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Boss confides in me. Friendship growing : :


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So my male boss has been confiding in me about personal topics. He shares the good with me and the bad. We are both married by the way he is older than me by about15 years. I too have confided in him about personal stuff but he does most of the confiding. I feel that we are developing a close friendship and bond. I also feel that The closer we get the better we work. We are on the same page and we always get the highest compliments from clients, co-workers and higher ups about how well we work together. Nothing sexual has happened. Though whenever we accomplish a huge feat(sp?) at work we spontaneously hug each other. Is this really bad? Am I going to regret this? I am happily married but I would be lying if I said it was perfect however No marriage is perfect. But overall I am happy. From what I know he and his wife are the same too. Should we just keep enjoying our friendship and success? Or should we back off? Has anyone else experienced this type of chemistry with their boss? Anyone? Beuhler?

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It seems like your friendship is veering close to inappropriate. I think it's possible to have close friendships with people you work with, but you've got to keep it professional, and confiding in each other about really personal topics is not professional.

 

Are you considering having an affair with him?

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My boss sits right next to me in the office, he's also confiding stuff, the more we talk, the more we get closer. But somehow I get to snap out of it (I got a bad experience last year, so I know how it feels to get let down...)

 

What I do to not be close, but not cold, being professional and objective so to speak:

- Don't get physical with them (I only give handshakes, nothing more)

- Don't have lunch with them (well not never, just once or twice ever in the beginning)

- Don't talk about family and personal issues you have, talking about the kids and such okay, but keep it general and try to involve other colleagues to the conversation, so it doesn't become something only you 2 share

- Small talk about the weather, your car, work, shopping, clothes, food, you know the stuff that you can't really get close too

- In the middle of the conversation, cut them brief by calling another coworker and ask a question about a mail you just got in

- Just be independent, a loner, not an asocial kind of person, just someone with clear boundaries

- Identify real quickly when a coworker wants to share more personal stuff with you. f.e. with this other coworker that sits in front of me (see other post), he showed me his Holiday pictures Snowboarding, his friends, the jacuzzi pictures :lmao:, his girlfriend. After 10 min I was thinking 'what the hell is this guy doing???' 'does he really think I'm buying this ?'

So, 15 min later he told me he'll get his other laptop to show me his videos and how this other girl went also on a trip with them and that i should also learn to ski, whatever, he was so on the edge of asking me to come with them, what about his girl ? come on???! anyhow ...

 

Guys at work will use all kinds of 'excuses' or 'passions' to show to you just to have a moment with you. then my other female boss went to see us and I showed her what my guy coworker was showing me, then she looked a bit supicious and said 'why are you bothering her with that???' i thought 'busted :D'

 

So yes, beware, all good intentions are just used to cover some underlying darker truth.

 

Especially when one (or both) partners are married. Don't trust them.

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ThatsJustHowIRoll

Establish clear defined boundaries - and stick to them. It will not serve your personal life OR your career if things become inappropriate (if they arent already). Workplace politics will almost ensure you become topic of discussion around the water cooler.

 

Be professional

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Thank you for all of your input. Lots of great advice. I definitely do not want to have an affair. That would be awful. The thing I am still perplexed about is our success at our job is predicated upon how well we work together. In all honesty we make a great freaking team! Our chemistry brings us great success. Just for the record my boss is not good looking. I have worked with HOT men and zero chemistry and as a team we blew. For some reason this guy, I don't know why, we have great chemistry and we rock! It's obvious he is unhappy and needs a shoulder. However, I do not want to be used as an emotional dumping ground. It's the whole professional success/chemistry thing that has me baffled. I will try to keep it professional and see how it goes. Thank you all again! :)

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It's not about good looking guys, trust me, some hot guys I had zero chemistry with.

This guy from last year was no hottie, almost no hair on his head, weird nose, too big eyes, really bizarre kind of guy at first glance.

But his confidence level, his charisma, the chemistry when we interacted, oh my...

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You and your husband could invite him and his wife out to dinner or over to your house for dinner. Maybe you'd establish a 'couples' friendship. It would bring you all down to reality with a thud meeting the other spouse.

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It's obvious he is unhappy and needs a shoulder. However, I do not want to be used as an emotional dumping ground. It's the whole professional success/chemistry thing that has me baffled. I will try to keep it professional and see how it goes. Thank you all again! :)

 

If you don't want to be his emotional dumping ground, you could have fooled me. He needs a shoulder. Keep this up and he's going to have a whole lot more than just your shoulder.

 

If your happily married and you love your husband then you don't need this guy especially comparing personal stuff in your marriage. Your supposed to be professional, so start acting like it. Sooner or later your going to bring this guy up to your husband more and more and don't be surprised if the wheels in his head start going overtime and he starts asking what the hell is going on.

 

By confiding your martial problems to this guy is a potential red flag going up and I promise you, you'll never see it until you have that "What the hell did I just do" moment so how about cooling it and enjoy your husband while you still have him.

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