pregnant lurker Posted March 23, 2004 Share Posted March 23, 2004 I am having a baby this summer. At the moment, I have a fairly high profile job. On the one hand, it's fun and I get to meet interesting people (heads of state, a couple of pop stars, businesspeople, ambassadors) and get invited to many parties, I'm in the news from time to time, and people know me. On the other hand - everyone knows everything about me, and watches everything I do and there are no lack of opinions. For those of you who've been pregnant - you may know you tend to get a little bit more sensitive at this time. So...a lot of times, right now, I really don't want to know everyone's opinion of every move I make in my private life and on the job. There are times when I feel like just telling everyone to stuff it, I QUIT, but I guess it's mainly pregnancy hormones. A lot of people are talking about my job right now. I get about 4 months leave for the baby, and everyone is asking me who's taking over for me. I haven't even decided if I'm coming back or not. I actually get something like 2 years to decide if I want the job back, and by law they have to take me back at the same salary level at any time in those two years. My direct boss, the president of the company, wants me to stay in the position longer than I legally have to prior to the baby's birth, and wants to know NOW if and when I am coming back. I realize at least the latter part is only fair, but I really don't know how to answer him. I want my four months off, and I don't want to think about work in that period. He seems to be proposing that i take 3 months and remain contactable by email (yeah, I'm sure I'll be rushing to my laptop each morning....). I know a lot of women don't have the luxury of 4 months paid maternity leave (paid by the state, not the company), but I do - and I want it. I have already started preparing a detailed work plan for the office assistants when I'm gone. They should be able to cover for me adequately in the four months that I'd be gone. The final issue is, as I said, the job is fun but not really all that well paid. I could easily switch (as I said, I know everyone and do get good offers from time to time) and get a higher paid and less high profile job after the baby comes. Or, of course, I could do something on my own, more entrepreneurial. But I feel like this current job is a good fit. I also feel like I've done so much at this job that it's somehow mine. Also, I don't think they'd be able to hire a new (GOOD) person who would work for my salary. I'd be kind of mad if I left and then they hired someone new at a higher level. I don't even exactly know what my question is - career development after baby? Does anyone have any experience of having a baby and leaving a job they more or less liked? Is this job, and all its little perks, going to seem completely trivial after the baby arrives? I know no one can tell me how I'm going to feel about working after the baby is born, but I just need advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Sundaymorning Posted March 23, 2004 Share Posted March 23, 2004 I didnt read your whole post but I would do your damndest to put a severe HAULT to everyone knowing your business. That could be a big source of your problem right there. Why on earth would you let other people talk or know about your private life? Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted March 23, 2004 Share Posted March 23, 2004 i do not have kids, but i would say you will be torn... on one hand you may want to run for the hills, never to see, take care, or feed or change a sole again. you may wnt to get back to your job, as it is social, you will be around adults. but you will probably want to be mom too, and you will want all of this at once! you will probably feel guilty for feeling some of the things you will feel...and all your feeling sare completely natural! Make sure you continue to communicate with a friend, about all your thoughts and fears, everything@! you will be very emotional and hormonal too. be easy on yourself, take things as they come, do not set expectatuions for your career yet, wait and see how things fall. Good luck Mom! Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted March 23, 2004 Share Posted March 23, 2004 Stop thinking so far ahead. You can't make any rational decisions because you don't know what the future holds. Many public people go on hiatus and maintain their privacy during a pregnancy. Is there a peer that you could talk to about how they handled media? Don't give up your job and just tell you boss that you have no concrete plans to quit. Ask him to stop asking you because you cannot give him a specific answer. Reassure him that no matter what your final decision may be - you will not leave him in the lurch. It sounds like you are really leaning on staying with that job -- happiness in a job is worth more than money. Tell your boss that too. At first you will want to stay with the baby all the time. But if you are already an active professional I can almost guarantee that you will want to return to work and be glad to get out of the house. You will be able to spend more quality time with your baby after work and on weekends and vacations and quality is more important than quantity. Link to post Share on other sites
pregnant lurker Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 Thanks for your words. Sundaymorning, unfortunately, gossip is pretty much par for the course when you have a job where you have to do public speaking, your face is in the paper, etc. I can't really stop people from knowing I'm pregnant, short of lying and saying, "that growth? oh, it's a tumor." =) tattoomytoe (ouch!) maybe I can take the baby to work with me? Seriously, you're right. I need to let the boss know that I won't leave him in the lurch...which wouldn't be my style anyway. So far I've only said I don't know when I'll be back. I guess a very serious email on how I intend to work this out is in order. Hokey, right now I've worked since college with no breaks between different jobs, aside from one several-month period of unemployment. Unemployment got old, but not immediately, and I have to say I am looking forward to the break right now. But probably after a few months, yeah, I'll be ready for non-baby talk. I also wanted to share this with you, based on your name and sig With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey," died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 I agree with Hokey. You really won't know how you feel until after the baby is born. Even after that, it will take awhile for you to hone in on how you really feel and explore the various options. I do know that having a baby doesn't necessarily 'change', but does seem to 'shift', your priorities. All you can do is wait to see how motherhood effects you. Each person is different on how they want to handle it. I hope all the gossipers at work throw you a FABULOUS baby shower while they discuss you in whispers. HAHAHA! ...........loved the Hokey Pokey joke...... Link to post Share on other sites
