My Boyfriend Keeps Talking With His Ex's.

[trueloveishard2find]

My boyfriend has been with a quite a few women and has some female friends but for some reason he only talks with his ex-girlfriends-namely 3. Now at first, I didn't have a real problem with it because some times he would talk to them infront of me. But now he talks to them more at night (late night) while he's at work-works the night shift.

 

He uses my cell phone so I know all the numbers he calls but I don't like the fact that he calls these women so late at night. These women live in other states so I know he doesn't see them. But there is one female in particular I have a problem with.

 

His "first" girlfriend. After all these years she says that she thinks that they are meant to be together. We have been together only for 2 years and have a son together. He says that he wouldn't go back with her but when he went home to visit he called her so many times. I'm not sure if he seen her and I haven't asked.

 

They also email each other from time to time but he usually doesn't respond to her emails and if he does he usually takes a long time. I guess the things that are bothering me the most is the times he's calling these women and his "first" girlfriend. He also has some intimate pictures of his ex's.

 

Does anyone have any advice on how I should handle this? And is it ok to keep pictures of ex's? I appreciate any advice, thank you!!!!

[faux]

If these women live in other states, no wonder he is calling them in the evening, as this is when most cellular plans offer free air time and long distance. I see nothing wrong with that. I also see nothing wrong with keeping in touch with one's exes.

 

Perhaps his first girlfriend believes they are meant to be together, and is serious. Maybe she is just joking. Despite what she says, what really matters is what your boyfriend thinks of the entire situation. He has a right to talk to anyone that he chooses.

 

So far as nude photographs, I have a few of my exes as well. I do not see any reason to get rid of them, but then I also do not see much reason to look at them. Still, I keep them just the same.

 

I recommend talking to your boyfriend about your feelings. Doing so may clear quite a bit up for you, and allow you to feel much better about things.

[Sundaymorning]

I disagree with faux. I do not think it is ok to keep nude pics of exes...something is messed up about that when you are in a serious relationship, have a kid and still have those pics of your exes.

I think calling these girls late at night is weird. Sure, the night plans make sense because it is free. Maybe you need to talk this out, or maybe you will eventually leave him. If he cant move on from his life, stop talking to the chick who "was meant to be with him" then leave his lame, immature ass.

[faux]

Originally posted by Sundaymorning

I disagree with faux. I do not think it is ok to keep nude pics of exes...something is messed up about that when you are in a serious relationship, have a kid and still have those pics of your exes.

I think calling these girls late at night is weird. Sure, the night plans make sense because it is free. Maybe you need to talk this out, or maybe you will eventually leave him. If he cant move on from his life, stop talking to the chick who "was meant to be with him" then leave his lame, immature ass.

 

I think it all depends on the circumstances. The nude photographs of women that I possess are artwork. I do not take pleasure in looking at them, but I see absolutely no problem in keeping them. I see no problem in keeping photographs of anyone that I have known. It doesn't matter if you are in a serious relationship or not. I do agree that it would be wrong if you are getting some sort of pleasure out of the photographs, but from an artistic standpoint I do not intend on throwing away some of my best photography just because it makes my girlfriend uncomfortable.

 

Calling the girls is not weird at all; he is friends with them. The boyfriend has no right to have his own friends? Who cares if they are exes? He is not with them any longer, and I see no personal problem. Some of my best female friends are women that I have dated in the past.

 

I do not think it is an issue of the boyfriend "moving on". It is the ex girlfriend of his that is making these claims of the two being "meant to be together". If they boyfriend does not reciprocate there is absolutely nothing wrong in associating with this woman. If the girl has a problem with it she can stop lending the guy her cellular phone, or switch to an alternative plan when the free long distance kicks in before 9pm. I really just think the man is using the free long distance. These women are also in other states, so I'm confused as to why this appears to be a problem. People need to have more trust, I think.

 

Additionally, there is not nearly enough information to judge this man as lame or immature. He has a social life. Big deal. ::shrugs:: If it isn't causing problems in the relationship, aside from the woman having some insecurities, then there's nothing wrong. They can talk about those insecurities and work them out.

[Fedup&givingup]

Originally posted by Sundaymorning

I disagree with faux. I do not think it is ok to keep nude pics of exes...something is messed up about that when you are in a serious relationship, have a kid and still have those pics of your exes.

I think calling these girls late at night is weird. Sure, the night plans make sense because it is free. Maybe you need to talk this out, or maybe you will eventually leave him. If he cant move on from his life, stop talking to the chick who "was meant to be with him" then leave his lame, immature ass.

 

I'm with you on this one.

[Fedup&givingup]

In addition, I feel that you and your boyfriend need to have a long talk to determine where this relationship is going.

