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Hooking up with the boss


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So, here's the deal, I've been attracted to my boss from the first moment I laid eyes on him (emphasis on the word ~~ attracted ~~).

 

(I confess that when I first met him -- and even now for a bit -- I've been a bit on the lookout.)

 

After three months of working together, I finally got to kiss him.

 

I'm 23 years old and he's 33. He's my boss and he's "married" (not on paper, though).

 

I do have a major crush on him. And, at the same time, I know that I'm not in love with him.

 

I like him. I like his personality. I like his look.

 

I don't wish to start dating him nor anything (though I would be fine with that). I just wish we couldn't hang out and be intimate a bit.

 

I try to project the independent, confident girl persona. I don't wanna get attached to him. I'm not bitchy. He knows it. And I think that, as the day goes by, he's been learning to trust me.

 

He told me from the first moment that "no one can know" about our hook up. And I'm 100% with him on this, because I don't want it to end (plus I've always been a reserved and discreet girl, naturally).

 

I don’t pressure him. But I find intriguing why does he have to drop some “weird” hints to me.

 

We haven’t had sex yet. We haven’t kissed many times, either. We haven’t had a full and long conversation about what’s going on yet. But the other day, while on our lunch break, I was just there, in his office, just being there, not trying to bother him -- he seemed busy with his work -- and we would exchange a word or two in the meantime. He seemed pretty “distant” as in he was busy with his things. Then, during our conversation, I casually and innocently asked if his parents lived close to him. You know, just making a conversation. Then after he told me that they did, he, very quietly, went like “but I don’t want to move back with them. I’d like to live by myself.”

 

He said it in a very low tone. It went almost unheard.

 

After a quick pause, I, teasingly, went to him “what? what are you talking about?”. He didn’t reply me. I could tell he was letting his words sink in, or something.

 

I wanted to touch the subject and explain myself but I knew it wasn’t the right place nor the right time.

 

I don’t mean to be a homewrecker (even though he -- as most married men say, apparently -- say that he and his “wife” are having some issues for quite some time, already).

 

Would I love to be with him? Yes, of course! Do I mind being the side girl? No, I don’t.

 

As I said, I’m quite reserved. I don’t need going out, displaying people that I’m seeing someone. I’m always fine with carrying my relationships “privately”. That’s why maybe I’m fine with him being married.

 

(I know. I’m bad. :( )

 

Well, what bothers me is that... it’s been a few weeks since we first kissed and he hasn’t yet come onto me, stronger/harder.

 

Like, he hasn’t try to reach me for a conversation about “us” or about some “plans” for the future. Like, spending some time alone, or something.

 

And, yet, there are times he drops hints of “leaving his wife”.

 

I know he has a lot on his mind, but still. . . I would just like to know where I stand. Everything is so unclear right now.

 

I don’t wanna corner him. We get along great at work. He’s very friendly. I’m never... tense around him. As in like, “will you marry me or what?”. lol

 

I’m afraid that, if I try to touch the “us” subject to him, he will get it in the wrong way and distance himself from me because I’d be supposedly wanting something he can’t give to me.

 

It’s not that.

 

 

 

 

 

I can’t share my story with many people (with only one friend who I don’t see very frequently), so I would like to hear some words on it.

 

Thanks. :lmao:

Edited by SBHook
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Stop and walk away from this now. It is only going to get very messy and very painful for all concerned if this goes further plus you stand a good chance of losing your job.

 

Also - why the :lmao: emoticon? What is so funny about your story? This is not a joke to your boss's partner (and whether they are married or not, it is still cheating and still hurts her).

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Also - why the :lmao: emoticon? What is so funny about your story? This is not a joke to your boss's partner (and whether they are married or not, it is still cheating and still hurts her).

 

 

It was my bad sending that emoticon. I truly didn't mean I was 'laughing my ass off'. I was more trying to say "silly me", or something. :)

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where you stand? if you need put up this posting,

you are standing as a woman with a problem

 

the guy + "wife" = he's already one half of an "us"

wait til he leaves, it's just confused talk til he does

 

your job will be at risk if his "wife" catches him being unfaithful

 

you are likely to spend a lonely Christamas and have a part-time birthday celebration, because he is half of an "us" who he once chose to take seriously and has not left due to misery, he probably quite likes her, they hang out sharing a home, with you not needed or included

 

i bet he screws her, cuz men have needs, note he must like her looks to have chosen to live with her

Edited by darkmoon
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I would be very carefully professional. Most companies have a supervisor subordinate dating policy, that regardless of marital status, is not allowed. Both of you can get in a lot of trouble if found out. I would be very careful if you are looking to pursue this relationship look to finding another job now so you can create some distance. You are taking some major risks.

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Aside from the obvious (to me...) issues with the fact that you are OK with him being married...

 

How big a company is it? How high up is he in the management structur of the company? As someone mentioned, do you have HR policies about dating coworkers, and specifically when it's supervisor/subordinate?

 

And from a purely selfish point of view, which may be the main concern for you: how badly do you need to keep this job, and how easy would it be for you to get another one, if you lose this one?

