak' to them, then obviously, you can't hear them either - and they'll refer to you in the third person - right next to you!! Hilarious!! "Hellooo-ooo?! I can't speak, but I'm right here, dumbass, I CAN hear you!!"

And they'll mouth things very distinctly, thinking to help you understand them better.

 

I'll tell you, I may well have raised money* for a favourite charity - but it sure 'opened my eyes' to the characters of others, too!

 

 

 

 

(*£800.00)

[HokeyReligions]

I've experienced the 'can't speak - can't hear either' syndrome. I learned sooooo much! And what's so funny is later maybe weeks or months later when the news starts coming out the people who spoke in front of you are astonished that you knew!

 

Its hard to keep silent if you wre one to talk but just keep reminding yourself to NOT say anything. You can do it.

 

Its funny you mention this. My office has some interesting things going on now too. What's so funny is person A told me something in confidence last week and has kept me updated. Each update with an admonishment NOT TO TELL A SOUL! This may effect my place with the company. Anyway, The news was broken today to one manager, who reported it to her manager John.. I am not supposed to know.

 

Well my boss reports directly to John too. John called my boss to discuss this. My boss put the phone down from talking to john and right away called me. He told me the news and swore me to secrecy because if john found out he told me it could mean his job. He kept telling me I had to act surprised when john tells me officially on Monday. I promised I would. I wanted to assure him I could obviously act surprised since in just sold Him my surprised act! Lol.

 

I used to enjoy a little gossip every now and then but when I set my mind to being professional and to moving up professionally I learned to stay away from gossip. The part I had some remorse over was that I didnt hear any good gossip anymore. But that didnt last either because now I'm known for keeping my mouth shut so I hear lots of things and everyone seems to think I know nothing since I dont talk! Oh the things I know!

 

While my boss was talking we me we started just chatting a little and he revealed that he's gay, and has been with his partner for many years and just lots of little details. He's been my boss for less than a year and its nice he feels he can be relaxed around me.

[Tayla]

Some tips I learned is (1)- Consider the source of the news and wisely decide if its worth adding your two cents. (2) Carry two cents on you , and when you get the urge to share an opinion, grab the two cents, look at them and say to yourself, Is my reputation worth just two cents?? Then get real quiet and think twice!, (3) Is to just simply listen.... or nod.

 

Its okay to share fairminded and educated opinions .....its another thing to get involved in conversations on character assasination or crass behavior....

[DaisyandConfused]

Just remember, if they will talk about others with you, they will talk about you with others. If you continue to talk, you are continuing to give people ammunition to gossip about you.

 

Here's a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt that you may want to keep in mind: Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people.

[TaraMaiden]

... What's so funny is person A told me something in confidence last week and has kept me updated. Each update with an admonishment NOT TO TELL A SOUL! .

 

I have to add a wonderful line I once used in a similar situation.

This reminds me of a situation within a a working environment.... some 'drama' occurred between two fellow colleagues, which risked getting the whole company involved in a stupid debacle..... but one of these people spoke to me in confidence one day, and at least I provided a shoulder to lean on...

 

Shortly afterwards, another colleague approached me conspiratorially, and asked me,

 

"Did <name> just talk to you?

 

Me: "yes...."

 

"Her: "Was it about <said debacle>?"

 

Me: yes...."

 

Her: "Well....?? What did she say??"

 

Me (furtively looking around): "Can you keep a secret?"

 

Her: "Yes....."

 

Me: "So can I."

 

And I walked off.

[nomadic_butterfly]

I'm having trouble keeping my mouth shut!! I've never been much into gossip but lately it seems like there is so much drama going around in my office that I can't seem to keep myself away from it. I think I got sucked in last year when I became a topic of conversation due to an office romance and now I can't get out. Anyone have any pointers on how to bite my tongue and behave like a professional?

 

Don't do it!! Adults should exercise self control. Personally and professionally I don't trust gossipers. My ex bf's mom used to make my stomach turn the way she'd trash talk about people IN THEIR OWN HOUSE when they were in another room. Don't ever trust a gossiper. They will tell all your secrets! It doesn't even have to be with malicious intent but they always need something to talk about!

 

I try to be relatively quiet at work and I let other people do all the talking with marginal response from me. For instance, when they were doing evaluations in a room next to my department and someone pinched me and said, "OMG, I wonder if Susan is going to get fired? She recently got written up!" That was clear bait for me to say, omg, for what?? But instead I replied: ":confused: gee, I don't know, I hope not!"

And this was via IM so there's a paper trail. I hear about gossip and drama all the time but I do not shet where I lay my head.

 

Most of my job have known each other since elementary/middle school so the lines are often blurred. I tell people that my main purpose for work is to GET PAID and that is ALL. If I make a few friends here and there, FINE but I am not going to get involved with certain politics. I just wont. I am a simple girl that wants to bust my balls, get my paycheck, and work towards my dreams. The big picture is always at the back of my mind and I know if they talk about people to me they will talk about me with people. Imagine the damage you can bring on yourself should you fall out with a fellow gossiper? It does no good; avoid it like a plague!!

[preraph]

It's hard, isn't it? I was in the same position a year or so ago. You sacrifice to not get involved. You can't be part of the work gang and not be involved. But if you really value your job and what is going on isn't in your jurisdiction to fix, then I would stop associating with gossips and literally keep my head down and hear and see nothing. Geez, I've walked in on a couple of real suspicious looking things at my office, but I just act blind, deaf and dumb -- and guess what? All those people who were either creating the drama or repeating the gossip are ALL gone 2 years later, fired! Keep your head down. I know it's hard. You can still enjoy it to yourself and a close nonwork friend.