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I've hate my job yet feel trapped


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Old 11th August 2011, 1:24 AM   #16
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You know how Somedude81 comes up for an excuse every time we try to tell him how to get a girl. Well applying and getting a job you like is some what like going after a girl. You need to stop making excuses and just put some applications in. A crappy resume and cover letter is worth far more then not even applying.

Even though you work 9-10 you obviously have time to apply to at least one job a week. Heck if you tried you could probably apply to at least a few jobs a week.

You keep this job now and the thought that you are trying to leave and will leave for something you like better will make all the difference. Right now you feel hopeless. Bring hope back in by trying.
You're right- it's the money I cling to.

I am going to make a major effort on my week off to find something different.

One could argue that the time I spend on LS could have been spent on finding a job- and that's true.
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Old 11th August 2011, 2:18 PM   #17
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If you get out of it, you definitely will have to start over. It isn't terribly difficult with a degree and 2 diplomas, though, if you're willing to scale down to a modest lifestyle - fresh grads do it all the time! And you're already better off than people without any qualifications - they have to rely even more on experience.

I would not live my life dreading going to work the next day, everyday. What sort of life is that?
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Old 11th August 2011, 11:58 PM   #18
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Your loyalty is to be commended, DLish.

Rent in Toronto is horribly expensive. The only cheap places are in the cracked out neighbourhoods and who would want to live in those areas anyway? Is it possible for you to find a less expensive, yet still nice apartment? http://viewit.ca/ I like this place.

That face belongs to none other than Robin Thicke, who has a smooth singing voice. Robin will end my marriage if I ever meet him.

Yeah, it looks like HR is not a good route.
I had trouble with view-it, none of the places allowed dogs- but on craiglsist- I can input dogs allowed and all these places come up...

I found a GREAT bachelor for $1300 a month right downtown- it's central to everywhere I need to go. It's an awesome and safe location. A bit small- but like a loft in a ground floor with a walk out patio.

I used to carry a mortgage for $800 a month.

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If you get out of it, you definitely will have to start over. It isn't terribly difficult with a degree and 2 diplomas, though, if you're willing to scale down to a modest lifestyle - fresh grads do it all the time! And you're already better off than people without any qualifications - they have to rely even more on experience.

I would not live my life dreading going to work the next day, everyday. What sort of life is that?
It's not a life at all. believe me. And I am willing to scale back my pay, it just can't be too much because...I have this rent to pay.

I actually asked for a $6000 raise. I researched my position and that would bring me to the bottom end of what others in my position make. My Regional manager is my friend- and she is the person I proposed my raise to. I'd stay longer if I got paid that extra 6 grand a year to be abused
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Old 12th August 2011, 12:12 AM   #19
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It's not a life at all. believe me. And I am willing to scale back my pay, it just can't be too much because...I have this rent to pay.

I actually asked for a $6000 raise. I researched my position and that would bring me to the bottom end of what others in my position make. My Regional manager is my friend- and she is the person I proposed my raise to. I'd stay longer if I got paid that extra 6 grand a year to be abused
You are officially the somedude81 of LS members who complain about their jobs. Why the heck do you need to rent such an expensive place? I say find a nice 2b/2b 1k place and get a roommate to split it 50/50.

Then I say apply at jobs you like or go back to school if that is an honest dream and not just a way to run away.

Maybe you should stay in the job your in, but if thatís the case you need to get over the stress.

Youíre not trapped the power is yours.
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Old 12th August 2011, 12:28 AM   #20
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You are officially the somedude81 of LS members who complain about their jobs. Why the heck do you need to rent such an expensive place? I say find a nice 2b/2b 1k place and get a roommate to split it 50/50.

Then I say apply at jobs you like or go back to school if that is an honest dream and not just a way to run away.

Maybe you should stay in the job your in, but if thatís the case you need to get over the stress.

Youíre not trapped the power is yours.
1300$ isn't expensive in terms of what I am getting paid- it's relative to what I am getting paid, while giving me spending money, groceries, new outfits, etc.

I'm still saving money every month- putting a bit aside for my retirement,
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Old 12th August 2011, 12:57 AM   #21
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1300$ isn't expensive in terms of what I am getting paid- it's relative to what I am getting paid, while giving me spending money, groceries, new outfits, etc.

I'm still saving money every month- putting a bit aside for my retirement,
You truly are a somedude.

Yes I know you supposedly make over 70k or what ever. The thing is you said that if you didnít have this job you hate you couldnít afford rent. There for I said lower your rent so you donít have to work the job you donít like. Now do you see?

