Does my boss like me, is this more than just an employee/employer relationship??

[ref567]

He's not a creep at all, nothing weird here, just much older than me, I'm in my late 20's, he's close to 40. He is divorced. So we are both single. At first I felt like we kept it professional, but lately as we are in more contact with each other, it seems to be more than just an employer/employee relationship. I need to know if I am simply overreacting to things. Or if this is something I need to genuinely to be watchful about??

 

He always has a smile (with his dimple) for me (which he doesn't always for others), his face lights up when he sees me. He laughs a lot with me. He winks at me (just to wink, I guess), teases me, he stands very close to me (almost touching) usually. He has asked me if he could help me with some personal things related to my job, he told me 'I want to take care of you.' (& he DOES...at least as much as he can do without coming across as trying to creep me out) He helps me with random things, indeed he helps me with everything....like I was in the copy room trying to enlarge some copies & couldn't figure the thing out. He was in there getting coffee so he came over & helped me for a good 30 min, all the while the secretary was sitting in the other room...then he came back in to make some copies of his own.

He touches me often when he talks to me on my arm, my back, my elbow. The other day he asked how I was doing, and when I only said "ok" (it was a bad day) he reached out and wrapped his HAND around my upper arm, in the main office where everyone else was standing around talking. The other day I was painting, afterwards I was talking to him, he noticed it on my hands and said jokingly, ___, have you been painting today?" He always wants to know how my day is. Recently he's started asking me what I did on my weekends. He also used to mention in every conversation how OLD he is, I mean, I heard it every time I talked to him. Until I mentioned I had a relative that age. He says "Oh, so he's old?" I reacted and said he wasn't old, & my boss said "Thank you!" as if I had said it to him. I had a personal matter that I felt like was interfering with my work which I discussed to him with discreetness after he pried & he listened to that instead of giving announcements over the intercom every morning like he usually does. He never skips them, & here he was so busy talking to me he either forgot, or he decided they weren't important enough. He's often told me he hired me for who I am as a person.

 

So here's the most recent story that sent up question marks: Today, I was going to go back into the building from another building. Other employees & children were standing around. I was walking across the parking lot towards the building, he was walking in, opened the door for a parent/kid, then he saw me, all the way across the parking lot, & he stood there & waited. then I saw him close the door & go on in. The thought that came to mind was...I'm surprised he didn't wait for me, but oh well, it's not his place to wait for me... Then when I got up there, one of the other employee's kids was standing there on tiptoe peeking into the door window. Well, he had hidden behind the door, knelt down so I couldn't see him, then when I opened the door he was going to scare me, or something. But I looked in the window & saw him. When I opened the door he said to the little girl, "You gave me away!" I went in. Her mom saw the whole thing & when she came in she was laughing at us & he told her "Your daughter ruined my plan!" I then forgot to ask him a question & went back to ask him as he went down the hall. He then pretended to hide again against the wall, so I would have to look for him., we were both laughing so hard by the time it was over. So I know he was obviously teasing me... or was he really flirting with me? He's older than me, but was that flirting??

 

I'm asking a genuine valid question here. I know the dangers of a romantic relationship in the workforce, so I'm not asking about that. I'm just asking if I'm overreacting here...or if you think things have gone too far?? Do you think he is doing way more than a boss should?? Or am I misreading him?? Your opinions? Comments? & WHY do you think so based off what I've told you? sorry for spilling every detail but I have no one for a sounding board on this. Thank you!!

[theothersully]

Nearly 100% into you... unless you observe the same touching with others in the company and he's just a touchy feely guy.

 

If not, he most certainly is at least crushing on you.

[ref567]

Now that you say that & I'm thinking about it...I've never seen him touch anyone else in the company during conversations.

 

Except for once at an opening meeting when he was greeting new employees & welcoming them onto staff. I remember he briefly touched them as he welcomed them to the team, but that's all I've ever seen...

 

So it's the fact that he's touching me during conversations that makes you think he's interested?

[Assasda]

Sounds just like a fun loving guy.

 

Maybe he treats everyone like that.