pregnant lurker Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 Unfortunately, they don't do baby showers in this country. Never even heard of 'em. Figures... Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 NO BABY SHOWERS?????? I thought it was universal....stupid me! Here's an idea to REALLY get them gossiping. Plan one for yourself. Explain to them they ALL have to bring baby gifts. Two or more can bunch up and pitch in on the bigger more expensive items. Designate a 'refreshment person'. Smile, thank then in advance....then walk back into your office. It'll get their mind off of you leaving......hahahaha! Link to post Share on other sites
pregnant lurker Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 Mmm. A nice idea....but let me add an element of reality, unfortunately. The average salary here is like 250 bucks a month (we're in E. Europe) and baby stuff is extraordinarily expensive. The cheapest stroller runs you easily $500 (those posh pram things - so cool, but so impractical!). Last time I was in the US I pretty much bought everything I needed and shipped it over. So, even if I did have a shower, and I told everyone that they're supposed to bring presents, and at best I'd get like baby rattles or second hand stuff - or even worse, second hand baby rattles! Other foreigners, of course, would know what to do. Hm. Well, it's certainly something to think about. Oh - but wait, aren't you supposed to play games at showers? All of my husband's friends speak one language, the main language here is another language, and I speak mostly English. It would be the same tri-lingual nightmare of our wedding...except I'm 20 pounds heavier and even more moody! You know what - ARGH! Forget it! =) Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 I'd keep your options open as far as is possible, it really is hard to know what you will want after the baby is born and you may not know for the first couple of months. If you are prepared to risk leaving your job I would do the following: Be understanding of your boss's desire to know but insist he complies with established policies, let you have the time off uninterrupted and tell him you can't let him know the return date until you know yourself. Often people who are used to being in control simply seek to do what comes naturally without really thinking through the consequences from another's perspective or their wider responsibilities other than the immediate issue at hand. If you don't spell out clearly what you want you are less likely to get it. I've known the full range, someone expecting to stay off who was desperate to get back after 3 months, most wanting to work part time after 6/12 months, a few who have stayed home full time. I changed jobs on return from 6 months leave but it was with the same employer - it was hard (a promotion) but my husband stayed home for 6 months. After that I went part time. The big decision most women face in senior posts is to work full time or give up work. Those that are lucky enough to work part time often sacrifice career development. I stopped getting promoted, for example, when I went part time but I'm happy with the balance. For many after the initial settling in (3 months?) work is very important - there's a loss of control when you have kids that can be harder for older professional women to adjust to and the contact with others is important too. Having kids is the best thing you will ever do but the life changes take some getting used to for some. Join antenatal groups now to find people to share those early months with. The pregnancy hormones are a killer - I'm fairly calm normally. Once you are on that rollercoaster there is NO WAY OFF No baby showers here either!!! Your job sounds fun - don't leave it until you are sure it's the right thing for you - good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
yekcoh Posted April 5, 2004 Share Posted April 5, 2004 I owned a business until just recently, and I have 3 kids. I had always taken them to work with me. Everyone would say "how nice you get to have your kids with you at work", and my response was "would you like to take your kids with you?" I had my last child in January '03. and I took him to work with me like the rest, but I sold my business in December '03, and I've been home with him, and my other 2 ever since. (I'm single, by the way) Some days I'm stir crazy with just the kids around, and other days I'm so grateful I get to spend so much time with them now. If you like your job, and you need the money, best to keep it. If you're financially sound, at least for a year, you could quit. I will eventually go back to work, but right now I'm living on child support from my ex which is about 6X your average salary out there, and the proceeds from the sale of my business, but that will run out soon. How do you live out there? Any ways good luck to you. Babies are always a blessing!!!!! Y P.S. It sounds like you're on your own, and doing fine, but is there a dad around? Link to post Share on other sites
pregnant lurker Posted April 5, 2004 Share Posted April 5, 2004 Hee hee, yeah, there's a dad around, my husband. I kinda forgot to mention him in the first post, but he's definitely here! The main thing is that he has his own company and the work is pretty seasonal, winter being the slow time. So it would be nice for us to have my income in the winter months. Or, of course, he could stay home with the kid for a few months too...maybe...we haven't really figured out how to do all this yet. Anyway, like I said, I do have about 1.5 or 2 years to decide if I want to come back. Four months of that are paid by the state and I'll receive even more than my current salary. Then I also have about a month of unused vacation time from my company. That makes around 5 months paid, the rest unpaid. I also have the right to work part time, but I can't really imagine how that would work, or that my boss would dig that. This is my dillema. Faced with too many choices, I don't know what to do. I make also many times more than the average salary, although compared to what I could earn in the US, it's still low. Actually, just writing about all this kinda stresses me out right now... Link to post Share on other sites
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