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UpwardForward

I think this is typical of a situation where one picks someone out that they like and are attracted to. Then your imagination kicks in as to how you would like things to be. You plant seeds, and are awaiting his response.

 

If you value your job and your well-being you will not make the jobsite a mating game.

 

It may be helpful for you to read threads in the OM/OW Forum - and to read others' stories, testimonies.

Edited by UpwardForward
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Thank you, everyone, for your replies. :)

 

 

A special thanks to UpwardForward for I felt that you could, at least, understand some of the "realism" of the situation. :)

 

 

My case is not a case of a bitchy woman going after someone else's husband, just for the sake of it.

 

My case here is of two people who are naturally attracted to each other, and who are reasonable enough to see the situation for what it really is.

 

 

 

What I'm trying to say is that we don't live in a perfect world. What is "perfect" anyway? That depends on each one to figure out what's right for each of us.

 

 

I wouldn't know what fully happens in my boss' "marriage" because I only get hear his side. But then again, I don't know his wife. Maybe she's a loving wife (I doubt it). Maybe she's bad. Maybe she has a lover, as well. I don't know.

 

All I know is that the relationship I have with my boss isn't a "disgusting" one. He's not a jerk nor a creep. Far from that, actually.

 

He's actually very committed and passionate about his job. Very smart. Very careful and concerned. He's also very friendly and funny. We all (employees) admire/like him.

 

Me and him, we get along. We have a nice time. I respect him as my boss. And he respects me as his employee. He tells me to do work-related things. I do so with no problem whatsoever. I don't let our "thing" get in our way. Nor does he. We are grown-ups and know how to set things apart.

 

The only thing different is that, between all that, we've exchanged a kiss or two. :(

 

 

 

He hasn't told his marital issues to me, only. He is quite close with this other guy from work, and one day, that subject came up between us.

"Oh, and he complained about his wife" (before I even starting working there), he said. I went like "Oh, really? He did? Back then?". The guy said "Yeah, he said such and such". I said, "oh, well... anyways..." and then I changed the subject.

 

So then I knew that what he said to me, he hadn't said ONLY to me.

 

 

 

 

There will always be extra-marital affairs. But there are cases where the marriage was, in fact, deteriorating before the other person came along, I guess. :(

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I wouldn't know what fully happens in my boss' "marriage" because I only get hear his side. But then again, I don't know his wife. Maybe she's a loving wife (I doubt it). Maybe she's bad. Maybe she has a lover, as well. I don't know.

 

You only know his version of the marriage so you really have no idea of what is really going on behind closed doors including whether she is a loving wife or not.

 

He's actually very committed and passionate about his job. Very smart. Very careful and concerned. He's also very friendly and funny. We all (employees) admire/like him.

 

Not that careful or committed re his work if he is kissing junior members of staff.

 

He hasn't told his marital issues to me, .

 

He is blatantly disrespecting his relationship and telling colleagues of problems. This is also unprofessional in the workplace.

 

There will always be extra-marital affairs. But there are cases where the marriage was, in fact, deteriorating before the other person came along, I guess. :(

 

This sounds like an attempt to justify an affair. But again you have no idea of what the marriage is really like.

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UpwardForward

SB,

 

You'll save yourself and everyone much time and grief if you consider his marriage closed, and with no openings.

 

It is disparaging for an outsider to look for vulnerabilites in a marriage, so they can get a foothold.

 

Many marriages have their ups and downs. You would not want to be responsible for being the (often times temporary) distraction.

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  • 1 month later...
TheBetterPerson

Dont even go there!!!!

get out, walk away, leave it!!!!

 

You are the one, not him, not his wife, YOU are the one thats going to get hurt!

hes a guy with you lusting after him!

 

I CANT TELL YOU HOW MUCH TO LEAVE THIS SITUATION ALONE

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Have fun with him if you want. But just know that the fun will end, sooner or later, and the person who will lose will most likely be you. You'll lose the guy, and your job. Consider yourself warned.

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Like, he hasn’t try to reach me for a conversation about “us” or about some “plans” for the future. Like, spending some time alone, or something.

 

And, yet, there are times he drops hints of “leaving his wife”.

 

Look around. This guy's good. You may be part of a harem. I've known a couple MW's who became embroiled in such harems with business owners who were their 'boss'.

 

These lines are familiar cheater's lines.

 

I doubt your advancement in this company will have anything to do with professional parameters. If the job is one which turns upon professional reputation, well, people talk and, with the internet, widely.

 

I'd be careful with this one. Good luck.

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chriscanmac

i would have to agree with the other commenters who have established the point that you should leave this behind. Not only does it put your position at the company at risk, but it is surely taking up much of your thoughts and mental energy.

 

What would happen to your relationship if your boss did leave his wife and would like to pursue an intimate relationship? this (in my opinion) would lead to unexplored territory that could prove to be even more difficult than unrequited love.

 

i recently had the "pleasure" of ending a relationship with the sister of a friend of mine. My friend and I work together. While his sister is not my superior, the recent breakup has led to awkward times and awkward moments at the workplace.

