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Coworker: does he dislike me or is it just the way he is?


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Old 31st July 2011, 12:19 PM   #16
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Youd be surprised how much more productive you can be when you dont have someone like that weighing down on your shoulders...even when youre short staffed.
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Old 31st July 2011, 1:07 PM   #17
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Old 31st July 2011, 3:51 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SpiralOut View Post
An update, for anyone interested:

The girl that he was complaining together with got fired.

He is still with the company but on Friday he got into a fight with our boss. He sounded like a kid having a temper tantrum. I didn't hear everything he said, but at a certain point I heard him mention my name.

This pisses me off. I don't know what he said about me. He couldn't have said very much. I have never said a single bad word against the company or any of our coworkers. There were a couple times when I lost my temper in the breakroom and complained about something that happened (eg. this one time my boss was really rude and mean to me). But that's about it. But it still begs the question of what did he say about me?

The only person I can ask left for vacation today so unless somebody else brings it up, there's nobody I can really ask to see what happened. I mean I kind of deserve to know what was said about me, ya know? Anyway you guys sure were right that I can't trust him. Thank god I haven't said anything really bad around him!

ETA: Oh right and the other woman we work with really doesn't like him now. She's been complaining about him to me while he complains about her to me. So stressful. And she's been complaining to our boss about him. I don't think he's going to last much longer which sort of sucks because it will leave us short-staffed again. But it might be good in the long run. oh well we'll see what happens.
I don't see this man lasting long at your workplace. A fight with the boss is a career limiting move.

Don't ask the boss what was said about you. Stay out of it unless your boss brings it up.
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Old 31st July 2011, 10:12 PM   #19
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Oh don't worry I wasn't planning on asking my boss what was said about me. There is one woman at work who overheard the whole thing and she will probably tell me what was said if she thinks that I should know; except she won't be here next week. So I probably won't bring it up even though it is driving me insane not knowing.

As for protecting myself...I do my job very well, I know when to keep my mouth shut and I get along well everyone, so that's my protection. Whenever management wants to know about someone they will ask all the other coworkers what they think. So I should be fine. They've complimented my work performance lately too. That guy was acting so juvenile I am not sure that my boss would take what he said seriously anyway, now that I think of it. I think I heard him saying to leave me out of it.

You are right, Eddie, it might be easier without him around. He is a real pain in the ass to work with, I mean he keeps making the same mistakes and he doesn't listen and it screws things up for me.

This week it will be just me and all the newer people, and last time that happened this guy really acted up. I'm a little nervous that I might lose my temper. But anyway, I'll post an update when something of significance happens.
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Old 4th August 2011, 8:06 PM   #20
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Okay I did not expect to be posting again here so soon but today he said some things that made me so angry I could hardly see straight.

I'm the only woman in our department this week so he's been acting rowdy. Today he started making jokes about how if he was a gynecologist he would be making all of his patients satisfied.

It was repulsive and offensive. Not to mention the fact that we work for a medical laboratory and handle patient samples all day, so that sort of talk in a workplace like ours is considered extremely unprofessional and inappropriate.

I was so shocked and upset that I didn't say anything. He looked over at me and was like "oh sorry spiralout. it's just guytalk" and then he kept going. He's not sorry at all! I guess I should have said something at that point, but I figured that would have just made me look like a poor sport or whatever. If any other woman had been in the room at that moment I would have had back up but it was just us.

Anyway I wanted to speak to him about it today but I didn't get a chance alone with him. Tomorrow I will be telling him that his comments offended me. I HAVE to say something. That type of talk is completely out of line. I had to go lock myself in the bathroom for a few minutes to calm myself down.

ETA: oh and that's not the first time he brought up the topic of sex. He mentioned it one other time about a month ago. And today he made some other sexual comments (not gynecologist related thankfully). The language he used wasn't vulgar but it was all insinuation and tone of voice that just made me feel sick to my stomach.

AND I think he might have sensed that I was upset, because I was pretty much ignoring him and he then started making all sorts of flattering comments about me like how I was the smartest in our class, blahblah. Which just annoyed me even more because kissing my ass won't make any difference at all. And I think I might have been a little bit lippy with my boss at the end of my shift because I was so upset I hardly knew what I was saying or doing. I know that shouldn't bother me so much but my god. I don't think I've worked with anyone before who had the nerve to say such rude things.

Last edited by SpiralOut; 4th August 2011 at 8:42 PM..
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Old 5th August 2011, 1:54 PM   #21
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Talk to him, but one wonders if he did it on purpose to get a rise out of you. Still, the first step is to tell him it's inappropriate and you want it to stop. Don't let him try to make you feel like you have a problem with it. "But it's just a joke." or "Can't you take a joke?" blah, blah. He's not at a bar having a drink. He's at work which means he needs to behave in a professional manner to all his co-workers, male and female.

If he still continues, you need to bring this to the attention of your supervisor. Most western employers now have workplace sexual harassment policies in place to deal with things like this.

