Poonam Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 (edited) Hi Guys... There is this coworker whom I really liked, respected and loved working with...we were like best buddies... but suddenly in the past few instances he has been really aggressive, keeps on yelling me, blaming me for stuff and just behaves super mean to me. We have like 1 -2 fights every week and he expects me to apologize every time we fight. I the past we had some personal issues come about about his visa stuff, his flatmates etcc... where I have given him my advice and it worked out... we both work in a sales oriented job where he is the front face but I am the hardworking back stage support. We actually won several orders but he hasn't really appreciated me ever not even a proper thanks and not even some words of appreciation. I literally say I am like his lucky mascot as he lucked has completed for 9 months no order and suddenly he has got 4 orders and we are counting... If I had someone so special I would have valued for that person, respected that person and not treated that person like ***t.... His personality is really aggressive he has had several problems with other coworkers in the office, in his previous job, with flatmates and some other friends as well... Initially I thought the employees in our office were not giving him a chance to prove himself but now I feel it is him who the problem is!!! Has this ever happened to you that someone you liked, enjoyed working with has changed and you are losing respect for this person..... Have you started hating ( I know its a very strong word) this person .. where you hate that you ever gave this person a chance to be your friend and even enter your personal space.... Worst thing is I want to tell him that not others but you are the problem so please seek mental medical advice rather than blaming others.. getting irritated at them and yelling at them.... Edited August 17, 2013 by Poonam spellings Link to post Share on other sites
ana0pera Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 how long have you two been working together? Do you know if there is anything going on in his personal life that might be catalyzing this? not that you necessarily want to get a supervisor involved in this, but is there anyone you (or other employees) can talk to about his behavior? Correct me if I am wrong, but it sounds like you two used to be friends at the very least; it could be worth pulling him aside as friends and telling him about how he makes you feel and ask if everything is ok and then suggest that he see someone about his agression problems. He might not realize he's acting that way (unlikely, but possible). I would tell him something but do it carefully and not in an accusatory way...perhaps frame it as your relationship is suffering and you want to know if anything is going on with him that might be causing conflict or stress and how you'd like to help relieve some of these tensions because you do care about him as a person. Link to post Share on other sites
BeckyFontenot Posted August 22, 2013 Share Posted August 22, 2013 That is definately not an easy situation to be in. It's hard to maintain respect for someone when they are behaving disrespectfully towards you and others. We don't always know everything that is going on in a person's life... Sometimes if we come from an angle of compassion towards that person... Do they realize the harm they are doing to their own bodies with their fits of rage?? It takes a toll on the whole body system... Sometimes its childhood issues of abuse etc that revisit the adult and cause added stress... Sometimes it's mental illness... Two wrongs do not make a right. Retaliation is never the answer. You do have a right and obligation to report any abusive behaviour to supervisors over him. He may need counseling. He may need medical help. Try not to take it personally...I know, easier said than done. Consider it a character builder situation. Remember the only person we can change is ourselves and retaliation is never the answer. The peaceful solution would be to kind answer or reply in return of disrespect. And reporting this negative behaviour to supervisor(s). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poonam Posted August 22, 2013 Author Share Posted August 22, 2013 During one of our previous conservations he had mentioned he has been through a rough childhood. He was bullied throughout his childhood. Maybe you guys are right he does have some personal problems/issues which make him cranky, disrespectful and yell at others.... With reporting it to supervisors -There has been a super drama in the office with many people complaining about him a year back. He connected with me so I gave him a chance but we are back to square one now. I think I know that it is his personality which will never change and probably he behaves this way with even his friends and family.... Link to post Share on other sites
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