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My married boss is flirting with me daily


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mixed signals

My married boss flirts with me on a daily basis. He says he has never cheated on his current wife of 18 years. He was cheated on in his 1st marriage. I too am currently married but seperated. My current husband has cheated on me that is why we are not together. He is aware of this.

We have worked together for a couple of years and I really like him but I don't get it. He made the comment the other day that it's too bad we didn't meet years ago because I wouldn't have to work. He always sits by me for breaks and lunch and he seems to look for ways to touch me and he makes comments all the time. Then he will bring up his 1st wife and how bad she hurt him almost as though he is reminding himself almost on a daily basis that he wants to cheat but can't for fear of inflicting pain on his current wife.

So what's the deal? He can't help hisself or what?

Oh and also there used to be a group of us that went out after work and he would go. He has refrianed from going for the last 4 months. The guy is sending totally mixed signals.??? Is he thinking about cheating or am I safe to flirt with. You tell me. :(

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he wants to have sex with you. if this is making you uncomfortable, it is sexual harassment. make sure you document everything carefully.

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I think it would be best to stay away from situation where cheating might be involved, who really wants to be known as a home wrecker. If he does flirt with you all the time, and makes comments towards you it; he is the one with the problem and it would be best for you to sit back and let him figure what is wrong in his marriage.

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My only advice is to stay as far away from this man as you can socially. I can't gage from your message whether you are also interested in him, but he is married, and it sounds like he's at least toying with the notion of having an affair and might like it to be with you. Better to be safe than sorry....like I said, I'd stay away.

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If you are going to get involved with anyone you work with, the last person it should be is your boss. If others found out you could both be fired.

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mixed signals

Thank you all for responding. First of all let me say that I too am very attracted to him and I think if we weren't both married to other people that we would get together. We have alot of common interests and I don't feel the attraction is purely physical. I am old enough to know NOT to get involved with anyone at work especially my boss, as a matter of fact I made that statement to him a couple of weeks ago in regard to another boss (who is also one of my bosses) when we were having a conversation about an affair the other boss is having with another employee I said "You know it's really stupid to screw around at work especially with your boss." His response was well if he were to do it he had a couple of places in mind to go where no one would catch him and if he did ever do it he would be very dicreet, like he had thought it out. I think your right, He is entertaining the thought but he is fighting it off.

 

I can't totally avoid him and I have gone out for lunch or someplace else for breaks but 90% of the time he ends up where I'm at. I really don't think he would ever do it anyway because he was so mad and hurt when it happend to him. But then again the stuff he says to me alone and in front of others just blows my mind. I thought maybe he was on some kind of ego trip you know from flirting but he doesn't flirt with the other women like he does me.

 

My point is why is he doing this? Ego boost? Contemplation? I kept thinking for awhile maybe I was reading to much into this but I'm not. He has NEVER came straight out and asked me to meet him. Why send mixed signals, that's all I'm saying. If he did ask me I honestly don't know what I would do. Half of me says go for it you only live once and the other half says don't be a fool. I don't want an affair, I can get that anywhere. I want a good relationship. I will say this, If he never does ask me then he is the man I wish I'd met 20 years ago.

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Jenny is 100% right......report him to your management, go for the big settlement whatever....but this is textbook sexual harrassment. Don't tolerate it unless you want it.

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Sorry, I missed "Mixed Signals" last post.....

 

If you are attracted to him, then it is not harrassment as much as it may be his style of playing that you don't like. Cheating is a whole different arena, so you mayb have to explain your discomfort with him. It's serious enough that people get killed by raging jealous spouses, so discretion is sometimes paramount.

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My point is why is he doing this? Ego boost? Contemplation?

 

My question would be: Why haven't you put a stop to this? Might it be for the same reasons?

 

It's my experience in these situations that it only goes as far as you let it. It's not such a difficult thing to tell someone up front that their comments make you uncomfortable and request that they treat you in a more professional manner.

 

As a matter of fact, the next time he complains about his wife and marriage, perhaps you should politely suggest that he see a professional, himself. Explain that you're not a relationship councilor, rather an employee, and would prefer to keep it that way.

 

Now, if you're REALLY as uncomfortable as you claim, this shouldn't be a problem for you.

 

So what's the REAL deal??

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I don't think this is as much of a 'job related' situation for you, than your contemplation of having an affair with this married man.

 

You two are attracted to each other. Eventually you'll feel like 'soulmates'. He'll be everything you thought you always wanted. You'll be 'sex on the side' to him. You'll fall in love. He'll dump you, perhaps even find a reason to fire you. Your husband will divorce you. His wife will forgive him thinking YOU are the source of the problem. He'll move on with the same job , wife and family. You'll be single, feeling like a used condom, looking for a job.

 

There is NOTHING to be gained in this transaction for you but some mutally satisfying sex. If that's what you want....sleep with him. If it's love that you want....your looking in the wrong place.

 

You'll surely be hurt.....just as surely as I'm posting this. Read thru the OW posts. See how happy they all are.

 

I'm not judging your motives....I'm trying to save you from ultimate heartache and embarassment.

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  • 3 weeks later...
reachingskywards

I had the exact same experience except the guy wasn't my boss. The guy kept saying things like -- I don't cheat on my wife etc etc. We kept flirting.. talking... going out for lunch.. emailing... texting etc etc.

 

He kissed me once,appologised and said it would never happen again. The next day he said told me he would never cheat on his wife and I was the first woman he had kissed appart from his wife in over 25 years. Five minutes later we were kissing again and heading back to my place.

 

He told me later that part of what he was saying was to convince himself that he shouldn't be doing it.

 

I've been having an affair now with this guy now for 4 months and believe me it's much harder to take then what I ever imagined. To be honest -- it's a huge mistake but one I'm finding very difficult to break... (just go over to the other woman / other man forum to get a tast of the issues that you'll be faced with). YOu have all of the issues and all of the highs with all of the lows and lonely nights and crying and ... it's really tough.... and I don't know if this guy will ever even leave his wife.

 

My strong strong advice is to put a stop to the flirting and find someone unattached.

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