returning to school-grief

[miabrokenhearted]

I'm 27 & recently decided to return to school, I'm pissed off at the reaction I'm getting from my extended family. They repeatedly say to my face that I should go out and get a job, and stop living off the fat of the land (I'm not on loans, I'm paying for this out of my savings). They haven't been to university/grad school and I actually view school as being work!

 

Some background, I was unemployed for about a year before deciding to return to school, I did make the misdecision to not just get a temp or retail job, instead I assumed that hey something is going to come up. Having all that time I realized I wanted my job to be meaningful & soo here I am back in school, this will help me transition to the career I want. The average age of people in the program I'm taking is 25 with about %20 of students over the age of 30.

 

Have any of you had this as well? Do people claim that you're returning to school to avoid working? Does this sound as ridiculous as I think it does?

 

This is really stressing me out, recently my so-called cousin told me that I'm the topic of conversation at family get-togethers (I didn't go to the last couple)! And that according to her everyone thinks I'm being lazy and should work. The ironic part of this is I have worked through most of my undergrad, and in fact took a couple more years to finish so I wouldn't graduate with debt, again during that time all I was asked is when are you finishing and getting a job?

 

Soo, I'm frustrated, angry, hurt and on the verge of just cutting them out of my life, who needs that crap!@

[tiki]

Go get a job. Really. You *can* do it and it *is* possible. I'm a 28 y/o single mother of a 3 year old. If I can go back to school, so can you! School is no reason to sit on your bum. You're old enough to HAVE to do both. Who pays your bills? Will they come pay mine?

[brashgal]

hey, if you are financially independent and can afford to make this investment in yourself then I don't know what your family has to complain about. Even if someone was bankrolling you, if they don't mind doing so then why should anyone else? Sounds like big-time envy to me!

[shamen]

If you're lucky enough to just go to school and not work while paying for it yourself, don't worry about it! I wish that I hadn't had to work to get through college! It was hard trying to manage both things.

 

You are not sitting on your bum. You're going to college. That is work, you're right. If only everyone in the country was lucky enough to have this situation...

 

More power to you! Good luck in your classes.

[tiki]

Originally posted by shamen You are not sitting on your bum. You're going to college.

 

Last time I checked, the going rate was 40 hours a week for full time work. Uh, college, about 12 hours? Doesn't sound like work to me!!

 

When should you get out and get a real job?!? Forty?! You should be sittin pretty at forty and in the height of your career.

[miabrokenhearted]

OP here, thanks for all of your thoughts!!

I guess I'm most upset that my own extended family isn't being supportive, but critical and judgemental of my choices...

 

Originally posted by tikibrandy

Last time I checked, the going rate was 40 hours a week for full time work. Uh, college, about 12 hours? Doesn't sound like work to me!!

 

When should you get out and get a real job?!? Forty?! You should be sittin pretty at forty and in the height of your career.

 

I was thinking about where we get our ideas about college and work, I think that the shift towards combining work and college started after the 1980s, ask your parents if they worked and went to school, summer jobs yes, working during the semester no. Tuition increases, cost of living increases, parents not helping financially and capped loans are probably another reason SOME students do have to work to make ends meet. In European countries, students just go to school without working during the semester usually, their tuitions free, and usually they receive a monthly stipend. School is considered to be work there.

 

The fact is that NOT every student needs to work and study, and as anyone who has done this (I did during my undergrad!) it's really tough to combine the two and give as much attention to schoolwork or activities outside of classes as it would have been if I hadn't been working. We have our whole lives to work, and I think our culture as a whole is too work-orientated, that's one aspect of our lives, we are not what we do. In fact, in countries such as France it's impolite to even ask people what they do.

 

I think that the culture/media is also partially to blame, they push the idea of working and studying, when the truth is a lot of students don't do this, they're privilaged in that their parents or grandparents pay for their studies. I'd argue that they're probably getting a lot more out of college.

 

As for the sitting pretty in a career at age 40, reality check, I'm back in school because career paths aren't linear! You move up, go sideways, move down etc. Our job market, economy etc. is volatile, have you not lived through the tech boom crash! Such is life, very few jobs are secure, life-long positions (and I'm not becoming a teacher!).

 

Anyhow, thanks for your posting, I wrote this to generate discussion and to see the other points, and perhaps my family feels the same way because they genuinely don't see college as being work.

 

I respect you for working, and studying but surely you're not soo naive as to think that everyone should be doing what you're doing? College is 12 hours per week, yes for time spent in classes, ideally we'd be spending 2-3 hours outside of this on readings, research, projects etc. My free time goes towards volunteering in order to get applied experience and contacts in my new field.

[tiki]

If I could do it financially, I don't know, maybe I would. I feel like the price I pay for going to college at almost age 30 is that I still have to continue to go on with my normal, every day life. Even if all my studies were paid for, I still could not afford to be out of work. When I went to college at age 20, I still worked and had a real job. I worked about 32-36 hours per week.

 

I am from the United States, and here, if we wanna go to school at age 30, we don't have a whole lot of choice except for TO work. Unless we're getting a free ride from somewhere.

