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Is she flirting with me?


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FlirtDevil

We are both married.

She is a colleague.

Younger to me in age.

 

At first I used to get annoyed by her openness in meeti. s - she would say anything without thinking twice. And rest assured- I was not alone to be annoyed.

 

Then over time I noticed she would stop by my desk just to chat or ask me to tell her a joke. Now I have a terrible sense of humor - and she still laughs.

 

At times she mentioned that she went straight into middle life as she married her college sweetheart.

 

Then one day she asked if I would talk with her outside the office building. She said it was about her sister when is having troubles with her bf. We chatted. She kept telling me about her sister, then her own love life when she was young.

 

Days passed.

 

Another day she confided in me and said that she was distressed for having witnessed a srxual offense talk. I advised her to talk to the manager right away.

 

Another day she sat next to me in my cube, revealing her thighs through a split dress.

 

She would still stop by occasionally, ask me to join her for lunch. Etc.

 

Now today she told me she likes my jacket.

 

I also noticed during one of the lunches we did together, she was noticeably nervous - touching her hair, smiling a lot, dropping her knife etc.

 

Am I reading too much into it, or is she flirting with me?

 

In front of everyone, she would make jokes like she won't mind sharing my mother in law, or that I stood her up on a date because I refused to go out on lunch with her. Or she would tease me with mean things and wink at me.

Please help...

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Hmm do you want her to be flirting with you? As you're both married or are you more concerned?

 

She could just be messing with you, I wouldn't read too much in to it. Sometimes you have someone at work that is fun to be around. I use to refer to some guys as my work husbands. I'd always ask those guys to help me with things or go to lunch with them, but I didn't fancy them at all.

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FlirtDevil

Thanks for the reply, JuicyGirl. Thanks very much.

 

What is the difference between flirting and messing?

 

I have to admit: I do like it when I get attention.

 

The tricky part still is: I started out disliking her - almost terribly. But slowly she became my favorite teammate.

 

You are right: at some weird level, I want her to flirt with me. And I believe she does... example showing me the new pimple she just got on the neck... Or calling herself Mrs (my last name) ... many many more examples.

 

I just don't want to be reading too much into it and act on impulse.

 

I read recently that committed women are equally likely to engage in extra marital affairs. I just want to rule that possibility out because as sexy as that sounds - it is dangerous.

 

How can I rule that out as her intent without ruining my professional standing??

 

Thanks again.

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FlirtDevil

The other part being: I am far from being a fun person. I am geeky, boring. I am the one with the most boring stories on a lunch table.

 

In fact she stops by and says I need to have more fun in life.

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FlirtDevil

The saga continues...

 

Today she came back after a sick day. Stopped at my desk, and said: "Did you miss me a lot??"

 

Then later around lunch time, she stopped by again, hinting me that she will eat outside if I wanted to join. Then she came closer, and stood so close facing me, I could feel her breathe on my neck.

 

All this in a single day.

 

What is going on? Am I crazy band reading too much?

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pureinheart

You know what FD, it's really hard to say. Some people are just nice, personable people, others- it's straight up flirting.

 

I have a friend on FB that just brought up something simular to this as his status. He asked why he couldn't be just "nice", that some had mistaken his personable nature as flirtation. I've known him almost all of my life...he's just nice is all and just has an upbeat, encouraging personality. My reply to him was, hey I feel ya Brotha.

 

Some people are simply people orientated, and certain personalities bring this out in the ones that are "people" people. I'm generally a people person and there are some that I feel more comfortable around to be myself.

 

At work I was especially happy because I loved my job, and loved being around all of the people...the energy was amazing. Also am a "touchy feely" person with people I know are cool with it. Nothing is meant by it at all.

 

She could just have an outgoing personality and sees you as safe because you are married...that used to be my thinking anyway.

 

Women seem to be real direct these days, rather than what she is displaying, I think she would be making different advancements, such as comments or questions to meeting after work...making it very clear of her interest in an EMA (extra marital affair).

