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! Subordinate Admitt Love After 6 YEARS!


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Old 26th August 2012, 8:05 PM   #1
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Question ! Subordinate Admitt Love After 6 YEARS!

Today I had a girl who works for me admit her love to me!
I am a married man and have never cheated.
I admitt I might enjoy the attention but never give myself the chance to explore options.
She always tries to take a few seconds after we discuss work and ask me about my life if I am happy.
She always stares at me and did make comments before about her crsh and I always ignored it.
Today she flat out said she loves me!
I called her office phone an hour l later and said its not real and that we are professionals here for work only and I am married etc... She apologiezed and said its a crush since 2006! I said no need to apologize and that its good she let it out...
What should I do. I admitt I felt good that she gives me attention but feel bad for her and my wife.
I love my wife but enjoy the attention.

What to do?
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Old 27th August 2012, 2:01 AM   #2
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If you don't feel the same, there's really not much you can do. Don't leave your wife if you're happy with her. I was in a similar situation except the guy isn't married although he might as well be considered married since his relationship is a long term one.

I simply told him how I felt and left. Not because I wanted him to leave his gf but because I wanted to get some closure. I told him 7 months ago. Yes I've moved on since then but I am still emotionally attached and I can't help it.

I'm telling you this so you can be aware of what she's going through. Don't lead her on - you'll only be causing her more emotional pain. I think you should talk to her. Make it clear to her that you have no plans of leaving your wife. Tell her that maybe she should find another job(be nice). Even if she stays emotionally attached like me, It will be much easier for her if she's not always around you.
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Old 27th August 2012, 2:10 AM   #3
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Do not let the flattery lead you to do anything stupid.
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Old 27th August 2012, 6:13 AM   #4
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Tell your wife, and keep firm and appropriate boundaries with this woman at work.
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Old 29th August 2012, 6:41 AM   #5
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Stop being selfish.

Own ego> wife's feelings? Really?
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Old 29th August 2012, 10:49 AM   #6
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It's okay to enjoy the attention, but you've got to find a way to separate yourself from her. Politely ask if she can find work in another department or something, or if you can't handle it, maybe you can find work elsewhere. I think bad things are gonna happen if you two work together for an extended period of time, 'cause honestly, it doesn't seem like you've entirely shelved the idea of hooking up.
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Old 29th August 2012, 12:50 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bacci View Post
Today I had a girl who works for me admit her love to me!
I am a married man and have never cheated.
I admitt I might enjoy the attention but never give myself the chance to explore options.
She always tries to take a few seconds after we discuss work and ask me about my life if I am happy.
She always stares at me and did make comments before about her crsh and I always ignored it.
Today she flat out said she loves me!
I called her office phone an hour l later and said its not real and that we are professionals here for work only and I am married etc... She apologiezed and said its a crush since 2006! I said no need to apologize and that its good she let it out...
What should I do. I admitt I felt good that she gives me attention but feel bad for her and my wife.
I love my wife but enjoy the attention.

What to do?
You ignore it and keep things professional. DO NOT use her for your ego feed and for attention. That is not nice since she has a crush on you and has allowed it to esclate to the point where she told you about it. You are her boss, you are married..Totally inappropriate.
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Old 11th October 2012, 1:19 PM   #8
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Don't be a pussy and give her the cawk!
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Old 11th October 2012, 3:05 PM   #9
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I have been down this road and understand exactly how you feel and what could happen and maybe even how to avoid an affair.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bacci View Post
Today I had a girl who works for me admit her love to me!
I guarantee that she did this on purpose. Her intention is to put the seed in your mind and see if it will grow.

And I guarantee (as above) that you are going to have a very difficult time NOT getting into an affair with her. Now that you know her feelings, you will look at her differently. You will find your imagination fantasizing about her in little ways at first, but as time goes on, you will think even more thoughts.

The fact is...she is ripe for the picking. Her feelings won't change now that she told you, and now you know that she is ready whenever you are.

Quote:
I am a married man and have never cheated.
Trust me...if she has lusted after you for six years, then she knows all about you...where you live, your marital status, your likes and dislikes, etc.

Quote:
I admit I might enjoy the attention but never give myself the chance to explore options.
Of course you enjoy the attention. We all do. And knowing how she feels will make a difference in how you treat her.

