Lamplight Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 I have worked for this company for 9 years and gotten 4 promotions. For the past two years, I have been dealing with a bully. She humiliates, yells, degrades and embarrasses me in front of my peers and managers. She has or attempts to have any vacation time pulled. I had to work when I had strep throat one time. Actually had to go to the ER to get a shot just so I could work. It seems to really escalate right before or during my vacation. If she finds out about my PTO, I get this email the day before with about 20 hours of work that suddenly needs to be completed before I leave. And this is just for one day of PTO. While I'm gone she complains to my boss. She has now started ti complaining to my boss and AVP approximately 3 times a week. I called her once and asked her if we needed to resolve any differences and she said no and complained about that too. I've tried everything by working with her, being respectful to finally being just as rude as she is. I've tried to move to another department but she has ruined my creditability. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed to be here. Hate to quit because I work my own schedule, work from home 2 days a week, have over 250 vacation hours and a nice 401k. I just ignore her now because the results are the same. Could anyone offer me some suggestions on how to handle this situation? At my wits end here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 I would speak to your supervisors about it and/or HR. Higher ups need to be pulled in to put a stop to this. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
prettycutesoul Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 You shouldn't be subjected to something like that at work! Talk to HR, it's their job to resolve things like this. Sexual harassment, HR, someone stealing in the office, HR, someone bullying you, HR. Talk to HR they will know what to do, they will prob ask you and your supervisors to go into a room and talk about it. Just hash it out, this is messing up your life at work, it's not supposed to be that way. Link to post Share on other sites
90s kid Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 You definitely need to go to HR. Be sure to document any inappropriate behavior on her part and keep any rude emails she sends you so you can present them as evidence. Do not allow her to run you out of a job that you enjoy. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I don't have any good advice but just want to chime in that I'm right there with you... a department manager at my work has been singling me out quite a bit lately. making up grandiose stories about things that I've never done (not to mention things that are very out of character for me) and talking badly about me to other managers, 2 of whom take what she says seriously. The others, luckily, know she's full of crap, but the supervisor unfortunately really trusts this manager and claims she's "his eyes when he's not around". HR is useless. Supervisor is useless. Being at work has been miserable lately... getting shouted at for crimes I did not commit... Link to post Share on other sites
SweetiePie12 Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I called her once and asked her if we needed to resolve any differences and she said no and complained about that too. Don't have any one on one conversations with her. You were great to try and get things out in the open. Next time, if you must, do so face to face where there are witnesses around. Tell her you love working with her and...did I do something to accidentally offend you? Because I think you're cool, so just want to make sure -- and try not to Then pat yourself on the back for the Oscar worthy performance. That should diffuse her at least for a while, but a miserable person such as whom you describe cannot become your problem. I've tried everything by working with her, being respectful to finally being just as rude as she is. Don't do that. She'll turn it against you. I've tried to move to another department but she has ruined my creditability. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed to be here. Hate to quit because I work my own schedule, work from home 2 days a week, have over 250 vacation hours and a nice 401k. I just ignore her now because the results are the same. Could anyone offer me some suggestions on how to handle this situation? At my wits end here. Well, you know the stress of dealing with a workplace bully can have an adverse effect on your health, including PTSD. I wish I had a quick solution for you. Start looking for an environment where you'll be appreciated. Do not feel ashamed or embarrassed. For what? For being alive and breathing? She, the bully, should (and probably is, deep down inside) be ashamed! You must use those two work days from home to your maximum advantage and seek a more positive work environment. What good are all those vacation hours if you're bullied out of using them?? In the meantime, psyche yourself out, hype yourself up, and smile to yourself like you know a secret, which is -- this too shall pass, and karma is real! You WILL have the last laugh! Link to post Share on other sites
SweetiePie12 Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I would speak to your supervisors about it and/or HR. Higher ups need to be pulled in to put a stop to this. Document, document, document -- every incident! Workplace bullies are a liability to the company. Literally! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SweetiePie12 Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 they will prob ask you and your supervisors to go into a room and talk about it. Sometimes involving a mediator escalates matters, and the victim suffers worse consequences. It's an unfair and tricky navigation to maneuver, but she can do it! Link to post Share on other sites
