Coley09 Posted July 5, 2013 Share Posted July 5, 2013 Need Advice about Co-Worker I've been working in a new department for about 5 months now and during that time I think I've fallen madly in-love with my co-worker. The big problem is that she is engaged, she's been in that relationship for 7 yrs. and they have been living together for 5 yrs. I broke up with my ex of 4 years about 6 months ago, so I'm single and loving the freedom. Basically we work in an office where most people are in their late 40's/50s and we are both 33, so it was natural for me and her to communicate more often. Talking to each other led to flirting, and one day I asked her to lunch and lol she told me to meet her at a specific place and then jumped in her car and took me to a nice quite restaurant far from work, when I asked her why couldn't we just share cars from the office, she told me that she didn’t want people to get suspicious. I kinda find that weird, because we had never done anything to warrant suspicion. After that we basically started talking for about 20-30min everyday about everything from religion, politics, books etc. One day I asked her when she was getting married and she told me that she didn't want to get married and that she felt like she was wasting her time (by this time I had a huge crush on her). We went out for lunch again and she asked me about my relationship status and if I had any new prospect etc...I told her that I had a crush on somebody and her next question was” is it me?” I said yes because she caught me by surprise and didn't have a chance to lie. She told me that it was sweet but she was engaged and will never cheat but also that she feels “sorry” for me because I wouldn’t get what I want. I basically told her that I wasn’t expecting something and I will not stand in the way of her relationship and I only told her because she asked me. I promised her that I will never bring it up again. Since then her attitude towards me has changed, whenever we talk she blushes a lot and plays with her hair etc. I started to realize there was something strange between us quite soon. It wasn't unpleasant, it wasn't normal...! She’d tease me all the time, wind each other up and I'd find excuses to spend more time with her. Our conversations are all about sex now and she invited me to have a drink with her because she felt “bad” for me because she had turned me down, we went for drinks and had a blast, no physical contact. She told me that if she was single she wouldn’t hesitate to get together etc…I kinda played it cool. I’m falling hard for her and I have a feeling that she likes me too but I’m not sure and I made a promise that I won’t mess up her relationship, so last week I decided to limit our interaction by basically just having a professional relationship with her… and just yesterday she told me that she was very frustrated with her love life and maybe she should have a “boyfriend” on the side and keep her fiance for convenience (don’t know if she was serious or not). I want to know if I should pursuit this or if she is just playing games with me? I don’t know what to think anymore and I can’t stop thinking about her. Any advice will do please and thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Leegh Posted July 5, 2013 Share Posted July 5, 2013 I think you should pursue something with her, as if you don't then you'll probably regret it sometime down the road. I don't think she can be in love with the other guy, since she is spending time with you. I think she needs to make a decision. Maybe she shouldn't marry the other guy. Link to post Share on other sites
MYCluciferase Posted July 5, 2013 Share Posted July 5, 2013 "… and just yesterday she told me that she was very frustrated with her love life and maybe she should have a “boyfriend” on the side and keep her fiance for convenience (don’t know if she was serious or not)." Without condemning her behaviour, I think she's just enjoying your attention and playing around. Maybe she does like you enough to break her engagement, maybe not. Be prepared for either eventuality if you make a move. I've been in a situation with some similarities to yours, and it turned out that the object of my affections wasn't interested in me physically, but really enjoyed having a hopelessly smitten companion - in fact when I tried to move on, she'd sometimes sabotage my attempts to date other women, depending on her mood. So don't count on being successful with any advances, but it sounds like you'd really like to be together with her and wouldn't suffer tremendously if it affected your friendship (based on the fact that your 'friendship' with her didn't sound like it had much time in the 'innocent' phase)..? I guess that that's all you're risking, so you might well decide to go for it. I'm assuming that you could potentially change departments if things went badly? Personally, I'd go slowly and try to get a feeling of my likelihood of success first, but that's up to you and your style. AFILAW (All's fair....). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Coley09 Posted July 5, 2013 Author Share Posted July 5, 2013 Without condemning her behaviour, I think she's just enjoying your attention and playing around. Maybe she does like you enough to break her engagement, maybe not. Be prepared for either eventuality if you make a move. I've been in a situation with some similarities t it turned out that the object of my affections wasn't interested in me physically, but really enjoyed having a hopelessly smitten companion - in fact when I tried to move on, she'd sometimes sabotage my attempts to date other women, depending on her mood. This is what I fear she might be doing and I suck at reading women. I always feel like she is enjoying the attention that I give her and in the end I will look like a fool but then I also feel sometimes that she really likes me. I would love to be with her but since she is the one that's attached I want her to make the move...she already knows how i feel already. Link to post Share on other sites
sdraw108 Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 just yesterday she told me that she was very frustrated with her love life and maybe she should have a “boyfriend” on the side and keep her fiance for convenience Does it not concern you at all that she is willing to treat her fiance like this? Aside from the cheating, the fact that she used the phrase "for convenience" doesn't say anything good about her character. If you do decide to pursue this, prepare yourself for having it end badly, so that maybe it doesn't hit you as hard when it does. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 (edited) look, maybe it's me, but couldn't you just fantasise about her? you can enjoy a dreamy session, and tell her to come back if she's single, though some do not mind being a side-piece, but just enjoy your fantasy, my 2 cents, I have done this and not regretted it Edited July 6, 2013 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
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