Start documenting these things somewhere privately. What he says, when he says it, etc. You may not need it, but if you need that information later on, you'll have the information handy.
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Old 5th August 2011, 7:44 PM   #22
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Thanks. yeah I spoke with him today and I told him that the sorts of jokes he was making the other day really bothered me. I didn't even need to explain what I was talking about because he seemed to know right away what I meant. He apologized right away and said he understands. It''s as if he suspected he pissed me off and was waiting to see if I would say anything or not.

What irks me is that he said that "sometimes us guys make jokes and we forget about the sensitivites of others"

So basically he doesn't seem to realize it is workplace inappropriate. He thinks that I just don't like it because I'm a woman and I am sensitive. Which okay, that IS part of it. But the main issue is that it is just plain inappropriate. I didn't bother to try and argue with him. He seemed genuinely sorry, although I am not sure if he's sorry he upset me or if he's just sorry that I said something! He actually thanked me for telling him.

I'll be documenting these things for sure. And like you suggest, I'll tell someone about it when/if another incidence happens. I WAS planning on speaking to my boss about it today, but then I decided not to, call it a gut feeling.

I feel much better now.
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Old 6th August 2011, 2:50 PM   #23
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Oh I forgot to mention something. I suspect that he has a problem with the fact that people go to me to ask questions and dont ask him anything (very often anyway). Like if another coworker comes up to me and asks me something, if he is sitting nearby and ovehears it he will interject himself into the conversation and either confirm or deny what I just said. Mostly he is just confirming it. As if he knows better than me!! I'm the one in charge of certain things, that he doesn't know how to do, so I actually know more than he does. But he seems to think he is the authority figure on it or something. Which makes no sense because his accuracy is much lower than mine also.

My other coworkers seem very confused when he does this to them. They just say "umm...okay" and then walk off. I just ignore it completely.

There was also a day this week when he decided to take his lunchbreak at a different time than usual without asking permission. When our supervisor was questioning him about it, he made the excuse of "oh I didn't want to leave spiralout by herself." At which point our boss laughed at him and told him "spiralout can handle herself better than the rest of you all put together!!" And my coworker was like "oh. really??" And then he apologized to me because I guess he was worried he'd offended me. Which I wasn't really. I mean, I'm starting to see that he thinks other people don't know anything. Not to mention that he probably was just using me as an excuse for doing something he wasn't supposed to do. I doubt that he really cared about leaving me by myself to work alone.

Anyway I am planning now to speak to someone on monday about his inappropriate sex comments. Somebody else needs to know what is going on in case it happens again.

I need to stop letting this get to me!! At least it gives me motivation to go for my runs in the evening! lol
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Old 6th August 2011, 3:56 PM   #24
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Quote:
But he seems to think he is the authority figure on it or something. Which makes no sense because his accuracy is much lower than mine also.
That's just plain old sexism. Men often assume that women don't know what they are talking about. They also will try to dominate a situation.

The only reason I can think of for him not being fired is if he must be good at what he does. At least the boss thinks he is good at what he does. People who are really good at what they do can get away with things others would not.
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Old 23rd August 2011, 11:41 PM   #25
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Actually he's not good at his job. He makes a lot of mistakes, more than other people.

Anyway today I thought I was going to punch him. A politician recently died and he asked me if I had heard about it, which I had. He then asked me if I had liked him. I said I dunno, I don't know much about him. Then he asked me if I really follow politics and when I said no he said ""really?? WOOOOW." in this incredibly condescending, disbelieving and disdainful tone of voice.

Never in my life have I worked with a coworker who has the nerve to speak to me so rudely. I've seen him act this way with other people; being judgemental towards them and telling them he cannot believe they think or act a certain way. He thinks if peopel aren't just like them, well something must be wrong with them.

He is always quoting the bible on his facebook, yet in person he is one of the most judgemental and arrogant people I know. I don't know how to handle working with him anymore. I don't know how to deal with him when he gives me that tone of voice.

Tomorrow I'm going to mention it to my other coworker and see what she says. It stresses me out to be working with someone like him. As far as I am concerned, he does not belong at our company.

Oh right, and he stills asks me questions about things that he should know the answer to (for example, when a list of codes is in front of his face and he asks me for the code because he can't bother to spend 2 seconds looking for it himself).
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Old 24th August 2011, 9:15 PM   #26
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Okay I talked about it when another coworker. She has been there many years and the uppers value her opinion. She's not happy either and she told me that she is monitoring him this week. This isn't just because of what I said, but also because she thinks his work performance is poor... not to mention that his attitude sucks. One more incident and she'll be reporting him right away.

I also found out that he was making rude comments about me by basically implying that I was spending too much time doing other things instead of helping them. Never mind the fact that I do it because my boss instructed me to do it each day and I do my job efficiently. I think he just hates his job and is taking it out on me because apparently my presence at work is for the sole purpose of helping him.

I'm wondering if he was spoken to today because he was suddenly extra nice and helpful. He is like Dr. Jekkel and Mr Hyde. His moods are unpredictable.

I hope he either quits or gets fired. I don't care which. Or if they move him to a different department that would be okay too I guess. I'm just so sick of his ****ty attitude.

Last edited by SpiralOut; 24th August 2011 at 9:18 PM..
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