Feeling Inferior

[HokeyReligions]

I need to get over feeling like I'm going backwards professionally. I lost my job last May, found a contract job, and all of the positions I'm interviewing for pay a LOT less than what I made - the salaries are around what I was making 8 years ago. Also, the 'title' or level of the jobs I'm interviewing for are below what I had before. I used to be mid-management, but all those positions are going to people who have been in a company for a long time and are being promoted, or the positions are being redefined and the work distributed differently so that they can bring in lower-paying people. I know in today's economy I should be very happy that I can still work and at least have opportunities for positions that pay considerably more than minimum wage. I SHOULD be thrilled!

 

Generally, I am happy about it, but then again I have this little niggling feeling deep down inside where I feel like I'm going backwards. Its almost like I'm mourning the loss in income - but that's not really it either. I know that it's not a reflection on ME personally, it's the economy and its an employers market - but I work in a field with CEO's and execs who make six and seven figure incomes, and those in my peer group now are half my age. The people my age are either set pretty firmly in their careers, or are moving up. Some married and left the workforce because they don't need the second income. I don't want one of the exec jobs -- I've seen what the stress level is like and I don't want to make that kind of commitment to a position that I wouldn't be happy with or wouldn't have an opportunity for advancement.

 

So I'm sitting here, feeling great that I have an interview on Monday and anxious to learn what that job will require and how much of an impact I can make in it, but also feeling like "well, here I am, looking for a job that would not be on a peer-level with what I used to do. I'll be laughed at by my former peers, or worse yet - they will feel sorry for me." Its like a demotion in a way. The people I see move up are workaholics and I am not. I'll put in the OT when I need to, but my life doesn't revolve around my job. It seems like Corporate America looks at people who only work 40 hours unless its mandatory OT and take all their vacation days almost as slackers. Or at least, they are not promotable. The people who come in an hour or more early, leave hours late and put their job first are more respected and move up faster. Okay, maybe that's what those folks want -- I used to be that way too, but now I want my evenings and weekends! That doesn't mean I'm not committed or won't work hard and do what it takes to get a job done, but not when I have to sacrifice my family. I guess I just don't feel respected and maybe I'm losing respect for my position too. I feel like I should be advancing, not going backwards.

 

A few years ago we bought a pool. We were really excited about it and we LOVE the pool. It's great exercise and lots of fun and we can spend quality time together. Our joints don't hurt so much and we can be more romantic and affectionate because we can move better. Quite a few of the people I worked with had pools and we exchanged "pool stories" and talked about cleaning and maintaining, etc. I brought some pictures one day and when they saw that it was an above ground pool they laughed it off and one said they thought I was talking about a 'real' pool. My pool is HUGE. It's 28' around and the depth is to my shoulders. It holds as much water as some in-ground pools and we get every bit as much enjoyment out of it as they do their in-ground pools. More sometimes because we are not limited by a deep-end that you can't stand it to play volleyball or whatever. The only thing we can't do is dive and that never interested us anyway. It didn't cost as much, does not decrease the value of our property, we didn't have to get a building permit, and we don't have to have increased homeowners insurance. It's a beautiful pool. It uses the same sand filter as an in-ground, has a bottom center drain as well as an in-wall skimmer. Costs the same to run and maintain it, but most of the people seemed to lose respect because they don't think an above ground pool is a 'real' pool. No CEO would have one! I feel like that is me too. Like I'm an above ground pool in an in-ground pool world.

 

Our choice was right for us. We didn't want the dogs to jump or fall in, or neighborhood kids to have an easy time sneaking in and swimming. It's fenced and gated. And its paid for. It cost $4000, not $40,000 so we didn't have to finance it. But all this time of working for less, no benefits, having to take a job with less authority than I'm used to, is really getting to me. I try to stay positive, but it's hard when so many family members and co-workers shake their heads and say "that's too bad" when they realize I'm not where I once was.

 

I'm actually feeling ashamed or maybe embarassed. And I hate that. I have so much and I shouldn't compare what I have to what others have, but it seems like that is all there is in the Corporate world. If you don't have as much, or have stuff as nice - then you must not be as successful and therefore must be subordinate. I know it's not always that way - but then again -- that's the way it is.

 

Is it some kind of need to be superior to others? Why? There is nothing wrong with what we have and many would be thrilled to have what we have. Why do I suddenly feel so beneath everyone? There are people on this board who post about their jobs - they don't have college degrees, don't make $150k a year, work in jobs with little or no future, and they are proud of what they do because they work hard. Its not the job - its the person. I have a lot of respect for that. I've never looked down on someone because of their job. I never thought much about it before now - I just respect that (if we are lucky) we all have a job to do and do it to the best of our ability. All jobs are important. I'm just feeling like the bottom of the barrel today I guess.

 

Thanks for letting me rant. I don't get down often, but when I do its a long way to the bottom!

[moimeme]

Is it some kind of need to be superior to others?

 

Apparently there is such a thing. There can be no other explanation for prejudice and hatred of 'other', be it language, culture, gender, or even workplace caste.