prettycutesoul Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 Sometimes involving a mediator escalates matters, and the victim suffers worse consequences. It's an unfair and tricky navigation to maneuver, but she can do it! It's just that whenever you start work or have orientation etc, they always say if you have a problem go to HR. I know it doesn't work all the time. Sometimes HR is truly useless and sometimes they can help, it's such a crapshoot. So she needs to find a way like maybe she and her supervisor are close and she can tell the supervisor of the problem. It's just such a bad situation to be in. You go to work everyday only to be bullied- I mean it sucks and its way past high school to do this kind of stuff, I feel like OP really needs to bring this to someone's attention so this person can stop her miserable torture on her haha. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SweetiePie12 Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 So she needs to find a way like maybe she and her supervisor are close and she can tell the supervisor of the problem. Exactly. Supervisors are supposed to be role models. She can advise her as well as offer options. I've been doing a lot of research on workplace bullying, and it is truly on the rise! It's just such a bad situation to be in. You go to work everyday only to be bullied Right. It's best to take the high road and realize these are miserable people who have to live with themselves, whereas the victim only has to be exposed for a few hours (which is still unfair). I say: give a bully enough rope, they will find themselves in a bind all by themselves. It can also be fun to frustrate them with an Oscar winning performance which says: you are so irrelevant, you can't even upset me Things have a way of working themselves out. But definitely, the victim should NOT suffer in silence. Don't gossip, but tell someone. Bullying thrives in isolation. Link to post Share on other sites
melodicintention Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 This.... HR is useless. Supervisor is useless. Being at work has been miserable lately... getting shouted at for crimes I did not commit... Been there too, last job I was laid off by my bully boss. Huge satellite company with lots of nepotism. I HATE to be negative, but sometimes you cannot win and the best thing is to leave when it gets toxic like you explain. Consider your health. You don't need BS stress shaving years off your life for a stupid paycheck. Try HR like everyone suggests, but also have a plan B in case you can't get support. It might be time to move on. Dig the well before you are thirsty 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 Of course there are situations that never resolve correctly because of poor management but there is a due diligence that everyone should follow to try and resolve things correctly. First you tell your immediate supervisor and ask for assistance. If they are involved or do not do anything you either go higher up the chain of command or you then go to HR. If they can't resolve things you either continue going up the chain of command or make some serious decisions about employment at this company. I am confused if this person is a peer, supervisor, etc. If a peer than immediate supervisor should be able to put a stop to it. I would ask if the OP is doing what they need to do and there isn't any reasons why the "bully" is focusing on them, is the OP failing in shared operations and that is causing the bully to have to do more work. This is where a third party can help mediate the situation. I would also look at what exactly seems to be the focus, eliminate that it isn't because of a protected class (as that is another ball of wax and definitely needs involvement by HR), etc. I would not have any one on one meetings with said person as it would be a "he said she said" situation. Bullying works because it is kept in the dark. Bring it into the light, show the person that while you are open to find a common ground and a compromise you are not going to cowtail to them and you will call them on it. Bullies are always going to push boundaries, there is no happy medium where they will maintain a status quo. For me, I deal with an executive that is a bully. He just pushes boundaries. So I have gone over his head to put a stop to it, and then when he starts pushing boundaries I call him on it. It is cyclical with him, it is how he is, but he also knows I have no fear on putting a smack down on him either. I know that he does this with others, and it is the worst with his subordinates. Until others make official complaints there is not enough to take action on but I am confident that one day things will come to a head. I follow the mantra "that at the end of the day a person's true colors come out" so he will get himself fired at some point down the line as he will never have a status quo. At this point I document and stay vocal. Link to post Share on other sites
