Zapbasket Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Three years ago almost to the day, I moved from the east coast to Colorado. I live in the mountains and I love the outdoors and the beauty that surrounds me. As I prepared for my move, I told myself that I must be prepared to give Colorado 3-5 years, as in my experience that's the time it takes to get adjusted to new surroundings and begin to build lasting relationships, etc. So, here I am at the three-year mark, and I'm starting to think I just don't belong here and I should start investigating options to leave. So many unpleasant things have happened to me out here, and just when I have overcome one thing, something else happens. It just seems I can't forge any kind of meaningful, positive relationship with ANYONE, save for my boyfriend and his family, all of whom I love. Sorry this is so long; here are some of the things that have gone on, in a nutshell: I initially moved to Denver for a relationship with a man 20 years older than me who charmed me and convinced me to move in with him before finding a job out here and my own apartment. The economy tanked right at the time I moved and though I sent out a resume a day, I spent my first year here unemployed, despite a great education, a masters degree from a prestigious university, and some great work experience. Then, my partner abruptly ended our relationship, gave me two weeks to leave his house, and then went AWOL during that time while I floundered alone about what to do and where I could go, with no car, and no "friends" or acquaintances save for his friends. I got that sorted out, got a seasonal job and a place to live, and then one by one some of his friends that initially stood by me trickled away, to my great hurt and consternation given they SAW how badly he treated me. When the seasonal job was done, after driving over 200 miles to show up at the CEO's office when my calls and emails went un-returned, I got what I thought was a great job that was in line with my interests and experience and was a true "resume-builder." It started out great; I moved to the mountains for the job; and then the CEO's daughter started working there. She was threatened by me and she and her mother made things hellish for me until finally I quit, just in time to go back to my seasonal job. I tried hard to scour up opportunities and when nothing turned up, I took a job at a local bakery that paid less than I made while still a college student. My boyfriend's longtime friend owns the bakery and so I thought it'd be a pretty collegial place to work, pretty easy, just show up, do the job, and then go home to look into doctoral programs and other job opportunities. Instead, the bakery has been miserable; it is very disorganized and short-staffed on top of it, and so the days are long and stressful, customers are rude, and worst of all the owner has been so rude to me, blaming me for things that can't possibly be in my control. The manager is miserable and takes it out on me and when I get home after 9 or 10 hours I am exhausted and demoralized. I decided to give my notice and coast financially until Thanksgiving when my seasonal job resumes, and try to either send off grad school applications by then, and/or find a better job. I've already applied for one at a think tank with an office in this area. I just feel I've just been lost in this thicket of unceasing negativity ever since I moved out here. And just when I think maybe now it will be better, something else happens that's just miserable. I'm pretty introspective and I've examined and re-examined my attitude, i.e., could I be putting something out there that's eliciting these kinds of experiences...and I haven't found anything in me. I'm feeling like it's just a long, long stretch of bad luck. But now I'm starting to think as well that maybe this is a sign that I just don't fit in out here. Usually it's easy for me to make friends. And usually I get recognition for being an outstanding employee: I work hard, I do more than is required, and I'm friendly, a good manager and a good team player and I'm creative and thrive on challenges. I've never encountered things like this before to this degree, and it's really making me feel defeated, exhausted, depressed, and alone to a degree I also have never experienced. So when do you take things as a sign you just don't belong in a place, and start making plans to leave? I feel I've tried my best, and went into each new experience and each new acquaintance with an open mind and heart. I feel pretty crushed. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 So when do you take things as a sign you just don't belong in a place, and start making plans to leave? One-word answer: YESTERDAY. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zapbasket Posted July 21, 2011 Author Share Posted July 21, 2011 It's that obvious, huh? OpenBook, you always have wise words to offer on here. Can you elaborate? I just feel like I'm always moving. I'm not typically a job-quitter, though--though I do tend to leave when I feel I've outgrown a job role...which I keep doing because I have yet to find a job that truly is commensurate with my experience and abilities. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 It's that obvious, huh? Yes, it kind of is. None of your threads over the past year or so have been particularly happy. Three years is plenty of time to give a place a try. I've moved countries several times and I pretty much know after nine to twelve months. I vote time to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zapbasket Posted July 21, 2011 Author Share Posted July 21, 2011 Thanks and good point, Denise. So, then...does leaving a place, citing the fact that ultimately the negative just outweighed the positive, make me a quitter? I've kept myself going by believing that things will change--I'll get a well-paying job commensurate with my skills and interests, or I'll get a really unique creative opportunity--and I do all I can to lay the groundwork for those things to happen (networking, researching opportunities, etc.)