Quote:
She always tries to take a few seconds after we discuss work and ask me about my life if I am happy.
Yes, she wants you to know that she cares, and she wants to be ready to jump in when you feel bad.

Quote:
She always stares at me and did make comments before about her crsh and I always ignored it.
Step by step she is ensnaring you.

Quote:
Today she flat out said she loves me!
A surprise for you but planned by her.

Quote:
I called her office phone an hour l later and said its not real and that we are professionals here for work only and I am married etc...
Now why did you call her? For her it is real and any communication with you gives her a chance to enjoy your presence. Many affairs start at work, and many start between bosses and subordinates.

Quote:
She apologiezed and said its a crush since 2006!
Whether it is or not, she did that to let you know that it is not a passing fancy. And this makes it much worse. She has been thinking about this moment for years and fantasizing about the two of you over and over.

She apologized but I guarantee that if you approach, then she will not turn you away!

Quote:
I said no need to apologize and that its good she let it out...
Oh, oh...wrong answer! She did need to apologize, and she needs to stay away from you.

It is NOT good that she let it out! It is the worst thing she could have done. It is one thing wondering if someone has a crush on you. It is much worse to know, especially if you are her boss and are married and cannot have her. The thoughts that will now be in your mind will be difficult to keep out.

If she truly loved you, then she wouldn't have put you in this position by telling you her feelings.

Watch what she wears now. I am guessing that she will be wearing more daring clothes around you ,and may show just a little more skin. Oh, I suspect she will just happen to touch you more on the arm and shoulder.

Quote:
What should I do. I admitt I felt good that she gives me attention but feel bad for her and my wife.
WHY oh WHY do you feel sorry for HER? She knows all about you! She knows she cannot have you even if it is because you are her boss. And BTW, having a crush on the boss is a common occurrence. (Google sexual harassment. The possibility is that this girl may have this on her mind for some quick money, but I doubt it. However, even the best relationships can end in court.)

Your wife needs the sympathy. What she needs more is open communication. She needs to know everything you told us here. If she knows and you know she knows, then you will be much more careful around this girl. If not, then when the going gets tough in your marriage (because now you WILL compare you wife to this woman), then you will not find it easy to run into the open arms of this adoring woman.

Quote:
I love my wife but enjoy the attention.
Every person loves this kind of attention, but knowing how she feels, you know that allowing this kind of attention is very dangerous. Truthfully, if you loved your wife, then you would be offended by this girl's announcement to you.

I remember a female supervisor who I was close to and still am friends with today, coming into my office and telling me she loved me. I said thank you and she went out. We never said another word about it again, and I knew that it stemmed from some emotional happenings in her life and how I was there for her. We remained friends, and I do love her...in a friendship way, and I know she feels the same. What if I had acted on her words? Life would have been so much worse.

Quote:
What to do?

I don't have the perfect answer because every situation is different. I have been there as a boss. I have had more than one woman "crush" me as her boss. And I don't consider myself a ladies man, but a man with authority and a man who shows kindness and listens becomes a man who can be attractive to his subordinates.

One thing you MUST do is tell your wife everything immediately. Part of you does not want to because you know that the enjoyment will end. If your wife knows, then you know she will ask about this girl. And you will either have to hide interactions with her or be truthful. Knowing that your wife knows will cause you to think twice about going to lunch with this girl or having any close encounters with her. If your wife knows, then she will know if something gets out of hand with this girl.

Also, introduce her to your wife without being too obvious. Your wife may request it anyhow. One thing I always did when I hired a new secretary was to find an opportunity to introduce her to my wife. It usually backfired as they became good friends with my wife...and she had an extra pair of eyes on me at work! But it made my life much easier when I worked with them. To this day, she is friends with two of them, and it has been over ten years ago that either worked for me.

Next, NEVER go out for drinks or to lunch with this girl. Let me repeat...NEVER. We used to watch our workers when they went to lunch. We could always tell when two of them were liking each other: they would go out to lunch alone. And we knew it was really serious when they quit noticeably going out to lunch! They were in the hiding stage! (And then they would begin avoiding each other at work... ) So, if you go out to lunch with her, then you other colleagues WILL know about it. (BTW, it is quite possible that many others in the office already know how she feels and are watching to see what you will do now.)