SweetiePie12 Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I would ask if the OP is doing what they need to do and there isn't any reasons why the "bully" is focusing on them, is the OP failing in shared operations and that is causing the bully to have to do more work. There is no excuse for bullying. Ever, ever, ever. If someone perceives an unfair workload distribution, that's no cause for professionalism and common courtesy to go out the window. Bullies do what they do from insecurity, jealousy, immaturity... They are the problem, not the victim. Bullies are always going to push boundaries, there is no happy medium where they will maintain a status quo. Ugh. Why, why, why!? Bullies are pathetic, with no life. I bet they spend an inordinate amount of time obsessing over their victim, even when away from the work place I follow the mantra "that at the end of the day a person's true colors come out" so he will get himself fired at some point down the line Bingo. Or they miraculously move to another company, department, location... Things have the funniest way of working out in due time. But in this case, something must be done sooner rather than later so she can feel good about herself again! At this point I document and stay vocal. I think it is sooo important never to stoop to the bullies' level, and let it glide of one's back like water off a duck's back -- for appearance sake, anyway. Everyone is watching one another. It's a constant performance. Cannot emphasize enough these two elements: document, and communicate to a trusted superior (not a peer; that's is gossip) what is happening. You can do this, OP! You are in the right! No one deserves this. It isn't killing you, so it's making you stronger and perhaps building up your compassion in terms of how to treat others later on down the line (not that you would ever stoop to bullying antics, but still, this has got to be an insightful experience, no?). Bullies also target those who appear kind. Please keep us posted OP. You've got the power to stand up for yourself!!!! Don't delay! Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 Sweetie, I think you are putting too much energies into bullies. All species have bullies, there are individuals that will push the boundaries to show dominance. We are not that different than our mammal brethren. Why do bullies do it? Because they can. Because others don't have strong boundaries and don't push back right away. It starts with little pushes and if someone consents then they continue to do it. I am not saying it is right but it happens far too often and is far too common to get upset by it. The best thing with a bully is to push back. Show you aren't going to take it, you will tell others, and it doesn't impact you. And in regards to whether there is an excuse to bully, we only have the OP's point of view. I am allowing the possibility that the OP could have a different take than the other party. And no, I don't think bullies spend any time thinking of the other party, not all bullies. They are just being them, doing what they want, and the victim holds little value or focus. Link to post Share on other sites
SweetiePie12 Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 Sweetie, I think you are putting too much energies into bullies. All species have bullies, there are individuals that will push the boundaries to show dominance. We are not that different than our mammal brethren. Why do bullies do it? Because they can. Because others don't have strong boundaries and don't push back right away. It starts with little pushes and if someone consents then they continue to do it. Every situation is different, & I've never said I'm involved with a bully, so how could I be putting in too much energy?? The best thing with a bully is to push back. I completely disagree. That is sinking to a level. And no, I don't think bullies spend any time thinking of the other party, not all bullies. As you said; "not all". They are just being them, doing what they want, and the victim holds little value or focus. Again, I disagree. Every situation is different. Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I have worked for this company for 9 years and gotten 4 promotions. For the past two years, I have been dealing with a bully. She humiliates, yells, degrades and embarrasses me in front of my peers and managers. She has or attempts to have any vacation time pulled. I had to work when I had strep throat one time. Actually had to go to the ER to get a shot just so I could work. It seems to really escalate right before or during my vacation. If she finds out about my PTO, I get this email the day before with about 20 hours of work that suddenly needs to be completed before I leave. And this is just for one day of PTO. While I'm gone she complains to my boss. She has now started ti complaining to my boss and AVP approximately 3 times a week. I called her once and asked her if we needed to resolve any differences and she said no and complained about that too. I've tried everything by working with her, being respectful to finally being just as rude as she is. I've tried to move to another department but she has ruined my creditability. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed to be here. Hate to quit because I work my own schedule, work from home 2 days a week, have over 250 vacation hours and a nice 401k. I just ignore her now because the results are the same. Could anyone offer me some suggestions on how to handle this situation? At my wits end here. Report it to her superior or your union or human ressources. Psychological harrasment is harldy tolerated nowadays. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lamplight Posted June 7, 2013 Author Share Posted June 7, 2013 Well the good news is I actually got a few days of time off but, it came with a price. Took two days off then setup my out of office for day three and four retro active back to day one. Today, she sent some email to my AVP stating some document needed to be completed today. I completed that thing on 23rd. I have no idea why she is bitching about some document that was completed two weeks ago. I got asked if I informed her of my PTO which I didn't because I didn't want one those do all this work before you take PTO emails I always get. This is a project manager and not my boss. Some of my co-workers have stopped speaking with me and one said people were looking for me while I was gone. This is impacting my other projects. I don't understand why she is complaining so much when I've completed all my assignments and she keeps trying to have me do the same work over and over. I would really like to do a great job without having to defend myself to my boss every day. This has really gotten out of hand. Going on PTO again next week to do a lot of stuff that needs to be done. Not too sure if I'll have a job when I get back. Unfortunately, I spent my other PTO wondering what she was saying about me in my absence. This just needs to stop. Link to post Share on other sites