 

He was just playing a joke in the last story.

 

So, I'm guessing you dont play along with him. You just stand there and let him do everything

[theothersully]

Now that you say that & I'm thinking about it...I've never seen him touch anyone else in the company during conversations.

 

Except for once at an opening meeting when he was greeting new employees & welcoming them onto staff. I remember he briefly touched them as he welcomed them to the team, but that's all I've ever seen...

 

So it's the fact that he's touching me during conversations that makes you think he's interested?

 

Yes. Nobody can be 100% certain, but if he does this with nobody else... no females, you can be nearly certain.

[ref567]

Sounds just like a fun loving guy.

 

Maybe he treats everyone like that.

 

He was just playing a joke in the last story.

 

So, I'm guessing you dont play along with him. You just stand there and let him do everything

 

If he treated everyone like that, I wouldn't be asking this. Yes, I have seen that he does enjoy fun here and there, sometimes he likes to say funny things, but it's not the teasing that set off alarm bells, it's the other stuff...but even fun loving guys don't cross certain boundaries at work. with their women employees..

 

I know he was playing a joke, or he was teasing, or something, but is that appropriate behavior for the workplace? Is that something he would do to the other women at my work? Instinct says: I don't think so.

 

at first I thought he was just being nice & helping me out as a new employee. (I've been there about 3 months.) I didn't mind the teasing at first, & I admit I played along with it & joked back... but I honestly just thought he was just being funny & making me feel more at ease in new surroundings...but when it started to grow, instead of staying that way, & all the other stuff started happening, then I've been reconsidering that maybe he actually does have feelings for me. I guess I should just tell him to back off, or something. I don't know how to handle this, actually.

 

Thanks so much for your answer, btw. I appreciate your input. I'm just really wanting to know. I don't like getting hyped up about something that's not a valid situation to be concerned about....(or maybe I'm just trying to deny what I'm afraid is true)...

Edited October 27, 2013 by ref567

[SoleMate]

He's definitely coming on to you (100% certain), he's just doing it slooowwwlllllllyyy.....trying it on, as it were. The pattern is for this to escalate.

 

I would recommend getting more formal, a bit cool, dodging his caresses, not laughing at dubious remarks, and changing every conversation or slight word to something work-related. The challenge is to do this in a way that makes it clear to him you're not having it, without wounding his ego so much that he retaliates. That is a difficult and lonely, narrow line to walk.

 

The unfairness of it to you is one of the biggest reasons why this conduct is so frowned upon and disfavored, both socially and legally.

[ref567]

Yes. Nobody can be 100% certain, but if he does this with nobody else... no females, you can be nearly certain.

 

Thanks so much for your input. Helps put things in perspective. Made me think about something I hadn't considered before.

 

I was just wanting input from other professionals in the workforce to see if maybe the alarm bells I've been getting about this are really valid, or if I'm just making things into mountains that aren't.

 

No, he doesn't. And most of the staff are females. I have never seen him do it, in discussions with them, or at all.

[SoleMate]

Still, I would try the wordless approach first, in the spirit of "Least said, soonest mended", If you don't get near-immediate results, then move to letting him know that specific conduct is unwelcome.

[ref567]

Still, I would try the wordless approach first, in the spirit of "Least said, soonest mended", If you don't get near-immediate results, then move to letting him know that specific conduct is unwelcome.

 

Thanks so much for your input! I so appreciate it. I will try that & see what happens. He's a very fair moral person so I really think he would get the point quickly.

 

I'm usually very honest and open with him about everything, but with this one I've been a little unsure of myself. Awkward, you know?? Such as, I have told him before that certain things work-related (such as work observations, boss observes employees work, in our field they are required) made me uncomfortable & so he doesn't do them with me as much as he could if he wanted to, But now I think he did that because he must have feelings for me.

[BreakOnThrough]

No offense, but you sound a little naive and are willing to escalate, what could be innocent encounters, beyond a slippery threshold. It sounds to me that he may like you, but nothing that he has done IMO that could be deemed sexual in nature. I would leave it alone, wait and see. You really don't have much to go on right now.