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how to tell boss about counseling appt


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CaterpillarGirl

I just made an appointment to see my counselor. I go to the psychologist about 3 or 4 times a semester, and usually I try to make the appointment for a time outside of classes or research time (I'm a grad student). This time, however, I had to schedule an appointment that overlaps my research time. I know that I have to inform my advisor who is a big-time micromanager and will certainly notice my absence.

 

My problem is that I am also certain that when I tell him I'm going to see my counselor, he'll probe further. Yes, I know it's none of his business, but I don't know how to tell him in a way that will stave off superfluous questions. I don't want to sound curt or snippy, either. Sadly, I also feel that he is one of those people who thinks that going to see a psychologist means I am "crazy and weak," whereas I feel it is completely healthy and empowering to be working through my issues with a professional.

 

Any suggestions?

:confused:

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Tell him that you have a doctors appointment. If he probes further tell him that it is personal. That is all you need to say and that is all he needs to know. If he keeps questioning - ask him why he needs to know the details? But before he gets to that point just tell him its personal and walk away.

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I agree with Errol...there's no reason to go into any details...just say you have a Dr's. appointment...which is the truth.

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We all get sick we all need personal time

 

He doesn't need to know anything other than you can not make it because of personal reasons.

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If I describe it at all, which I probably wouldn't, I would say, either medical doctor (which is a lie, but you have the right to your privacy) or say you are "stuck on an issue and would like to get it resolved with a counselor".

 

Everybody gets stuck now and then.

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"I have an important appointment".

 

Please tell me he is not so rude as to probe, "What kind of appointment?"

 

If he did ask, I would cheerfully tell him I was seeing my proctologist, and ask if he needed any more detail.

 

No shame in seeing a doctor or counsellor of any sort, but it definitely can be kept private if you choose. If you have people like this riding your rear, I wouldn't tell him anything more than name, rank, and serial number.

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CaterpillarGirl

Thanks for your responses!

 

I actually had a medical appointment about a month ago. Here's an off-the-cuff transcription --

 

Me: I'm going to be late getting in on thursday. I've got an appointment.

Him: With a faculty member?

Me: No.

Him: The dentist?

Me (suddenly self-conscious about my teeth): No, with the doctor.

Him: About the headaches you've been having?

Me: No.

Him: You sure are sick a lot.

{note: I have missed 3 days of work in the last eight months}

Me: Yes, well I have a chronic illness that I'm dealing with.

Him: Is it contagious?

Me: No!

Him: What medications do they have you on?

Me: Ummm...

Him: You know, you should really take up biking (like him). I haven't been sick a day since I started biking. Oh! And opening doors with your elbows. Really key to preventing infection.

Me: Okay (turning back towards the computer...)

Him (two hours later): You know, my wife gets headaches a lot. You should try drinking more caffeine. And eating more broccoli. Also, after she dropped a few pounds, the headaches were less intense.

 

:mad::mad:

 

So, I'm going with Errol's "personal" comment/running out the door approach, and will hope that he doesn't pursue it further.

 

-CGirl

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CaterpillarGirl
Originally posted by SoleMate

If he did ask, I would cheerfully tell him I was seeing my proctologist, and ask if he needed any more detail.

 

:lmao: Oh, that is great! I love it. I might just do it.

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:) I've been told by more than one girlfriend that if you mention you've got a "female" appointment scheduled, men will kill the conversation dead because they don't want to hear anything more!

 

my vote is with telling him "I've got a doctor's appointment at (blank) o'clock, period."

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Originally posted by quankanne

:) I've been told by more than one girlfriend that if you mention you've got a "female" appointment scheduled, men will kill the conversation dead because they don't want to hear anything more!

 

This is true! :laugh:

 

 

I once had a clerk tell me that she had an appointment with her gynocologist and my response was "take all the time you need" as I quickly walked away!

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Pregnant lurker

Ha ha - in my first job I took a week of unpaid vacation without telling anyone what I was up to. It wasn't easy. My boss called our in-house counselor (it was a huge company) who called me up and offered "to talk, or just to listen" if I needed anything. I am certain my poor boss (an old man, about to retire) thought I was having an abortion or drug rehab (well, maybe not in one week) or something really bad. I tried to look really sad when I asked for the week off. I kept saying, "it's ok, I'll be fine. I just need this week off for personal reasons... thank you so much for understanding." He probed a bit, but I didn't give him any information. I was all of about 23 at the time.

 

What a brat I was! In fact another company was flying me to Moscow for the week to help set up their office, and it was sort of a job interview and work week combined. I ended up not taking the job, flew back on a Sunday night and had to go to work the next day horrifically jet lagged.

 

Anyhow, I managed to pull off a WEEK -- you can get an hour or two! "It's personal" works wonders!

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So how did it go? Hope you didn't get the third degree. Whenever I have gone at lunchtime to see my psychologist I have always told people at work I was going to the doctor. My closest workmate had the tact to not even ask what it was about. And you should feel empowered about going! :)

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