 

Hope this helps you love.

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pureinheart
The saga continues...

 

Today she came back after a sick day. Stopped at my desk, and said: "Did you miss me a lot??"

 

Then later around lunch time, she stopped by again, hinting me that she will eat outside if I wanted to join. Then she came closer, and stood so close facing me, I could feel her breathe on my neck.

 

All this in a single day.

 

What is going on? Am I crazy band reading too much?

 

Sorry, didn't read your whole thread...

 

Bold- is uncool. This is more than what is described above- this is getting into your space moreso than being just a "touchy feely" person as I am.

 

No- that crossed the line IMO. Touchy feely still has a respectable distance, especially with a married man.

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Eddie Edirol

I have to admit: I do like it when I get attention.

 

 

So does she, and I think she is trying to get you to react, or flirt with her for validation. Maybe her husband isnt paying attention to her. Furthermore, she is using you to vent, not cool. I dont think she really likes you, maybe she tried this with other men and they saw through it and shut her down. Let her keep thinking it isnt working on you just to see how far she will go. But dont get attached to the idea that you have a chance with her,. I think she is playing games with you.

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Forever Learning
So does she, and I think she is trying to get you to react, or flirt with her for validation. Maybe her husband isnt paying attention to her. Furthermore, she is using you to vent, not cool. I dont think she really likes you, maybe she tried this with other men and they saw through it and shut her down. Let her keep thinking it isnt working on you just to see how far she will go. But dont get attached to the idea that you have a chance with her,. I think she is playing games with you.

 

I agree with Eddie on this one. But only time will tell.

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FlirtDevil

Thank you all very much for the feedback - it is great to run the same scenario through more than just my mind.

 

Thank you again. I will post my comments a bit later... Have to tend to my toddler:-)

 

You guys rock.

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pureinheart
Thanks for the reply, JuicyGirl. Thanks very much.

 

What is the difference between flirting and messing?

 

I have to admit: I do like it when I get attention.

 

The tricky part still is: I started out disliking her - almost terribly. But slowly she became my favorite teammate.

 

You are right: at some weird level, I want her to flirt with me. And I believe she does... example showing me the new pimple she just got on the neck... Or calling herself Mrs (my last name) ... many many more examples.

 

I just don't want to be reading too much into it and act on impulse.

 

I read recently that committed women are equally likely to engage in extra marital affairs. I just want to rule that possibility out because as sexy as that sounds - it is dangerous.

 

How can I rule that out as her intent without ruining my professional standing??

 

Thanks again.

 

LOL, I need to pay more attention, didn't read this post either until Eddie quoted a portion of it.

 

This whole thing is on some shakey ground love...I mean this with no disrespect...although this relationship needs to be put back on a professional level- completely professional.

 

Eddie is right ...do you want to put your marriage in jeapordy? For a fling?

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pureinheart
Thank you all very much for the feedback - it is great to run the same scenario through more than just my mind.

 

Thank you again. I will post my comments a bit later... Have to tend to my toddler:-)

 

You guys rock.

 

You rock too! Awwwww you have a little person:love:

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FlirtDevil
LOL, I need to pay more attention, didn't read this post either until Eddie quoted a portion of it.

 

This whole thing is on some shakey ground love...I mean this with no disrespect...although this relationship needs to be put back on a professional level- completely professional.

 

Eddie is right ...do you want to put your marriage in jeapordy? For a fling?

 

No I do not want to jeopardize my marriage.

 

I should try to minimize my time alone with her at work - that is when she takes charge and acts all vulnerable.

 

Thank you.

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FlirtDevil
What's your perception of her? Would you like her to flirt with you? If so, then it could be that you're the one misjudging her approach towards you but if not it may be that she's just being nice. But either way, you can stay calm and enjoy the fun while it lasts.

 

Good question. At the risk of generalizing it, everyone like more attention, right?

 

I do. I like it when she is around. I like it when she is playing. I think she knows it too.

