LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Platonic > Business and Professional Relationships

I have crush on my boss


Business and Professional Relationships Networking and maintaining a positive environment in the work place is important! Surviving the 9-to-5 within.

Like Tree4Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 1st July 2012, 8:48 AM   #1
New Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 9
I have crush on my boss

I have a new manager at work who is recently divorced (ex cheated with her boss) and I find very attractive. Because we connect so easily emotionally, I find it easy talking to him just about anything. Within past few months, I developed a crush- possibly more than just an innocent crush. When we talk, he shares many personal things about himself that he doesn't with anybody else in the office. We spent over 2 hours on the phone last week and again on a weekend (outside of work). Last time we had a group dinner, he snapped photos of me while I was not looking.

Smart me says- I can't confess my crush bc it will be a disaster whether feeling is mutual or not.
He is 20 years senior and knows I am unhappily married. Believe me, I know that I must work on my emotions and marriage before acting on anything new. I am very aware of this rule. This is also first time ever feeling this way in past 10 years of my marriage- we married young.

What I want to know- I am unable to tell if he has same feelings for me and this is driving me crazy. As childish as it sounds, I want to know even though nothing can/should happen between us. Can you help me sort out what I am feeling? Also, is it possible for him to feel same way but cant say because he respects my position as a married woman? Should I confess and get it over with?
Bestcheerleader is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st July 2012, 10:08 AM   #2
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 51,848
First things first, why not either fix your marriage or end your marriage. Helping yourself to someone else while you're still married is asking for trouble, drama and heartache - Especially since this guy IS your boss. Are you ready for the gossip and to have a reputation at work as being the married girl who sleeps with her boss? That IS going to cause strift and problems at work.

This is your ego talking, that you want to know if he feels the same way as you. DO NOT discuss with it with him.
whichwayisup is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st July 2012, 10:33 AM   #3
New Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 9
I get that and I will be sure to never discuss or act out my feelings until I know where my marriage stands.

Nobody has any clue on how I feel. I am good at hiding my emotions.

But what happens if he gives me the green light by confessing first?
This is why I want to bring it up first in order to prevent rushed emotions and having to deal with my actions later.

Based on what I described, do you believe that feeling is mutual?
Bestcheerleader is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st July 2012, 1:37 PM   #4
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 51,848
Quote:
I get that and I will be sure to never discuss or act out my feelings until I know where my marriage stands.
Do that when you're divorced, not before. Besides, do you really want to have an affair or a relationship AS SOON AS your marriage ends? That's not healthy.
Do you have children to consider?

Quote:
Nobody has any clue on how I feel. I am good at hiding my emotions.
Keep it that way. Or, tell your husband that you have a crush on your boss, see how he reacts. Maybe that will be enough to make you both either fix your marriage or end it.

Quote:
But what happens if he gives me the green light by confessing first?
You tell him you're flattered but are married and you don't want to cheat on your husband. You tell him "you're my boss, how is that going to work anyway? Everybody will think you're giving me special treatment."

Quote:
This is why I want to bring it up first in order to prevent rushed emotions and having to deal with my actions later.
No, you have it backwards. It shouldn't matter WHAT this guy thinks of you until you are officially divorced. Opening that door while you're still married is a stupid decision (not calling you stupid) and it'll just confuse and complicate your life.

Quote:
Based on what I described, do you believe that feeling is mutual?
I think he knows that your marriage is rocky and he is taking advantage of it. I believe that you both are enjoying the flirting and it's feeding your ego's.

If your husband found this thread, how do you think he'd react?
Are you really willing to throw away your marriage for a crush, without really trying to fix your marriage by doing marriage counseling? Do everything you can WITH your husband to try to salvage things? If you walk away without trying, one day you might have regrets.
whichwayisup is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st July 2012, 2:01 PM   #5
Established Member
 
darkmoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 2,451
listen; it's no big deal if your boss is good-looking, alot of men are good-looking, crush where it's less of a hazard to your job, you are assigning a great admiration to a man who might hurt you - sister, please don't do more about him, let him do something about you, he's a manager he will be experienced with people, imho slow down
darkmoon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st July 2012, 2:44 PM   #6
New Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 9
No children in the mix. Thank the lord.
He has been a good listener by telling me to work on my marriage ASAP. He suggested therapy and shared his experience going through a nasty divorce. I dont think it's him trying to take advantage of my situation really. I am sure he wants me but knows he cant and shouldnt cross the line. We also get along so well making eachother laugh. Great news is I know this is where i draw the line. Maybe this is the same reason why we continue to flirt and can't stop.