 

The fact that he is keeping in touch with his ex (the one that feels that they are meant for each other) is a threat to your relationship.

 

Talk things over and lay down some serious boundaries. Of course, IMO having to draw a line in the sand such as, "no nudey pictures of your ex" and "no calling on the phone and keeping in touch on a regular, consistent basis with your ex" shouldn't have to be spelled out. That's just down right insulting, and it's inconsiderate to your feelings.

[Arabess]

True,

The point is....it is bothering YOU. Due to that, you do have a right to tell him how you feel and expect him to come to a compromise with you. Relationships are all about two people finding medium ground where each party is happy and secure.

 

I'm stressing compromise.....not just either person getting their way. Maybe he could stay in touch with his past thru an occasional email or by Christmas cards.....like other people do. HAHA! As far as the pics, I would ask him to put them in a box away in the attic somewhere.

 

My FIRST thought was to tell him to CUT IT OUT! That isn't really completely fair to him though. He should have an imput as well. The key is to talk about it rationally and respect one another enough to respond in love.

[saintfrancis]

I'm also with SundayMorning on this. While I agree that it is generally ok to keep in touch with ex's, there is "casual contact" and then there is contact indicative of unresolved feelings/longing for the other person. There is a point at which such contact becomes inappropriate if you are in a new relationship with someone else you claim to "love." It sounds like your bf has crossed the line.

[faux]

I'm going to pop in yet again, only this time agree with many points that have been brought up...

 

If you have a problem with this, you need to discuss this with your boyfriend. The points that I made before make sense to me, but every individual's situation is different. You do not need to allow him further use of your phone for one, and you also do not have to feel uncomfortable because of the attitude his first, ex girlfriend has. Explain to him that this bothers you and hopefully he will be able to work things out for you.

 

I do not, however, think that he should stop talking to friends of his simply because it upsets you. There is a rather interesting thread on this issue: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t36600/

 

These may be his ex girlfriends, but if they are now his friends then that is how things are. I do not believe that you would appreciate your boyfriend dictacting who you can and cannot be friends with.

 

Find out why he is calling them from work at night. Maybe he really is just using the free long distance to keep in touch. Explain why this is bothering you. Be sure, especially, to explain your concerns over his first girlfriend and her attitude toward your boyfriend (the whole "meant to be together" issue).

 

As for the photographs: I have photogrpahs of my friends, too. Don't you?

[trueloveishard2find]

First, thank you all for leaving some good advice I truly appreciate it! Second, we had a pretty good talk about his ex's and the one girl that thinks their meant to be together.

 

He told me that basically he calls them late at night because he's bored when he's on lunch break and that he doesn't want to wake me up because I work so early in the morning. He also said that he would only limit talking to the one female that seems to be the "coolest" out of the other two. He didn't realize that it bothered me or didn't think that it was unusual to call that late.

 

 

As for his ex that thinks their meant to be together, he said that he don't want anything to do with her and never did (after they broke up) and she has too many problems of her own. She's married with two children and doesn't really know what she wants out of life. He has told her about me and our son but for some reason she still thinks that they'll be together. But I was thinking that if he really wanted to be with her or if HE thought they were meant to be together I'm sure he would have been with her a long time ago.

 

As for the pics, there not nude just his ex's in bra and underwear. I don't think he hardly even looks at them. He has shared the photos with me along time ago. But I just was hoping that after a while he would get rid of them.

 

He told me the reason why he still had them was just an ego thing and that some guys like to keep them as almost even a "trophe" if you will. But it was cool that he even shared them with me.

 

As for having ex's as friends, I don't mind until the ex's either talk about their past relationship or talk about getting back together. It's funny how these women do know about "us" but still come on to him. I asked was he giving mixed signals and he said that he might have but wasn't sure.

 

Anyway, I am really happy that I did have that talk with him. I truly appreciate the advice that all of you have gave me! Thank you so much!!

[trueloveishard2find]

As for me I do not have any photos of any of my ex's. In my "younger" days I had some because my boyfriend was in the military overseas. But I learned to "let go" of my pasts...especially ex's (not saying jus cause people keep pics that they can't let go of their past).

 

But as for keeping contact with ex's, for me I just like to move on but keep the male friends that I didn't have an intimate relationship with as true friends.

 

But the male friends (3) that I talk to every blue moon my boyfriend was also stationed with in the Army (as well as myself) and married. And my other male friend is gay. And I definitely do not call them late at night (lol).

 

Anyway, Faux thanks for your honest opinion I really felt it in your posts. Plus, it was cool to get a male point of view.

 

And like you said, maybe I do need to put more trust in him. Because for the most part, he really has been an honest man. He's shared alot of "dark" secrets that I know none of his ex's know about.

 

And he's a great father!!