Mrs.Witter Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 I posted on here a few weeks ago about crushing on my co worker . And while I got some sound advice at the time I posted I hadnt had all the facts. Anyway had/sorta have a crush on him but it has died down and am seeing him as a person ( not just an object I project lust on to ) anyway I had asked him if he wanted to move in together a few months back but I honestly NEVER thought anything would come of it. ( Especially with the crush ). So he had an issue with his apartment and had to move out is staying with a friend and I had to move out of my place and found a nice apartment near my job all utilities included for peanuts! And next month we plan to move in together...... As I said the feelings are still there but not as strong . I don't plan to pursue anything as I know my job and apartment (my life basically) depends on it. We flirt and everything but is this considered scandalous ? How do navigate this I need him right now its not just about the crush because if this arrangement my view of him has changed (he's actually a nice guy ). Link to post Share on other sites
Arabella Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 Depends on the company culture and what your relationship with the co-worker is. I used to work for an edgy, young company where everyone dated co-workers openly and even moved in together (same gender or not). However, this wouldn't be acceptable at all where I am now, a stiff financial institution where the average worker is 40 years old. Say you move in with this guy and you two start dating....you should still keep it under wraps until you're engaged at least. This is the point at which most companies won't care anymore (since it's serious), but they may decide they don't want you two working together and one of you will have to either go, or move to another department (which may or may not be a possibility). Personally, I think this is a terrible idea. You're moving in with a guy you like... what happens when he starts bringing home girls? You're going to get jealous (even if you don't think so) and your work relationship is going to suffer. But, you're going to do it anyway so... My advice is that you don't hook up with him. And if you do, you make damn sure not to ever show anything at work that can give it away and make people talk. Your reputation and credibility will suffer. Good luck! -A Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 Say you move in with this guy and you two start dating....you should still keep it under wraps until you're engaged at least. This is the point at which most companies won't care anymore (since it's serious), but they may decide they don't want you two working together and one of you will have to either go, or move to another department (which may or may not be a possibility). Personally, I think this is a terrible idea. You're moving in with a guy you like... what happens when he starts bringing home girls? You're going to get jealous (even if you don't think so) and your work relationship is going to suffer. But, you're going to do it anyway so... My advice is that you don't hook up with him. And if you do, you make damn sure not to ever show anything at work that can give it away and make people talk. Your reputation and credibility will suffer. Good luck! -A I agree. ^^^^^ Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 You said: And next month we plan to move in together. Yet, by the way you have described your present living conditions/apt and w reasonable utilities - you seem content. Does this mean he would be moving in with you? If so, I think you should have a prior agreement - that if it doesn't work out, that he to move out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrs.Witter Posted September 23, 2013 Author Share Posted September 23, 2013 No hes not moving with me I just found the listing for the place we are moving into Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 In this day and age, imo it wouldn't be considered as 'scandalous' as in prev times. Though it will probably be a learning experience. Link to post Share on other sites
ray.alb Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 Not scandalous at all, but really, if he doesn't know, you gotta tell him asap. Otherwise if the situation somehow goes wrong, it'll be a terribly hard mess to clean up. Do you know if he feels the same way? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrs.Witter Posted September 24, 2013 Author Share Posted September 24, 2013 He knows how I feel and I'm not sure if he feels the same way. Either way we agreed we both have too much to lose to go there . So all we can do is try. I'm sure it will be a learning experience either way . Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 What is your company's policies on fraternization? Are there any rules on dating? I don't think it's an issue other than making sure you are okay with the worst case scenarios if things crash and burn. My advice, as I work with family members, work is work, personal is personal. Do not allow one to bleed into the other. There is no reason to make personal matters public. So while people know that we are connected, we limit our interactions and keep things business focused. But things vary by company. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrs.Witter Posted September 24, 2013 Author Share Posted September 24, 2013 Oh I know I've worked for and with my ex husband ,two close friends and ex father in law. I know how to keep things separate. I'm just worried because I knew all those people years before they became involved in my professional life and I just met him 3 months ago . Plus the whole attraction thing . I think once I get a handle on that I should be fine . I'm just a worrier Link to post Share on other sites
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