I just wasn't entirely sure if I should confess to find out how he feels about me to get it over with. Did not want to look foolish by telling him things just to make working together awkward. Your answer has helped me so much. It is crystal clear that his answer to my question doesn't and shouldn't matter anyway. Damn ego!!!!!!

Thank you whichwayisup. You saved me from doing something really stupid today.
Bestcheerleader is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st July 2012, 8:17 PM   #7
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 463
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bestcheerleader View Post
I have a new manager at work who is recently divorced (ex cheated with her boss) and I find very attractive. Because we connect so easily emotionally, I find it easy talking to him just about anything. Within past few months, I developed a crush- possibly more than just an innocent crush. When we talk, he shares many personal things about himself that he doesn't with anybody else in the office. We spent over 2 hours on the phone last week and again on a weekend (outside of work). Last time we had a group dinner, he snapped photos of me while I was not looking.

Smart me says- I can't confess my crush bc it will be a disaster whether feeling is mutual or not.
He is 20 years senior and knows I am unhappily married. Believe me, I know that I must work on my emotions and marriage before acting on anything new. I am very aware of this rule. This is also first time ever feeling this way in past 10 years of my marriage- we married young.

What I want to know- I am unable to tell if he has same feelings for me and this is driving me crazy. As childish as it sounds, I want to know even though nothing can/should happen between us. Can you help me sort out what I am feeling? Also, is it possible for him to feel same way but cant say because he respects my position as a married woman? Should I confess and get it over with?
Absolutely he has the same feelings. He probably snapped those pictures of you to use them in a not so innocent way when he was alone! Don't you wonder why a man would secretly take pictures of you??

He is probably 10X as nervous as you are to expose his feelings for you. He could lose his job.

But let me warn you... it is not just a rule to not get involved before you are divorced. It will destroy you. If you are that sure you do not want to be with your husband anymore, get divorced before you start anything with this new man. And a bonus - if you wait you will hit the right time to not be used. If you got involved with him right after he has been cheated on and divorced, there is a good chance he will not be feeling anything for you other than something to pass the pain and time with. Spare yourself more heartache than you can ever image... get everything in order before exploring feelings with anyone!!

And last bit of advice... don't kid yourself thinking you can't fall hard for this guy because he is an old man. Trust me, I've been there. I fell so hard for this man (20 years older as well) that I thought was so old that it could never even happen. Stay AWAY.
Ladydrib is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st July 2012, 8:32 PM   #8
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 463
He has been a good listener by telling me to work on my marriage ASAP. He suggested therapy and shared his experience going through a nasty divorce. I dont think it's him trying to take advantage of my situation really.

Listen Missy! Do you not see what he is doing? He is pulling you in!!! Come on, please look at this without the butterflies. He is identifying with you. He is confiding in you. He is dipping his toes in the water and slowly loosening you up and gaining your trust and also helping you develop feelings for him. He is intentionally creating this "crush" you feel. And don't you wonder about a man who would want a married woman? You know he wants you. You need to ask yourself why you think that is a good quality in a man!

I am sure he wants me but knows he cant and shouldnt cross the line. We also get along so well making eachother laugh. Great news is I know this is where i draw the line. Maybe this is the same reason why we continue to flirt and can't stop.

You are contradicting yourself all over the place here. You are already caught up in a mess. You need to get out now because it will only get harder to escape the deeper you get in. I know your gut is telling you to run. Please listen to it. You say above that you know you are drawing the line, but you also say you cannot stop. Be honest with yourself. If you say you cannot stop and also that you are drawing the line, you are not being honest. You can stop. And you are much better off stopping now. TRUST ME!