 

The thing is though: she doesnt do it to everyone... at least not noticeably. She tells people we are going on a lunch date if it is a professional lunch we need to goto. She tells me about how she would share the dorm bed with her now husband, in eerie details. She keeps trying to find time alone with me.. even if it is a walk to another building for a work meeting...

 

I was taking it as just that - a nice colleague - until she startedvto show up in my dream and I found myself subconsciously fantasizing about her as an agressive sex partner.

 

My wife knows her - met at parties. And its weird - in parties or social gatherings, my colleague acts totally opposite - very rude and flat faced - she won't even share an eye contact with me or my wife.

 

Anyhow, Thanks all for the input.

 

Appreciated...

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Calvin's wagon

Hi!

 

I think there's a high probability she's flirting with you, given everything you've said. And honestly, even if she's not consciously trying to flirt with you, her behaviour is starting to have very detrimental consequences on you and your marriage, and you're, imo, sliding towards liking her, lusting for her (you mentioned fantasizing) etc., and this could perhaps sooner or later having a bid detrimental effect on your marriage.

 

Honestly, ask yourself:

1. Would your wife be ok with her behaviour or how the relationship between the two of you is developing? HAVE you told your wife about her behaviour? If not, why not?

2. Would you be ok if your wife behaved like that with some other guy, or if some guy behaved like that towards your wife?

3. Why not maintain a strictly professional relationship with this woman?

4. Do you have self-esteem issues?

5. Why not use the time&energy you spend on her&thinking about her during the work hours to connect with your male coworkers?

6. Why not put more energy into your relationship with your wife and taking care of the baby? If this coworker can talk to you about her present issues etc., take you out for lunches etc. - why don't you try to spice things with your wife instead, take her to lunches, dates, talk to her about her problems, dreams etc.?

 

Best wishes!

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I still think she's messy with you dude, she's not serious.It sounds like the popular girl that's picking on the nerdy guy at school. At first she was being silly but now she's getting her kicks out of making you nervous and horny. It's all an attention game. I bet if you said something to her she's pretend to have no idea what you're talking about. Her home life isn't too happy so she's using you to validate herself as a woman. She's a cock tease, leave her alone before you ruin your career and marriage all in one shot.

 

Next time she invites you to lunch tell her you're busy , make a point to talk to other girls in front of her, if she comes to breathe in your face offer her a mint :D when she calls herself your Mrs ask her how her husband is. She'll get the hints.

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FlirtDevil

Thank you Calvin's Wagon And Juicy.

 

I think I need to take a strict stance now. Today, in a crowded meeting, she sat in front of me. Half way through, she touched my leg with her foot. At first I thought it was a mistake.. But it happened again. The weird thing is: she won't make eye contact with me as it happened. But if I look down, her legs were open.. exposing pretty much everything that a summer skirt would hide. I had to turn away from the table and face the presenter.

 

This is getting crazy. I know I am no Tom Cruise. But I don't look that bad either. Even if she is just fooling around, I don't want to encourage her. If I goto HR, I am afraid I might be the one to get doubted.

 

Thanks all again... Very much appreciated!

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Thegameoflife

I feel your pain. As to your problem, you actually have to address the problem and deal with it like a man. I would just straight out ask her what she is trying to accomplish. You need to say it to her first before you can take action. However, you saying you're a geek, I know you're smart enough to know the proper steps. I think you like the ego boost, and it's sexually exciting for you. My sense is saying you don't want to stop it, but you want to control it. Unfortunately, none of this is in your control. As a married guy, you have to stop it before things get out of hand. She's drawing your attention to her crotch. So far, you've been encouraging it. Handle it with caution, because you don't know if this is going to backfire on you. IME, rejecting female advances is a huge ego blow to them, and she might destroy your life. You've let this go a long time now, others have noticed, and are probably suspicious of things. I honestly think nobody would doubt her if she said everything was reciprocated. All you can do is slowly back away, and avoid her as much as possible.

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