royal Posted July 4, 2004 Share Posted July 4, 2004 Hi All, I had started a thread over in the Breaking Up forum a few weeks back if you want some background on this one... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t41376/ Basically, my fiancee dumped me and we are back from holidays tomorrow and work very closely together on many projects. Our boss has told us that since we broke up that our realtionship from now on has to be strictly professional. They said they allowed us to date because they were going on good faith that nothing would disript the work environment. My EX has said that it's important to her that we keep our relationship as professional as possible at work. The thing is, she was my fiancee and she's only just left our house three weeks ago. How can I possibly put all the pain from the breakup, desire to get her back and strong feelings aside and not let it affect our workplace? The last thing I want is get her upset, appear unprofessional or get accused of harassment and get canned. We used to spend our lunches together, drive to and from work together and send emails all day to one another. So not having this will be a difficult transition alone. Any advice from anyone who's had to work closely with an ex( I still can't believe I'm calling her that) like this would be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
uriel Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 Look for another job, Royal. It's the only way to avoid the pain her closeness is causing you. -- uriel Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 I agree: one of you has to move on. It's just that simple. Link to post Share on other sites
BoomBoomGirl Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 I was in almost exactly your situation last year. I dated my ex for about 4 years - in that time we worked in next door offices, travelled to and from work together, attended work functions together, sent emails throughout the day, and helped each other out on certain tasks. I loved working with him, he was my everything. When I found out he was cheating my world fell apart and I took 2 days off work because I thought I would die from the pain. Anyway, we officially broke up about a week after that and despite it being distressing on both sides, neither of us could take any time off work because we were both really busy. As lawyers in a large law firm, we have a huge amount of responsibility and it just wasn't acceptable to have our work affected by our emotional states. And neither of us wanted to leave - it took years for us to attain the positions we have and all that hard work should not have been thrown away just because we broke up. Although it was difficult to see him every day without breaking down, and change my routine so that it didn't revolve around him, I threw myself into work and a year later I discovered I had come through it and we were even enjoying friendly conversations. There are a lot of stages you will go through; the denial, the hurt, the anger, the depression... It will be hard not to pursue her, and to treat her just like everyone else, but it has to be done. I know it sounds quaint but time really heals. Your heart would heal faster if you didn't have to see her every day but you won't feel like this forever, believe me. If you are in a dead end job or can easily find a similiar positon elsewhere, then I agree with the others and you should get the hell out of there. But if, like me, you've worked hard to get where you are now, stick it out. You will feel like death for awhile and it will take longer to get over the break but you WILL get over it. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 I feel so bad for you. If it's something that you cannot get over, you really have no other option but to leave. Maybe give it some time and see how it pans out? Then make a decision. Boy that would suck if you quit and then the two of you got back together. Link to post Share on other sites
beetledriver2 Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 I'm still trying to figure out why she left?? It seems quite obvious you're not violent. My fiance and I have been in that drunken-stupor stage many times. We always forgave each other. WOW! Not to get off the subject but I wonder if she's easily influenced by friends and family. Ya know, like she left you because someone told her to. Anyway, my fiance and I have been together for over 3 years. If we were to break up tomorrow there is no way I could face him at work. I remember when my ex and I broke up. I was miserable alone without having to see him. I can't imagine what you're going through. I'm sorry this happened to you! If you're really hurting over this, I would definitely look for a new job. Don't torture yourself!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author royal Posted July 10, 2004 Author Share Posted July 10, 2004 Thank you all for your advice on my situation. It's been a very tough week for both of us. The first two days we pretty much avoided each other physically, keeping all our communication to email. On the third day we sat down and talked about what happened and agreed to take our time before making any major decisions. I spoke with our HR department today about the situation and they are happy about how we are both being professional about the matter. It's been very hard though not being able to have lunch with her etc.. I've started to look into other jobs casually and she is looking into a transfer. We both know if we get back together it would be best if we didn't work together. In the meantime, we are keeping focused on our work to keep our minds off things and sending each other some nice emails. I can't see us working together if we stay apart for longt because it would only create problems. We are in the same team and interact on a daily basis. I'm starting to see it already affecting our team chemistry, with one of the guys siding with me and one of the girls siding with her....I'm even getting jealous aboutthe girl taking her time away from me. Our jobs are not dead end and we are both experienced professionals so we will be able to function in the meantime. Right now, I don't think I will ever get over her. In fact, we're starting to get close again and it feels that we will inevitably get back together. She's not going to move back in with me that's for sure. She's looking at apartments this weekend and is considering buying her own car. She left me because I abused her. She feels a lot of mistrust towards me and is feeling allot of pressure from her family and friends. I've done just about everything I can to make things right with her and time is the only thing I have left. It's been really hard without her in my life outside of work. I spend allot of time reading her emails she sent me at work to have a piece of her near me. I know that sounds sad, but believe me I loved this woman so much it's the hardest thing for me to overcome. I keep blaming myself. I'm going to give it a couple months and see if we get back together. If not, I will definetly move on. If we get back together before then, one of us will move on as well I imagine. Being together 24/7 turned me and her into two really emotionally dependant people. It probably contributed to my 'push' even. I don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
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