I just wasn't entirely sure if I should confess to find out how he feels about me to get it over with. Did not want to look foolish by telling him things just to make working together awkward. Your answer has helped me so much. It is crystal clear that his answer to my question doesn't and shouldn't matter anyway. Damn ego!!!!!!

Thank you whichwayisup. You saved me from doing something really stupid today.

Looking foolish should be the LEAST of your concerns. If only you knew how much pain you could find yourself in if you keep on this path. Get off now. I hope for yourself that you are being honest when you say that whichwayisup saved you from doing something stupid.
Ladydrib is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st July 2012, 8:32 PM   #9
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 1,838
Seriously...how old are you?

You sound like a giddy teenager.

You are married and hitting on your boss, talking to him about your marriage problems...but what you're really telling him.... poor sad me and I'm ripe for an affair.

You're no better than his ex that cheated on him with her boss.

Get that divorce you've been putting off for 10 years and grow up.
Alban likes this.

Last edited by Furious; 1st July 2012 at 8:41 PM..
Furious is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st July 2012, 9:11 PM   #10
New Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 9
I am in my prime- early thirty's- thanks for checking.
I am seeking advice here Furious not asking you to judge. If I want judgment, I can always call my mom.

Ladydrib- I thought about this very hard and about my history with my husband. I owe him at least the courtesy to have 100% of me, not just 50% while we stay married. He is my best friend and I will never act out my feelings and hurt him intentionally. He deserves someone so much better because he is a great human being. I wish "we" were back and so I have decided to see a therapist next week. This has been a great test to my character and a difficult learning lesson.

You are so correct about seeing this guy's character based on his actions. He is an emotional mess right now (divorce) and same goes for me (rocky marriage). I emailed "him" earlier saying we really should no longer discuss my personal- especially martial problems going forward. What happens at home stays at home. He did not respond back. Hope that did the trick in having him back off?
I have to see him next week. Can't imagine how he will act?

Any ideas on how to get rid of this feeling? When you are so strongly attracted both physically and emotionally, it is not easy to just forget. My mind says to ignore it but heart says continue... Again, I know I am contradicting myself. Hope you can see how much I am trying.
Bestcheerleader is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st July 2012, 9:41 PM   #11
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 463
Ladydrib- I thought about this very hard and about my history with my husband. I owe him at least the courtesy to have 100% of me, not just 50% while we stay married. He is my best friend and I will never act out my feelings and hurt him intentionally. He deserves someone so much better because he is a great human being. I wish "we" were back and so I have decided to see a therapist next week. This has been a great test to my character and a difficult learning lesson.

Our situations are SO similar. Reading your post is like looking back in time 1.5 years ago. I wish I had spoken about it to someone at that point. Perhaps I would have listened and my entire life would be different now. I am not that experienced with these forums, but if you know of a way you can email me privately, without me posting my email, please feel free to email me any time for support, advice, or just someone to talk to. And I have a lot to share that I will not write in here.

I emailed "him" earlier saying we really should no longer discuss my personal- especially martial problems going forward. What happens at home stays at home. He did not respond back. Hope that did the trick in having him back off?

Excellent job! I know how hard this is to do. You just took a huge step in the right direction. Yes, you made your message very clear. And he knows you are right.

I have to see him next week. Can't imagine how he will act?

I would say he is going to act distant and indifferent. Any of that spark is going to be held back by him. He is not going to play with fire if it is not welcomed. Do not take this as rejection. It is by no means any reflection of your desirability.

Any ideas on how to get rid of this feeling? When you are so strongly attracted both physically and emotionally, it is not easy to just forget. My mind says to ignore it but heart says continue... Again, I know I am contradicting myself. Hope you can see how much I am trying.