...and I just keep feeling like everything falls flat. I'm starting to feel it's pointless to bother networking anymore, because perhaps no one here has anything that could benefit me in any way. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Thanks and good point, Denise. So, then...does leaving a place, citing the fact that ultimately the negative just outweighed the positive, make me a quitter? I've kept myself going by believing that things will change--I'll get a well-paying job commensurate with my skills and interests, or I'll get a really unique creative opportunity--and I do all I can to lay the groundwork for those things to happen (networking, researching opportunities, etc.)...and I just keep feeling like everything falls flat. I'm starting to feel it's pointless to bother networking anymore, because perhaps no one here has anything that could benefit me in any way. No, of course it doesn't. Why would it? You have simply reached a conclusion where a) you have realised that the opportunities you are looking for (professional, social, etc.) are not present where you currently are, and b) you're likely to be happier somewhere else. Don't over complicate it Link to post Share on other sites
tman666 Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 (edited) You might get called a quitter by some small minded people, but you gave it the college try. You only get one shot at life, and if you've been here for that long are are still miserable, you might need to change your environment (i.e. move somewhere that fits your lifestyle/personality more). Sorry to hear that your experience here has been so awful. Edited July 21, 2011 by tman666 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zapbasket Posted July 23, 2011 Author Share Posted July 23, 2011 No, of course it doesn't. Why would it? You have simply reached a conclusion where a) you have realised that the opportunities you are looking for (professional, social, etc.) are not present where you currently are, and b) you're likely to be happier somewhere else. Don't over complicate it Again, good point(s). Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zapbasket Posted July 23, 2011 Author Share Posted July 23, 2011 You might get called a quitter by some small minded people, but you gave it the college try. You only get one shot at life, and if you've been here for that long are are still miserable, you might need to change your environment (i.e. move somewhere that fits your lifestyle/personality more). Sorry to hear that your experience here has been so awful. Thanks, Tman. It sounds like you're from CO? Don't get me wrong, there are many things I love about being here (skiing, the mountains in general, hiking).... I just returned from a 1-night camping trip where I swam in a beautiful, desolate alpine lake at around 12,000 feet and hiked over 10 miles through some beautiful temperate forest in golden sunshine. I wish I could fuse that with a suitable job and I wish I could have found more of the classy folks who I know live in this state than the numerous rude, flaky, unwelcoming people ill luck kept presenting to me. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 So, then...does leaving a place, citing the fact that ultimately the negative just outweighed the positive, make me a quitter? Does not taking heroin any more, citing the negative just outweighed the positive, make me a quitter? Link to post Share on other sites
frd150 Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 I could say alot on this topic but it's late and I'm a sleepy guy. I'm not sure what your degree is in but have you thought about working in the ski/resort industry? I have some experience in it and I found that there is nothing better than working with people who share your passion.I've made alot of life long friends in the ski industry. Check out... www.malakye,com www.outdoorindustryjobs.com You might find something that matches your interest. I agree with everyone here,YOUR NOT A QUITTER! All the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zapbasket Posted July 23, 2011 Author Share Posted July 23, 2011 Does not taking heroin any more, citing the negative just outweighed the positive, make me a quitter? Ha ha! Only in the best sense of the word I understand your point. I've been caught in the position repeatedly in CO of having to walk away from things and people that / who are not right for me in order to be available for what is right for me, and while it's exhausting and depressing, it's the only way to get to the place that I need to be. The process just sucks, though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zapbasket Posted July 23, 2011 Author Share Posted July 23, 2011 I could say alot on this topic but it's late and I'm a sleepy guy. I'm not sure what your degree is in but have you thought about working in the ski/resort industry? I have some experience in it and I found that there is nothing better than working with people who share your passion.I've made alot of life long friends in the ski industry. Check out... www.malakye,com www.outdoorindustryjobs.com You might find something that matches your interest. I agree with everyone here,YOUR NOT A QUITTER! All the best. Thanks for the links and the thoughts. I actually have been working in the ski industry for the past two winters; that's the "seasonal job" to which I refer in my original post on this thread. I share your feelings about it--I've had a wonderful time working in the industry and the sense of camaraderie and support is really great. If it were possible to do that job year round and make great money, I'd totally be up for it! I even contemplated spending this summer in NZ but it just wasn't going to pay enough and besides, all the background and training I have in other areas I do care enough about to want to move forward with, and ultimately the seasonal job thing just isn't for me. But it has been an adventure that I will always cherish and I hope I can continue to participate in the industry part-time when I have a year-round, full-time job that truly pays me enough to live on! What do you do in the industry? (I'm a ski instructor.) Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 Ha ha! Only in the best sense of the word I understand your point. I've been caught in the position repeatedly in CO of having to walk away from things and people that / who are not right for me in order to be available for what is right for me, and while it's exhausting and depressing, it's the only way to get to the place that I need to be. The process just sucks, though. Yeah, there's times when things suck, but they immediately precede the start of something new, something good. Your dissatisfaction is to your advantage. Move on up... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zapbasket Posted July 24, 2011 Author Share Posted July 24, 2011 Yeah, there's times when things suck, but they immediately precede the start of something new, something good. Your dissatisfaction is to your advantage. Move on up... Thanks so much, Betterdeal. That's a very encouraging thought--that this constant dissatisfaction I've been experiencing is a "fuel" of sorts to guide me to something more right for me. Of course, I know there's more to getting what I want than just moving. I have to change how I go about things like job searching, thinking about more grad school, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 You already have! You're doing all that for your own sake; last time you did it to move to be with your lover. So pat on the back for doing it for your personal development and nothing else Link to post Share on other sites
frd150 Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 Thanks for the links and the thoughts. I actually have been working in the ski industry for the past two winters; that's the "seasonal job" to which I refer in my original post on this thread. I share your feelings about it--I've had a wonderful time working in the industry and the sense of camaraderie and support is really great. If it were possible to do that job year round and make great money, I'd totally be up for it! I even contemplated spending this summer in NZ but it just wasn't going to pay enough and besides, all the background and training I have in other areas I do care enough about to want to move forward with, and ultimately the seasonal job thing just isn't for me. But it has been an adventure that I will always cherish and I hope I can continue to participate in the industry part-time when I have a year-round, full-time job that truly pays me enough to live on! What do you do in the industry? (I'm a ski instructor.) Oh,no problem. I was trying to think of another one at the time that I typed that as well but my brain was already in sleep mode. Ski Area Management is the magazine I get and I believe their website falls under the same name. Let's see...I was a Lift operator,Repair shop manager,retail manager,tech rep (guy in the van) and I also spent some time in marketing. I'm now involved in the watersports industry. I have a few friends who have made the ski industry a year round thing but it seems good paying non-seasonal jobs are hard to come by. I also hav two friends who did the NZ thing. They went 4 years without a summer. Kinda scary. Link to post Share on other sites
tman666 Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 Thanks, Tman. It sounds like you're from CO? Don't get me wrong, there are many things I love about being here (skiing, the mountains in general, hiking).... I just returned from a 1-night camping trip where I swam in a beautiful, desolate alpine lake at around 12,000 feet and hiked over 10 miles through some beautiful temperate forest in golden sunshine. I wish I could fuse that with a suitable job and I wish I could have found more of the classy folks who I know live in this state than the numerous rude, flaky, unwelcoming people ill luck kept presenting to me. Yeah, I'm here in CO! I personally love it here, but could fully understand how it's not the best place for certain personalities. For example, I know I would probably not do real well in a huge city such as Chicago or Dallas or whatnot. You mentioned that you work as a ski instructor, and I have a pretty good idea of the types of people you probably have to be around. While I enjoy winter sports myself, it seems to attract a certain crowd, both in terms of those working within the industry and its participants. Rude, flaky, and unwelcoming seems to cover quite a bit of the spectrum of the folks I've been around at alpine ski resorts. I've personally found that the nordic skiing community fits my personality better, even though I'll admit that we're a strange bunch as well. Unfortunately, there aren't really any jobs with nordic skiing other than coaching and retail, both of which are well covered in the state economy. You might find yourself much happier living/working in a bigger area of CO (such as Denver, CO Springs, Grand Junction, etc.) and having the choice to visit the resort towns instead of having to live with it every day. Obviously, I've made a lot of assumptions in my post here, but it's just my $.02. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 GC, you're not a quitter. I'd say quite the opposite after reading how you stuck it out despite running into unfavorable situations. My thought is that you're not doing your employer or yourself any favors sticking to a job that doesn't fulfill you emotionally, psychologically, etc. And no job that you dread going into every day is one worth keeping. life is too short to be miserable, even when logic tells you that you need the money and you should keep a job that's toxic. best of luck on your job search! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zapbasket Posted July 26, 2011 Author Share Posted July 26, 2011 You already have! You're doing all that for your own sake; last time you did it to move to be with your lover. So pat on the back for doing it for your personal development and nothing else Thank you for everything you have said here. Online forums I always take with a grain of salt given comments and opinions are mostly stranger to stranger...but sometimes it's striking how much an encouraging comment from one such "stranger" can uplift and give hope. You made me feel good, in part because I recognize that you are right So, thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zapbasket Posted July 26, 2011 Author Share Posted July 26, 2011 http://www.colorado.gov/cs/Satellite/CDLE-EmployTrain/CDLE/1248095319018 This might be a good place to start. Not bad for a Canadian, huh? You Canadians always have good things up your sleeve Yes, thanks! I did not encounter this before in my searches and it looks promising. I appreciate you sussing this out for me! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zapbasket Posted July 26, 2011 Author Share Posted July 26, 2011 Oh,no problem. I was trying to think of another one at the time that I typed that as well but my brain was already in sleep mode. Ski Area Management is the magazine I get and I believe their website falls under the same name. Let's see...I was a Lift operator,Repair shop manager,retail manager,tech rep (guy in the van) and I also spent some time in marketing. I'm now involved in the watersports industry. I have a few friends who have made the ski industry a year round thing but it seems good paying non-seasonal jobs are hard to come by. I also hav two friends who did the NZ thing. They went 4 years without a summer. Kinda scary. Yeah, I don't think I could go that long without a summer. Also, unless you already have a strong and rich clientele base, ski instructing in NZ pretty much just covers the airfare, housing and food while you're there, and not much anything else. I was open to going this summer because I thought it would be an incredible adventure, one worth allowing the rest of my life to remain "up in the air" for. But it wasn't meant to be. I actually really like the people I work with in the ski industry. I have other career aspirations but otherwise I'd be really happy working as a ski instructor for the resort for which I currently work. Everyone is very professional and a sense of fun pervades everything, even while we're working hard. Plus, I teach in the kids division, and it's so much fun to lead a crew of fearless 12-year-old boys around the mountain. It made me discover anew how much I love teaching and working with young people. I thought I'd try to remain in the industry full time until I got my full certification (one more cert left to go), but the pull of the rest of my life is too strong. I must say, though, that no office can beat the "office" of the snowy steeps! Betcha we know some people in common... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zapbasket Posted July 26, 2011 Author Share Posted July 26, 2011 Yeah, I'm here in CO! I personally love it here, but could fully understand how it's not the best place for certain personalities. For example, I know I would probably not do real well in a huge city such as Chicago or Dallas or whatnot. You mentioned that you work as a ski instructor, and I have a pretty good idea of the types of people you probably have to be around. While I enjoy winter sports myself, it seems to attract a certain crowd, both in terms of those working within the industry and its participants. Rude, flaky, and unwelcoming seems to cover quite a bit of the spectrum of the folks I've been around at alpine ski resorts. I've personally found that the nordic skiing community fits my personality better, even though I'll admit that we're a strange bunch as well. Unfortunately, there aren't really any jobs with nordic skiing other than coaching and retail, both of which are well covered in the state economy. You might find yourself much happier living/working in a bigger area of CO (such as Denver, CO Springs, Grand Junction, etc.) and having the choice to visit the resort towns instead of having to live with it every day. Obviously, I've made a lot of assumptions in my post here, but it's just my $.02. Yeah, I've actually thought about investigating living, working, and possibly attending grad school in Boulder. I lived in Denver the first year I was here, and my feeling about that city, perhaps unfairly, is heavily sullied by the horrible humiliation I suffered at the hands of my ex there, plus the humiliation of being unable to find ANY job there. I felt like such a nobody, and I would rather live somewhere else than ever return to the site of such an unhappy period in my life. I will probably never think very positively of Denver because of what I encountered there. I know what you refer to when you talk about the kinds of personalities you can encounter in the ski industry. But honestly, my work as a ski instructor has been a veritable oasis in all the unpleasantness I have experienced while living in CO so far. My ski school colleagues have been so much fun to work with, and supportive and encouraging, and I have achieved a lot as an instructor, building up a clientele, and going from having never skied before Dec. 2007 to getting my Level II cert this past season and a children's specialist accred. Teaching skiing has taught me a lot not only about skiing, but about psychology, which is the passion on which I am contemplating building my career from here on out, in collaboration with other skills of mine. I have noticed that the nordic skiing community is a pretty cool group of folks...but I'm all about the downhill, baby! I'm curious about any thoughts / exp. you might have regarding Boulder. It seems to bring its share of flakiness, etc., but also being a college town near the mountains I thought it would be a bit more vibrant opportunity-wise and socially. Thanks much for posting your thoughts on my thread, fellow Coloradan Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 You need an ocean nearby. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zapbasket Posted July 26, 2011 Author Share Posted July 26, 2011 You need an ocean nearby. But without losing the mountains! Hey Unders, it's been a long while. Hope things are well with you! Link to post Share on other sites
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