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my boss rejected me :(


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Ok so where to start.....well I started working for the company about 6 months ago. I've always thought my boss was good looking but I was in a serious relationship and he's married with kids. Well recently things have gone downhill very fast in both our lives. He is going through a divorce and I just recently had my relationship of over 2 years end...Since my relationship has ended I recently started to go out after work with all my co workers and including my boss. The first night I went out as soon as I got there he came up to me and hugged me, then moved his seat right next to me and was just talking to me for a good part of the night. My coworker asked me if i wanted to take a walk with her and when we walked away she told me she thinks he likes me..of course I denied it right away and told her she couldn't be right. At that point I kind of got scared because i realized in my head I was getting excited when she told me that. Anyways, as we went back we all decided to go to another bar, which where he was acting the same but not as much as at the first bar. Just basically being a complete gentleman the whole time (which cleary I am missing from my ex.) After this night I had realised I sort of developed a little crush on him but still managed to keep it completely professional at work of course. Last weekend we went out again and the "flirting" wasn't nearly as strong..just playing around like throwing ice down my clevage..and now naturally it bothered me a little he wasn't as flirty but we still had a good time. Then throughout this past week the feelings have grown strongly for him. As things got a lot worse with my ex, the one night I was crying at work and my desk is directly across from my boss's desk he was obviously concerned..When I got home that night i felt bad for the way I had acted at work so I wrote him a message online apologizing for letting personal problems effect my work. He responded telling me it was okay and if I ever needed to talk he was there and gave me his cell number..after that night we began texting A LOT...the first night stayed up until midnight and right in the morning texted me this cute little joke. The next day I didn't expect him to say anything but yet again texted me and talked again until midnight. The conversation at this point had gotten to a point where it was just playful and some could mistake as flirty. The next day he was again texting me for a a few minutes when my ex had called and got me upset to where i was crying. Since I was texting my boss at the time I told him what was going on, at this point he asked if he could call me. I told him yes and so he called and we talked for for over 3 hours about everything under the sun. I mean I felt like I was back in high school talking to my new boyfriend on the phone by telling each other silly little facts about each other and the conversation never had any of those awkward silences or anything, we could actually keep a conversation going for 3 hours straight. At one point in the previous night while we were texting he randomly was like "did I tell you what happened with me?" And proceed to tell me how he told his wife/ex wife he had feelings for someone else, then all in the same sentence said "but I guess everything happens for a reason. You should come out Friday after work for a couple drinks." I had also told him I thought I was feeling something for someone at work and he narrowed it down (on his own) to himself and another guy..now back to the phone conversation he tried to again get it out of me who it was that I liked....I refused to tell him obviously..now this past weekend we all went out again..out of our whole crew it ended up being me , him, and two other people hanging out. Well when we got to my friends house we decided to take a swim in his pool but me and this girl just went in our bras and jeans. My boss ended up jumping in with just an undershirt and his boxers on..we played some pool games and got out..afterwards I was picking on him for playing badly at the game he said we should have a re match, to which he agreed to. Now mind you we definately had some drinks in us so we were feeling pretty good..As we walked outside, just me and him by the way he asked what was going on with me and then proceeded again to ask me if it was him that i had feelings for..at this point there was really no escaping it so i had to spit it out..I told him i wasn't sure what I was feeling and I was confused..I was holding back because I was so scared of rejection but then he told me he had thought about things to and if he wasnt interested he would just tell me but he didn't...I just kept saying I was confused and he just kept saying its okay and asked it he could give me a hug..I agreed and he held me for about a minute and a half straight..we c ontinued on talking about things and he was saying if we ever were to pursue anything that we couldn't work together...etc etc...asking me what I would do if I didn't work there and also asking me what would happen if my ex wanted to work things out. He proceeded to tell me I was the sweetest girl he's ever met and so many things want to make him just hug me and never let go..he put his arm around me and I just laid my head on his chest. He leaned down and kissed the top of my head and then for some reason decided he wanted to give me a back rub? He started massaging my whole back for a good 20 minutes until we decided we were too cold to stay out there. When we went back inside we acted as if nothing had happened obviously because 2 of my co workers were there. Now yesterday we all had plans to go to an amusement park, and the weather changed that. So he was texting me in the morning just telling me the plans for the day how we were going to go to the fair instead. He then sent me a text saying that last night was great, he thinks both of our situations are very complicated and he can't see himself dating anyone at this point cause he doesnt want to get hurt nor dose he want to hurt anyone else but also saying he'd love to still hang out...I responded that I agreed, I wasn't looking to jump into a relationship right now either. Then night proceeded to get weirder feeling as he didnt say barely two words to me all day, ended up going to the fair, me and girlfriend which also is another coworker never ended up meeting up with them. He was texting the girl i was with and said they left and invited us to our friends house for some drinks. We showed up there and it felt extremely awkward for some reason..We didn't say two words to each other the whole night..we all had a little too much to drink so ended up all sleeping there. Now today again didn't say anything to me so I finally text him asking if we could talk and he tried calling me. Wasn't able to answer and so he text me this long text saying he doesnt kbow what I wanted to discuss but he's not sure what was taken from Friday night and he's sorry he didn't mean to mislead me but he just doesn't like me like that. And just contined to say he was sorry if he mislead me. I responded to him that, yes that's what i wanted to talk about..Asked why he was trying to get it out of me so bad who i liked when he had a good feeling it was himself. Why was he trying to get it out of me so bad that I liked him if he knew he didn't feel anything toward me? His reasoning was,because he had a couple drinks a took a guess......(????)...I just responded that's fine cause I didn't know what I felt anyway and he said he wants no hard feelings...I said there wasn't (even though there is)..and just told him I'd see him at work and glad we cleared that up...

 

Now my issue is I feel SO rejected and hurt...how can he act so interested one night and say those things to me, !!without him even trying to get in my pants!!...now today he blatantlytells me he just doesn't like me like that...what the hell...I'm just aggravated and I need some advice..how can I face him tomorrow?!

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I'm afraid you'll have to just bite the bullet and try and put this behind you. Your boss maybe wants to patch things up with his wife and has seen sense. This situation if allowed to continue is no good for anyone...you, him, his wife and kids.....

I suggest you get back to being professional and forget about him as anything more.

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Abystarswoman

This is yet another reason why workplace romances are a very, very bad idea.

 

Honestly, if I were in your situation, I'd start looking for another job, stat. At the very least, you (and he) are going to feel uncomfortable around one another. At the most, one of you may risk termination (most likely him) because of sexual harrassment laws - and the fact that he's your superior in a working relationship makes it that much worse.

 

I'd dust off the resume and start looking around for a new workplace. Sorry you're in this situation.

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He was definately "tempted" to do something with you thats why he did the back rub thing... but he hesitated...

 

It could be that he's hurt from the divorce. Maybe he's not ready yet.

 

It's time for you to respect him and back way off. He'll come back around if things for you two ever have a shot.

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Rule Number 1# Dont sh** were you eat.

Rule Number 2# Get to work on time.

Rule Number 3# Make sure that Everything is written down in emails for backup.

Rule Number 4# Always...And I mean ALWAYS...wear underwear to work. U never know when your pants might rip....

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This is a very complicated one. Whoosh! I do not wish to be in your shoes at all. Clearly your boss is not in a rush to start another relationship so soon. You should take a cue from there and do same to protect your heart. Go back to work acting as professional as can be and clear any feelings or emotional expectations of him out of your mind. It's not going to be easy but its the only way out, except to find another job.

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