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Does my boss have issues, or does she just not like me?


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I've been at my job for a little over a year now where I work as an assistant for a 3 person events team at an organization. My boss is the manager and a coworker, Sam (who had been there for 5 years but no longer works for the organization) worked in a position a little higher then mine. About a month or 2 into my employment I started getting this feeling that my boss wasn't too crazy about me. She and Sam would always take off to grab lunch together and usually never included me. Sometimes I wouldn't be included in meetings and just felt so out of the loop with the event logistics. I tried convincing myself that it was because I was still pretty new and maybe she didn't want to overload me with info.

 

Sam would always be at my boss' cubicle and they'd be chatting for hours about non-work related stuff for hours sometimes. If I ever went over to say hi or to ask a question, my boss would give me an annoyed look , answer my question, then wait for me to leave before they'd start chatting again. Just awkward.

 

Although Sam slacked off sometimes, she was actually very good at her job and was super organized, and my boss worked really well with her. However my boss depended on her A LOT. To a point where if Sam was away for a week or 2, she would be lost. My big thing with this is that I should have been given more responsibility, be included in things, and should know Sam's role well enough so that I can just pick up where she left off in the event that she is away or quits. But no, I'm left in the dark quite a bit. And don't get me wrong, I'm good at my job too. I'm no slacker and people in other departments compliment my work.

 

Anyway 2 months ago, Sam resigned because she found another opportunity elsewhere. I thought that this could be the moment where I would resume Sam's role and be given better assignments. But no, she went and hired a girl (Jesse) who worked for her a few years ago and happened to be looking for work; and who she adores. Jesse worked in Sam's role during Sam's maternity leave, so she knew the position well, and therefore my boss didn't have to train her.

 

I get along pretty well with Jesse, but more so when my boss isn't around. When my boss is around it's like she completely takes Jesse under her wing and it's just the two of them, no room for 3. Jesse has become her right hand girl. My boss has made comments to Jesse, saying "you remind me so much of my daughter!".

 

I'm really just not that comfortable around my boss. I've never had this problem with other bosses, I'm usually well liked, and fit in. I bond well with other people in the office, it's just my boss that I don't quite click with. Don't get me wrong, she's not a complete bitch all the time. When Jesse or Sam were ever away., we would bond more, but as soon as they're back I'm like the black sheep again.

 

Lastly, at times my boss can be a bit condescending towards me. I'll ask her a simple question that requires a "yes" or "no" and she will take minutes to explain what I already know in a tone that indicates that she's not impressed with the question because I should know it already. But I don't need the explanation! Just a quick confirmation.

 

She asks vague questions that require clarification, then she looks at me like I have 3 heads because I'm not sure what she is referring to exactly. Then Jesse will clarify it more directly and then I'm able to answer her.

 

I don't know. Maybe my boss and I just don't click. Has anyone been in this situation? What do you do about it?

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I've been at my job for a little over a year now where I work as an assistant for a 3 person events team at an organization. My boss is the manager and a coworker, Sam (who had been there for 5 years but no longer works for the organization) worked in a position a little higher then mine. About a month or 2 into my employment I started getting this feeling that my boss wasn't too crazy about me. She and Sam would always take off to grab lunch together and usually never included me. Sometimes I wouldn't be included in meetings and just felt so out of the loop with the event logistics. I tried convincing myself that it was because I was still pretty new and maybe she didn't want to overload me with info.

 

Sam would always be at my boss' cubicle and they'd be chatting for hours about non-work related stuff for hours sometimes. If I ever went over to say hi or to ask a question, my boss would give me an annoyed look , answer my question, then wait for me to leave before they'd start chatting again. Just awkward.

 

Although Sam slacked off sometimes, she was actually very good at her job and was super organized, and my boss worked really well with her. However my boss depended on her A LOT. To a point where if Sam was away for a week or 2, she would be lost. My big thing with this is that I should have been given more responsibility, be included in things, and should know Sam's role well enough so that I can just pick up where she left off in the event that she is away or quits. But no, I'm left in the dark quite a bit. And don't get me wrong, I'm good at my job too. I'm no slacker and people in other departments compliment my work.

 

Anyway 2 months ago, Sam resigned because she found another opportunity elsewhere. I thought that this could be the moment where I would resume Sam's role and be given better assignments. But no, she went and hired a girl (Jesse) who worked for her a few years ago and happened to be looking for work; and who she adores. Jesse worked in Sam's role during Sam's maternity leave, so she knew the position well, and therefore my boss didn't have to train her.

 

I get along pretty well with Jesse, but more so when my boss isn't around. When my boss is around it's like she completely takes Jesse under her wing and it's just the two of them, no room for 3. Jesse has become her right hand girl. My boss has made comments to Jesse, saying "you remind me so much of my daughter!".

 

I'm really just not that comfortable around my boss. I've never had this problem with other bosses, I'm usually well liked, and fit in. I bond well with other people in the office, it's just my boss that I don't quite click with. Don't get me wrong, she's not a complete bitch all the time. When Jesse or Sam were ever away., we would bond more, but as soon as they're back I'm like the black sheep again.

 

Lastly, at times my boss can be a bit condescending towards me. I'll ask her a simple question that requires a "yes" or "no" and she will take minutes to explain what I already know in a tone that indicates that she's not impressed with the question because I should know it already. But I don't need the explanation! Just a quick confirmation.

 

She asks vague questions that require clarification, then she looks at me like I have 3 heads because I'm not sure what she is referring to exactly. Then Jesse will clarify it more directly and then I'm able to answer her.

 

I don't know. Maybe my boss and I just don't click. Has anyone been in this situation? What do you do about it?

 

 

I don't thiiiink she has issues but maybe she does. But she definitely doesn't sound too warm on you.

 

Maybe she's the kind of person who likes to play favorites, who knows. But she definitely has a favorite and it's not gonna be you any time soon.

 

the only thing to do about it is to not take it personally and not let her get to you, and also work harder to let your work speak for itself.

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LinkWorshiper

I am in a similar spot with my boss and it really isn't fun. Seems like nothing I do is good enough, even though I know I am well-qualified for my job. Other people at my job and even my coworker who is super tight with my boss (or at least appears to be) all really like me and respect what I bring to the table. I often find where I fall short is in places where I should have had better training or instruction from her, but she acts as though it is my fault that I didn't magically know what to do by just sheer observation. She can't stand anything that requires a learning curve, which is why a lot of that stuff got skimmed over with me when I started.

 

But I digress. My point is that you have to just radically accept that you're in a rough spot and then find a way to tolerate it until you can find a way to improve the situation. That means coming up with options. It's not fun, but that's what my current plan is....

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