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Angry at him! Did I overreact?


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I have been seeing this guy at work for a few months; we're not exclusive yet but I care deeply for him. Working together hasn't really been an issue so far as we are both professional and try to leave our private lives at home. Anyway, I had just come back from lunch and was talking to him at his desk when a manager walked past and he lept out of chair in the middle of our conversation to go talk to him. 5 minutes later he was still gone so I returned to my office. I can't describe how upset I became as 2 hours past and he still didn't bother coming by to finish off our conversation. There are no co-workers near us so I know that wasn't the issue. I felt like he couldn't care less what I had to say and that i meant nothing to him.

 

Eventually he sauntered past and asked if I wanted a coffee. I was clearly upset and he couldn't even guess what was wrong. He said, 'let's go for a walk.' I said, 'Oh, so NOW you have 5 minutes for me? I might not be as important as Roy (the manager) but you could have at least paid me the courtesy of finishing our conversation after speaking to him.' He said something about how seeing the manager was really important and told me I was being "overemotional." This pushed me over the edge from upset to angry. Whenever we have an argument he blames it on my 'petulance' or 'PMS'. He never acknowedges that I might have a genuine grievance.

 

In this case I'm not sure that i do. He just came in to suck up to me and although i couldn't help smiling a bit (DAMN HIM!), I refused his offer of a lift home (which I hardly ever do). I can't help but take this as reflecting upon the whole relationship. I'm quite insecure because he has not yet made any kind of commitment to me. Do you think I should just get over it?

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I can't help but take this as reflecting upon the whole relationship

 

Hoo boy. First, yes, you overreacted. You are at work. You made way too much of this. You should have just sloughed it off. Second, to make this 'reflecting upon the whole relationship' is beyond overreacting. It's the sort of thing that drives guys crazy - with good reason.

 

He came back, offered you coffee and a ride and you still punished him for this horrid transgression.

 

Really, I think maybe if you can't lighten up, just tell him to flee now.

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I appreciate your candour. I just seriously can't hide how I feel. Maybe I do have PMS today (!) but I am so cut up about the whole thing and still feel like crying. I think it's a culmination of a lot of little things he has done recently, but I am sick of backing off all the time and letting him walk all over me. I put so much effort into the r'ship and he dismisses me so easily. I don't want to sit in his car on the way home and pretend nothing is wrong when I am so hurt inside. On the other hand I don't want to scream at him for being a selfish pig because I would look like a crazy person.

 

Hm, WHAT TO DO.

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Well, if the things he's done are anything like this, then I'd get myself to a doc and check out PMS medicine. That stupid PMS can make the smallest thing feel like a tragedy.

 

You should not have felt THAT hurt over this boss thing. So that counts as an overreaction. If you have a lot of them, you've definitely got something going on that you need to deal with in terms of how you react to stuff.

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Your reaction was disproportionate to the situation. I can understand wanting his undivided attention in your private lives, but when you're at work, you should probably not be doing more than just nodding pleasantly at each other. Lengthy chats aren't smart or appropriate, and yes, when your manager needs you, you have to jump.

 

Moimeme had some good dieas about treatment. Your life will be better if you can avoid sweating the really small stuff like this.

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