feelinghopeless89 Posted July 18, 2013 Share Posted July 18, 2013 Hi everyone. I am 24 years old, and going through the most difficult time of my life. I get comfort in reading about similar situations, so am hoping someone will be able to give me some advice on how I can finally heal. For about a year and a half, I dated my manager at the place I work (I know, not smart). He was my best friend, when we weren't together we were either on the phone or texting, and I spent almost every night at his apartment. I have been in a long term relationship before, but this one seemed way different and I saw such a future with him. The guy I dated has a 8 year old daughter. He broke up with the mother of his child a little after the baby was born because he didn't feel like he was ready to settle down. A couple years later, he felt like he made a mistake and tried to get her back. She ended up getting married and having a baby with someone else. Although, soon after she ended up divorcing him. The guy I dated tried again to get his family back, but the girl continually said no and that it would never happen. After a while, he gave up trying. When my ex and I got serious, we had talks about the future with me and his daughter, and occasionally his ex would come up. He always told me they would never get back together. About 9 months ago, she came to my ex and told him that she really needed help with money, and asked him if he would rent a room from her house. He said no right away. A month later she asked again, and he said he thought about it for a little bit, but then realized that would not be a good idea and it would also ruin what we had together. A few weeks after that, the baby momma asked him AGAIN to rent a room because she really needed help with money, and that is when he told me that her asking brought up old emotions and made him really confused. He said he needed some time to figure out what he wanted, and said that he was torn because he was in love with me, but also has wanted his family back for so long and doesn't want to make the same mistake. After a couple weeks of him trying things out with her (which was absolute torture), I told him that I couldn't just be friends with him and that we could only talk if it was work related because this was all too hard for me. He said he understood, but every few days would text me telling me how much he missed me, loved me, and how he had so many mixed emotions. He would say things like he didn't want me to move on and over the time period of 3 months we would both have moments of weakness and I would end up sleeping over at his place. Throughout these months, as hard as they were, I honestly felt like he was realizing him and his ex weren't meant to be together because of how much hope he was still giving me after all this time. He told me how lonely he was and how much he missed me, and said how much him and the girl fought. There was a period of about 2 weeks where he didn't contact me at all outside of work, which made me worried. I saw him at work one day, and as I was pulling into my court on the way home from work I got a text from him. At first it was feeling of excitement and relief. Although, I was so wrong. In the text, he told me that his ex was 3 months pregnant. He said that he hopes I could be happy for him. I felt sick to my stomach. It was like a bad dream and I was just in absolute shock. How could this happen with everything he said to me the last few months?! I was beyond devastated. My ex ended up moving in with the girl a little bit after he told me she was pregnant. She is now a month away from having their baby, and I am still in so much pain. I still work with him, and I know that is just making it harder but can't get myself to let go and leave. I am still in denial about the entire situation and can't accept it at all. I thought I was going to marry this guy. I have never felt such a strong attraction, or have so much chemistry to anyone I have ever met before. I know a lot of people say this after a break-up, but I truly am scared I will never find someone I feel as strongly about. I cry myself to sleep every night and am in a really dark place. Some days are easier, but a lot of the time I get flashbacks and certain things will trigger memories and I just go back to feeling that pain. I appreciate any words of advice that people can give me, I just want to be happy again. Link to post Share on other sites
era Posted July 18, 2013 Share Posted July 18, 2013 I just want to be happy again. Oh gosh, I feel your pain. Personal experience has taught me to never date anyone from work. You must leave your job immediately - if you wish to be happy again. Link to post Share on other sites
Fugu Posted July 18, 2013 Share Posted July 18, 2013 Leave your job and leave him behind for good. This guy's a train wreck, and you're going to be much better off without him, even if that's not so obvious yet. Sheesh, my first thought about this guy is that he's weak and indecisive. Not a good parental figure, not a good partner, either. Don't you think you deserve someone more mature and trustworthy? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author feelinghopeless89 Posted July 19, 2013 Author Share Posted July 19, 2013 Leave your job and leave him behind for good. This guy's a train wreck, and you're going to be much better off without him, even if that's not so obvious yet. Sheesh, my first thought about this guy is that he's weak and indecisive. Not a good parental figure, not a good partner, either. Don't you think you deserve someone more mature and trustworthy? Haha! Everyone tells me the same thing.. like why would I want to be with someone like him?! And honestly, I don't even know myself. I think because of how happy I was with him and how much he promised and seemed to care about me makes me idealize him when I should really be doing the opposite. I know I deserve someone much better, which is why it is so frustrating that I can't seem to let go Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts