Coworker hit me

[daphne]

I was very good friends with a girl at work. But yesterday, she lost her mind and hit me. Not once but twice. And hard. It wasn't the first time, but I had yelled at her previously not to ever put her hands on me again. Previously, it was a tap and she thought it was funny. She is a very forceful person, and I'm less so. She asserts her dominance in a way that's clearly toxic. She used to yell all of the time, until I started yelling back. I may not be aggressive, but I'm not a milque toast.

 

So, she lost her mind. And now she's crying because she's worried about losing her job. Not worried about the fact that what she did was humiliating and that I'm now shell shocked and can't focus on my work. And for the record, I do part of her f***ng job too.

 

My boss was livid. He's not her boss. Her boss has coddled her to the point where she's gotten lazy, careless and clearly has lost her mind on boundaries. She yells at a lot of people. She is not anyone's favorite. She's a spoiled enfant terrible. Entitled. Can get away with anything.

 

Had we been in a social setting, I would have walloped her back. Unfortunately, you can't do that at work because then you share the responsibility. There's nothing worse than knowing you can't defend yourself in that situation. I seriously wanted to beat the ever living crap out of this girl.

 

I'm really, really angry. Part of me wants to go against what I said yesterday, and march into HR's office. This is totally unacceptable behavior.

[denise_xo]

I'd go to HR. Violence in the workplace is totally unacceptable.

[David Cain]

Go to HR and let them know what happened. Carry a weapon with you.

[green_tea]

Definitely go to HR. This happened at my workplace once and the perpertraror was justifiably fired. You need to feel safe at work.

[TeeStar]

what completely unacceptable behaviour!!!!

 

You said she's worried about losing her job (damn right!) Has she even apologised or shown any remorse??

 

It isn't something you should even have to think about. Please do go straight to HR & let them know what happened.

[Art_Critic]

I'd go into HR's office.. let the cards fall where they may.

If she gets reprimanded then so be it and if she gets fired then so be it.

This is about her striking you at work and helping to create an environment where you are afraid or too messed up to work.

 

Your boss is also a person that should go to HR.. He is over your head and knows of this wrong.. if he/she doesn't also go to HR then they certainly don't have your back.

 

Go to HR.. today...

[donnamaybe]

This girl needs to learn what consequences mean, and the best way for that to happen is if you follow protocol and go to HR. She will only get worse if she gets away with this, and the next event might land her in a courtroom.

[keepsmilin74]

Sounds like you might be doing the whole office a favour if you did take it to hr. You can change your mind about not going to hr especially as you only found afterward that it is affecting your own performance.

[Fugu]

I agree 100 percent with the others: go to HR. She is a workplace bully, and the situation never gets better. She needs to be put in her place.

[daphne]

Has she even apologised or shown any remorse??

 

It isn't something you should even have to think about. Please do go straight to HR & let them know what happened.

 

She did show immediate remorse. She apologized and started crying. It felt more like she was afraid though, than truly understood what she had just put me through. She felt she was just horseplaying and that she didn't mean to hit me that hard. Twice. Had she hit me on the cheek, she would have left a handprint. Try holding back on that. NOT EASY.

 

I'd go into HR's office.. let the cards fall where they may.

If she gets reprimanded then so be it and if she gets fired then so be it.

This is about her striking you at work and helping to create an environment where you are afraid or too messed up to work.

 

Your boss is also a person that should go to HR.. He is over your head and knows of this wrong.. if he/she doesn't also go to HR then they certainly don't have your back.

 

Go to HR.. today...

 

I can't go today. I am trying to work from home. However, I am still very shaky and completely unsettled. This is just a crazy experience I've never dealt with.

 

This girl needs to learn what consequences mean, and the best way for that to happen is if you follow protocol and go to HR. She will only get worse if she gets away with this, and the next event might land her in a courtroom.

 

I am worried that she'll feel she can get away with anything. That's how things led up to this.

 

Sounds like you might be doing the whole office a favour if you did take it to hr. You can change your mind about not going to hr especially as you only found afterward that it is affecting your own performance.

 

Honestly, I think that if hte guys I worked with found out, they would back me 100%. They get tired of her sometimes too.

 

I haven't committed one way or the other. I'm going to see what happens today. If I am still this shaky, I have to go to HR. I don't want to hurt a friend that made a mistake, but on the same token, had the roles been reversed I could have been sent packing. I'm not sure she'd be as generous as I was considering being.

 

Oh, and an interesting note. She asked me why I didn't come to her first. I told her this wasn't the first time, and she clearly wasn't listening to me when I yelled at her the first time to never hit me again. But previously, she didn't hit that hard.

 

For the record, the attitude of the people that have protected her was "oh, well I'm sure she didn't really mean to hit you that hard." Well, she did. And I'm the one who saw the crazy, angry look on her face.

 

And thanks guys, for all of the support. I wasn't sure I'd even get a response on this kind of thing.

[Taramere]

I'm really, really angry. Part of me wants to go against what I said yesterday, and march into HR's office. This is totally unacceptable behavior.

 

Go against what you said yesterday? Did she manage to get some sort of promise out of you that you wouldn't raise a grievance?

 

Whatever you said yesterday, this person's out of control anger raises a question of employer liability. She could attack somebody again, and injure them. Not to mention that her behaviour is gross misconduct that no colleague should have to tolerate. I'm astounded your boss hasn't already taken it up with HR. Employers have a duty to look after their staff - and an employee who has proved to be abusive and violent towards other employees is a clear health and safety issue.

 

They shouldn't just let an incident like this go or leave it you to decide whether or not to take it further.

[thehead]

She did show immediate remorse. She apologized and started crying. It felt more like she was afraid though, than truly understood what she had just put me through. She felt she was just horseplaying and that she didn't mean to hit me that hard. Twice. Had she hit me on the cheek, she would have left a handprint. Try holding back on that. NOT EASY.

 

Yeah, she doesn't sound unbalanced. This is bad daphne. Sorry youre going through it. Move it forward to HR.

[daphne]

Go against what you said yesterday? Did she manage to get some sort of promise out of you that you wouldn't raise a grievance?

 

Whatever you said yesterday, this person's out of control anger raises a question of employer liability. She could attack somebody again, and injure them. Not to mention that her behaviour is gross misconduct that no colleague should have to tolerate. I'm astounded your boss hasn't already taken it up with HR. Employers have a duty to look after their staff - and an employee who has proved to be abusive and violent towards other employees is a clear health and safety issue.

 

They shouldn't just let an incident like this go or leave it you to decide whether or not to take it further.

 

I think my boss wasn't sure about not taking it to HR. I'm the one that suggested not going. He said he'd do whatever I wanted. He was really pissed. But he made sure to document everything, so that in the event that there was retaliation of any kind or any repeats, we could take it to HR.

 

She definitely has control/anger issues. she knows it too. If we hadn't been friends, I wouldn't have passed go or collected $200. I would have been in HR signing documents. But, unfortunately, I feel bad for her as opposed to myself. I wish I knew why.

[daphne]

im with with guy ^^

 

what if next time she brings a gun or a knife? what type of job setting do you work in for crying out loud

 

Putting this in perspective, (and the fact that I've known her for years,) this is highly unlikely. She's a hothead and a little psycho, but she's not one to go that far. I'm not worried about that.

 

But I can see the outrage of hearing about something like this. I don't ever think I've seen this kind of thing at work.

[johan]

I'm not sure she'd be as generous as I was considering being.

 

I'm not sure what I would do. It would have to be pretty bad for me to do something to jeopardize someone's job. Not that this isn't, but I guess that's for you to decide.

 

The quoted statement caught my attention though. Should you set your course based on what you think she would do if the tables were turned? Do you know what she would do? Do you really want to set your standards based on the standards of the person you're dealing with?

 

Going to HR would cost her her job, and maybe thousands of dollars in lost wages. I suggest you put the ball in her court. Tell her you can go to HR, or she can pay you some amount and you won't. Make it a business deal. It should be worth it to her to write you a check. That's a painful consequence, too. Blackmail is wrong of course. But I think you have a limited amount of time to report this anyway, so it doesn't seem like blackmail to me. It's more a matter of economics. Put the cost-benefit decision on her shoulders and take away your own dilemma.

[Taramere]

im with with guy ^^

 

I'm a woman!

 

I think my boss wasn't sure about not taking it to HR. I'm the one that suggested not going. He said he'd do whatever I wanted. He was really pissed. But he made sure to document everything, so that in the event that there was retaliation of any kind or any repeats, we could take it to HR.

 

She definitely has control/anger issues. she knows it too. If we hadn't been friends, I wouldn't have passed go or collected $200. I would have been in HR signing documents. But, unfortunately, I feel bad for her as opposed to myself. I wish I knew why.

 

I think it's just an empathy thing. I've encountered workplace bullies before and ended up feeling sorry for them despite myself. I remember one absolute horror of a secretary who was incredibly unpleasant and trying to make trouble for me to the point where I think she was hoping I'd lose my job.

 

One time I asked her if we could have a meeting in my office to get to the bottom of the problem. She reacted by bursting into tears and coming out with some crap about a cat that had been put down several months earlier. I found myself standing there making sympathetic noises, despite knowing this woman would have quite happily hung me out to dry.

 

It's annoying. It is...but I think it's also quite a normal empathic reaction to feel sorry for somebody when they start crying regardless of how much of a turd you know them to be. Even if they're just putting it on and being manipulative, it's still pitiful.

 

However it does need addressed. Somebody like that will cry one minute...then two days later they'll be back to their usual. You'll be even more angry if you let this go and then she does something similar in a couple of weeks time. Plus if she's in that sorry a state that she's starting to hit other people then she probably needs to take time off work and get some anger counselling.

[keepsmilin74]

The empathy explanation makes sense. Plus I can imagine you're just paralysed in disbelief that a former friend could treat you so badly AND in a work(supposedly professional) environment. That is shocking and seeing in hindsight it had escalated from yelling and tapping to real hitting would make anyone angry and upset their normal work functions.

[Lucky_One]

What provoked her hitting you?

[daphne]

I'm not sure what I would do. It would have to be pretty bad for me to do something to jeopardize someone's job. Not that this isn't, but I guess that's for you to decide.

 

The quoted statement caught my attention though. Should you set your course based on what you think she would do if the tables were turned? Do you know what she would do? Do you really want to set your standards based on the standards of the person you're dealing with?

 

Going to HR would cost her her job, and maybe thousands of dollars in lost wages. I suggest you put the ball in her court. Tell her you can go to HR, or she can pay you some amount and you won't. Make it a business deal. It should be worth it to her to write you a check. That's a painful consequence, too. Blackmail is wrong of course. But I think you have a limited amount of time to report this anyway, so it doesn't seem like blackmail to me. It's more a matter of economics. Put the cost-benefit decision on her shoulders and take away your own dilemma.

 

I find it disturbing and illogical that you suggest that, instead of considering whether or not to take a high road that she might not take, I blackmail her. You can't be serious.

 

I'm a woman!

 

However it does need addressed. Somebody like that will cry one minute...then two days later they'll be back to their usual. You'll be even more angry if you let this go and then she does something similar in a couple of weeks time. Plus if she's in that sorry a state that she's starting to hit other people then she probably needs to take time off work and get some anger counselling.

 

Yes, I felt that this would probably be the case with her. She was snapping her fingers like nothing happened. Meanwhile, my coworkers are asking me "are you ok? What's wrong." She does need anger counseling. Her ex's will attest to that.

 

The empathy explanation makes sense. Plus I can imagine you're just paralysed in disbelief that a former friend could treat you so badly AND in a work(supposedly professional) environment. That is shocking and seeing in hindsight it had escalated from yelling and tapping to real hitting would make anyone angry and upset their normal work functions.

 

Yes. This is exactly where I am at. But not having to see her at work today is making it better. I just don't know that I can continue to work with her at this point.

 

What provoked her hitting you?

 

I asked her who her secret admirer was that sent her roses. Seriously.

[Lucky_One]

And she got angry and punched you? Damn.

[tigressA]

I asked her who her secret admirer was that sent her roses. Seriously.

 

Wow. That girl has serious issues. And you should go to HR. I know I would. I wouldn't really care much if she would lose her job. That's a possible consequence of what she's done, and she should face the consequence(s) in order to realize that how she has been acting is wrong and she needs help.

 

I am also extremely disturbed by the suggestion of blackmail. Meeting one low with another is completely classless, and also dangerous. It could land the OP in water just as hot as the crazy violent chick is in right now.

[carhill]

Why bother with HR? Just call 911 (or the equivalent in your country) and report the battery. When LEO's step in, *everyone* is accountable.

 

Sorry about your experience. In the male blue collar world I work in, disputes can commonly be addressed with physical violence. It isn't pretty. That's why we have cops.

 

Is this person mentally ill or emotionally disturbed? Those behaviors sound pretty familiar.

[daphne]

And she got angry and punched you? Damn.

 

She didn't punch me. She hit me open handed.

 

Wow. That girl has serious issues. And you should go to HR. I know I would. I wouldn't really care much if she would lose her job. That's a possible consequence of what she's done, and she should face the consequence(s) in order to realize that how she has been acting is wrong and she needs help.

 

I am also extremely disturbed by the suggestion of blackmail. Meeting one low with another is completely classless, and also dangerous. It could land the OP in water just as hot as the crazy violent chick is in right now.

 

She clearly has issues. I never intend to be in arms' reach of her again. If there is a next time, I do not plan on restraining myself.

 

Why bother with HR? Just call 911 (or the equivalent in your country) and report the battery. When LEO's step in, *everyone* is accountable.

 

Sorry about your experience. In the male blue collar world I work in, disputes can commonly be addressed with physical violence. It isn't pretty. That's why we have cops.

 

Is this person mentally ill or emotionally disturbed? Those behaviors sound pretty familiar.

 

I don't think she's mentally ill. I think she has anger and control issues. I think she didn't want anyone to know she had received flowers. I'm not exactly sure why. But her behavior is bizarre at best. She attributed it to "I'm just used to hitting my family and friends sometimes." She has never hit me outside of the office, so I find that a bizarre excuse. I find it more fitting, that she likes to display behaviors of control at the office that others can see. She has a very forceful nature.

 

I really can't call the cops on this one. But she's been warned, and her boss has too. If she ever laid another finger on me, I will call the cops.

[Taramere]

I don't think she's mentally ill. I think she has anger and control issues. I think she didn't want anyone to know she had received flowers. I'm not exactly sure why. But her behavior is bizarre at best. She attributed it to "I'm just used to hitting my family and friends sometimes." She has never hit me outside of the office, so I find that a bizarre excuse. I find it more fitting, that she likes to display behaviors of control at the office that others can see. She has a very forceful nature.

 

See, this is why I have an issue with people applauding out of control anger in the way that some are doing on this thread

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3521908#post3521908

 

It sounds like your colleague comes from a similar ideology. If people learn that it's okay to get out of control and hit family members, they're more likely to take the same thuggish mindset into the street or even the office.

 

The ability to retain control and remain calm in the face of provocation is one of the most underrated abilities around...but it's also one of the most important. Congrats on being able to restrain yourself from reacting violently to your colleague's behaviour. A lot of people like to wax lyrical on here about what constitutes "classy" and what equates with "trashy". Well, to my mind, the situation you described at work sums it all up quite nicely.

 

Stay safe.

[sally4sara]

Putting this in perspective, (and the fact that I've known her for years,) this is highly unlikely. She's a hothead and a little psycho, but she's not one to go that far. I'm not worried about that.

 

But I can see the outrage of hearing about something like this. I don't ever think I've seen this kind of thing at work.

 

This should be a no brainer that the woman deserves to be fired and possibly have assault charges slapped on her.

 

But I had this exact situation happen to me on a job and took it to the HR. I was made to regret it. If the other woman saw any consequences it was mild, I was painted a racist and the entire company had to go through anti discrimination seminars with many thinking it was all my fault. Why? Because he ex worked there and asked me out. But with no witnesses - this can happen.

 

This was a corporation with 400+ employees.