 

Enjoy what you and your boss have already shared together, and look for another loving experience outside of the office for it is surely waiting for you out there

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I don't know about a harem, but it bears repeating that your boss is above you largely because of his charisma and people skills - CEOs and other leaders have specific talents and job experiences that are relevant, true, but their ability to network and sell their way to the top is who they are, not just something they do like us peons. And if this guy is well off and not ugly, he's probably got women swooning for him all over, no doubt - what you see as "admiration". ;)

If you value your career or job at all, yeah, don't fall for it. Just the opinion from someone who has been there (and luckily didn't fall for it).

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Under normal circumstances, hooking up between 2 single people at the office has complicated consequences.

 

Your situation is a little more complicated, he is your boss... additionally, he's kind of married. Despite your discretion, there will come a time where people in the office might sense something is up.

 

You have no intention to be serious with him and you're normally quiet.

Things for you to consider. What is your expected outcome of this hook up? How does this make you feel about yourself if you go through with this hook up? Are you positive you will not get emotionally attached to him? Is your job in jeopardy if the hook up goes sour?

 

My own experience on mad crushing on a boss, I chose my career security over having a fling.

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I am wondering if you are fearful of commitment yourself, being so justified in dating or fooling around with people who are taken. I tend to think you are afraid of really being commited to someone who would be commited to only you. Did I touch on anything here?

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sorry but how can you describe otherwise a bitchy women ?

You are a bitch sorry to say this but you should be ashamed of yourself trying to seduce a men who is married, he should be ashamed of himself too, every person who is like you ends badly you don't deserve to be happy till you change yourself it's not too late just leave it and don't think of your boss, try to concentrate on your job and find someone else .

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I have been in your bosses situation before. I have had multiple very attractive young women work for me and develop a crush. Noone ever talked about it, but it was obvious.

 

Two different woman (at different times in my career) would randomly begin back massages on me while I was working at my desk and a third would find a way to be picking something up as to show off her ample cleavage.

 

While I was aware of the situations, I simply ignored it. I would casually move out of the back rubs as they started while talking very friendly and maintaing warm eye contact... It's hard to describe but I kept it very friendly and professional without creating any weirdness. As for the cleavage girl, my eyes always found something else to be doing. I'm not stupid enough to think she wasn't somehow watching me to see if I was watching her.

 

I was working for a zero tolerance company and in a great long term relationship at the time. I had no desire to "break the rules" of either agreement. BUT I still felt a hint of desire or lust or whatever. I could have very easily dabbled a touch. However, I would have considered myself weak and it simply wasn't worth being that kind of guy to me. I really REALLY don't like the idea of cheating.

 

How does this apply to your situation? Maybe your boss is deep down happy with his marriage and job and doesn't want to risk anything either. BUT the big difference is he did justify "just a taste..." and now he regrets it but at the same time wants "another little nibble..."

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I have been in your bosses situation before. I have had multiple very attractive young women work for me and develop a crush. Noone ever talked about it, but it was obvious.

 

Two different woman (at different times in my career) would randomly begin back massages on me while I was working at my desk and a third would find a way to be picking something up as to show off her ample cleavage.

 

While I was aware of the situations, I simply ignored it. I would casually move out of the back rubs as they started while talking very friendly and maintaing warm eye contact... It's hard to describe but I kept it very friendly and professional without creating any weirdness. As for the cleavage girl, my eyes always found something else to be doing. I'm not stupid enough to think she wasn't somehow watching me to see if I was watching her.

 

I was working for a zero tolerance company and in a great long term relationship at the time. I had no desire to "break the rules" of either agreement. BUT I still felt a hint of desire or lust or whatever. I could have very easily dabbled a touch. However, I would have considered myself weak and it simply wasn't worth being that kind of guy to me. I really REALLY don't like the idea of cheating.

 

How does this apply to your situation? Maybe your boss is deep down happy with his marriage and job and doesn't want to risk anything either. BUT the big difference is he did justify "just a taste..." and now he regrets it but at the same time wants "another little nibble..."

 

Respekt bro ;)

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miss_jaclynrae

Before I begin, I also have something going on with one of my bosses.

 

 

 

 

 

But, that being said, mine is single and we are actually DATING.

You...

Need to end it. The whole situation has bad news written all over it.

I know he must be charming but trust me when I say you can do better, as soon as you said he is "married" in quotes I knew it was doomed.

 

 

 

 

End it now before things get too far and your work environment is impacted.

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well you know you are bad....

so why still do it?

The rush feels good?

 

Well I'd have to say, even though they aren't married on paper, it's still committing adultery. And you could probably go to jail or something like that. He could lose his job or ccompany over this situation. But I'd say you should stop, I know you like it. But it's still wrong. I'm sorry for bursting your bubble... but it's wrong

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I don’t mean to be a homewrecker

 

 

 

 

Really??:lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

As far as where you stand with him it's quite obvious, you are his piece on the side and he does not and will not get serious about you.

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