I'm too nice at work

[wierdmunky]

I can blame it on my upbringing, and the fact that I care a lot about people, but the way I am starting to see this at work is that it's going to work against me. I'm starting to see people trying to take advantage at the fact that I'm nice. I hate admitting it, because of my pride, and I actually have no other defense because I put it all out there in honesty. I might even come across as too soft, and complacent if I'm too busy to talk to people. I almost feel like I relate to Adam Sandler in that movie anger management. What are some ways to be more assertive in the professional world without looking like I have an "issue"???

[Afishwithabike]

I was raised to be a people pleaser, but over the years I've learned to assert myself at work. The more you do it the easier it becomes. You have rights and being assertive is standing up for your rights without dominating or being aggressive to the other party or parties.

 

Start with simple things like not speaking softly. You don't have to speak very loudly or shout, but definitely speak audibly and clearly.

 

Give direct eye contact and have good body language. Stand up straight. Don't look bashful or apologetic. Speaking of apologetic, don't apologize for things that aren't your fault. I have a family member ( a man) who does this and it really makes him seek weak. Now if you do something that IS your fault, do apologize, but saying "sorry" for things that aren't your fault doesn't make you look strong.

 

Find someone at your workplace who is assertive not aggressive. Look at what this assertive person does and see how you can incorporate that into your lifestyle.

 

The single best thing I did by becoming assertive is learning to say "no" when asked to do something in the future if I knew I couldn't do it. There's no benefit to taking something on if you don't have the time (and sometimes the skills) to do it. It's a heck of a lot better to say a polite “I’d love to help you with that, but I really don’t have time right now." than it is to say "yes" and not be able to deliver on your promise.

[optomistic_nonsense]

How long have you been working there? I've been where I'm at for over 4 yrs now, and after a while, you get (well I did at least) an "I don't care what you think of me" vibe about you

[pilotDXB]

what fish said is correct - posture, appearance, and a general air of confidence is essential.

[SunsetRed]

I suffer from the too nice syndrome too. Even before I can display a nice vs mean personality, people size me up as being passive and someone they can push around.

 

I've had to work at changing my demeanor and personality. I've forced myself to be stronger and it's paid off. I get pushed around so much less.

 

At this point, I'd rather lose relationships and co worker comraderie by being someone who doesnt take crap than to not have relationships because I'm a people pleaser.

[Tayla]

I agree in part with sunset, minus the thug attitude of if you dont like it tuff. Most assertive folks can exude a sense of regard for those in their presence with boundaries respected. Naturally you'll step on someones toes if they are a wee bit touchy and that is the balancing act.

 

Usually the "nice" person is someone I refrain from being chummy with because they are one step away from a full blown tantrum. Now a person who is gracious and can politely decline things is entirely different.

 

Learn thru small acts to set new boundaries . Unfortunately in some jobs the word NO is NOT acceptable. My boss simply delegates as his way of saying Nope I am not going to do it but you will, its rather funny at times, because the bottom line is its his task to undertake and he still gets others to do it.

[Alastair]

Fish idea sounds well , I think one must be moderate and polite in his/hr daily office work.This will be the same to get your objective and satisfaction for the others too.No is not the word which may be applied in office, However you can use the tool to say no in a smooth manner.