If at all possible, go out to lunch with your wife. This sends a message to this girl and all of your workers that your wife is special to you.

NEVER work closely on projects together. The more familiar you are with her, the more comfortable you are with her, the more easy it is to get into an affair with her.

Treat her like everyone else. Don't give her extra glances. Don't give her long smiles. DON'T touch her! Be as normal as possible. Also, don't withdraw from her. Don't avoid looking at her. And do smile at her.

In time, this may go away or she will look for something else. If she notices that you are not attracted to her and you do not react to the special attention she gives you, then in time it will quit...hopefully.
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Last edited by JamesM; 11th October 2012 at 3:09 PM..
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Old 13th October 2012, 1:12 AM   #10
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Her telling you is unfortunate. She is trying to break you down. It is perfectly normal that she has a crush on you and that you are flattered by it. But acting on the attraction would be short-lived fun and ruin your marriage. Divorce is verrrrry expensive. Your life is better now. Keep fantasies safe inside your head and keep reality real. Appreciate what you have with your wife.

I do not necessarily agree that you should tell your wife. Some wives would not handle it well. Others would appreciate knowing. Only you know her personality and what you should do about telling her. Consider watching for a promotion or lateral move the woman could make and suggest she apply for the opening if it would be a good move for her. Be nice to her but matter-of-fact with her that you need to keep work relationships professional. Do have your wife visit you for lunch or make a show of taking her out to lunch.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Bacci View Post
Today I had a girl who works for me admit her love to me!
I am a married man and have never cheated.
I admitt I might enjoy the attention but never give myself the chance to explore options.
She always tries to take a few seconds after we discuss work and ask me about my life if I am happy.
She always stares at me and did make comments before about her crsh and I always ignored it.
Today she flat out said she loves me!
I called her office phone an hour l later and said its not real and that we are professionals here for work only and I am married etc... She apologiezed and said its a crush since 2006! I said no need to apologize and that its good she let it out...
What should I do. I admitt I felt good that she gives me attention but feel bad for her and my wife.
I love my wife but enjoy the attention.

What to do?
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Old 13th October 2012, 1:25 AM   #11
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Tell the company owner or Hr.

You played right into her hand. YOU must be doing things that show her attention... Stop doing that!

Don't talk to her and don't look at her.

She's the woman that will ruin your whole life - treat her as such.

You are about to find your M in a heap of trouble. Shut down any contact so she gets the message loud and clear that YOU don't INTEND to participate.
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Old 17th October 2012, 6:17 PM   #12
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I sympathize for the other person. I am not supporting her for the courage she has taken to act in such a way. Common you worked with her for 6 years. That is quiet a long time. You must have treated her in some special way to make her feel this way. You must have led her into behaving this way.
I was in a similar situation where I expressed my feelings towards him. I worked with him for 7 years and durng that time he had shown all kinds of signals to show me that he interested in me. I am married woman with kids. He would stare and flirt at me. Initially I was confused but later on I started developing feelings for him. It developed slowly and it was like a slow poison. My relationship with my husband got worse .

He would play mind games and he was very good at it. One day he got really mad and cold and I was really hurt by his behavor . I am not a slut neither am I looking to make any money or opportunities. I was so confused and I expressed that I was had feelings for him and I still do. He told HR and said it was inappropriate. I left and once in a while I write to him. He tells me to keep in touch. I wished he told e to die or said have a wife and I should move on. He does not do that. I am really getting more confused by this. I wished I could get hit by a car. I am really depressed. I love my kids. If it was not for them.. I would die.

Can you all please help me?
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Old 19th October 2012, 5:59 AM   #13
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I agree wholeheartedly with Denise. There are two ways to go about it in my opinion. Way #1 You really should tell your wife. What if you don't and you start feeling guilty (about nothing) and she starts to suspect something is going on with you?

Trust me when I say it is better to say something now instead of waiting.

What will happen if she confronts you about something that she suspects? She will be pissed off that you didn't mention it from the get-go. Then of course, she will think you have other things hiding beneath the surface.

As far as the co-worker, you already did the right thing by telling her about professionalism, but at the same time, you acknowledged her feelings.

Way #2 - Give it a go and break the sacred vow that you made to your wife. However, you made that vow for a reason so try to think back to that when (and if you get an urge) ------ But in the end, to each his own!

Good Luck!
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