I definitely see that you are trying. And you are doing the right things. Now you just need to be strong and make sure you do not do any 'wrong" things. That will be hard given the temptation but you can do it. As for getting rid of the feeling: as you know, feelings are not something that are easy to create or destroy. You likely will have trouble getting rid of the feeling, especially since you are missing something in your marriage. But I assure you - if you don't stop the feelings will grow exponentially and will turn into much more intense pain. It is so difficult to believe that something which feels so great can turn in such a bad direction, but with a bad foundation even the most beautiful things will turn terrible. You need to not be blinded by the bliss. That is the hardest part, that is what sucks us in. And remember if your marriage has been missing something and you have been deprived for a long time, the feelings are going to feel even more intense. Do not be tricked by this into thinking he is more significant or that your connection is more significant than it is. It is just you starving. Nothing more.
Ladydrib is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st July 2012, 9:55 PM   #12
Established Member
 
CarrieT's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Napa - wine country
Posts: 7,479
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bestcheerleader View Post
Any ideas on how to get rid of this feeling? When you are so strongly attracted both physically and emotionally, it is not easy to just forget. My mind says to ignore it but heart says continue... Again, I know I am contradicting myself. Hope you can see how much I am trying.
Many, many of us have been in your shoes so, yes, we know how hard it is. How do get rid of the feelings? You can't - but with TIME, they will lessen and eventually diminish. It is a matter of being strong-willed and try to let your integrity be stronger than your lust.

In the long run (i.e., years and years from now), you will still have your integrity -- one hopes -- but the lust never lasts...
CarrieT is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st July 2012, 9:56 PM   #13
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 51,848
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bestcheerleader View Post
No children in the mix. Thank the lord.
He has been a good listener by telling me to work on my marriage ASAP. He suggested therapy and shared his experience going through a nasty divorce. I dont think it's him trying to take advantage of my situation really. I am sure he wants me but knows he cant and shouldnt cross the line. We also get along so well making eachother laugh. Great news is I know this is where i draw the line. Maybe this is the same reason why we continue to flirt and can't stop.

I just wasn't entirely sure if I should confess to find out how he feels about me to get it over with. Did not want to look foolish by telling him things just to make working together awkward. Your answer has helped me so much. It is crystal clear that his answer to my question doesn't and shouldn't matter anyway. Damn ego!!!!!!

Thank you whichwayisup. You saved me from doing something really stupid today.
I'm glad what I said has helped.

Focus on work stuff and less flirting. You don't want to be the office gossip, topic of discussion around the watercooler at work.
whichwayisup is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st July 2012, 10:39 PM   #14
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 723
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bestcheerleader View Post
I have a new manager at work who is recently divorced (ex cheated with her boss) and I find very attractive. Because we connect so easily emotionally, I find it easy talking to him just about anything. Within past few months, I developed a crush- possibly more than just an innocent crush. When we talk, he shares many personal things about himself that he doesn't with anybody else in the office. We spent over 2 hours on the phone last week and again on a weekend (outside of work). Last time we had a group dinner, he snapped photos of me while I was not looking.

Smart me says- I can't confess my crush bc it will be a disaster whether feeling is mutual or not.
He is 20 years senior and knows I am unhappily married. Believe me, I know that I must work on my emotions and marriage before acting on anything new. I am very aware of this rule. This is also first time ever feeling this way in past 10 years of my marriage- we married young.

What I want to know- I am unable to tell if he has same feelings for me and this is driving me crazy. As childish as it sounds, I want to know even though nothing can/should happen between us. Can you help me sort out what I am feeling? Also, is it possible for him to feel same way but cant say because he respects my position as a married woman? Should I confess and get it over with?
Whats going on now?! Why is so many girls interested in very old men?!!!
Ladydrib and Alban like this.
NYC-BigKat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st July 2012, 11:19 PM   #15
New Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 9
Ladydrib, yes, would love to connect to share stories and support. Not sure how I can obtain your contact info without posting? I am very new here also.

You say my story was your very own 1.5 years ago? Mind sharing which direction you took and reasons behind it? I don't think anyones choice should be perceived as right or wrong. It is simply a choice!
Bestcheerleader is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Stupid ass schoolgirl crush on indirect boss. JustHot Business and Professional Relationships 3 20th October 2011 5:48 AM
crush on boss, missingu Business and Professional Relationships 10 26th September 2011 11:53 AM
I Have a crush on my boss!!Its getting uncomfortable me ! missingu Dating 2 1st August 2011 3:14 PM
I have a crush on my married boss . . . Sally522114 Business and Professional Relationships 9 1st February 2011 6:47 PM
Not sure if my boss has a crush on me kilombo Business and Professional Relationships 4 19th April 2009 8:09 AM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 7:12 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.