 

It can be done. I work 40 hours a week. I go to a state university. I have a family life. I have a relationship too. I'm involved in church. We just do whatever it takes to make ends meet here. My ends meet by working 40 hours a week. =)

 

Maybe your fam is jealous, you do suck if you dont have to work and go to school simulataneously! =)

 

I will say that if I didn't work while in college, I'd take the MAX # of credit hours available. If you're gonna be dedicated to school and school only, give it your all. I take a limited # of hours b/c of my situation. Do what you feel comfortable with, only you know your situation, culture, all that good stuff. My grades DO lack because I am so tightly wound, that's the honest truth.

[shamen]

College classes themselves were approximately 15 hours a week for me (15 credits) and the closer I got to graduation with labs and recitations, more like 20.

 

Add on another 4 hours a day of studying, writing, and research and you've got another 20 hours a week. And that's assuming that you're only working on these things 4 hours a day. I know that there was plenty of times that I was doing more than that.

 

40 hours a week. Full time job as an undergrad.

 

Graduate degree? Which I did, was more like 70 - 80 hours a week with the internship.

 

This is definitely not sitting around on your bum.

[katie79]

are you going for your bachelor's or masters degree? You mentioned you worked throughout most of your undergrad degree? Did you finish that yet or do you mean you are currently con't it? You've worked before, so you don't sound lazy to me really. If you worked many years and saved to take off a year or maybe two to go full-time for your degree, that's fine. I would have to know you better to pin-point whether you extended family is right or not. If you are the type to be passionate about one thing and flake out later, multiple times, then although you maybe serious, they might view you as "lazy" simply b/c they expect you'll flake out of your passion soon and be stuck with no job.

I think everyone is in a different situation. I was thinking of going back to school at night for Sign Language, but when I looked into it deeper, I found the class offering did not match my schedule, I'm not willing to quite my job or work part-time to do this. It's a bummer, but for ME, at 25 with an AA and a BA, I think it's best I work full-time from now on. Benifits and stuff like that I need, I am not of an age where my parents can legally cover my health insurance. Also, I am engaged to be married, so I don't want to make any sudden moves now. I need to save and est a career. I still intend to go to school at night and take some computer courses to advance my knowledge for the workplace, then I will look into going for my Masters.

Honestly, if you are able to support your own bills, not lay a burden on anyone, and have saved enough for this education, so be it. As long as you are passionate about your schooling leading to particular career, you have nothing to feel ashamed about. Who cares what other people think, it's your life?

However, since you aren't 18 or 19 anymore, and you have shown tendancies to bail out at the last minute on career/schooling, you don't have enough to pay your own bills, and you are burdening others, that's not fair. You are an adult, and you must take care of yourself now. Remember, there's always night school. You can always work full-time during the day and go to school at night for something else. The time will pass anyhow and you'll land where you want then w/all the right efforts!

[marli]

Mia, I am 35, a mother of a two year old and just entered a graduate program this semester after my divorce. I do work part time, but mainly just to keep my foot in the door and see if what I am learning is actually applied in day to day business practices. If you are in a position to not work, then wonderful for you! Take as many credits as you can and finish early.

In regard to your family I have several comments; if your not working is the "topic" of family gatherings then you should remind them that they are truly blessed to not have more tragic topics to discuss (ie: illness, divorce, business failure, a family member in the military, etc.) Second, use them as your inspiration to do well, graduate with honors and find a fulfilling career (and not just a job!) and finally realize that their remarks may have a jealous under-tone.

My best to you!!

[izzybelle]

mia- i work in a career center at a competititive univ. and periodically do see people in your position. while many people do work and go to graduate school, or work on an undergraduate degree, it is not without it's pitfalls. i worked full time at my univ. so that my courses would be free and it took me forever to finish my degree. at the beginning of my grad. work my (then) husband did what he could to sabotage my success. i heard it all so i can understand to some extent what you're going through. someone had also once told me that the divorce rate among grad students was high because of the stress of the acadmics and family and work..... don't know if it's true, i've never seen the study but it wouldn't surprise me.

 

and to be honest, when i hear things like what you've heard from your extended family, it makes me frustrated. perhaps because of where i work i see the value of education more than some. i also see on a day to day basis the frustrations faced by students who are trying to support themselves and go to school. and are constantly having to choose between studies, work and family.

 

i don't know you, i don't know how you are in an academic setting but i do know that there is nobody out there who can say that EVERYONE should be able to handle working and school all at the same time. there are too many variables involved. sure i've even seen people working part-time and going to law school part-time an insane combination in my opinion. but i'm sure if they'd had the chance they would have just focussed on school full-time.

 

only you know how much time you need to devote to your studies to get the most out of it. and as others here have said, if you don't need to work, then concentrate on your studies and tell your family that you're trying to better yourself to make a better life for you and all concerned. if they still don't want to support you and still want to talk about you behind your back then so be it. you can't stop them but hey.... someday when you get through it and you're successful and they congratulate you on your achievments just look at them and say "thank you, i couldn't have done it without the support of my family."