Unpleasant coworker

[Gp123]

My coworker and I do not get along. As we started a new project this summer we do for awhile, but since then it has gone downhill. I have always felt like this person like to get their own way, because we will meet about things and then she will go and do her own thing. I has always been this way and since I don't get along with her well, I choose to avoid her and limit contact.

 

I recently was motivated to make some changes within my job. At times I was fearful, but I felt ready to embrace some new things. In my excitement, I shared those changes with her and others. It went over well with others, my reasons for making the changes were logical given the situation and necessary. I wasn't doing it for any other reason, but she came back and said we needed to make decisions like this as a team, not as individuals. OK.

 

Since I limit contact with her, I asked her about her plans for something and she basically decided something without asking for a 'team' decision, even though she did ask our team permission to try something before making a decision. So now I am stuck between a rock and a hard place, I can't make changes without cleaning it with her but her changes are made without clearing it with myself and others. I guess I am trying to not take it personally, but why is she doing this? And how do I move forward when every time I try, she pushes me into a corner by saying we have to agree on things and then goes and does what she wants without anyone intervening? I love my job, but she makes me want to quit she is so unpleasant to work with.

[Taramere]

The impression I'm getting is that since you don't get along with her, a lot of your emphasis is on trying to limit contact between the two of you and perhaps she feels the same way. Nobody can force you to get along, but it sounds as if you need some clarity and consistency as to

 

a) which matters you can take decisions on without consulting the other

b) which matters require consultation and teamwork.

 

You don't specify the nature of the changes you made within your job recently, but it sounds as though the problem - as far as your co-worker was concerned - was that you made decisions that she felt should have been made as part of a team, and then presented those decisions to her and others as a fait accompli.

 

Perhaps you felt that you had the right to make those decisions alone. Again, I don't know what they were, and perhaps you were entitled to make the decisions by yourself if they were personal ones rather than decisions that affected the team. However, I think her reaction together with your perception that she does what she wants (in marked contrast with her expectations of how you should work) demonstrates that the two of you need to sit down and clarify which areas of decision making require teamwork and which areas you can tackle as autonomous individuals.

 

Yes you can leave, but there's no guarantee that you won't run into a similar situation in the future - so I think it's better that, despite not being very comfortable with this colleague, you sit down and have a professional, productive session in which you establish the necessary guidelines and boundaries for you to work effectively and consistently together.