I think you should stay and conquer your fears with this job if you think thatís what you want most. If you really do want something else and its honestly what you want not just a way of running then that is what you should do instead. Youíre not too old and itís never too late
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Old 12th August 2011, 2:55 AM   #22
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Old 12th August 2011, 9:43 AM   #23
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Since you will be staying at the job for now, maybe the next step is to tackle how you respond emotionally to the abuse. You know she's abusive, you know she screams, you even know it's kind of par for the course in retail. Any chance you could let some of it slide off your back?

And oh how I wish there was a 2b 2b for 1000 in downtown Toronto! If anyone finds one, please let me know. I'm not saying it's impossible for Torontonians to cut cost on rent, but the 1300 bachelor in downtown Toronto with outdoor access doesn't strike me as particularly expensive.
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Last edited by Kamille; 12th August 2011 at 9:45 AM..
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Old 12th August 2011, 9:56 PM   #24
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You truly are a somedude.

Yes I know you supposedly make over 70k or what ever. The thing is you said that if you didnít have this job you hate you couldnít afford rent. There for I said lower your rent so you donít have to work the job you donít like. Now do you see?

I think you should stay and conquer your fears with this job if you think thatís what you want most. If you really do want something else and its honestly what you want not just a way of running then that is what you should do instead. Youíre not too old and itís never too late
No, I don't make over 70K at this job, if my stores met target every month I might come close to that, and the bonus per month is awesome- but I've only made it once in my second month- then the owner jacked up the goals to the point of being unreasonable and I haven't hit target since. When I was hired, I was lured by the bonus situation- but this is how this woman operates= I hit my target in my area in the second month, and since then, the targets have been ridiculously unreasonable. I get commissions between 80-100% of target for the stores... and my area has done that a few times- but she strips me of commissions if she walks into one of the stores and finds something without a security tag or maybe an employee will have a water bottle behind the front counter... For small things like that she'll take away all staff commissions in that store, take away the manager's commission or bonus, and deny me mine.

And $1300 a month is cheap for Toronto.

That's the thing, I'm not willing to move backwards at the age of 41. I've already had a major setback losing my business, and I've worked hard to get back to where I am. I hate my job, but I'll stick it out until something acceptable comes along. Hence the title of my thread= feeling trapped.

I'll take a pay cut to move from where I am, I just need to find the right career path that I can get into with my qualifications and experience. That's more what I was looking for- feedback on what sort of work I might be able to get into given only having retail experience. I've only had experience with merchandising, sales and counselling. I have a good position right now (I just hate being screamed at every day)- I want to figure out how my skills and qualifications will transfer to a different career path that isn't a sales driven environment.

I'm currently looking at event planning as an option- I have experience with being a wedding planner, so I could play up that aspect on my resume.
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Old 12th August 2011, 10:10 PM   #25
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Since you will be staying at the job for now, maybe the next step is to tackle how you respond emotionally to the abuse. You know she's abusive, you know she screams, you even know it's kind of par for the course in retail. Any chance you could let some of it slide off your back?

And oh how I wish there was a 2b 2b for 1000 in downtown Toronto! If anyone finds one, please let me know. I'm not saying it's impossible for Torontonians to cut cost on rent, but the 1300 bachelor in downtown Toronto with outdoor access doesn't strike me as particularly expensive.
It's incredibly reasonable, lol. Pretty small- but a safe neighbourhood which is important to me. I looked at a place at Harbourfront that was 450sqft- and almost 1500$!!! It was still expensive living and having room mates downtown.

Letting things roll off my back are hard for me given the anxiety. Everytime my phone rings my heart jumps into my throat... But given that I have started back on my meds- my anxiety is starting to get better.
My heart isn't into my job anymore, so I've become less tolerant of her yelling and insults. She hung up on me last week because I argued with her about something she wanted done that was ridiculous. It was good, because she was so mad at me, she left me alone for almost 2 days.

Looking for something new, and re-vamping my resume has made me feel hopeful. Knowing I am off next week- I'll be diligent in my job search. And guess what? I'm going to take another vacation week just prior to giving notice.
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Old 13th August 2011, 7:32 AM   #26
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D Lish your boss sounds like mine. The woman is a bully and loves putting everyone down too. She was away this week and everyone was so happy at my work. It was so less stressful without someone constantly losing it over small things and yelling at people. Everyone hates her. But my boss never sees it. Coz when he's there she is on her best behaviour and is constantly brown nosing him.

