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Don't understand my co-workers


Business and Professional Relationships Networking and maintaining a positive environment in the work place is important! Surviving the 9-to-5 within.

 
 
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Old 13th February 2012, 12:56 PM   #16
ffw
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Originally Posted by Emilia View Post
You sound quite paranoid and like someone who is searching for slight when none was intended. I never ever sit here and think 'mmm I wonder whether I was the last one to get a slice of cake offered'

Work is work. They are not your friends, you are a group of people who try to get along and survive in the same space. If you come across chippy (cue "Hey, I've been watching you ask everybody else and now you ask me. Sorry, I won't do that." comment), your colleagues will avoid you.
OP, the way you explained your case was sounding more like a Math's problem . I work in an International group in which hardly anyone can speak English. We try to speak only during the meetings & not during the work. Food for thought. My advice, beside what Emilla already said, "Don't take everything personally".
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Old 13th February 2012, 2:31 PM   #17
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Well, I'm not going to try to convince you guys that it's not just my imagination. I noticed the way both guys acted, because their behavior was off. There could be all kinds of explanations for it, but it was not typical.

But whatever, I have the magical skill to rub people the wrong way, if you guys want to get worked up about what I said, then go ahead.
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Old 13th February 2012, 3:57 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by Dust View Post
People can be rude. Best not to get confrontational about it unless you think it will help.

I wish we worked togather, maybe you'd rub me the right way!
In your dreams! I'd make you work! A lot!
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Old 13th February 2012, 11:14 PM   #19
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I posted a very general request for other perspectives, so you're very welcome to give possible explanations that shed light on these situations without putting the guilt on anybody.
My advice would be to start off with two steps you can take to deepen your understanding of human behavior:

1. Explore your reaction to Martinman's post. Re-read it, and write down some alternative reactions you could have had to the advice given.

2. Take a proactive step to show kindness to others. Take cookies to work for your co-workers tomorrow. Hand them out, and smile...it's Valentine's Day after all (just remember that someone had to get the last cookie).

I recommend making this proactive act of kindness because people react very well to others who make them feel included. So be the includer. And go into the situation remembering that, no matter how much you try to protect yourself from "getting disappointed" by others, you will ALWAYS be let down by others in one way or another. So rather than sabbotaging all relationships, be kind and giving, enjoy the good times, and try to move past the bad times.

Oh, and btw, I think Martinman had awesome advice. Best of luck.
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Old 14th February 2012, 12:41 AM   #20
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My advice would be to start off with two steps you can take to deepen your understanding of human behavior:

1. Explore your reaction to Martinman's post. Re-read it, and write down some alternative reactions you could have had to the advice given.
Why is everybody harping on my reply to his post? I understand what he said and it is true, your life in general is happier if you see other behaviors as their behavior and don't take it personally, but it does not help me understand other people better. If my co-workers are excluding me, why is that so? What possible reasons are there?

Quote:
Originally Posted by pie2 View Post
2. Take a proactive step to show kindness to others. Take cookies to work for your co-workers tomorrow. Hand them out, and smile...it's Valentine's Day after all (just remember that someone had to get the last cookie).

I recommend making this proactive act of kindness because people react very well to others who make them feel included. So be the includer. And go into the situation remembering that, no matter how much you try to protect yourself from "getting disappointed" by others, you will ALWAYS be let down by others in one way or another. So rather than sabbotaging all relationships, be kind and giving, enjoy the good times, and try to move past the bad times.

Oh, and btw, I think Martinman had awesome advice. Best of luck.
Good suggestion. Thanks.
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Old 14th February 2012, 1:47 AM   #21
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The key lies within yourself. When you act in a certain way, others react in certain ways. So much of the understanding of others' behavior probably lies within you. If you want to know why people are acting a certain way, try to think about how you act with them. They are most likely reacting to a behavior/emotion that you exhibit. So, as Martinman mentioned, focusing your attention on their behavior is not the point...just look to yourself.

Could it be possible that, if you start to feel a twinge of social isolation/reaction, you shy away, maybe delve deeper into your work, avoid eye contact with peers more often, etc.? Others are picking up on these subtle cues too...and probably acting accordingly.

Nonetheless, your question of why people act in certain ways and do certain things is so deep and complex...it's a difficult question to answer for even the wisest among us. What are your thoughts on spirituality/creation? I think it basically boils down to pride, sin, sex, spirituality...basic human drive kind of things.

