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crush on boss,


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Old 1st August 2011, 10:12 AM   #1
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crush on boss,

My boss and i didn't get along at the start.

But we had a conversation,and he asked me what i want to do with my life professionally and stuff like that and told me about his life professionally and we found we had some stuff in common.

We had never spoken like this before ever.

I found myself a little attracted and then i thought he was flirting with me.

One day i told him i wanted to do a certain job every week and he asked "if i give you that job,what will you do for me"..it wasnt sleazy but it made me think.Just a little bit.

And i thought he was looking at me alot. Or he mirrors my body language.Theres this room at work that needs to be locked at the end of the day and he made out like he was going to lock me in there and laughed.Or he just makes funny noises and stuff like that sometimes.He stares and smiles sometimes. And when i asked him "what",he got upset with me and got mad about something.

Last but not least,i was talking to a colleague after work about stuff and when he asked what we were doing and we told him he asked "are you sure thats all you were doing"...

Other colleagues have said they thought he fancied me.

I'm so nervous around him,i get all shaky and weird and i dont want to be. I just want a normal professional relationship. I dont want to think about him all of the time

He is married with kids.i am more than 20 years younger than him.I need and want to get over this.What do i do?
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Old 1st August 2011, 10:44 AM   #2
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Old 1st August 2011, 12:38 PM   #3
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I wish some women would realize that because a guy flirts or gives you a little attention it means much more than it's intention. It will end up in delusional thinking and tears.
About 50% of men flirt on a consistent basis. It means nothing. It is done more often than not for their own esteem and has little to do with you specifically.
If you are a fun and pretty girl, you will be flirted with all day on a consistent basis, but it is all the norm. It means nothing. It does not mean they want to marry you and have your children.
Plus, he is married, what about that makes him appealing to you?
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Old 1st August 2011, 2:11 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by missingu View Post
My boss and i didn't get along at the start.

But we had a conversation,and he asked me what i want to do with my life professionally and stuff like that and told me about his life professionally and we found we had some stuff in common.

We had never spoken like this before ever.
You are SUPPOSED to talk with your boss about what you want to do with your professional life, and amazingly enough, if you work in the same field, you WILL have some professional stuff in common.

Quote:
Originally Posted by missingu View Post
One day i told him i wanted to do a certain job every week and he asked "if i give you that job,what will you do for me"..it wasnt sleazy but it made me think.Just a little bit.
When you ask your boss for a task, he is going to ask you what you are going to do to make it worthwhile for the business.

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Originally Posted by missingu View Post
And i thought he was looking at me alot.
Don't you look at people throughout the course of your day? Wouldn't you EXPECT your boss to watch what you are doing?

Quote:
Originally Posted by missingu View Post
Or he just makes funny noises and stuff like that sometimes.
Funny noises are not signs of desire.

Quote:
Originally Posted by missingu View Post
He stares and smiles sometimes. And when i asked him "what",he got upset with me and got mad about something.
I can picture this high school girl saying "Whaaaattttt....?" in this silly voice, which would make any grown up irritated.

Quote:
Originally Posted by missingu View Post
Last but not least,i was talking to a colleague after work about stuff and when he asked what we were doing and we told him he asked "are you sure thats all you were doing"...

Other colleagues have said they thought he fancied me.
Why are you even discussing who he fancies (or who you fancy) at work? And he could be asking about what you and your colleague are doing because a personal relationship can very very often be detrimental to a company.

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Originally Posted by missingu View Post
I just want a normal professional relationship. I dont want to think about him all of the time
Then act professionally. Stop putting some subversive thought or intent into every one of his actions or words.
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Old 1st August 2011, 8:34 PM   #5
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I wouldn't advise it.

he is married, has children, and you and him as an item may arise a conflict of interest. what if he assigned you to a project, and others found out of your relationship? What if you got promoted, and he recommended you for a new position?

As for his flirting, well it seems he may be just being friendly. There is a fine line between flirtation in a romantic/sexual interest, and basic friendliness.
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Old 6th August 2011, 2:42 AM   #6
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Old 1st September 2011, 9:16 AM   #7
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Maybe some people need to read what i wrote properly.I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO HAPPEN IT IS JUST A FANTASY.I ASKED HOW DO I GET OVER IT..ITS MAKING THINGS AWKWARD.

The reason i wonder is because it is nice to know people are attracted to you.it doesn't always mean you'll act on it..I certainly wont.I have accepted i become attracted to attached men because its a safe thing.If i ever got with them that would wreck my pattern.I've always been the same.
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Old 2nd September 2011, 4:31 AM   #8
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My boss and I flirt ALL the time. We both are just people who naturally flirt. We both are in serious relationships, our flirting means nothing its just fun. Our relationship isnt the normal professional relationship. Im most comfortable working with my boss. Hes more like a friend than my boss(which i know isnt a good way of thinking). Im great at my job, the best and my boss always has my back and is always there to promote me when positions are available. It shouldnt be ackward. Harmless flirting is a natural thing. He may not even relize hes flirting. If him staring at you gets to bother you or makes you uncomfortable then you should talk to him alone. Tell him your uncomfortable when you feel like people are staring at you and it affects your work.
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Old 26th September 2011, 8:41 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by LoveandSuch View Post
I wish some women would realize that because a guy flirts or gives you a little attention it means much more than it's intention. It will end up in delusional thinking and tears.
About 50% of men flirt on a consistent basis. It means nothing. It is done more often than not for their own esteem and has little to do with you specifically.
If you are a fun and pretty girl, you will be flirted with all day on a consistent basis, but it is all the norm. It means nothing. It does not mean they want to marry you and have your children.
Plus, he is married, what about that makes him appealing to you?
I agree. Heck everyone flirts including married women. It doesn't mean anything. You should be dating single guys your own age and having fun. Not thinking about some old married boss.
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Old 26th September 2011, 8:46 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by missingu View Post
Maybe some people need to read what i wrote properly.I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO HAPPEN IT IS JUST A FANTASY.I ASKED HOW DO I GET OVER IT..ITS MAKING THINGS AWKWARD.

The reason i wonder is because it is nice to know people are attracted to you.it doesn't always mean you'll act on it..I certainly wont.I have accepted i become attracted to attached men because its a safe thing.If i ever got with them that would wreck my pattern.I've always been the same.
Well you were the one who said you had a crush on your boss and it seemed like you were trying to find out if he felt the same. You didn't mention in your first post that you are only attracted to men who are already involved with other people because you feel safe. So are you saying you never want your own boyfriend/husband?
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Old 26th September 2011, 11:53 AM   #11
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Quote:
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Maybe some people need to read what i wrote properly.I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO HAPPEN IT IS JUST A FANTASY.I ASKED HOW DO I GET OVER IT..ITS MAKING THINGS AWKWARD.

The reason i wonder is because it is nice to know people are attracted to you.it doesn't always mean you'll act on it..I certainly wont.I have accepted i become attracted to attached men because its a safe thing.If i ever got with them that would wreck my pattern.I've always been the same.
You set up boundries and stop talking to him on personal level. You work hard while at work and DO NOT allow yourself to daydream or fantasize about him. He is married, with kids and he's your boss. Do NOT think just because he's nice to you, or helping you out means anything (even if he is flirty or implying something), you cut your feelings off and be strong, fight them.

You don't have to get attached, you shield your heart.
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