Acceptable74 Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 I have been with the company for a few years and about 6 months ago was put on a project with one of the executive managers. My current job was ending due to software upgrades and it made sense that I would be part of this transition. My boss, the executive manager, grew on me quickly. It was over the next month or so that I developed a full blown crush. To backtrack a little... I left my alcoholic husband about a year ago. I am on my own with young children and very determined to get my career on track. I have an excellent reputation at my work and in three years have been promoted three times. I work hard, stay late when necessary and enjoy what I do. I am driven to succeed for my own sake and my children's. OK, back the the boss. The crush developed. I fought it, but we worked closely, a lot. Many 12 hour days often times 6 days a week. He is handsome, smart, witty and really good at what he does. I have a tremendous amount of respect for this man. He's also married. I think he picked up on my nervousness quickly and would ask if he was making me nervous. I am shy, so him asking me this would turn my face beet red. Well, it's been about 6 months now, and I still adore him, but I've since moved into a new position where I don't have as much contact with him. Here's where I'm feeling confused. I did have a crush on him. Not a "I want to steal him from his wife or I want to make out with him" kind of crush. More of a "holy crap, I can't believe I am in a position to work with such a great leader". He has many of the characteristics (as a boss) that I would like to develop. I realize that though it started as a crush, it turned into a relationship of respect and admiration. He likes me too. He's told me that he thinks I'm great and that he enjoys working with me. I don't think he has any kind of romantic feelings at all. He joked once that since I do all I can, he's at my beck and call. The bottom line is that even though he's cute and I could like him, I respect myself and him too much to even think about it. I enjoy picking his brain about work and I like asking him how he would handle things. I have much to learn. In my new position, I only see him for a few minutes a couple times a day. We email work related stuff, but that's it. Frankly, I miss getting to talk to him. I think he fits this weird place in my life as part time crush, part time mentor and on top of that he is a feel good guy...the kind of person that makes you feel good every time you talk to them. I would really like more time with him as a mentor, but I'm afraid to ask. I know that I have so much to learn from someone like him. I know he's very busy, but would probably say yes. I really don't want to let go of such a powerful person in my life. On the business side and the fact that he somehow pumps me with positivity. I feel like I can conquer the world after I talk to him. How should I approach this? Do you think, given that he probably knows I was crushing on him, that he'll take this the wrong way? Or do you think that since I've been professional, he'll be able to see past my nerves? I keep trying to get up the nerve to talk to him and then I chicken out. Help! Me! Please! Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 Whoa, get out while you can!! The first descriptor word you use of him his handsome. You dont see your crush on him yet, but its there. I never would have thought in a million years, I would engage in a EA turned PA with my MM, my boss. It happened so easily, I was unsuspecting and ignorant, the path i was on clouded by a fog of mutual admiration and lust. Fast forward 10mnths (present day), we're in a full blown A, I had to resign my position with the company in order to protect his due to the boss/employee fraternization poilcies. I have a new job now, so we dont see eachother at work, but we still crave the closeness, we had been spending everyday all day together until my resignation, so now its turned into frequent, sometimes planned, yet sometimes spontaneous meet ups and hangouts and get aways... puncuated by longing and missing. We are in love now, but I'm still the OW, And it all started with admiring my boss, please girl be careful. p.s. I also was in a long term horrible marraige, it leaves us open for future heartbreak. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 I would really like more time with him as a mentor, but I'm afraid to ask. No, no, no, no, no.... You do NOT ask someone you have a crush on to mentor you. There is NOTHING you can learn from someone when you are all starry-eyed about that person. Move along, little doggy, move along... Link to post Share on other sites
tbf Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 While you're rationalizing the mentor part, you know that's not the reason why you want more contact with him. You've got children who are relying on your career tracking upwards. Don't mess with your livelihood. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 Please, please, please don't go down this track. He is married. There is nothing but heartbreak ahead. You have got children to think about. Stay focused. It's actually a blessing in disguise not to have much contact with him. You can let the crush fade. Asking him to mentor you is just an excuse so that you can be close to him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 Take the advice given to you! But keep in mind if you pursue MM, there's love and support waiting for you.... in the OW/OM forums. Peace, love & happiness xoxo 2 Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 (edited) okay if he wants to mentor you, but play smart, no sex until/if he divorces, avoid a secret affair, slow down a bit the life of a side-piece? no Christmases or new years eves together, no birthday celebrations, save for a quick window in his diary, ditto for weekend dates, it is not very enjoyable, it is lonelier than nothing, with nothing at least you're free to start a new chapter, you cant even phone him at home, like his other associates, it is no life at all waiting for him to secretly call, hellish, imho stop now please - because this guy lives in a family setting, breakfast with the wife, weekend outings with the wife and mutual friends, you have me in tears for you Edited July 10, 2013 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 All I'm reading here is, "I had a crappy marriage, I think I'm in love with my married boss, how do I get to spend more time with him, so I can eventually phukk him, mess his marriage up and start a life with him? Obviously, we have so much in common...." This will all end in tears - before bedtime..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kamani Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 You are doing well in your career. Think about the great deal you have earned so far. All you have now is because you are doing well in your workplace. You like there, and people there like you. You'll never stop by keeping your boss as a mentor. Journey towards an affair is not a sudden jump for everybody. It consists of many baby steps and now what you want is one of them. Don't make your happy life a mess. Your kids will be so hurt and your workplace would become a hell. Even if you don't have sex with him, there'll be enough pain if you get closer. You still have ample time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 OP go and read some threads in OW/OM forum. I did when I first joined LS and had a crush on my married boss. That place scared the f-k out of me. Suddenly those butterflies didn't seem quite worth it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 yes, the life of an OW = not fun Link to post Share on other sites
StrongLass Posted July 12, 2013 Share Posted July 12, 2013 Or do you think that since I've been professional, he'll be able to see past my nerves? When you turned as red as a beat every time he asked if he made you nervous? Please. What you've described as your feelings toward him are the opening words of office affair romance novels worldwide even though you insist they're not. Even if it didn't become an affair you'd at least get you heart crunched like a leaf on the sidewalk since your infatuation would only deepen & hurt you once confronted with reality. Do yourself & your kids a favor. STAY AWAY. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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