Anyway, I really admire your dedication to create a positive change in your life, and I want you to know you're certainly not alone in this situation.
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Old 16th February 2012, 11:10 PM   #22
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PLum- Pardon me if I do not diagnose you as that is not what your post was inquiring about. I can say ...I am in a job that has the "airs of authority" vibe....Its the corporate world magnified. Its not being "overly" sensitive when you get a keen perception of your environment. That is your instincts kicking in that something is not quite right. As humans we struggle with the "we want to belong and fit in " ...to..." we want to be acknowledge for our uniqueness" (which we do carry!). So I can only imagine how its a bit of a befuddled environment to have folks shift gears where consistency is needed.....
I can't tell you why people do what they do...but I do think you have a good head on your shoulders to be perceptive and remain friendly yet true to yourself.
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Old 18th February 2012, 4:57 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by pie2 View Post
The key lies within yourself. When you act in a certain way, others react in certain ways. So much of the understanding of others' behavior probably lies within you. If you want to know why people are acting a certain way, try to think about how you act with them. They are most likely reacting to a behavior/emotion that you exhibit. So, as Martinman mentioned, focusing your attention on their behavior is not the point...just look to yourself.

Could it be possible that, if you start to feel a twinge of social isolation/reaction, you shy away, maybe delve deeper into your work, avoid eye contact with peers more often, etc.? Others are picking up on these subtle cues too...and probably acting accordingly.

Nonetheless, your question of why people act in certain ways and do certain things is so deep and complex...it's a difficult question to answer for even the wisest among us. What are your thoughts on spirituality/creation? I think it basically boils down to pride, sin, sex, spirituality...basic human drive kind of things.

Anyway, I really admire your dedication to create a positive change in your life, and I want you to know you're certainly not alone in this situation.
I gave it a long thought in the last days and I think there are various reasons contributing to the situation.

a) It's the environment. It's corporate world and hierarchies play less of a role than I assume, but still more than I'm used to. Everybody is running around in suits. It's also a very male work environment with a very male product, the ratio men to women is like 5:1. It's not unusual that I'm in a meeting where there are 15 guys, most in suits, and me. And in the project where I am, most are guys, older, married with family.

They all talk gibberish to me and it's only a couple of days ago, that I finally understood that if I don't understand anything, it's not only, because I have no training in this field, but also, because it's their own company speak. They make up words. Even people in the same field, but from outside this company, would not understand everything.

This is a meeting of two different worlds.

b) I have been kind of unavailable/lazy actually, without being fully aware of it. A couple of days ago something changed how I felt. I've been busy the last couple of months doing stuff after work that I didn't really want to do and I just felt so tired of doing all this sh*t and I thought to myself, I want my life back. I started checking out the guys in the morning when I go to work and I caught quite a few looking at me (it does have its perks working in a predominantly male work environment ). Then I started talking more to the few girls who work at my place. Turns out, one told me she also felt alone. I said that I used to go to lunch alone for the first couple of months and she said that she didn't even go to lunch since she had no one. Then I made contact with another temp who sat alone during lunch time and I made friends with him. I'm not sure if they didn't put anything in the water, but I feel more self-confident and happy recently. And I smile a lot more. And I don't think I would mind chatting up somebody during lunch break. It's not that I'm afraid of, but usually, I just don't care about making an effort and approaching someone. I'm going to build my own network!

And while they may be guys in suits, they are still guys, and I'm a woman. Tatatadaaa.

Last edited by PlumPrincess; 18th February 2012 at 5:05 PM..
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Old 18th February 2012, 5:08 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by Tayla View Post
PLum- Pardon me if I do not diagnose you as that is not what your post was inquiring about. I can say ...I am in a job that has the "airs of authority" vibe....Its the corporate world magnified. Its not being "overly" sensitive when you get a keen perception of your environment. That is your instincts kicking in that something is not quite right. As humans we struggle with the "we want to belong and fit in " ...to..." we want to be acknowledge for our uniqueness" (which we do carry!). So I can only imagine how its a bit of a befuddled environment to have folks shift gears where consistency is needed.....
I can't tell you why people do what they do...but I do think you have a good head on your shoulders to be perceptive and remain friendly yet true to yourself.
Thanks for your understanding! I am able to detect when something is off, even when other posters here don't seem to believe me and think I'm oversensitive. I do not always understand the reason behind people's behavior though. I think various factors played into the problems I had with my co-workers, but I'm cool with it now.
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