 

It takes an awful lot of moxy to buck the trend, to swim upstream, particularly when all the fish zooming past are laughing. Nonetheless, you have decided on the trade-off that best suits you and your family. Instead of cashing in your own health and time away from your priorities, you have chosen the opposite.

 

This money-drunk culture measures people's worth by the jingle of cash in their registers. You know that you honestly do not believe that is the true gauge of a human; it's just that when you're surrounded by people who feel opposite, it's hard to not want to conform.

 

I'm not from wealth. My in-laws weren't badly off. They were no happier nor more fulfilled for having lots of bucks.

Life is about life, not about stuff and you have chosen to live your life about life. You know all this

 

There was a time when I was richer and could be fairly free with my expenditures. After a while, it gets old. You bust your butt and the rewards are minimal - what's the point? I hope your job comes through. It's great not to have to look for work and not to have to worry that the money will run out or the job will end (at least for a while). I wish that for you!

[EnigmaXOXO]

Keeping up with the “Jones’s”…

 

Oh, Hokey. I sure wish you were my neighbor. It's down-to-earth folks like you that are so rare in this world today.

 

If you don’t mind, I’d like to share with you a "pool" rant of my own...

 

When I was little, my family was the only one in the neighborhood that could not afford a swimming pool. I remember my sister and I would beg the neighborhood kids to let us swim in theirs’-- or we’d inconspicuously hang out at their house wearing our bathing suits hoping we'd be conveniently invited.

 

My parents didn't have much, but they would let us fill a 10 gallon metal tub in the backyard with the hose, or run threw the sprinkler while they were watering the yard. To us, that was a real treat! I remember sitting in this little galvanized tub, hugging my skinny knees as the nasty Jones kids next door would be splashing around their brand new FOUR-FOOTER yelling down at me; "Are you hot?...We're not!"

 

As pathetic as I probably looked, it never even dawned on me to cry. I was so content in my little galvanized tub that I was too naïve to even be ashamed about how stupid it must have looked.

 

Then one day, my father came home from work early and caught Timmy Jones teasing me. He got so p*ssed off, that the next day he applied for a bank loan, rented a backhoe, and he and my mother spent two back-breaking months digging an eight-foot hole in our back yard. By the next summer, our family was the first in the neighborhood to have their very own IN GROUND POOL...complete with a DIVING BOARD!!

 

Before we knew it, my sister and I were suddenly the most popular kids on the block! Even the ‘kool’ kids were friendly and wanted to come hang out at our house in their swimsuits. I was too retarded to understand that my sudden popularity had nothing to do with 'me' or the nice kid that I was. I was just enjoying all the attention and sudden on slot of friends.

 

However, my father was the wiser and still held a terrible grudge. He refused to allow any of the neighborhood kids who had teased me before to come swim in our new pool. Within the first year, the novelty of having our very own pool wore off when my sister and I realized we'd have to splash around all by ourselves. With no one to play with, we eventually ended up back at the neighbor's, swimming in their rusty four-footers along with the rest of the kids.

 

Of course, my father got p*ssed again. He couldn’t understand why we preferred to swim with those brats next door. I still remember him cussing and complaining every summer about how he was wasting so much time and money maintaining a pool no one ever used.

 

I guess the lesson I learned early on was that money does not buy happiness or ‘real’ friends. And it’s hardly worth the aggravation, time and money trying to keep up with those nasty Jones’s.

[brashgal]

Do you still enjoy doing what you do (or what you did for work)? I thought I remembered seeing that you were thinking of changing careers. Maybe this is part of the reason that you feel so dissatisfied and you are dreading returning to an environment where keeping up with the Joneses seems so important - all the things that you dislike about corporate life are magnified because you don't really like the work either. And even worse because you feel you aren't being valued for past performance because you aren't being considered for a position at the same level as before. Makes you weary at the thought of having to repeat the experience.

 

As far as family members' and co-workers' opinions, there but for the grace of God they go, different stuff happens to everyone.

 

Although you are striving for a balanced life, it also sounds like you identify strongly with your work persona - I think you have to continue to tell yourself that you are so much more than that.

 

Enjoy the pool, the inground ones require so much upkeep. I've considered filling mine with sand and putting a jungle gym out back. Or a trampoline.

[HokeyReligions]

Thank you all for the much-needed kick in the posterior!

 

 

 

I am, and have been for a while, unhappy working in Corporate America. I busted my butt to get to a level that paid more, so that I could afford more "stuff" for my family. At first I did it because when I got married we had so many, many bills. Then medical bills, then a boss told me that if I went back to school I could be promoted and earn more, and then I fell into the false-respect trap -- like playing with the snobby kids next door.

 

I went out yesterday and just looked at people. (I'm surprised I wasn't arrested!) I sat in the mall and watched an elderly man greet people and ring up sales in a shoe store. I stopped and chatted with the WalMart greeter (her name is Melinda). I watched some college kids wait on tables and listend to them talk about school and their manager with a stick up his rear . I watched their manager come out onto the floor to talk to customers and make sure they were happy. The manager at Taco Bell said it's very hard to find and keep good employees because so many of the kids don't take their job seriously -- they know they won't be there forever. And most of the older workers feel beaten for a while - but with encouragement they get past it and realize that those people who make fun of them because "their daddy's or mommy's" make more money and have specialized education/careers just haven't lived and experienced life and someday they may find themselves in a crisis and not be able to handle it.