prettycutesoul Posted June 8, 2013 Share Posted June 8, 2013 Well the good news is I actually got a few days of time off but, it came with a price. Took two days off then setup my out of office for day three and four retro active back to day one. Today, she sent some email to my AVP stating some document needed to be completed today. I completed that thing on 23rd. I have no idea why she is bitching about some document that was completed two weeks ago. I got asked if I informed her of my PTO which I didn't because I didn't want one those do all this work before you take PTO emails I always get. This is a project manager and not my boss. Some of my co-workers have stopped speaking with me and one said people were looking for me while I was gone. This is impacting my other projects. I don't understand why she is complaining so much when I've completed all my assignments and she keeps trying to have me do the same work over and over. I would really like to do a great job without having to defend myself to my boss every day. This has really gotten out of hand. Going on PTO again next week to do a lot of stuff that needs to be done. Not too sure if I'll have a job when I get back. Unfortunately, I spent my other PTO wondering what she was saying about me in my absence. This just needs to stop. Any news? Did you do something about it? Link to post Share on other sites
drr6 Posted June 8, 2013 Share Posted June 8, 2013 If she doesnt want to discuss it with you, then you have to discuss it with higher ups. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted June 8, 2013 Share Posted June 8, 2013 You're first recourse is to make it all documented in ways that reveal how you're being personally intimidated unfairly and issue memos to her boss with cc's to your boss and whomever else is in the power chain. Just make your case that it is now passed acceptable and this will be your mode of protecting yourself and seeking action going forward. This may lead to enmity and confrontation or it may lead to resolution in your favor. I've done it this way, people thought me as the "poison pen guy". But they knew not to screw with me because there were clear lines and I could articulate them in ways that would stand scrutiny. Just be correct and have done your parts. Sometimes it has to be this way--the other party makes it so. And there is no having it both ways--no everyone is happy and unhappy at the same time. Far too much is tolerated before people realize this--I'm dealing with it today in my own family with a crazy nephew. Issues have been undocumented and this kid with brain damage who does not have capacity for ordinary reason has been enabled to the point of possible murder. It has all fallen on me since yesterday to take over. And it's incredible what I'm hearing about how the relevant players in all of this keep thinking it can be both ways--no one deals with anything or they just tell themselves whatever to just let themselves off the hook. Good luck. I hope you don't have too many of these in your life. But draw lines when you've been wronged and speak the language of hard reason on paper. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 If she is your supervisor or teammate : You need to notify her as well as other teammates in a group email a week before you take time off stating what projects or responsibilities are completed or what the status is . A group email is important because then you aren't reporting to her and also you are covering yourself for any of her backlash. You can find a way to make this update simply an FYI as opposed to a report. I'm assuming she and others are jealous of the PTO you have accumulated. In the same email ask the group if there if there is anything you should be aware of or issues they need assistance with prior to your time off. THis has you taking the lead as opposed to answering for after the fact. Follow? Link to post Share on other sites
LOSTnMT Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 Since you can very rarely win situations like this my advice would be to punch her in the face as hard as you can then sue the company you work for because you injured your hand at work. Its a win win Link to post Share on other sites
LovesHangover Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 Similar tactics -Unrealistic timelines -Complaining about me to her supervisior -Yelling -Denying time off/vacation time -Requested that I come in while trying to heal from bronchitis -Verbally abusive I tried to resolve issues with her. In the end, I ended up fired while she continues her reign of terror. No HR at the small nonprofit. There is a book you can read that may help: Taming Your TOT(Terrible Office Tyrant). LOL. Don't you just love the title? Link to post Share on other sites
LovesHangover Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 (edited) Since you can very rarely win situations like this my advice would be to punch her in the face as hard as you can then sue the company you work for because you injured your hand at work. Its a win win I'm sure that you're kidding! Edited June 11, 2013 by LovesHangover Misspelled word Link to post Share on other sites
LOSTnMT Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 Thats why I winked! Link to post Share on other sites
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