What relationship does my boss want with me?

[Kansas360]

My relationship with a senior manager at work has really gotten me confused lately - i'm a rational person but even I cannot pin down what the heck is happening, or how I'm meant to respond.

 

I'm smart and fairly attractive, and i've always been aware when guys are interested in me. I was hired at my current job on a short term temporary 6 month period. This then got extended to a year, and has now been extended by another 6 months.

 

During mytime at my job I've gotten to build good working relationships with lots of colleagues. When my 6 month contract was coming to its end, one very senior manager who I'd worked with on a number of occassions, but never spoken to personally or socially, suggested that we grab a drink as his way of saying goodbye - it was casually dropped in to an e-mail when he sent over some reports, a little out of the blue because I didn't know him so well. Suggestion of drinks turned into a suggestion of dinner (and by this time he knew I would be staying at the company for a little while longer). We went to dinner together after work one evening, and a couple of drinks in a bar after (he paid for it all) and I actually had a really good time. We had a lot in common and liked the same books, movies, sports teams, etc and we talked about work, politics, history, religion, you name it. I've been on enough dates to know when one is going really well, and I could tell that we both were having a good time (there wasn't a whole lot of flirting, but it wasn't 100% innocent).

 

When we said goodbye for the evening, he said we should do it again soon. I said sure, and gave him my cell (he doesn't use any social media and i didn't want to work e-mail him all the time). He text me the next day again saying that we needed to do it again soon.

 

Apart from a couple of texts, and small talk conversations in the corridor at work about stupid things like the weather, or work related stuff, there wasn't much communication between us in the next month or so. I txt him a couple of times and he responded quite blandly, and he sent me a couple of basic texts at first, but stopped after a while. Because he was a senior manager i think we were both awkward about having conversations in the office and didn't want colleagues to start going 'huh since when did they get to know each other' (it was clear that we both didn't tell anyone we had dinner together). So aside from the cursory (and not particularly warm) 'Hellos' and small talk at work, that was it - no further suggestions of meeting up.

 

Honestly, i thought it was a bit rude of him - we both knew that it wasn't a real date when we went out, it had been more a friendly goodbye thing that changed into dinner - i had actually assumed it would have been a 'good luck for the future, here's some advice' deal. Flipping the coin, if a female colleague had invited me out for dinner/drinks because she thought I was leaving, then not bothered to keep in friendly contact with me, I would have felt just as confused and irritated , so I don't count my confusion necessarily as a man/romantic issue. Just a 'why isn't someone being friendly' issue.

 

Because I did have a good time when we first went out, and hey I'm not gonna be at the company forever, i figured i had nothing to lose by asking if he wanted to hang out again. I text him saying 'lets get drinks again?'. He practically jumped at the chance and responded immediately, asking when I was free. He took me out to dinner again and paid for it all. When we were there we had a really great time again, talked and talked, it was like the not-talking at work hadn't happened, and we were almost like old friends, picking up from where we left it last time.

 

But now I haven't heard from him in a month, and it's gone back to zero contact except when necessary at work.

 

Please tell me I'm not crazy by being confused by what the heck is going on here? This situation is confusing the crap out of me because I am so unsure of what he wants (if he even wants to know me at all) - does he want me as a friend? does he want to ask me out (we're both single btw)? does he just want someone to talk to about work / hobbies? Was he initiailly interested but isn't anymore? wants to shake me off but doesn't know how to so is ignoring me?

 

If he's not interested romantically, that's fine, but this doesn't mean he can't he be friendly with me or at least act as though our relationship is now more personal. The number of times when I've seen things I know would make him laugh and thought about texting him, like I would text any other friend, but heck I don't because I don't know if he even wants to know me.

 

Advice appreciated!!!!!!!

[Grumpybutfun]

Does your company have a policy on management dating junior employees? Is the man married or in a LTR? Is he socially awkward? Honestly this sounds like work related issues he may be having with seeing a employee. Sometimes even if there isn't a written policy there is a social one. Ask him about it next time you are both in a quiet area and not on the clock.

Good luck,

Grumps

[pteromom]

If you don't know, then I don't know how you'd expect us to know.

 

It could be he is attracted to you and doesn't want to get closer because of ethical issues at work.

 

It could be he doesn't really like you but takes the opportunity to go out when he's lonely.

 

It could be he's super busy and ambivalent about you, but enjoys the dinners when they happen.

 

It could be he's just a friendly person but doesn't see your dinners as anything more than acquaintances getting together.

 

It could be he is "all business" at work with everyone.

 

I have no idea, as I don't know him.

 

I would proceed as if you are work friends, and would text/email him exactly as you would any other work friend. Expect nothing back.

 

If he is interested in a closer friendship or even a romantic relationship, the ball is in his court. Just remain open to it, while you pursue other avenues.

[Secret Advisor]

He's a senior manager. He can't put himself at risk by interacting with you at work, or initiating dates. If anything is going to happen between you, it has to be under the radar. Are you ready for that? If so, then keep on arranging dates with him.