 

All of these people did their jobs, did them well, and outwardly seemed happy and CONTENT. Melinda's husband lost his job so she had to go to work. She was a stay-at-home mom before because her husband was an executive. She was one of the Corporate wives who used to go to the country club and picked up Christmas presents for her husband's secretary. She said she never felt superior to anyone who worked under her husband - she just felt lucky. But she knew what I meant and she said she cried a lot when she had to find a job. Now she is hoping to become a clerk on the floor and/or maybe a cashier and eventually maybe a department manager. She is proud of what she has achieved.

 

That is what I need to do - be proud of what I achieved, don't dwell on it, or talk about it like I'm feeling sorry for myself, just be proud of it. I lost sight of that for a while. I don't hate others for their achievements, I was feeling a little jealous and disappointed with myself.

 

I do want to find a different career, but I've been looking in the wrong area. I've been looking at earning potential first and job satisfaction second. I talked to my husband about it and he said no matter what, he is behind me. If I find something that I really enjoy doing, and it happens to be a minimum wage job -- so what? It's being happy going to work, and content when you come home that counts. And he said he's always been proud of me, and proud to talk about me to others.

 

The funeral industry still interests me, but I don't know that I have the patience or stamina for all the schooling that goes with it. There is a pet hotel not too far from me that is looking for a manager. It's doesn't pay what I'm used to - but I would get to be with animals all day. I couldn't work at a vet because I would come home in tears every day - and I already do volunteer work with some shelters. This might be perfect for me - I would be with healthy, loved animals! We looked at the minimum I need to earn to stay in our home and I can make less than what I've been making and we would be okay. And I can still do my volunteer work too. To work with animals would be fantastic and I can still use the administrative management training and skills that I have for the business. I never considered it before because of the money, but now....

 

Moimeme, EnigmaXOXO, brashgal -- THANK YOU

[moimeme]

I've been looking at earning potential first and job satisfaction second

 

Been there. Done that. Had the depression.

 

That pet hotel thing sounds perfect, Hokey! I really hope you get it

[quankanne]

Ah Hokey ... take it from someone who thought she had her life planned to work a certain way, but is very, very grateful of the monkey wrench that was thrown in those plans ....

 

I've had several jobs working for newspapers, and while they were great because I was well on my way toward my goal, they sucked in that I had no time for me or mine. The hours were crazy, I really didn't get a chance to develop a sense of rapport with the people who were in the beats that I covered because I never knew what I'd be doing when I got into work, and pretty much I was miserable without realizing that I was miserable. I swear the best thing that ever happened to me was getting fired from the local daily.

 

My assignments editor from that paper knew of a job opening at the Catholic paper and said that the guy who ran it was a friend of the family, very fair and very professional, and she told me to just apply there. I did, thinking that it would be a temporary job until I could get back into a "real" newspaper job. LOL, that was nine years ago.

 

The pay is less that what I'd make at a secular paper and there's always worry about us going over our fixed budget, and talk of not getting our annual pay raises, even the remote-but-real worry that a position could be cut just so that the paper could still operate, but that's besides the point. My needs are met; but better yet, I've found a home. It doesn't feel like work (except when deadline rolls around); rather, it's just someplace good to be, doing something that in some small way, makes the difference in someone's life. Better yet is the feeling of family around our office -- my two coworkers aren't co-workers, but trusted and beloved family members who I know I can depend on when something in my little world goes wrong. Who volunteer to take up the slack if I need to tend to family matters or if I get sick. The other nice thing is that because I work regular hours, I get to actually spend time with my husband in the evening and on the weekends, something I know he appreciates.

 

It's not a glamorous job, but there's a certain satisfaction in doing it. A bigger paycheck would be nice, but that's not important, compared to being someplace that feels as good as this job does, and I tell people that every chance I get: Money is great, but a job that you feel good about is priceless.

 

Hokey, I hope you do apply for the position at the pet hotel, because it sounds like it could be a pretty satisfying position for such a devoted animal lover. Look at it this way -- the worst thing you'd have to deal with is a disgruntled "customer" who would pee on your leg; the best would be working with clients who'd adore you.

 

In the meantime, you might give your home-interior decorating gig more thought -- you'd be amazed at the number of people who want to give their homes a special touch, but don't want to necessarily hire a high-dollar designer to pitch something that's not "them." There are the people who want to get out of the "early college"/"early marriage" design period; there are those who are putting their homes on the market and want to look their places look presentable; there are those who've just purchased a special home but are unsure of how to give it that special look with all the stuff they've collected, and a friendly, outside guide would help them do wonders.

 

Good luck, lady!

quank

[EnigmaXOXO]

You know Hokey, my friend Nikki is an animal lover just like you. She started a little business on the side doing "pet sitting," believe it or not! It requires a small licensing fee, but she soon got so busy with clients that she left the hair salon that she was working for to pursue it full time.

 

And she loves it!