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How do you deal with a faker than fake person at work?


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happythroughout

She's the most pretentious person I know. She brown noses and talks to everyone like they're her best friend. She flirts with the guys at work too.

 

I guess you can say most people have some elements of that but she just gets to me. Because she tries too hard to be my friend when I get goose bumps when she tries to be so fake nice.

 

You may say she's really trying to be nice. But she told another coworker that one should always talk differently to different people and according to what they want to hear.

 

How do you deal with working with someone like that? Besides trying to ignore and block her out? When sometimes you can't.

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I think you should be nice to her back, genuinely. It's not like she is trying to back-stab, blackmail you, or doing anything to hurt you..

 

Maybe she is just plain nice. "Talk differently to different people and according to what they want to hear" because different people have different interests and personalities.

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Unless she's spreading malicious rumors or trying to undermine you, there's nothing for you to do but treat her the same way you treat all your other coworkers.

 

You may not like how she conducts herself, but unless it's directly interfering with your work performance there doesn't seem to be anything you can do about it.

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She probably wants everyone to like her, that's why she does that. Just be nice back to her. Maybe if you're lucky she will calm down after a while and stop trying so hard. I know it's annoying. I work with someone like that too.

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Well, it could be that you have a bad instinct about her or it might just be a touch of the old green-eyed monster. Whichever it is, you're not describing anything about her behaviour that's actually hurtful, bullying or offensive to others. The most problematic aspect of her behaviour you've come up with is

 

she told another coworker that one should always talk differently to different people and according to what they want to hear.

 

...which does indeed sound pretty fake and sycophantic when you're putting it like that.

 

On the other hand, people naturally adjust their tone and behaviour according to who they're speaking to. It's part of human interaction and having some consideration for the feelings of other people. If we're talking about something difficult with a person, we'll tend to try to have that discussion in language we think they'll respond to.

 

My concern, just from the way you're talking here, is that you're liable to start badmouthing this girl at work for no good reason other than that there's something you don't like about her. You'd probably be better just focusing on sorting out whatever personal issues you have that she's tapping into, than getting into bitching sessions about her with other colleagues...as your comments suggest you're already starting to do.

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Hadn't thought about that, but Taramere made a good point.

 

Be careful how you talk about this woman with other colleagues, especially if no one else seems particularly bothered by her. You'll get pegged as an instigator and she the innocuous victim if you complain about her or snub her without just cause.

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