I also want to leave, I just don't know what to do next. My supervisor has put me off ever working for someone else again. Now I understand why people work for themsleves.
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Old 13th August 2011, 8:44 AM   #27
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I was in a similar situation but rather than tell you my story I'll tell you that I discovered that it was the things that owned me; big house, cars, properties, horses, plane & all that STUFF I was working for, all that Stuff that 'owned' me was not worth the grand life everyone else thought I was living. Fortunately just before the economy crashed I got rid of everything I didn't need, (the things I could live without), focused on paying for everything I felt I needed. Essentially I downsized, simplified, stopped living the 'great American dream' that everyone else had convinced me I should be living since... before I can remember.
It's taken a few years and has been a process but I don't work for things or a lifestyle that made me resent the work I did to keep those things or resent the things because I had to work a crap job to keep them.

No, I don't live in a grass hut on a tropical beach, yet, that's a few steps away But I sleep better, I'm happier & I appreciate what I have, because I do own it rather that it owning me & even the crap that comes up with all jobs doesn't have the same effect because there isn't so much 'weight' tied to it. Take part of your upcoming holiday to 'get away from everything'. 'Eat Pray Love' A good movie for you right now
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Old 13th August 2011, 4:37 PM   #28
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N

And $1300 a month is cheap for Toronto.

That's the thing, I'm not willing to move backwards at the age of 41. I've already had a major setback losing my business, and I've worked hard to get back to where I am. I hate my job, but I'll stick it out until something acceptable comes along. Hence the title of my thread= feeling trapped.

I'll take a pay cut to move from where I am, I just need to find the right career path that I can get into with my qualifications and experience. That's more what I was looking for- feedback on what sort of work I might be able to get into given only having retail experience. I've only had experience with merchandising, sales and counselling. I have a good position right now (I just hate being screamed at every day)- I want to figure out how my skills and qualifications will transfer to a different career path that isn't a sales driven environment.
Ah, so since you wont move to a place outside of toronto that is 900$, youre not feeling trapped youre feeling entitled. I understand you dont want to move backward at 41, but you might not have a choice.

But with your experience, there no reason why you cant manage stores at another retail chain, or maybe even radio. Theres plenty of store management that you can apply for that might not have the same kind of insane boss. Maybe even management of employees at certain companies that arent retail, yknow, just office management. I think your experience will count more than relevance to the jobs in any industry, you never know hat job you can run into that you never knew you were good at....
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Old 13th August 2011, 4:43 PM   #29
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D, with your looks, charm, sense of humour, intelligence and people skills, have you considered marketing as a future possibility?
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Old 13th August 2011, 7:02 PM   #30
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Letting things roll off my back are hard for me given the anxiety. Everytime my phone rings my heart jumps into my throat... But given that I have started back on my meds- my anxiety is starting to get better.
My heart isn't into my job anymore, so I've become less tolerant of her yelling and insults. She hung up on me last week because I argued with her about something she wanted done that was ridiculous. It was good, because she was so mad at me, she left me alone for almost 2 days.
I must admit, after reading through your thread, I feel a lot better about my own job. There's been a lot of drama there and it's really stressful. I often feel trapped as well. However, I have the right to yell back and discipline people that act out of line. I can't imagine if my BOSS was behaving this way. Then I'd really be trapped.

I know that you don't want to adjust your lifestyle dramatically. I totally get that. I'm in the same boat. I have a job that pays extremely well. If I wanted to get another one like it, I'd probably have to leave the city I'm in. I am used to being able to buy almost anything I want, within reason. How do you go backwards? I don't have the answer. I do know, if I was in your unbearable situation taking meds for anxiety, I'd be willing to give up the expensive shoes and vacations and get a honda and tell the woman to f** herself. But you may have built up a tolerance level that you don't see how awful it is, except when you get back from vacation. You are probably risking your health (heart disease) in this environment.

Do you have 6 mos to a year saved up? I know that makes me feel like everything will be ok no matter what happens. Personally, I've considered getting my mba. I would start looking at this as an exit plan. Someone mentioned career counseling. I would make time to research a good center and follow through. Find what would make you happy and make you money. Save money. Make a plan. If you can organize these goals one by one, you will start to see what your options and it will reduce your feelings of helplessness and like you are doing nothing to improve your life. The latter seems to have quite a bit to do with why you stay. Inertia. I am speaking from experience.
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